Akashic Records of the Bastard Child Engaged to a Goddess



Holy Sword Tournament Arc

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(POV: Lumiere)

Ah, what a joy it was to see your obnoxious half-brother, who tormented you relentlessly for most of your childhood, receive a well-deserved beating from a lady who loved to talk about cock sizes.

Standing in the bleachers with my arms folded, I attracted the attention of several onlookers, some of whom were stunned by my lightning-speed victory in my previous fight, while others were either perturbed or irritated.

Down in the arena, Salmarc was taking an absolute thrashing; he was being pummelled into a pulp. The entire coliseum was filled with gobsmacked onlookers. Genny and Garret, who were seated in another part of the stands, could do little but stare aghast as Salmarc bled from multiple wounds and his face became a swollen mess. The saddest part was that while Fanatio fought fiercely, she didn't even wield a sword. Salmarc, on the other hand, had his own weapon shattered to pieces some minutes ago.

The battle had devolved into a barbarous game of tag, where instead of uttering the phrase "Tag! You're it!" the fighters exchanged brutal blows.

In other words, "Tag! You're hit!"

Finally, the coordinator had seen enough and realized that there was no doubt as to who the winner was.

"The winner - Fanatio Pendragon!"

Salmarc was left barely alive, lying on the ground with his blood oozing out in a continuous stream.

Fanatio's fists were now crimson with his blood.

The medical staff had to carry Salmarc out on a stretcher to join Jericho in the recovery room.

"That's the second royal getting his ass kicked today."

"Aren't royalty meant to be strong?!"

"Well there was that Genevieve girl... didn't she win her fight."

"Yeah, that's true. She has a nice ass too."

"And you have a wife too."

"Fuck you."

"Do that with your wife."

Discussions bounced back and forth concerning the boring battles.

There were some disturbing discussions as well.

...

Though I had high hopes for some knockout battles, the preliminaries turned out to be a colossal disappointment. It was an essential evil, however, and we had no choice but to participate, bleary-eyed and all. As the breaks rolled in between the rounds, we saw several contestants mercilessly pounding each other into submission until the numbers dwindled to the final few.

As for me, I breezed through every round like a cheetah on caffeine pills.

Fanatio, on the other hand, was like a feisty little pug with a mean streak; she insulted various men about the size of their... well, never mind.

Genny was also a force to be reckoned with, as was Garret - although he did struggle a bit in the second round, because he didn't use his magic sword. Perhaps he thought it too flashy? Who knew! Still, his edge over his opponent was crystal clear; his [Magic Sword Mastery] was off the charts, making up for the low-tech weapon he wielded.

There were over 48 rounds in all, but truth be told, most of them were incredibly dull.

Apparently, this year, not too many talented fighters signed up, and some fights had already taken place yesterday, robbing me of the chance to scout out any tough competition.

However, I knew full well that of the people who had fought today, the ones who would prove to be a pain in the derriere were Fanatio and, potentially, Garret or Genny.

...

As the sun started to dip below the horizon, signaling the end of the preliminaries, my heart swelled with excitement.

I was walking out of the coliseum with Fanatio, and her grip on my scarf made it feel like she was trying to throttle me.

Some fighters who didn't make it past the prelims were still stuck in the coliseum, either having a good cry or being consoled by their unfortunate friends.

I didn't need to see how Jericho was doing; I gave him a little chop on the neck, so he should be fine.

Fanatio was still holding me by the scarf.

"You can always tell me to wait you know."

Rather than apologize, she asked me something completely unexpected.

"Where do you plan to sleep tonight?" she inquired.

"On a bed," I replied, in my typical sarcastic tone.

Displeased with my answer, she then asked "At which inn?"

I was silent for a moment, breathing heavily under my mask.

"The Berzes Inn." I made up a name.

Almost immediately, she called me out for lying.

"How do you know?" I asked her.

"Because I know the name of every inn in Zarbon city," she replied with a smug expression.

I sighed and held my head in my hands.

After a few moments, I raised my head and asked her "Why do you need to know the names of every inn in the city if you'd end up sleeping in just one." My voice sounded exasperated.

"It's good to have multiple choices," she explained, finally letting go of my scarf.

I adjusted my scarf and rolled my eyes. "Whatever you say, Fanatio. It's good for you, I guess."

As I conversed with Fanatio, time seemed to blur as my mind wandered and my eyes searched for something.

Suddenly, I remembered that I was supposed to meet Genny and Garret at a tavern before leading them to the inn.

"Black..." (Fanatio)

"Huh?" (Lumiere)

"You're doing that thing again... where you're thinking about something and then you get lost in your head. Were you looking at my chests?" (Fanatio)

"Why would I do that?" (Lumiere)

She furrowed her brows, her armor clanking as she folded her arms and remarked sarcastically, "Sure, you weren't."

I nodded in response.

"Well, aren't you coy? Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not worth breaking a mental sweat over."

I nodded my head in agreement, prompting a sigh from Fanatio.

"Must you always nod your head like that? It's quite annoying," she chastised me.

"Already used to it," honestly, I was. But being Black wasn't necessarily enjoyable.

"That aside, do you want to share a room?" she asked that out of nowhere!

I cleared my throat, trying to compose myself. My answer was an immediate "No."

She nodded her head thoughtfully. "Are you afraid I'll find out about your pee-pee size?"

I almost broke character at her remark but instead sighed in exasperation as I told her "How does size even matter in this conversation?"

"But pee-pee size always matters," Fanatio retorted with a straight face.

"Well, to a guy maybe, but it shouldn't concern a girl," I replied evenly.

Fanatio, however, was not joking and persisted with her invitation, "Now, I ask again, shall we share a room?"

"Yeah, no. See you in the elimination round." (Lumiere)

I walked away, waving goodbye to Fanatio.

She stood there in silence. Most likely, she was displeased but Fanatio was too strange a lady.

(1) Straightforward.

(2) Likes to talk about pee-pee sizes.

(3) Doesn't flinch when anyone touches her breasts or ass.

(4) And most likely likes straddling, making men experience pain and as well, large pee-pees.

However, this was pure speculation.

Indeed, a sword maiden who was easily fascinated by pee-pees.

...

I walked into an alley and activated my [Demonic Wings], sprouting pitch black bat-like wings to take off into the sky and meet up with Genny and Garret.

As I flew, I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculous conversation I just had with Fanatio.

"Pee-pee size always matters?" I chuckled to myself.

I readjusted my mask a bit. "Where does she come up with these things?"