Abyss Express

Foreword:

If you want a cat to catch a mouse, you can't tie a bell to it.

[Part ① Homecoming]

"How am I pretending?"

From a group of porcelain tableware and kitchen utensils, such a sentence popped out.

In a hotel in Pingyang County with a wedding banquet, Lingweng is attached to these simple but not simple psychic props. In the summer, he is wrapped in a spacious winter clothes. I am afraid that it is not suspicious enough. For Wang's wedding, he didn't ask for leave with Ao Han Mingde either.

Sitting opposite the wine table is David Victor. It is not the first time he has come to China, but it is the first time he has come to Xueming’s hometown. He has been crossing his legs and resting his diary on his lap, recording the local customs little by little. .

Hearing Lingweng ask this——

——Victor immediately pointed in the direction of the back kitchen.

"Jack is more suspicious than you."

Jack Martin in the kitchen was jumping up and down. This old uncle was originally an evil spirit and wanted to help his brother cook. Mr. Wen Bucai was running around in the back kitchen wearing a tall hat, chasing those who were infected with evil spirits. Spiritual breath, ingredients and kitchen utensils that naturally become spiritual disasters——Chunchun is a disservice.

Wearing a mask, Lingweng showed a pair of ghostly eyes from under the felt hat, leaned close to Victor and said, "Detective King, you won't tell the boss about this, will you?"

Teacher Victor's eyes were clear: "What's the matter?"

Ling Weng: "I ran out secretly."

Victor: "Actually, I have always wondered, you are the god of craftsmen, you should have participated in many, many similar receptions in the previous Dionysian festivals and various carnival festivals - why do you care so much about my students? ?”

"This is the wedding of King Zhan. Unlike you, King Zhan will grow old and die, and this may be the only marriage in his life." Lingweng described it seriously: "And I have been working for so many years! Why do I enjoy myself? !"

Emotionally aroused, Lingweng's body made strange clanging noises.

The film crew of the wedding festival at the opening banquet and other helpers felt strange when they saw it, and Lingweng immediately sat upright, not daring to move.

The old fairy whispered to Victor.

"Actually, there is another point that the BOSS and I haven't returned to the surface for many, many years. Because of the restrictions of the "Crown Supreme Covenant", it can't come back-but I can, I have the gunsmith and 9527 Your wedding candy, what a face you have in front of it!"

Victor: "What a strange sense of victory."

In [Road of Glory], the manager of the lobby has just brought the newcomers here to prepare for the stone granting ceremony.

When the two of them walked in front of the statue made of copper, iron, gold and silver, Manager Marcus was keenly inspired and immediately realized that the guy in front of him was a fake. Yinshan immediately overturned and fell to the ground.

"FXCK!"

Lingweng bluffed, and talked to Victor about gemology and personality formation. Speaking of the marriage between Xueming and Xiaoqi.

"I have given stones to so many people, and I have come up with a few simple rules. Discover the king, write it down, maybe it will be useful for writing books in the future!"

Victor never refused to come and took notes.

Ling Weng said: "Golden stones like 9527 should like colorless stones, or white stone people."

Victor: "Why do you see that?"

"According to the theory of needs, Bai Qingqing has no shortage of money to spend, just like a court official in the court, she wants to find an artist, a priest who can add icing on the cake, a place to spend the money, and a spiritual sustenance."

Ling Weng continued to describe.

"Jiang Xueming is a colorless stone. His rationality and mechanical sense of being in the world are closer to divinity. This is mysterious and fatally attractive to Bai Qingqing."

Speaking of this, Lingweng looked at Victor with special meaning.

"You, like your students, have red stones, so the CP I ate, and the pair of red and blue—it can't be wrong."

The madness of redstone needs bluestone to soothe.

The gloomyness of bluestone requires redstone to energize.

This pair is the unshakable yin and yang water and fire since ancient times, with pros and cons.

Victor raised his hand and pulled out the bloodhound lady who was hiding under the table. The good sister in her thirties immediately sat next to Victor, afraid to speak.

Lingweng whispered: "Your students are all married to Victor."

The three musketeers are all old bachelors now, only Victor still has such a waiter with him. For a while, he didn't know what to say, but he was quite helpless and looked at Ms. Bloodhound with a feeling of being indebted to others.

However, David Victor is a narrow-minded person. Facing the yin and yang attack of urging marriage, he will remember the grudge he should have.

He secretly took a photo and sent it to Anonymous's group.

[BOSS: crooked? Has anyone seen Lingweng? My newcomer is queuing up to get stones! what's going on? ]

[David Victor: Please use your phone to view the flash]

[BOSS: Fuck! ]

Bloodhound: "Your student is getting married, I can come and see, right?"

