Ball of Nothing

Hua Tuo nodded as Zero recited everything correctly from his earlier lecture about the cow's surgery. The mother had been prepared for the operation the previous night and was currently waiting in the makeshift operating stable.

Zero was initially shocked when he was told that the cow would be standing up while they did the surgery. Hua Tuo then explained that animals had different anatomies from humans. The cow's organs were closer to the rear and lying down would only make things more difficult for both the cow and the doctor.

"Remember the needles? You'd have to also stick them in deeper because the cow's skin is thicker than human's. They also have different meridian points so be careful when you're numbing the area," Hua Tuo warned his student who was looking paler by the second.

The poor apprentice was feeling the last second cold feet and the Sage God sighed. The confidence Zero normally had suddenly disappeared and Hua Tuo wondered what caused the teenager to change. When he was younger, he created chimaeras that massacred villages. The number of lives lost to perfect revival magic was also quite significant. Why was Zero fretting over surgery? It's less complex when compared to healing magic. Didn't the teen have any faith in his medical skills?

"Zero," Hua Tuo called out to his disciple. The boy was freaking out too much for Hua Tuo to be sure about Zero's performance during the operation. Being mentally and emotionally unstable before and during the surgery will only jeopardise the patient's life.

"Calm down. If you continue to be this nervous, I'm afraid I cannot allow you to assist me during the surgery. Both mother and child will be in danger if you cannot remain calm and react accordingly when the situation calls for it."

Hearing that, Zero felt a chill enter his heart. That disappointed look on Hua Tuo's face only confirmed his fears. His teacher didn't think his medical skills were good enough. Zero thought about it. Most times, he would get by using healing magic. Today's ban from using any magic at all made Zero feel as if he was asked to walk on a tightrope blindfolded over a valley. His hands shook terribly and Zero tried to hide them under the baggy robe sleeves.

Hua Tuo noticed that his student was being unusually quiet. The teen also had his head bowed, eyes glued onto the ground. If people didn't know better, they would think that Hua Tuo was reprimanding Zero. In fact, Zero looked as if his entire world had shattered when Hua Tuo suggested that he should take a step back if he couldn't pull himself together. The physician only meant well to not rush Zero into something he wasn't ready for. However, judging from Zero's crestfallen expression, the doctor felt that Zero might have taken it the wrong way.

His student wasn't someone who would blame others and lash out to blame everyone when things weren't right. If anything, Zero would take it all upon his small shoulders to be responsible for the wrongs that didn't belong to him. Although the teenager didn't say it aloud, everyone knew that Zero blames himself for all the wrongs in the world, thinking that it was his fault that he previously created things so badly. Still, they couldn't offer any words of consolation because it was, in a way, true.

"Zero..."

The teenager didn't dare look up and hunched his shoulders so that he looked smaller than he usually would appear to be. The severe lack of confidence was something Hua Tuo didn't understand. He thought that his student was making good progress and would be ready for a more hands-on lesson. Apparently, he was wrong.

"Cleo told me about how you were feeling last night. We still have some time before the surgery, would you like to talk to me about it?"

Slowly, the boy lifted his head to meet Hua Tuo with the meekest looking eyes the saint had ever seen. His student had never looked more vulnerable and Hua Tuo was reminded about how young Zero technically was. True, he might be a quick learner and a powerful being. However, his emotional intelligence was similar to a child even if he was growing quickly and had several sets of memories to learn from with a few mindscape buddies. The teen's insecurities played through strongly and the physician knew that he couldn't be harsh on his apprentice this time. He didn't want to break the boy's confidence, he didn't want Zero to fear medicine.

Zero trembled. Cleo had told Hua Tuo about his ridiculous fears. What would his teacher think about him now?

"Zero, doctors are not infallible and neither are Gods. Everyone will make mistakes whether we want to or not. This is not something that can be avoided."

"But if I fail to make the right diagnosis, lives will be lost."

Hua Tuo nodded. He wouldn't deny this. "And if you don't learn, you won't save any at all."

Zero looked at his teacher. There was a weird silent moment as Zero struggled to understand the price of becoming a doctor. Hua Tuo once told him before they arrived at Half Moon Village that a knife could be used to kill, heal and cook. There were many ways to use a knife and Zero had to decide what he wanted to do with it. Initially, he chose the path of medicine because he wanted to ease other people's pain. Right now, he was reconsidering it. Medicine wasn't the only path to relieving other people's pain, right?

Hua Tuo felt apprehension at the strange look in Zero's eyes. The boy was definitely thinking about something weird.

"Do I have to become a doctor to remove the suffering of others?"

Hua Tuo didn't answer immediately. There were two ways to handle this and right now, lying to Zero would only harm his student in the future. They've made so much progress and this would be the final hurdle before Zero becomes a full-fledged doctor. If he cannot find his resolve to practice medicine, Hua Tuo wouldn't want Zero to continue walking the path of a doctor.

"No."

