As Yesterday
Chapter 52:
After she finished speaking, she was the first to walk out of the ward, but Liu Ci remained indifferent.
And Xie Yongyan was a little dazed. She glanced at Liu Ci and then at Lian Xiaoli who seemed to be smiling on the hospital bed, suddenly rejoicing that she had made a known choice back then.
The two in the ward were more gloomy, and she finally went out.
He Yu went to find out about Lian Xiaoli's situation, and Xie Yongyan stood in the corridor.
The environment of the sanatorium was good, but it was too quiet, making people feel panicked. She stood outside, watching He Yu inside talking to the doctor.
He Yu is tall, but not particularly thin. He looks very well-proportioned. He also likes to exercise, and he smells of sunshine.
She doesn't wear a lot in winter, and she wears a hooded sweater in this weather, and it's done with a little velvet.
Her style of dressing is as lazy as her people. When she was a teenager, her father's hatred of her gender made her always repulsive of women's dressing on her.
But this does not affect her character.
Many people will only think that this is a cool girl when they see He Yu for the first time.
At this age, she still thinks she is cool. This is why Xie Yongyan likes He Yu the most. It makes sense to reject others.
People who are soft-hearted will always be restrained. He Yu was caught by the kindness, and instead he fell into a long nightmare.
When did Lian Xiaoli become such an extreme person?
He Yu thought about it many times.
She once blamed the fire, but later felt that she might have thought too shallowly, maybe Lian Xiaoli himself was such a person?
All sorts of things catalyzed her paranoia. Until now, if you don't hit the south wall or look back, you have to die to get free.
She failed many times in suicide and was finally sent here, even if she turned into this occasionally sober look, she still did.
Never look back, nor repent.
There was still fire in her eyes when she looked at He Yu.
It is longing, praying, and despair.
"She is in very bad condition."
The doctor said, "The desire to live is too bad."
He Yu nodded, "I can only look closer."
There is no way for this kind of thing. Others won't help her to die, and she can't get out of it herself. For so many years, she has been in a stalemate.
When He Yu came out, Xie Yongyan greeted him and said that Liu Ci had left early and waited for her at the parking lot.
He Yu gave a cry.
Xie Yongyan turned her head to look at He Yu, and He Yu pressed her lips tightly. Her appearance was more heroic than an ordinary girl, and her bones were upright, but her eyebrows were very similar to He Fengjun. She was born gloomy and exuded a kind of life when she was not smiling. The breath that people don't enter is very different from usual.
Xie Yongyan loved her for this contrast back then, loved her handsome when she was not talking, and loved the sunshine when she spoke.
After so many years, He Yu has not changed, but she has found her key, and He Yu is still a lonely lock.
"Senior sister, I didn't expect her to become like this."
Xie Yongyan sighed. They were sitting and passing the ward. Lian Xiaoli was being suspended by the nurse. She looked very cooperative, like a normal person.
He Yu looked at it, "I didn't expect it either."
Her brows were frowning, as if too much melancholy that shouldn't belong to He Yu was mixed in, making her look like a normal and aggressive.
"It would be nice if you didn't know her in the first place."
Xie Yongyan widened her eyes in surprise.
He Yu is a natural optimist. She is one of the few people surrounded by mourning and anxiety groups to look forward. Some annoying things will not bother her for too long. The review the night before the exam can also be said half-jokingly. Just forget it.
It's a big deal to retake the exam to comfort Xie Yongyan.
Everyone knows that credits are hard to earn.
She won't be too nervous when she fails the exam. She is always calm when she does everything. When she is happy, she opens her mouth and infects the people around her.
I won’t regret it, and I won’t say any sentence patterns.
She seems to be completely disappointed now.
"But no one is wrong."
He Yu laughed mockingly. Lian Xiaoli's life was still full of gray in comparison. During adolescence, he reached out to her to ripen her female teacher, thinking that everything could be better from the beginning, and a fire burned it away. Lost all of her.
The mother died, and the father remarried and ignored her.
He Yu understood her dedication to herself, like a driftwood caught by a person falling into the sea.
But she is not a driftwood after all, she is just a gust of wind passing through this sea, and she is going to a distant place after all.
"Your friend, that Miss Liu..." Xie Yongyan hesitated a little. She put her hands in the pockets of her coat and stretched out the arc of a fist.
"How do you hesitate."
He Yu said.
"She seems to like you."
Xie Yongyan is not polite. She has long let go of her feelings for He Yu, but now it seems that not everyone can be as free and easy as her.
Not everyone can have such an optimistic attitude towards feelings.
He Yu is a life experience for her, she has no regrets, but others don't seem to be.
He Yu said, "I know now."
She took a deep breath and spit it out again, and a haze appeared on the glass window. He Yu stared at the haze, only thinking that everything was ridiculous like a dream.
How can I?
She never thought about this possibility.
She and Liu Ci are too close, being close can erase all ambiguity.
In a sense, she and Liu Ci grew up looking at each other, and this range is from birth to that year.
She was born insensitive in this respect. The sensitivity of her youth was all in the relationship between her parents that had already collapsed. She just wanted to protect Hong Lanwen.
But she can't do anything.
The experience of her parents made her hate the family and even the rigid marriage relationship, but she denied it in front of Hong Lanwen.
She doesn't comment on other people's families. She herself has no expectations for marriage. She always thinks of her biological father and He Fengjun's vicious criticism.