Victor: "Yes."

The bloodhound raised his glasses, and specially moved the chair towards Victor: "Then Shanshan (3301) and I said that if my aunt and I snatch the hydrangea at the wedding, we will have a showdown with Mr. Victor, so Don't compete with Auntie for the lottery—what do you think?"

Victor said nothing.

The Bloodhound scolded: "Shame on you! How many women are thirty years old!"

Victor finally said: "Golden Guardians have a long lifespan."

The bloodhound suddenly spoke softly, as if he had lost his confidence: "That can't be done. You can't wait forever, you fucking can't do it."

"I have told BOSS more than once that you can find another employer." Victor turned his head and looked away arrogantly. Can look anywhere except the eyes of the bloodhound.

Ms. Bloodhound was silent and waited for about ten seconds.

These ten or so seconds are very short and very short, but very long and long.

Inner activities are complex and difficult to describe in one stroke.

She just wondered why Mr. David was so selfish——

——The half-wolf of Qingjin can live for more than two hundred years, maybe he only loves his readers and can't care about Xiaojia anymore.

As for the idea of ​​"finding another employer", Bloodhound has heard it more than once, but every time David Victor entrusts BOSS to do it on his behalf, she just thinks that if Teacher Victor didn't personally refuse, she would never give up.

"Let me be long-winded." Victor held his head high and his chest was domineering: "Ms. Bloodhound, I am a long-lived person, and I have seen too many joys and sorrows. If a pet that has been together for more than ten years wants to be far away from its owner, it will become a pet." Turning it into an unforgettable tragedy that can destroy the mind and make people cry—replacing it with the love between men and women, I’m afraid it’s like heart-gouging torture and bone-eroding poison. This is something I can’t accept. So.”

Victor turned his head and looked at Lady Bloodhound.

Seeing the waiter sticking close to Lingweng, Lingweng whispered something.

"Stop talking nonsense with him! This is China! You're not breaking the law if you play hooligans!"

Before Victor could figure out the implication of [this is China]——

——The Bloodhound hugged David with a culling attack, and used his blood-donating body to bully this arrogant immortal Homo sapiens, completely piercing the window paper.

The best man team had just walked in, when Meteor saw the teacher and his wife huddling together on the floor, he suddenly held his forehead and had no eyes to look at.

The same is true for Hasben Madison. He saw Tan Wang and his partner "sweetly" hugging each other, and he missed the days when he fought side by side with his eldest sister. He still didn't know [Marika is Radagon], and his filial piety completely deteriorated. .

Seeing this scene, little Robert began to think about Martha, the joys and sorrows in the world are different, lovesickness will not let anyone go.

At this time, the host of the wedding ceremony also came in. Mr. Chen Fugui changed into a neat Tang suit, carried the clothes of the groomsmen, and asked the brothers to take them according to their own size.

The moment Mr. Chen showed up, everyone focused their attention on the other part of the banquet. Wood Pluck hugged a leg of lamb and gnawed on it, then suddenly slapped his head and got up to greet him.

Before Professor Wood approached, Mr. Fugui immediately said with disgust: "Wipe your hands clean! It's rude!"

Professor Wood took care of his appearance with a smile, took off his coat, and finally hugged his good brother who looked exactly like him in front of him.

On the other side, Victor was still beaten by Lady Bloodhound's cuddling attack. He just blushed and didn't know how to resist. After a long time——

—He said to the bloodhound: "You are also rude"

The bloodhound let go of his sweetheart: "Only this trick works for you! I reason with scholars, isn't that self-exposed?"

Viktor burst out laughing, because he felt an inexplicable happiness, whether intellectual or emotional, whether physical or spiritual.

Bloodhound: "Why are you laughing! You bastard!"

Victor: "I think you're going to catch a plane soon, and you're going to grab hydrangeas from the bridesmaids, so you have to wait at Shanwei in advance."

Before the words fell, the Bloodhound slapped his head and finally woke up. She had gone to the wrong place! With a stride, he rushed out the door, got into Volga and was about to drive to the airport, without even having time to say goodbye.

Lingweng laughed loudly: "I'm telling you! BOSS will never be fooled! Never! Stones will not lie!"

Mr. Chen Fugui squeezed beside Wood Pluck, and he happened to squeeze Professor Wood's wife away—sitting between the couple, his gesture was playful and a little wicked.

This pair of brothers with different surnames who have the same appearance and different genes are very harmonious at the dinner table. They are both members of the Philosophers Foundation, one works in Tianshu and the other works in the railway.

