Dysfunctional - An Assassin's Guide to Reincarnating in Another World

A week had passed since my return.

The day after I reunited with Persia, I headed for the Adventurer Academy. I needed to report the aftermath of that day, and I wanted to get it over with. I met with the Headmaster, who led me to the royal castle, where I proceeded to explain everything to the king and everyone else present.

The final explosion, the Zombie extermination, the details I'd learnt regarding The Valaque Empire, their Tier hierarchical and ranking system, and about Karma.

I'd have preferred to keep my new power a secret, but I had no choice, I had to make it clear just how powerful a Karma user is. I could barely land a scratch on even the lowest ranked of the six of them, after all, so I can't afford to keep them in the dark about this.

I was asked if it would be possible to replicate that safely, but I responded no, at least not as far as I know. I explained that I had only survived thanks to my Healing Factor, pain threshold, and the idea to use a Mana Orb to contain it. I also pointed out the low success rate, as only six of them had survived out of hundreds of test subjects.

I found out that they'd held funerals for Instructor Trocuelo and the others who had succumbed to the Zombies.

The Goldway citizens who had managed to get away had been given citizenships and Identification Cards in the Rustlands. A few of them included Adventurers, two of the S-Ranks. One of which was Einn Olbaw, the guy I'd fought in the exhibition match.

Once I was done reporting everything I knew, I headed back, making sure to replenish my needle and throwing knives supply, as well as buying some new clothes since I had lost so many outfits since the Goldway Quest began. I found myself a black tracksuit, which I was pretty thrilled with, it was really comfortable.

After that, I ended up running into a few other familiar faces here and there.

First off, I met up with the rest of year one's Group D. That night went a little something like this...

"Hey, Az! Good to see you, man!" I greeted, as we all met up at the bar where I used to work.

I walked into the room we'd booked with Persia, the other three were already there.

"Kuro, glad you're alive. Good to see you too," He responded with a small wave.

"You've really opened up a lot, Azyl. A few months ago, I couldn't even imagine you saying more than two words to another person, and look at you now," Remarked Key, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, I see...I don't know how to respond to that," He replied with a shrug, after a brief silence.

We all ordered food and drinks, as the night went underway.

"So, lemme get dis straight...you really walked all the way back?" Asked Rai, slightly tipsy after having a beer.

I was drinking too, but I was letting my Healing Factor do its thing, so I wasn't getting inebriated.

"Yeah, I did. I suppose having a bike or something would have been nice, it was so boring," I mused, shuddering as I recalled the last month.

"Wait, what did you eat and drink? We had canned food and Water Magic, but you didn't," Inquired Azyl, putting down his empty beer mug.

We had all drank about the same amount so far, and after me, he looked the least drunk. Guess he could really hold his liquor, huh.

"Yeah, I'm wondering about that too, you didn't tell me," Added Persia, with a slight slur, before it looked like she had a realization and added, "...wait, don't tell me that you...ate yourself?"

...okay, she was way off-base.

"Oh, man...I'm sorry, dude, I shouldn't have pried. Uh, no judgment or anything...I mean, you h-had to, to survive, I'm sure anyone in your position-."

...I should clear up this misunderstanding.

"Jesus, of course I didn't eat my own flesh! I found natural springs inside the caves for water...as for food, I fried and ate lizards, alright?" I reluctantly admitted.

Whatever...the truth was better than letting them assume I had survived by cannibalizing myself.

"Woah, really...what did they taste like?" Inquired Key curiously, her face slightly flushed as she let out a hiccup.

Okay, they didn't appear to be too grossed out or anything...well, when compared to eating yourself, I guess lizards don't sound nearly as bad.

"Sorta like chicken, but with a different texture and consistency, and a slightly stronger flavor. No lie, they were actually kinda tasty."

"Ohh, I know right! I survived on those things before I got to the Rustlands, they tasted great!" Exclaimed Persia, before finishing her current drink.

Oh, right...since she had wandered from Goldway to the Rustlands, she must have gone through the same area. The road between the two had no detours or forks in the road, unless you count cave entrances, I guess.

