Conan: I Am Not a Snake Spirit

"If it rains later, there probably won't be any guests coming today," Chi Feichi sat down on the sofa, saw Chi Jianai looking at the doll wall, and explained, "It's not Chi and Mo Nong."

"I..." Chi Kanai lowered her eyes. She didn't believe that animals could hang them up. When she thought about how depressed she was to make this kind of doll wall, she felt broken, "I'm sorry, about Hiroki, about ...I know you're going to be sad, but..."

Chi Feichi got up and sat next to Chi Kanai, looking sideways at Chi Kanai, "You don't need to apologize, and you don't need to avoid me anymore, as I said, I want to talk to you about genetic diseases."

Chi Kane still hung his head, twisting the hem of the skirt with his right hand.

Chi Feichi waited for a while, and then took the initiative to say, "You didn't intend to give birth to me back then."

Chi Kanai looked up in surprise, stared at Shang Chi Feichi's calm eyes, stared at the burning scented candle on the table, the smile in his eyes that used to be smiling was gone, full of pain and struggle, "I, I just ..."

"It's just that I had a disagreement with my father between losing the child and seeing the child live in pain." Chi Feichi withdrew his gaze, "Because of a genetic disease?"

Chi Kanai looked at the scented candles in the room, his eyes were a little lost, "I... have four brothers, but I have never met my eldest brother. The second brother is many years older than me... To be precise, he is older than me At the age of 15, he is a very stable person who can take good care of his younger siblings and dismiss those who come to make trouble. Although sometimes he suddenly loses control of his emotions and becomes very irritable, he always avoids other people and goes by himself Vent, for as long as I can remember, he's been like the man of the family, can take it all..."

"When I was very young, I admired the second brother the most, but I liked the third brother the most. The third brother liked to laugh very much. He would make me happy, accompany me to check-ups, and train with me...that is, training with blindfolded eyes. Stairs, eating, walking, I am most afraid of the fourth brother, because he is always wrapped in a black robe, silent, standing behind me gloomyly and staring at me..."

Feichi crawled from the door onto the sofa and listened quietly.

Feimo also arrived at some time, and put the two bright red roses in his mouth on the window sill, and found that the atmosphere was not right, so he didn't bother.

"I'm afraid of him, I've been..." Chi Kane lowered his head, a drop of tears hit the white dress, which was quickly absorbed by the fabric, and he slowed down, trying to maintain a peaceful tone, "Until I was four years old , I ran to the yard to play by myself, and fell into the water. The second brother and mother went out that day, and the third brother was still chasing me down from upstairs. I hugged him, I was so scared and cried, I accidentally tore off the black robe he was wearing, but he still didn't say anything. When I got to the room, I found that the back of his hands, neck, and side face that were exposed outside were all bruised. Blisters, it looks horrible but I just feel sad...”

"From that day on, I found out that the reason why my fourth brother has been secretly staring at me from behind is because he really wants to hug me, but his face looks like an old man, the rash will recur, and there are scars all over his body, he is afraid of being scared." When it comes to me, you dare not approach me..."

"The third brother is blind. He took the training I did since childhood, just to prevent me from being blind one day. Even if he is blind, he can go up and down the stairs very well, and he can hold me accurately. Get up, he is so powerful, but that day I made him fall down when he was driven downstairs..."

"Second brother can't stay in the sun for too long. When the sun's rays are very bright, he can't help crying..."

Chi Feichi took a piece of paper, hugged Chi Kanai's trembling shoulders, and lowered his head to gently wipe away the tears that were streaming down Chi Kanai's face.

It was the first time he heard her mother talk about his uncle.

"I heard the second brother and the third brother quarreling. The second brother said that he hated our mother, not...it was resentment," Chi Kanai lowered his head and sobbed, "He said, our mother shouldn't have given birth to us one by one ...I didn't understand at the time, and I didn't know what they said afterwards, because the fourth brother found me outside the door and took me away."

"But the second brother still loves our mother very much. Sometimes he gets angry at her, but he is very awkward to help our mother deal with the piles of documents that look big. When someone speaks bad things about our mother, He is also the most angry..."

"The third brother still likes to laugh so much except when he quarreled with the second brother. He likes to tease the second brother for being awkward. Then he quarreled with the second brother. The third brother smiled and comforted me. The family spent a lot of money and found a lot of good things. Doctors, researchers, dedicated to our problems, we'll all be fine..."

"As for the fourth brother, he still doesn't say anything, doesn't let me see his face, and still likes to stand quietly behind me and look at me, so I try my best to tease him, try my best to see his face, He never got angry, but I never succeeded, I really won't be afraid, no matter what he is, I won't be afraid..."

"When I was six years old, my family was very happy," Chi Kanai said with a wry smile, "Because I was not blind, at my birthday party that year, my 20-year-old brother... my second brother, he When he met the girl he liked, he didn't dare to go forward. Why... He is obviously so good, but he said that sometimes he can't control his emotions. He can't guarantee that the future children will be like him, He gave up, we encouraged him to give it a try, he was still hesitant, but in the second year, the kitchen caught fire, he directed the servants to leave, but he didn't come out again..."

"The third brother hasn't laughed for a long time, but within half a year, he started laughing again. He took over the work of the second brother, began to receive guests at home, and began to arrange the lives of my fourth brother and me. Brother also started to help..."

"When I was nine years old, my fourth brother passed away. The skin on his body began to fester, and the liver also had problems. When he was lying on the hospital bed, I went to see him every day and watched him suffer. Watching him suffer..."