Professor Wood asked: "How is Sanchi (Wood's daughter) doing with you?"

"The big girl is so energetic, she asks me for pocket money every day, and her work attitude is not good." Chen Fugui was very attentive, and he took food for the professor and his wife, and talked about the family history: "Also, she doesn't like you calling me by that nickname. , it would be better to call Yaoyao."

Sima Yao was the daughter of Wood Pluck and his first wife Shao Xiaoxuan, and was brought up by Chen Fugui, a adoptive father, because the couple both worked in the Underground World Transportation Department.

Sima Yao's nickname is Sanqi. As Professor Plaque said, this girl has been influenced by Baphomet since she was a child. She has a tail and is a powerful psychic. It would be better if she stayed in Tianshu. Entrusted to the rich uncle to discipline him.

Since then, Sima Yao has had two fathers, one is his biological father, Wood Pluck, and the other is Chen Fugui, his youngest father.

"Don't you have a place for yourself?" On the other side, Wood's wife asked, "Ye Bei has been married for a long time."

Chen Fugui smiled awkwardly: "There's no hurry."

The professor's wife first pinched Chen Fugui's cheeks, and then pinched her husband's, and finally she was convinced that the two were exactly the same, except for the tattoo on the neck, they seemed to be carved out of the same mold.

Wood asked, "When will you change your face back?"

"I don't know." Chen Fugui shook his head: "If you wear the mask for a long time, you won't be able to take it off. If something happens to you one day, I have to take over your post. If something happens to me, you will be the same. You won't be able to escape."

"and"

Fugui's pseudonym is Adams Viha, and his earliest name was Oroz——

——The ability of Hunwei is to change the physical form, including the age and gender of the physical essence, which is a very powerful mimicry ability.

"And I really don't remember."

Mr. Chen squinted his eyes, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.

"I don't remember whether I was a man or a woman in the earliest days, and I don't remember what I looked like at the beginning. It's not bad, Yan Yang (Wood and Fugui's code names in the Philosophers Foundation are called [Argali] and [羖羊], used to distinguish the functions and responsibilities of the two)—it’s really great to meet again on this occasion.”

The pleasantries between the old people are still going on——

——The groom just finished his makeup and came in with the people from the wedding program group.

Xueming is still not quite used to it. He didn't know that not only the bride had to dress up well during marriage, but the groom also had to thrush his eyebrows and get his hair done.

He was wearing a white suit, and the wedding process was to go to Shanwei to pick up the bride, and then go to Hong Kong's Aunt Ayumi's house to change clothes, and serve tea with Aunt Ayumi, Brother Yebei and Uncle Bai Ningguang.

After saying hello to old friends and new partners, and asking friends to get to know each other, Xue Ming immediately squeezed into the best man group, found a place and started cooking.

Husband didn't understand: "Teacher, you went to Shanwei to pick up your relatives. Why did you offer tea at your aunt's house? Don't Chinese weddings always take you back to your husband's house?"

Xueming was stunned for a moment——

——Robert Jr. is sensible, explaining to the big brother Hasben.

"The teacher has no home! Hahahahaha!"

Xueming: "What are you laughing at?"

Little Robert suddenly stopped laughing, and immediately changed his words: "The teacher is at home everywhere, and his home is everywhere."

But Xueming started to laugh, and carefully explained to his brothers and apprentices: "This kid is right! Bai Lu and I grew up here, and Brother Ye Bei took us in, so we have to set off here."

He put his arms around Meteor's shoulders and said to the people in the same seat.

"Take Xiaoqi to Auntie Ayumi's house, because Auntie Ayumi accepted me and Bailu. She is not only the mother of Xing, but also the mother of me and Bailu——I will definitely offer tea to Auntie Ayumi and treat the bride Take it to her house."

"There is one more thing." Xueming was very honest, and said to the best men: "It takes at least six hours to drive from here to Shanwei, brothers, I am going back and forth, can we still hold the wedding?"

In modern society, there are still families that pay attention to rituals. It is a journey of great significance for the bride to take the high-speed rail to meet her relatives and travel across half of China to marry a foreign country.

Halfway through the opening banquet, the guys in the back kitchen finally came out.

Wen Bucai, Jason, and Jack Martin returned to the banquet, together with a few banquet helpers, all of them were in shock and panic, as if they were tossed by the haunted incident in the kitchen up.

Wen Bucai grabbed Boy Jack's hair and kept complaining: "I don't want to go into the kitchen with you again! What the hell! Everything you touch will turn into sperm, right?!"

When the two squeezed to Victor's side, they saw Ling Weng's face made of blue and white porcelain.

