American Entertainment 1982

In the courtyard of the station, thirteen soldiers lined up in a row, trying to straighten their backs.

In front of the soldiers, Dennis walked back and forth with his hands behind his back and his head held high, imitating the arrogance of the German officers in the movie.

But he soon got tired of this routine, because the garbage in front of him probably couldn't understand why he, the new lieutenant, walked like a castrated rooster.

Finally, he stopped and looked at them: "In order to prevent being blown up by Israeli or Lebanese mortars, I will make a long story short. First, I want to ask a few questions. You don't have to answer them in a hurry, but it's best to tell me the answers before today. First, I'll ask you a few questions. Question, what is the common consumption of hemp, pills, prostitutes, etc. for soldiers in Nakula?"

"Second question, if there is a bomb shelter in this building, remember to move my bed, toilet, inflatable doll, desk, etc. into it. I will live and work in it in the future. If not, Glenn, find some. If you don’t want to extend your service, help me dig. The faster and deeper you dig, the longer your family leave will be. If you can dig through the earth, I will help you apply to the Pentagon for the exclusive title Medal of the United States Army’s Strongest Engineer, so there is someone Are you willing to take the initiative to sign up in front of me?"

Most of the soldiers immediately raised their hands, and Dennis nodded with satisfaction: "Thank you for your statement, it made me feel respected enough."

"The third question, Sean Darling from Warwick Lincoln High School, who can't even spell the word astronaut, why the hell is he here." Dennis walked to stand in front of a soldier and showed his face asked with a smile.

The soldier who hesitated to call out Dennis's name when he first saw him was Sean, a classmate from Lincoln High School in Warwick. He was also a famous figure in Lincoln High School at that time, only more famous than him, Tommy and Pam. The trio is just a little bit inferior.

"Dennis, f*ck! Even if Lieutenant Marvin calls out your name, I can't believe it's you! Man, what's wrong with the world, you joined the army and became a fucking officer? "When Sean saw Dennis and himself speaking, his face showed the joy of meeting again after a long separation. He was so excited that he even choked up in tears at the end: "I really didn't expect to see people from Warwick again!"

Dennis saw everyone else looking over curiously, and did not rush to respond. Instead, he patted Sean on the shoulder and said, "Let's talk slowly after I announce the disbandment."

Then he took a few steps back and looked at everyone: "Perhaps many officers have told you that soldiers must not be afraid of death, have the courage to sacrifice, and be proud to die on the battlefield. Those are all bullshit, understand? Soldiers must first learn to Survive on the battlefield, after all, dead soldiers cannot defend the United States. I want you to live, and I want to live, so if there are warriors in this team who want to charge and die on the battlefield, please stand up now, I swear , I will write you the most gorgeous letter of recommendation and recommend you to the real heroic troops, those elite troops nicknamed Blue Arrow, Rock, and Screaming Eagle. Are there any? Stand up! I'm not kidding! I graduated from West Point Military Academy , many students are serving in the elite troops I just mentioned. If you want to be a fighting hero, this may be a very precious opportunity for you. If you stay, you will just become a pile of living garbage."

A group of people had expressionless faces, and some even turned their heads.

"None of them, which is good, because I can't write a fucking recommendation letter at all, and none of my classmates are serving in the frontline troops. The United States will not send top West Point students to places with high mortality rates. It was an accident for me." Dennis smiled:

"If not, then congratulations, your commander has prepared a small meeting ceremony for you, Glenn."

Glenn took out two large camping bags and placed them in front of everyone. He opened the zipper and took out sets of brightly colored women's underwear, as well as one after another of the original American "Penthouse" with its cover exposed. .

Dennis counted the numbers by counting the soldiers in front of him with his fingers, and said: "My transfer order did not state that I want to lead you, so the number of greeting gifts is a bit small. There are only ten sets, which is not enough for each of the thirty people to get one." Fortunately, more than half of the idiots went to the hospital and paid a high price to hire nurses to treat sexual hunger. Twelve people were divided into ten sets...Glenn, how the hell are you going to divide this? You are better at math than me. You can calculate it clearly, and then Give it to them, and those who go to the hospital are unlucky."

"Just now you asked them to raise their hands to sign up for digging a hole, and two of them just didn't raise their hands." Glenn spoke at the side and added the details he paid attention to.

Dennis nodded: "Very good. After excluding those two guys who disrespected the commander, there are exactly ten people left. Each of them has a set of underwear and a magazine. This is a small gift I will give to all of my comrades who will live and die together in the next period of time. A small gift, don’t underestimate these underwear. Each set carries the body odor of a young girl in Beirut. Lieutenant Glenn spent a lot of time and energy to steal it from the laundry rooms of luxury hotels in the foreign embassy district. Every copy of "Penthouse" In the magazine, I contacted my classmates in the United States and worked hard to open up channels to ship them to Lebanon, which was more difficult than terrorists smuggling weapons under the nose of Israel."