It was a long, winding road, closed in by tall rocky slopes and cliffs, and so long as you stick to the road, getting lost is pretty much impossible, though the monotony of the sights can drive you crazy.

Still, it was especially amazing when I considered that she must have come up against all those monsters as a ten or eleven year old...if I remember right, she mentioned that she had snuck rides by clinging to the undersides of passing carts and carriages.

"Why 'ou look so serious?" She hiccuped, flicking my forehead.

She was pretty drunk...I should probably stop her from drinking any more tonight.

"Oh, just lost in thought, that's all. Also, I think you've had enough to drink, Cat Girl," I ruffled her hair playfully.

"Hehe...yes, pet me more," She giggled, sighing contentedly.

On second thought...drunk Persia was adorable. Besides, what was the harm?

"You two are really dialin' up the PDA these days, huh?" Laughed Rai, before coughing as he choked on his drink.

"Iss better than their usual akkward blushing routine," Hiccuped Key, before adding, "Oh, I almost forgot...you're the only one who didn't say happy birthday to..."

She yawned and seemed to forget what she was about to say.

"Huh? Is it someone's birthday today?"

"Oh, I think she means my last birthday...I turned 17 on the 28th of July, last month- ow!" Explained Rai, his slur getting more pronounced as he bit his tongue at the end.

"Oh, then...uh, happy belated birthday, I guess."

"Thanks, dude!"

"Just for future reference, when's everyone else's birthday's? I only know Persia's."

"Wait...you remember mine? I don't even remember mentioning it," She slurred, trying to think back

It had briefly come up when she admitted how she got me the Black Steel blades she gave me for my birthday, I asked her when her birthday was afterwards.

"The 2nd of December, right?"

"Yay...Kuro remembers my birthday!" She hiccuped happily, letting out a giggle as her chin bumped into the table.

"I'm...22nd...October," Added Key with a stifled yawn, while looking half-asleep.

"3rd of October," Said Azyl, also looking sleepy, but, well...that was just his natural expression.

"Let's have one more round of drinks!" Declared Rai, raising his empty mug.

"Uh, I don't think that's...," I began, trailing off as the others all agreed.

Well, I guess it's fine...it had been well over a month and a half since all of Group D had been in the same place at the same time, so I suppose letting them cut loose was alright once in a while...

Anyway, long story short...by the end of the night, I found myself having to carry Persia's unconscious, snoring body back to her house, as the other three painstakingly dragged themselves home too.

I was nervous about having to explain what was going on to Persia's parents, but just like before, they were surprisingly understanding and open-minded about it.

I dropped her off and then headed back to the inn, letting out a yawn. Thanks to my Healing Factor, I was stone-cold sober...but that had still been pretty tiring...

...

...

The next day was Sunday, and while I hadn't planned on meeting anyone, I ended up running into Vi and Fuo while buying a Light Crystal and a Cooling Crystal for my room.

Yeah, my stay in Goldway had spoilt me a bit, a lamp and mechanical fan just weren't cutting it for me anymore.

They looked surprised to see me, staring wide-eyed with open mouths, before eventually greeting me.

Fuo awkwardly thanked me for saving her, apologizing for nearly mentally breaking down while we'd been running.

"Don't worry about it, I can't exactly blame you for that, given the situation we were in."

"How did you surviv-?" Vi began to ask.

"In a nutshell, I was able to partially heal myself from the Zombie bites. The whole story is kinda too long to explain all over again...I reported everything to the castle yesterday, and since they didn't tell me not to tell anyone, they'll probably make the information public soon. But just so you know though, the Zombies are all gone."

...

...

As Monday arrived, I returned to Academy classes, where I was told to make copies of all the notes I'd missed.

Which were a lot, by the way, with enough words to fill a novel.

Well, it could be worse, at least they aren't making me repeat the year or something, considering how much I missed.

The amount of attention I received was uncomfortable though...most of my other classmates kept staring back at me, and since I was sitting at the end of the class, I could see every single glance that came my way.