Jack Martin: "It's not me! This is really not me! Don't blame me!"

Across the two tables, Tangning yelled enthusiastically, "Winston!"

Jack grinned and replied, "Master! I'm always here!"

[Part② Shine brightly]

Finally, it was Ye Bei who came late, he brought the cashier girl from the milk tea shop, and his wife and adults together.

The cashier girl started looking for "Brother Xueming" as soon as she was seated. Even though she was older than Xueming, she also worked part-time in the milk tea shop together. From freshman to senior year, she almost watched Xueming grow up. Now this " "Little Brother" is getting married, so the cashier girl is naturally unconvinced.

But she glanced at the table of the groom and best man, and was fascinated by the best man group.

Surrounded by the table are handsome guys with strong bodies and three-dimensional features. Most of them are 1.81.9 meters tall, wearing neat suits. They are the Scottish brother with red hair, the Welsh brother with blond hair, and the last one. The black-haired double-door Ah Xing, with the bridegroom Jiang Xueming in the middle, looked ordinary and inconspicuous.

"Oh, come back when you come back, what gift do you bring?" The cashier girl's eyes were full of love. That table walked like a zombie.

Thanks to Ye Bei's sharp eyesight and quick hands, he grabbed the hapless child to wake her up.

After the meal, the wedding photography requires the groomsmen and siblings to gather together before departure.

The photographer said: "Everyone line up and put together a few classic poses, and I'll take a picture of the speech before departure! Brothers, be more energetic!"

The students and seniors who were familiar with Xue Ming at the scene had more or less lives in their hands. And Husband, who was born in the army, waited for the camera to be in place, and the brothers stood around Xue Ming, and the photographer suddenly became covered in white sweat.

"Oh my god, this is too fierce, just be gentle, be gentle, and restrain yourself!"

Husband and Tangning were at a loss. Following the photographer's guidance, they changed their poses a few more times, and started giggling along with the shooting star, finally suppressing the chilling aura.

"Read to me!"

The photography guy yelled, and the best man team followed suit.

"The red envelope is for you! The bride will give it to me! Brothers! Let's go!"

This is a classic motorcade that the wedding program group has not seen for more than ten years——

——Let’s not mention Mercedes-Benz and BMW. They don’t even have an entry-level Audi. There are more than 20 Volga from the Agricultural University.

The first car was Xiaoqi and Xueming's car. The relatives and friends found their seats one by one. After getting on the expressway, they headed for Shanwei in a mighty way.

From the radio station in the early days, the blessing playlist sent by BOSS is playing, it is a song "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" - I can't help but look at you.

When the convoy came to Taohe Town, the sun became warmer, not as hot as in the morning.

Bai Ningguang was sitting at the corner of the street, wearing a decent black suit, watching his son-in-law's mighty motorcade come to this small town.

Downstairs in the housing unit for senior cadres, brother William was sitting next to the small shop. The scion of the flame giant was very nervous at this moment. Homo sapiens was out of place, so he lowered his head and opened the paper, repeating the congratulations he had prepared long ago.

Due to his size, it was inconvenient for Brother William to take a ride, so he came to the bride's hometown one step ahead of time to wait.

When it came time to play games, Bai Ningguang brought in Jiang Xueming and several best men. He was both a father and a mother. He ran upstairs to greet the girls to start the ceremony, and then ran downstairs to serve tea and water to the best men.

There are not many relatives in the Bai family. Uncle Guang came to Shanwei to work alone, and he left the clan long ago. Only the brothers in the police station came to support him.

A small courtyard was temporarily fenced off at the entrance of the unit building. As soon as Xue Ming entered with his students and brothers, he saw Sister Bai Lu and Sima Yao as the emcees of the wedding, leading the three bridesmaids out, all wearing red hijabs.

This level is very simple, it is called choosing a bridesmaid. Teacher Sansan must be selected from among the bridesmaids.

Everyone laughed when they heard it - how can this be difficult for Ah Xing, it is simply a sub-question.

Bai Lu bluffed and said: "There are only three chances! If you choose the wrong one, you will be given a red envelope! And there will be punishment!"

Meteor: "What punishment! Let me go!"

Sima Yao: "Punishment is to eat lemons, it won't trouble you!~"

The three bridesmaids blocked the entrance on the first floor, asking Meteor to pick out Teacher Sansan's real body——

——In addition to 3301, this bridesmaid also has Ms. Bloodhound. Among the Qingjin ethnic group, she is Teacher Sansan's aunt. The pheromones of the two are very similar, and it is indeed difficult to distinguish them.