Glenn held up one set of greeting gifts after another, as solemnly as if he was holding an American flag, and handed it to the surprised three-legged cat soldiers in front of him.

"Thank You Sir!" This time, there was no need for others to remind them with glances. Every guy knew how to stand at attention and shout loudly and excitedly to pay high respect to the two officers, Dennis and Glenn, which was comparable to receiving a presidential medal.

Which officer who graduated from a military academy would prepare such a considerate greeting gift when he reports to the new army!

Every one of those stupid officers thought that the soldiers were just like them, they could drive out to find women at any time and then use the excuse of helping the women get green cards to pay off the overnight expenses.

This respect almost reached its peak when they discovered, under Glenn's careful reminder, that there was a piece of rolled hemp hidden inside the bra, which might have been dyed with the scent of women's milk.

At that moment, these soldiers felt that they could do anything as long as Dennis would not let them die on the battlefield.

Dennis looked at these little cuties who were already excited and said with a smile: "What are you waiting for? Go back to the dormitory, the bathroom, or even go to the street, have a good time with your hair, smoke a cigarette, or simply put on that set of underwear yourself , help the brothers feel refreshed! Glenn, tell them, except for Sean Danin, they can disband."

"Private Sean Daning stays, the rest of us, disband!" Glenn came on as the sergeant major and signaled everyone to disband.

A group of young people who were just in their early twenties and were thrown to the other side of the world cheered and rushed towards the dormitory.

"Glenn, find out the details of these guys and see which ones can be used as mules, which ones can help us manage our accounts, and which ones can take the blame for us. The old rule is that if the other person doesn't have any bad habits and is very motivated, Don't hesitate, report to your superiors as a fucking Soviet spy, and ask the Army Intelligence Bureau to send someone to examine him, and just kick him out." Dennis waited for his men to disperse, and then warned Glenn who came over.

Glenn glanced at Sean standing next to him and signaled Dennis to pay attention to the situation. Dennis laughed: "Sean can't be a Soviet spy. He can only be ranked third among the most influential figures in Lincoln High School." This is still the case if Tommy abstains, otherwise he will be ranked fourth.”

Glenn then retreated to the entrance of the hall. When only he and Sean, who was also from Warwick, were left in the courtyard, Dennis looked at his high school classmates and stretched out his fist towards him: "Dismissed, soldier, let's talk casually." , speaking of which, when I was in high school, I didn’t think you loved your motherland, were willing to join the army for it, and even served overseas. What happened to you? A handsome young Lebanese boy who fled to the United States for asylum stole your girlfriend, so you Come to *his country?”

Sean and Dennis bumped their fists, and then cursed angrily: "I **** love your mahua country!"

After he finished cursing, he took out the hemp grass given by Dennis, held it in his mouth and lit it on fire: "I can't wait to take a gun and shoot Jimmy Carter's head off! If this bastard hadn't reinstated the Selective Service Registration System! I might be married and have children by now. , be a happy truck driver.”

He took a deep breath, and then handed it to Dennis, who pushed the hemp back: "Brother, it seems you need it more, and I didn't play much with this thing when I was studying at West Point. Now I only have one occasionally."

In Sean's narration mixed with foul language, Dennis learned another story about a young American hillbilly joining the army, a story completely different from his and Tony's.

After Sean graduated from high school and turned eighteen, he obediently completed the registration according to the military service registration system signed by President Carter. It was not because he responded positively because of his own sense of patriotism and honor, but because of President Carter's regulations, he deliberately did not register. U.S. citizens who are caught face five years in prison and a fine of up to $250,000, a lifetime ban on certain federal benefits, and a lifetime ban on employment with the federal government.

The most important thing is that Sean wants to be a truck driver, and the prerequisite for him to apply for a truck driver's license is that he must complete military service registration, otherwise he will not be issued a driver's license at all. It was under such circumstances that he went to register.

When he went to register with the Selective Service Bureau in Rhode Island under the Recruitment Headquarters, the other party's staff told him swornly that the chance of his name being selected to serve in the lottery was negligible. As a result, within three years of registration, the federal draft was no longer available. The headquarters called him to inform him that he had been selected to serve and needed to go to the designated hospital to complete a physical examination and participate in recruit reporting.

Sean was confused at the time. He had just taken out a loan to buy a truck and started running transportation. He was looking forward to the happy life of an American blue-collar truck driver. Now with a phone call, he would say goodbye to his beloved truck and his fiancée and go to serve in the army.

After a few months of hasty training at a domestic base, he was sent to a hellish place like Lebanon.

"Why did you come to Lebanon? I mean the normal process, the base commander will consider your ideas. If you don't want to travel so far, you can change to a closer overseas base?" Dennis asked curiously.

