Become a revolutionary mentor from a pirate

Don’t worry, everyone, the 8,000-word update every day is still the same. After all, living people need to eat.

I was tossing and turning and couldn't fall asleep. My wife and kids were already asleep, so I could only write it down and maybe I could fall asleep.

It was past midnight, and at 11:10 last night, my grandmother passed away in her hometown of Xiaogan, Hubei.

In the second half of last year, the esophageal cancer recurred and spread, and the doctor said it would only last for three months, so I took my son back and wanted to let the elderly see the fourth generation. Because none of my cousins ​​were married yet, he was the only one at the moment. Fourth Generation.

At that time, my grandma was fine, but she was very thin, and she could still walk and eat, but the hard lump under her neck was getting bigger and bigger.

Later, when I went back during the Chinese New Year, my grandma was lying in bed and unable to get off the ground. My uncle bought an oxygen concentrator and was constantly breathing oxygen. My mother went over every afternoon to help take care of her and clean her body.

I survived the Chinese New Year, but it was very painful and I needed to take painkillers. I was very strict before I could take out the medicine from the hospital.

My grandmother raised me when I was in the first or second grade. At that time, my parents were busy with business and there were many traffickers, so there was nothing they could do.

Grandma believed in Buddhism and ate fast all her life.

When I was young, I would tell my cousin and me some myths and stories about the reincarnation of good and evil.

The clearest thing in my memory is when my grandma said that if you come home from school and see small fish and shrimps by the pond, it is because you are looking for a substitute, and if you go there, you will be pulled down...

Now that I think about it, it was because we were afraid of playing in the water. After all, three of my childhood friends drowned in the reservoir opposite the village entrance.

Also...actually what I'm thinking about is...

Perhaps at the end of her life, grandma no longer believed in her previous beliefs.

After all, I had been fasting my whole life, but in the end I developed esophageal cancer because I kept eating pickles.

After the diagnosis and surgery, my grandma stopped eating fast.

at last……

I remember that my cousin died of suffocation in 2019 because no one noticed his epilepsy at night. I cried very hard that day. Although I couldn't sleep tonight, I didn't cry.

Even... relieved.

Maybe you will scold me, I am also scolding myself, whether it is a bit cold-blooded.

After all, I cried silently for a long time when I went back during the Chinese New Year and saw my grandmother’s face in pain and with only bones left.

But now, I am relieved.

Maybe it’s because living like that is too painful, or maybe it’s because living like that will make other living people suffer?

But really, gentlemen, I realize the true meaning of this sentence.

[There is no filial son in front of a long-term illness]

Now I'm thinking, maybe one day I will be like this too, so what will I do?

Thanks to many years of experience in reading novels, I heard that you can burn charcoal?

…

The sun will rise as usual tomorrow, the children's tuition fees will still have to be paid, and the expenses will still have to be paid.

So maybe I'm being rational.

Or maybe it was because it was too painful for her to see her grandmother at that time, and death was also a relief for her.