The simple answer made Zero's eyes widen. While he knew that there might be other paths for what he wanted, he didn't expect Hua Tuo to answer him so truthfully. The old man was determined to guide Zero and shape him into a brilliant doctor that he can be proud of. Zero knew that his teacher had given so much to make it come true and if he backed out now, Hua Tuo would be severely disappointed. The Sage God could simply tell him that becoming a doctor was the best way to do it instead of giving him an answer that didn't have any merits for what Hua Tuo wanted.

"Why did you choose to become a doctor then? There should be other easier paths, right?"

Zero's question made a sad smile appear on the old man's face. It had been a long time since someone asked him why he chose the painful path of medicine.

"I was born during a time when humans were at war, killing each other and struggling to rule each other."

Zero sat down. Hua Tuo barely shared anything about his past before this and the teen knew that he might never have another chance to hear his teacher's story again if he missed this opportunity.

"Becoming a doctor was like a free pass to get away from forced army conscription and being sent to the war lines. I often travelled and didn't stay long in any one place simply because I didn't want to work for any faction. All I wanted was for the war to be quickly over. Back then, there was a general called Cao Cao whom I thought would be able to unite the three kingdoms and end the nightmarish days. Hence, I gave my life up to treat him."

Zero could see the horrors of war from Hua Tuo's description with some of Venn's memories. He didn't ask about the specifics of Hua Tuo's 'death' back then but if his teacher decided to lay his life down for his patient, that patient must mean something to him.

Listening to Hua Tuo's story made Zero understand a few things. Hua Tuo didn't choose the medical path purely out of his desire to save others. He did it due to circumstances. For Zero, what was his reason for walking down this path? The teen wasn't too dense. He recognised his abilities in magic and even cultivation. If he chose either path, he could end up becoming a huge force to be reckoned with on top of his latent abilities for absorption. There was no actual need for Zero to walk this thorny road built upon corpses and sacrifice. he could still save others and remove their sufferings in a different way.

"If you had another chance, would you still choose the path of a doctor?"

Zero's question was almost quiet and Hua Tuo sighed. Would he?

"Honestly? I don't really know. I didn't think that far ahead. However, I've never regretted becoming a doctor. Sure, there may be times when my learning becomes stagnant, when I fail to find cures to unknown illnesses, when lives have been lost because I couldn't treat them on time. However, I've never had anyone blame me for trying my hardest to help. That just makes me want to continue trying despite the number of graves in my heart."

Zero thought about the number of graves in his heart and teared up. It didn't matter if it was caused by him directly or indirectly, Zero had already killed hundreds ever since he regained his consciousness. If he were to think about the lives his Divine Entities and Fragments took as well as the lives that were in agony because of Solo, Zero was far from innocent. His hands were bloodier than his teacher's.

Was there really a way for Zero to turn around and pretend he doesn't know who caused the suffering everyone was facing now? The teenager couldn't do it. Magic and cultivation had to be the easiest way out to pretend none of this was his doing. He could pin everything on Solo and reap the benefits of a 'saviour' like the heroes in stories that he hated.

Zero had a knife, one that could change even fate itself. Thinking about it this way with Duu's memory made the teenager feel old and burdened. He had to stop pretending to be blind to everything that's happening. Whatever that happened in the abyss was just the beginning. Zero knew what he'd done despite his intentions.

"Hahaha! Isn't it funny how it took surgery to make me realise this?" Zero smiled without traces of humour, scaring Hua Tuo.

"Nothing in this world is real, is it?" the teenager whispered.

Hua Tuo wore his poker face. "That's not for me to decide."

Zero nodded. Of course, Hua Tuo would say that. Solo created this world and he could destroy it as easily as how Solo created it. Why did it take him so long to realise that logic and normalcy didn't work for him? Who was to say that things had to follow a set of rules?

Screw it all.

Zero was the rule here. After becoming the administrator of Mind's Eye, was there a power out there that was greater than him?

"I understand. Please allow me to assist you in the surgery. However, can I have permission to use revival magic if anything fails? I promise to practice the path of medicine according to your teachings and only use magic as a last resort. I have taken enough lives, it's time to give it all back."

Hua Tuo inhaled deeply and looked at his student who now emitted an aura of wisdom that surpassed even Buddha. He had the look of an arrogant ruler and his confidence was restored. The physician didn't know what he said to make Zero realise what he wanted to do but he liked that resolve in Zero's eyes.

"Very well. There will be no more turning back."

Zero nodded and kowtowed to his teacher to show his sincerity. Hua Tuo was slightly shocked but accepted the bow.

Zero was ready. Not just ready for the surgery but for the world as well. If a knife had many uses and Zero could choose how he wanted to use it, the creator decided that the best way to use this knife of his is in every way possible.

He was going to hunt, cook, heal, kill and fight with the knife he had. He was tired of being left in the dark, Zero was going to use this knife to find answers to the questions that he had for far too long.

He was going to polish his knife and perfect his skills until the day that he met Solo again. There was no way he would let his past self go scot-free after creating such a big mess. It wasn't Zero's job to clean up after his past self but it was his job to right the wrongs.

Where better to start than at the root of it all?