He knows better than Sean the process of recruits joining the army. Generally speaking, unless a Vietnam War-level battle breaks out, the United States will not directly throw idiot-like recruits as far away as Lebanon, and at least let them adapt at home for a period of time. Then go to an overseas base near the United States to adapt for a while.

"Uh... I... or the guys who were drafted and drafted in Kent County at that time, all did some disgraceful things, and then they were punished and sent overseas to grow moldy." Sean heard Dennis' question and said Said: "We went to the hospital for a physical examination. You know, whether you can stop serving in the military depends on the physical examination report. So many people hope to get a physical examination that proves that they are not suitable for military service. They think of various methods."

"Someone wanted to shoot himself in the thigh with a gun, but was later told that after the injury healed, it would not affect his enlistment in the army, unless he could be ruthless enough to use a shotgun loaded with the largest single-head buckshot and blow the entire leg off."

"Some people say that they have all kinds of weird mental illnesses, talk nonsense, insult others, etc., but designated hospitals have professional mental illness doctors and psychologists, and those guys can easily expose the liar's scam, and still fucking To scare us poor people, show us a film about treating mental illness. The doctor in the film said that as long as we cut off certain leaves in our brains, we can cure mental illness and make us more obedient. Many people were frightened. broken."

"Later, I discovered a loophole, the urine test! This was definitely the best opportunity for fraud. People at the hospital and the recruitment office didn't pay attention to the urine test at all. They just let us go to the bathroom to collect our urine without sending anyone to supervise us. These fools It simply gives us the best chance of fraud.”

"And we just happened to see a bastard in the toilet selling the urine of syphilis patients at a high price. Damn it, a small cup of urine costs two hundred yuan, which is much more expensive than a fucking drug! But no matter how expensive it is, I am willing to pay. After all, I am suffering from syphilis. People with severe syphilis can avoid being enlisted in the army. I bought a drink. Later, the urine test report came out. The doctor told the recruiting officials that I had syphilis and could not perform military service. I was so happy when I heard this, thinking that I could finally feel at ease. Driving a truck, do you know what happened next?”

"What happened?" Dennis no longer had any curious expression on his face, and just agreed perfunctorily.

"The doctor said that the urine test report showed that I was not only infected with syphilis, but also pregnant!" Sean shouted with grief and anger:

"That idiot who made me two hundred dollars sold me a cup of urine from a pregnant woman with syphilis!"

Dennis patted Sean on the shoulder with sympathy: "Don't get excited, I understand. Did you find out in the end that all the soldiers bought similar urine?"

"Yes, there was something wrong with the urine bought by several female soldiers. The urine test results showed that these female soldiers suffered from severe syphilis and prostatitis." Sean said:

"Afterwards, we found the bastard selling urine, and he actually confidently said that he had mixed the two urines backwards! Damn it, the result was that our follow-up physical examination was quickly passed, and after several months of training at the domestic base, we were all Using the excuse of being suspected of deception, I sent you to all kinds of ghost places around the world to get moldy! And you can't refuse. Once you refuse, these people will make trouble for you to retire. You can retire in two years, which is good, because I'm suspected of cheating to escape. If you don't want to be saddled with a non-honorable discharge record and be deprived of retirement benefits, just renew it and serve for at least six years before they will consider giving those of us who used urine tests to deceive the military an honorable discharge. Otherwise, Why do you think I’m still staying in this hellish place?”

"Have you ever thought that he deliberately let you guys bump into him, and also deliberately peeed backwards?" Dennis suddenly said next to Sean.

Sean was taking a puff of smoke when he heard Dennis stop mid-sentence and almost choked to death. After coughing violently for a while, he stared at Dennis: "Is that... intentional?"

"I'm just guessing, but it's unlikely. After all, the other party has no reason to deliberately frame you." Dennis exhaled: "See you later, Sean, I'll go check out my lounge."

After saying that, Dennis turned around and walked into the door, leaving Sean alone in the courtyard, smoking in silence.

After listening to the conversation between the two people, Glenn looked at Dennis who walked in and said, "Dennis, isn't that a trick you devised when discussing the military service system in West Point class? Set a trap for people who don't want to serve. To smear them, and then use the excuse of allegedly committing fraud to avoid serving, intimidate them to deprive them of retirement benefits, and force them to continue to postpone their retirement."

"Yes, it seems that some of my classmates who work at the recruitment headquarters have begun to apply what they have learned." Dennis turned to look at Sean, who had a lonely figure behind him:

"Without Tommy's letter of recommendation, Tony and I didn't go to military school, and now we're just like Sean, moldy in a corner of the earth, cursing the fool who accidentally took the wrong urine, not knowing who to hate at all, thank you Fuck Tommy.”