Well, I guess it was to be expected, considering that I had been assumed dead for about a month.

During the lunch break, as I stood up to get some blood flow into my legs, Lamasa accidentally bumped into me.

"Watch where you're standing!" She snapped flipping her hair over her shoulder, which was dyed an obnoxious purple as usual.

Ugh, this bitch again.

"Sureee, after all, you can't help if it you're too clumsy to evade a person who's standing perfectly still, right?" I replied dryly, in an obviously patronizing tone.

"You...! Tch, you should have just stayed dead, freak-."

She was cut off as a blast of wind shot between her and I, and a pair of metal claws pressed up against her neck, a drop of blood trickling down as one of the claws nicked her skin.

"I dare you to say that again, bitch," Persia growled slowly, her voice trembling with anger.

A voice then cut through the tensions, startling all of us.

"It's so much livelier now that you're back!" Said the voice, walking up next to me and leaning against my shoulder.

"Oh, it's you. Get off me, Featherhead," I sighed exasperatedly.

"Hey, back off, Birdbrain!" Persia tugged my other arm, pulling me towards her and holding on tight, her boobs sandwiching my bicep.

Hehe, this was kinda nice.

Anyway, this little dispute lasted the entire break, not ending till Instructor Tabbs walked in for the start of the next session.

The rest of the week went by pretty uneventfully. During my free time over the week, I took it easy.

I made a ton of money after selling the gems and crystals I'd collected while on the way back, at the Adventurer Guild. So, I could afford to take it easy for one thing...but mainly because I wanted to take a break, just like I had planned.

I did buy a new set of battle gear and some small weapons, but those were just so that I could get everything I needed to do out of the way and focus on relaxing without any worries. I stuffed them under my floorboards and that was that.

I had more than enough action while in Goldway and on the way back, so I'm going to laze around for a while. Well, I did a take a Quest in the forest area the other day, but that was only because I wanted to restock on my supply of weed, which was crucial for relaxation.

Other than that, I had been pretty idle.

It was Saturday again now, and I was walking back to the inn with a paper bag filled with my morning's breakfast. I reached it and walked in, spotting the manager huddled over something in the corner. I walked over to see what was going on.

It was the inn's brown-furred cat, with a small kitten huddled next to her.

I often petted the cat whenever I saw her, but I had never seen this kitten before. It had black fur with three white stripes on the top of its head.

It looked a couple of months old.

"What's going on, old man?" I asked curiously.

"This little one showed up here this morning, she doesn't seem used to the streets like a normal stray, so I'm assuming that someone abandoned her. I don't suppose you could keep her in your room, Mr Kuro? If not permanently, at least for a while, perhaps until you can find someone to take care of her. I feel bad just leaving the poor thing, but I can't take care of her myself, I've already got my hands full with managing the inn and one cat."

I don't know...I've never had to take care of a pet before. But...I do like cats, and this kitten was really cute.

Ah, screw it...why not?

"Er...well, I guess I'll take care of her for the time being. Do you have an empty box or something I can use as a litterbox?"

And so, I took the little kitten up to my room, set down a sand-filled cardboard box in the corner by the bathroom, and placed down a couple of bowls, one with water and one with some food, scraps of egg sandwich that I tore up from my breakfast.

She ate the food hungrily before lapping up the water. She then slowly walked over to me, cautiously sniffing my foot.

I carefully reached down, making sure not to spook her, and gently scratched the bottom of her chin. As I did, she began purring and rolled onto her back.

"Aw, you're pretty cute, uh...what should I name you?" I wondered, brainstorming some options.

I dangled a strap over her while I considered a bunch of names, as she playfully swatted at the end of the strap.

Oh, how about...!

"Mini-Persia! No...Persia II, maybe? Or how about Persia Jr.?" I mulled, failing to notice the door behind me opening, "No wait...Persia 2.0! Mm...no, it's close but it doesn't quite work-."

"Ahem!...what are you doing, Kuro?" Came a voice from behind me, startling me.

Huh, wha-!?