"It was also during that time that the person who quarreled with my mother changed from the second brother to the third brother, but the third brother is the same as the second brother, he would feel guilty and apologize to his mother if he said too much..."

"On the day of my fourth brother's funeral, my third brother also had an accident. Before he jumped off the stairs, he didn't smile again. For the first time, his face was so crazy and terrible, and he yelled at everyone hysterically, 'There is no hope, There is no way to get rid of this terrible curse. I watched my elder brother die, I watched my younger brother die, and I am afraid that one day I will see my little sister die too... No, no, I am blind, what am I? I can’t even see them, I can’t even look at their faces for the last time!’, but, it was him who encouraged us all the time before…”

"It was also from that day that I lost all my brothers..."

"In fact, my mother is very kind to us. She can cook, read books with us, and play with us. At night, she always looks at each room to see if we are asleep, but I also don't understand. Why did she give birth to us all..."

"I took over everything from my older brothers. I imitated them, receiving guests and arranging the servants at home. I studied hard and didn't let anyone worry about it. I would also be like the second and third brothers. I always quarrel with my mother, I love her, but I also hate her, and love her even more."

"I hate those people who hurt her even more by talking in secret. Those people always hurt her with my brothers' affairs, saying that she is a witch, and that this is a curse. My father has no room to speak. Those people They don't give him room to speak, and they always block him by saying that he is an outsider." Chi Kanai lowered his head, tears kept streaming, but gritted his teeth, "They told us over and over again what was in our family's heart. Open up the wound, sprinkle salt, and hope to see my father and mother flinch and be weak, and then pounce on us and tear us apart! I told myself over and over again, I can’t be sick, even if I am sick, I have to drag those guys to be buried with me !"

"But you married my father later, and you came to Japan with him, and you didn't care about the family anymore," Chi Feichi asked softly, "Did you give up at that time?"

"When your father proposed marriage, I told him that I would not have children. He replied yes. I asked him. He is the only son in the family and has no children. What about the family property? He said that he could find someone else to inherit it. "Chi Kanai leaned on Chi Feichi's shoulder, still staring at the candle, "At that time, I suddenly felt that I shouldn't worry about those things anymore, as my parents expected, to have a husband who loves me and a happy life. Family, go and see them when you have time, I am starting to learn to be a Japanese wife..."

The contraceptive methods back then had been very advanced, but Ike Shinosuke did not agree with Ike Kana to undergo surgery, because there were still many cases of infection or physical discomfort.

After two years of contraception, there was a sudden mistake and a small life was born.

Chi Kanai has had a psychological shadow on the 'bloodline' since she was a child. No one is more reluctant than her to have this child born. She wants to kill the child, but Chi Shinosuke disagrees.

This is the initial contradiction.

"But you were reluctant, so you compromised." Chi Feichi said.

"I was reluctant, but I didn't know whether I should keep you, so I was persuaded by him," Chi Kanai lowered his eyes, remembering the throbbing and joy in his heart when he took over that little life for the first time , nostalgic and a little sad, "Then you were born, a boy with purple eyes like me, I was afraid every day, I didn't know if I should tell you everything, should I take you to do that since childhood This kind of training of doing things blindfolded, I think I can hide it from it..."

"I don't need that kind of training." Chi Feichi held Chi Ganai's shoulders and said softly, "My eyes are fine."

"Yeah, your eyes are fine, but your eyes are fine... your second uncle, your fourth uncle, they live in more pain, they can't live like normal people," Chi Kanai's voice gradually increased, "you one day As I grew up, I became more and more afraid. If you found that one day you suddenly became different from other children, would you be sad? If one day you had to lie in a hospital bed, would you hate yourself for being born? If ...If one day...you meet a girl you like, how should I tell you?"

Chi Feichi remained silent, letting Chi Jianai vent his emotions.

"Tell you, the blood in your body may one day cause you to contract some incurable disease, and your child may also do the same? The girl you like may not accept you because of this, and you even have to do it Struggling to make a choice between fathers! Do you want to love your mother while hating her? What do you want me to do..." Chi Jianai suddenly pushed Chi Feichi away, stood up and stared at Chi Feichi, his eyes were terribly red, Tears flowed down her cheeks, "it was a mistake to have you born, maybe you should have been born in a normal family instead of me! Why don't you hate me? I'm just an irresponsible mother! A mother who left you alone, Don't care about your mother at all! You..."

Chi Feichi got up and hugged Chi Kanai gently, with complicated emotions.

On the outside, his mother is so decent, she is the head of the Field Group, an excellent and perfect female representative.

In the past few years... Even after he crossed over, she was always so gentle, she didn't convey any negative emotions to him or the original consciousness, and she didn't even want him to see the dark side of the mall, and she supported him in choosing a veterinarian. Well, any other occupation is fine, just live a simple and happy life.

But she was afraid to stay with her child, and hoped that he would hate her, hope that the family relationship would be weak, so that each other would not be so painful, but how could she be happy without the child?

The fragments he found in his memory, Chi Kanai's complex and guilty look in that moment, appeared more than once.

The original consciousness body, including when he first transmigrated, felt that it was because he was busy with his career and ignored the guilt of the child. It was a "sudden discovery of conscience", and he never saw how heavy the guilt was.

The mother who is always gentle and decent in memory has been living in the quagmire of pain, entanglement, contradiction, and pain.

In other words, people with the same bloodline are struggling in pain, his grandmother, his uncles, his mother... It really seems like a curse.