I'm not a literary giant

Chapter 33: Life on the way to death is growing vigorously

Strictly speaking, in the small city of Xihe, Wang Zixu's unit is also the envy of countless people.

There is less work, less fatigue, and the salary is average. Although you may not have enough to eat, you will definitely not starve to death. This is the dream destination of many people.

However, whenever Wang Zixu had the thought of just eating and waiting to die, his father's haggard smile would once again appear in front of his eyes, floating around and unable to be shaken off.

He saw a lesson in his father's experience. It only took a few years for his father to change from a very stiff-necked man to a gentle and polite one to apologize to his son. Time has such a great power.

Or maybe it's not the power of time, but the inevitable end of this species. As we age, humans must learn to accept and wear out in the process, slowly becoming another person.

But there are two things in this world that can resist the invasion of time: one is power, and the other is money.

Power and money can support people. They are two hemp ropes produced in heaven, which can make the humble become great, the hypocritical become real, and the inferior become noble. If you grab them, you will have the opportunity to go straight to heaven.

If you want to pull yourself out of the vortex of life, you have to grab at least one of them. Wang Zixu knew that he had no talent for business, so he began to look for every opportunity to restore his civil servant status.

He began to actively seek information. After toasting many people he didn't want to toast and meeting many people he didn't want to meet, as the old classmate said, he did not get any guarantees, but gained many "opportunities".

These opportunities seemed wonderful, but when Wang Zixu stepped into them, he found that they were all pitfalls. He worked hard for those "opportunities", but in the end, he only served others.

All his dedication became the foundation for others. When he was busy and busy, waiting for the dawn of the next day with joy, a guy he had never seen before rushed out from the side, waved at him and said, "Sorry, buddy, I have to cut in line."

Those who cut in line all have their own reasons, and they are all legitimate. It is definitely not because of nepotism or any connections. Of course, they do have connections. But you can't deny others' legitimate reasons for cutting in line just because they do have connections. This is not a crime scene, and the presumption of guilt does not apply.

After wasting a lot of time and emotions, Wang Zixu finally realized that there is no fairness in the world. If you don't want to cut in line, you will be cut in line. Thinking about it, he has no reason to cut in line, so from the beginning, the "opportunity" he saw did not exist.

He once thought that if he worked hard to seize every opportunity, he would definitely live a happy life. But in fact, the commodity of a happy life had already been reserved by someone, and it would not be sold to him from the beginning. It was placed on the counter just to trick an honest man like him to go and take a look.

As time went by, he finally grew old.

……

Wang Zixu's workplace is no more than 800 meters away from his home, so it takes him less than 10 minutes to walk home. But now he gets off work at : and often doesn't get home until after :.

It’s not because the company has to work too much overtime.

There is a yard downstairs in his house. Surrounded by neatly trimmed shrubs, there is a flat sandy area with red and blue fitness equipment. Maybe because there is a lot of dog shit, there are usually few people.

Wang Zixu used to dislike dog shit and didn't want to come here, but later he found that this small piece of land guarded by dog ​​shit was a spiritual place in his dreams. It was close to his life and work, but also a distance away, so sitting here allowed him to detach himself from the two and objectively examine his life.

After get off work, he would sit on the squat machine, light a few cigarettes, and in the smoke, he would think about death countless times and why he was born countless times.

Since he was born unable to realize his dreams and touch the things he liked, why was he born and why did he grow up to be what he is now? If there is a God in the world, why did God throw so many frustrated people into this melting pot to be tormented? What is he trying to achieve?
He thought, if God were an official, that bastard would definitely say, I let you live, just to give you a chance to live, I don't guarantee how you will live, I only guarantee that you will die. You can either accept it or give up, but always remember, if you don't live, there are many people who will live.

But he didn't understand. He didn't understand why some people were born with three houses, why some people lived the life they wanted without any effort, when everyone was born naked. But he lost his mother when he was 8 years old, and lost the courage to live when he was 28 years old, and lived with dog shit all day long.

Of course, it was his choice to live with shit. He chose the life he has now. He has no place to express his grievances, because if he did, he would be considered hypocritical. Because he is a man, it is natural for a man to have money and power. Life seems to be a choice, but some things are already destined.

When he thought about death, he was actually relieved. The only thing left was to convince himself. Since that thing had guaranteed his death, it didn't matter whether he died today or in 50 years. Since he was going to die anyway, he might as well do something he liked before he died.

He actually hated drinking and socializing, so he first eliminated these two things from his life. If he were to do these things, he would be better off dying. Then there was no need to pursue the opportunity to change his identity. No matter which identity he was in, he was just being played around.

He suddenly thought that before becoming a civil servant or a career worker, he should be a literature lover. Instead of worrying about whether he should be a civil servant or a career worker, he should do what a literature lover should do.

So he started reading, Chinese, Russian, European, American. He read and read, and felt sorry for Lu Xun, Tolstoy, and other outstanding writers who were not recognized by the Nobel Prize. The Nobel Prize is not awarded to the dead. This is not the sorrow of the dead, but the regret of the living.

But he suddenly changed his mind. Since the Nobel Prize is not awarded to the dead, then thinking the other way around, as long as you are alive, you have a chance to win it. This thing is not written with someone else's name from the beginning. If he can live another 50 years, he will have 50 chances to win it. So why can he assert that he will not win?

At this moment, he seemed to see the boundless universe, all the people in the world, and his tiny self among the crowd. He saw that all the lives on the earth that were heading towards death were growing vigorously.

He saw Tolstoy, saw Lu Xun, saw Lu Xun's lips moving, saying to him: "I felt cold in the midst of the frenzy of singing; I saw the abyss in the sky. I saw nothingness in the eyes of all; I was saved in the midst of hopelessness... When I turn to dust, you will see my smile."

He couldn't live the future the way he wanted, so he decided to live the life he wanted every day.

……

When Wang Zixu came out of the government office building, the sun was shining brightly and there was a lot of traffic on the road.

He had just rejected an opportunity to enter the center of power, but he did not feel sorry. He walked on the street full of hope. The street was crowded with people. He was in a relaxed mood. There was no better day than today.

This small city spread out in his vision, revealing its internal organs. He did not lose to this city today. Looking at the distant skyline, he only felt that there was a vast world with great potential.

(End of this chapter)