Okay, maybe I'm being a bit too relaxed. I quickly turned around to reply.

"Oh, uh...hey, Persia! Um...how long have you been there?" I asked sheepishly, as she had an annoyed, strained smile on her face.

"Long enough...you have an awful naming sense."

I mean...she wasn't wrong, my first and last names were both the same word, just in different languages.

"I don't see the problem, I'm just going for a variation of my favorite name...ooh, what do you think of Persia: The Sequel?"

"Absolutely not!"

"Fine, then...you come up with something."

"Huh, me? Um...let's see," She considered, as she reached down and petted the kitten, "It is pretty cute...hey, you said that Kuro means black, right?"

"Let me stop you right there...first off this kitten is female, but either way...what kind of owner gives their pet the same name as their own?"

"Hmm, fair point. Oh, what if we combine our names?"

"Hey, that might work. Let's see...Kursia? Persiro? Kurosia? No, those sound kinda...gaudy. Hm...what about Pero...hey, I think that might work. Alright, Pero it is!" I decided, settling on that.

"It's a good thing I got here when I did...who knows what you might have ended up naming the poor little thing if I hadn't shown up."

"Well, I'm not gonna lie...I'm still kinda leaning towards Mini-Persia, but I guess this works too. So, uh...not that I'm not glad to see you, but what brings you here this early? I thought you were coming over later...wanna get high?" I inquired, lifting the floorboard under which I had hidden some weed buds.

"Oh, that's right, I came here for a reason! Er, well...yes, I do want to get high, but it'll have to wait. One of the Rustlands' S-Ranked Adventurers wants to meet you."

"Huh? Why?"

"Well, after we all got back and the news of what had happened spread, the Adventurer Guild and Academy decided to implement a system where Adventurers should regularly interact with and advise Student Adventurers, to improve the future generation of Adventurers, or something along those lines. Things have calmed down since you reported the elimination of the Zombies, but they're keeping that system going anyway. We even had a few extra sessions during classes, held by S and A-Ranked Adventurers. I think there's a couple more scheduled next week too. Anyway, one of them wants to meet you, she's the second-placed S-Rank of the Rustlands. We all met her a couple of weeks ago, and I happened to run in to her this morning, she heard about your report to the castle and asked me if I could bring you to meet her. She specializes in Spell Scrolls, so I guess she wanted to ask you more about the unusual types you saw used in Goldway," She explained.

"Ugh, seriously...what a pain, I don't wanna!" I groaned, flopping onto the bed on my front.

"Come on...let's go!" She pulled my arm, "What is it that you're always saying...oh, that's right, 'might as well get it over with'...so come on, let's get it over with!"

"You make a compelling argument, girlfriend of mine...but I counter with another 'I don't wanna'."

She stared at me exasperation for a moment, before speaking up.

"Alright, boyfriend of mine...how about this...," She leaned in and whispered, "If you go with me right now, once we're back...you can do...Whatever. You. Want...to me. 'Kay?"

Okay, that was an actually compelling argument.

"...'kay."

A few minutes later, we headed out, as she led me to the way.

"By the way, my parents are leaving on a business trip to Bronztan this afternoon, they're exporting and selling some goods there, so I'll have the house to myself for a couple of weeks. I did ask to go with them because I was worried, but they insisted that I couldn't miss any more classes, and that they'd be fine since they had hired A-Ranked Adventurers as bodyguards. Plus, the relationship between the Rustlands and Bronztan isn't a bad one, they may not be our official allies, but they've never been hostile towards us either. As far as I know, we've never had any conflicts or strife with them. Still, I can't help being worried."

"I'm sure they'll be fine...try not to worry too much, I'm sure they wouldn't want that. Uh, I'm sorry...I'm not great with advice or knowing what to say in situations like this," I admittedly sheepishly.

"I know, you're so awkward and adorable!" She giggled, kissing me on the cheek.

"D-don't call me adorable," I grumbled, as my heart skipped a beat.

As we began to near our destination, she turned to me with a serious look.