It would be nice to be a boy.
She can't do it, and she hates this kind of discrimination.
But after all, she was affected by the curse of anticipation of this sentence. She liked skirts, but just look at it. She likes girls' things too, but she will put it down after she reads it.
She was tamed, and in this discriminatory atmosphere, she demanded herself with the demands of a boy.
But on the one hand, she clearly knows that her gender is female.
These two different cognitions saw each other, and He Yu occasionally felt that they were two people, and she could not even find her true self.
She likes to take care of girls, she will send her close school girls home, will take care of the younger generations after the party, and chat with new members in the company's team building. She always asks herself as a protector.
It's all instilled by He Fengjun from childhood to adulthood-
"Men will be like this, how come you are not the one with a handle."
Fighting seems to be the privilege of boys, and skirts are the privilege of girls. Everything in the world has labels. Unknown prices will be recognized naturally.
And Liu Ci is her grafting of girls, she hopes Liu Ci is good, and all the Liu Ci she has will have.
She was tall and laughed at, and was talked about for being too boyish during adolescence. The more she was like this, the better she was to Liu Ci.
Liu Ci is more sensible and more sensible than her, and she is a good daughter in the eyes of adults.
Such Liu Ci, they grew up together. The skirt Hong Lanwen bought was worn by Liu Ci at the risk of being scolded. She took Liu Ci's hand to buy beautiful small leather shoes.
At that time, He Yu's feet were already very big, and she felt that her dress was twisted, so she looked at Liu Cizhuan. Liu Ci is the other girl, He Yu, who she expects and is praised by everyone.
But Liu Ci was not her after all, her sensibility became a responsibility, she got up at five o'clock to cook, she took a child on vacation, and she was tutoring Liu Yu to do homework.
They are all trapped in the aura of sensibility given by their parents, like women with small feet in ancient times, running very difficult.
He Yu thought that he and Liu Ci knew each other best, and their common growth trajectory destined them to be intimate.
He Yu even arranged Liu Ci for the rest of his life. He had assumed many things, but he had never thought of this possibility.
Liu Ci likes her.
What about Liu Ci? Yes, I like her.
This kind of feeling is the most unreliable existence in the world. Once it deviates into love, it will eventually deteriorate.
He Yu is afraid of such things.
Lian Xiaoli's love is like flowing fire, and the feelings between his parents are like glaciers.
Love is ever-changing, but in the end it is a butcher knife, and the perpetrator and the victim will eventually be bloody.
Just like Xie Yongyan, she just likes He Yu, and withdraws before she reaches love.
Very wise.
"Senior Sister..."
Xie Yongyan kept looking at He Yu. He Yu's body was too ugly, as if she was pale for a moment, and she understood what made her desperate.
He Yu shook his head, "Let's go."
"Make you laugh."
Xie Yongyan: "Don't be too polite."
He Yu sighed, "Otherwise you have to say that I am rude."
Xie Yongyan: "You have a lot of grudges."
He Yu: "It's okay, I'm stupid, and my reaction is very slow."
Xie Yongyan heard what she meant, and she shook her head, "Actually, I used to think that you seemed to be afraid of someone approaching me."
He Yu: "Yes, I'm the most hands-on person in the courtyard."
Xie Yongyan shook her head, "It's not physically, how can I say it, it's just that you are afraid that others will walk in."
Probably not used to speaking so abstractly, Xie Yongyan sighed, she looked at He Yu, "You are a coward."
"It was back then, and it is now."
Xie Yongyan could feel He Yu's hesitation back then. She was a softhearted person. If she held her back, Xie Yongyan's unrequited love might have turned into a positive one.
That kind of relationship is also a feeling of unrequited love, and it takes many years to influence.
But she is not this kind of giving personality. It is too long and too difficult. Not all love is exchanged at the same price. Most of them require long-term pay from one party and then a little bit to move.
But He Yu also rejected her, and she said she didn't love it.
He Yu said, "I am not only a coward, but also a daredevil."
The relationship between Liu Ci and Lian Xiaoli was tense from the very beginning, but she didn't care, and regarded it as a magnetic field incompatibility.
After all, she liked to play that year, and the twists and turns of ordinary girls could not affect her.
Thinking about it carefully, Liu Ci had already said that she didn't like Lian Xiaoli. She was very concerned, but didn't say why.
It's hard to speak.
He Yu thought, it was too difficult, she knew the scruples of Liu Ci very well at this moment.
Understand the street late that night, the skewers of the night, I hate that she took you away.
It turns out that's what it means.
What I haven't figured out for so many years, I understand it in an instant.
This is the personality of Liu Ci. She will not force or take the initiative. She is a heavy pot of flowers and will not move when she stays in one place.
If she had to leave, it was mostly because the land was not suitable for her to bloom.
He Yu took a deep breath. She and Xie Yongyan were walking on the trail, and the sky was completely dark.
Liu Ci was standing next to the car under the street light. She was not tall, she was the little one, leaning against the car, and the things in her hand were smoking.
As he approached, He Yu found out that she was smoking.
Seeing the two of them, Liu Ci faintly threw the cigarette **** away and ran it with the sole of the shoe, pretending to say something calmly.
Only God knows how nervous she is now, and the sound of her heartbeat will shatter the tympanic membrane, like the moment when he secretly kissed He Yu that night.
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