The other is a good girlfriend that Bai Qingqing met before the reform through labor. She is a "fellow friend" among friends.

Bu Liuxing stepped forward to take a closer look, and found that the three bridesmaids were all wearing spacious long gowns, there was really no difference, and their heights were similar.

He got close and wanted to smell the perfume of 3301 - but was stopped by Sima Yao and Bai Lu.

"It's impolite! It's not allowed!"

Meteor held his breath, and said to Bai Lu: "You little girl, why are you still turning your elbows out? I'm helping your brother pass the barrier - I look down on you!"

Bai Lu: "Hahahahahahahaha!"

Meteor has a bad heart, and it is a trivial matter to choose the wrong red envelope. What if Shanshan really cares about this matter?

He immediately shouted: "San San! You answer me!"

None of the three bridesmaids spoke or moved.

Meteor then shouted: "3301! I love you!~I love you!~"

The three bridesmaids still did not speak.

Meteor immediately said: "There is a fraud! My girlfriend can't be so calm!"

He looked left and right, looked for the flower bed along the man-made landscape trees in the other courtyard, and finally carried his sweetheart out from under the low table of the flower bed.

"Ouch." 3301 was surprised and delighted.

Meteor hugged his lover and sent Shanshan back to the bridesmaids team: "I can't help it!~"

Sima Yao bowed his hands and gave up: "Excellent! Your Excellency is not as short-sighted as the information said!"

Bai Lu still blocked the door: "Where are the red envelopes! Where are the red envelopes!"

Xue Ming immediately went forward and asked his sister to exchange a red envelope for the key to the iron gate on the first floor.

At the second level, there are eighteen glasses of wine placed on the stairs——

——Each glass is two hundred milliliters, full of spirits.

Robert Downing's eyes lit up, "I'll come, I'll come!"

He lowered his head one step at a time, picked up the wine glass and drank it all in one gulp, as if drinking baijiu for the first time, first his eyes narrowed, and then his tongue was stuck out immediately, finally he tasted the wine and started to drink.

Seeing this foreign devil drinking white wine as easily as drinking boiled water, Sima Yao's eyes widened: "What's the matter with this guy? Brother groom?"

Jiang Xueming: "This student of mine had a relationship experience before. He has been inseparable from alcohol since then."

Sima Yao rolled his eyes: "Okay, don't explain, I understand."

At the main entrance, Uncle Bai Ningguang's small house has no room for other games, and no one is arranged to block the door. These strong men really want to kick the door, and the door of the Crazy Butterfly Sacred Church is not enough to toss, let alone This is a residential building.

Sima Yao said: "The last little game is to shoot darts. From a distance of about ten meters, hit the light switch and turn on the light switch in the bride's room."

Saying so, a box of small darts was delivered to Xue Ming.

Xue Ming took one of them and observed carefully, this thing is really not easy to throw——

——Its tail feathers have counterweight heads, which are all lead weights. Throwing them is very tricky, and they have to spin like throwing knives to hit the target, otherwise they will tilt their heads. The light switches in Uncle Ning Guang’s house are all the size of a thumb button, a bit difficult.

Sima Yao's eyes lit up, he raised his hands and said, "What? Is it difficult for you?"

Xue Ming didn't make a sound, just smiled.

He picked up a handful of darts and threw them, most of which fell to the ground and hit nothing.

Sima Yao immediately said: "Hey! Red envelope, red envelope! Thank you, brother groom! Happy wedding!"

Xue Ming immediately took out small red envelopes from the wedding candy plate and gave them to the master of ceremonies, and stuffed a few more for his sister.

Meteor had a ferocious expression on his face: "Wow! Brother Ming! You are giving away sub-questions! It's too obvious!"

Immediately afterwards, Xue Ming continued to throw darts, but he still couldn't hit the target, so he continued to send red envelopes to the children in the neighborhood, to Sima Yao and his sister, and to the three bridesmaids.

Wait until the darts in the plate are all empty, and there is no one left.

There was hot sweat on Xue Ming's forehead——

— to hear the bride yelling and cursing in the house.

"I can't even hit this?! What kind of plane! How long do I have to wait!?"

Husband didn't understand this point of worldliness, he called out [Queen of Sparks], and helped the teacher light up the lamp, after all, if you want the cat to catch the mouse, you can't tie extra bells to it.

As soon as the light came on, Xiao Qi was seen rushing out wearing a phoenix xia crown, picked Xue Ming up in front of his father, and directly made a tea salute.

Brother Ming was dumbfounded during that battle——

——Bai Qingqing said: "I train all my muscles just to hug you!"