"Hey, when we get there, be polite and respectful, alright? This woman is kinda...well, let's just say that she holds herself in very high regard."

Seriously? Ugh, I hate dealing with that type.

"Oh, boy...those kind of people are the worst, and I always get the urge to antagonize them because they just annoy me. That's not an urge that's easy to resist."

"Please resist it. And especially make sure not to comment on her appearance!"

Huh? What, was she deformed or disabled or something? Give me some credit, I might be blunt at times, but I'm not that insensitive...I think.

"Uh, sure...doesn't that go without saying, and besides, I don't think I've ever commented on someone's appearance before...well, except for the times I call you cute and whatnot."

"Just please don't say anything unnecessary."

...

...

We soon arrived outside an apartment building, we entered it and she led me to the door numbered 11. She knocked on the door and waited for a bit, before we heard footsteps approaching and the door opened.

"Come in," Came a soft voice, as I followed in after Persia, "Welcome, it is good to see you again, Miss Persia. And this must be the boy who apparently returned from the dead?"

Huh, where was that voice coming from, I couldn't see anyone in front of me. I looked down, and before I could stop myself...

"Huh, a little kid?" I blurted out, staring at the person in front of us.

"Hey!" Persia whispered sharply, elbowing my side.

The girl appeared to be around twelve years old, with dark blonde hair tied in twintails. She was really short, and had an angry glare on her face. She had...fangs? No, the way they curved looked more like elephant tusks. She also had a gray tail with a bit of fur at the tip.

"Excuse me? I am the number two S-Ranked Adventurer of the Rustlands, Elina Fenegus, and the greatest master of Spell Scroll creation and use in the nation, perhaps even the entire world...and I am thirty years old!"

No way...a real-life legal loli?

"Huh, for real? Seriously? Wow, I didn't even see you when I walked in, you're so short. But it's not just the height, it's your kiddie face too...are you sure you're not twelve or thirteen?" I wondered, before realizing that I was talking out loud.

Persia had buried her face in her palms.

The kid- uh, or I guess...the woman, Elina, pulled out a scroll and pointed it at me.

Huh, what was she-?

My body suddenly froze on the spot, unable to move a muscle.

What the-?

She had paralyzed me, but...the scroll hadn't been touching me, so how?

"R-remote activation? No way," I strained to say.

Damn it...I couldn't move so much as a finger.

"Oh, not quite. I heard about the long distance activations employed by the Magic Research- or rather, The Valaque Empire. This isn't quite that, at least...not yet, anyway. I've been attempting to figure out how to replicate that effect, but so far, the maximum distance I can activate a Spell Scroll from its target is five meters. Now then...," She said, walking over to a drawer and opening it, shuffling through the scrolls inside.

"Hey...a little help here!?" I whispered through my teeth to Persia.

She wouldn't abandon me...right?

"I warned you, idiot," She muttered back with an exasperated sigh, before averting her gaze.

Damn, that's cold...I had just been abandoned.

"I don't take kindly to being insulted. Ah, found them! A while back, I was trying to figure out how to create a Spell Scroll that could make it easier to remember something you had forgotten. It didn't quite work since it was a bit too vague, but...I did end up with some rather...interesting accidental side effects from the failed prototypes...," Said Elina, pulling out several Spell Scrolls.

Okay, I'm really getting a bad feeling about this...

I extracted ten percent Karma and strained to free myself as hard as I could, a few black sparks burst out, but it was no use...I couldn't break free.

"Interesting, so this is the effect that Dark Magic, informally known as Karma, has on Lightning Magic. Now, then...let me explain what I'm about to do," She said, pulling out a blank Spell Scroll and rapidly filling it out, her hand moving so fast that all I could see was a blur, "Using multiple Spell Scrolls in tandem can help create and cast highly complex, detailed spells, though it is a seldom used technique. Most Spell Scroll users prefer to use just one scroll per spell, but the level of complexity you can add to a spell is limited with just a single scroll. Using multiple scrolls in tandem, if done right, can have some truly incredible results. Alright...that should do it. You should feel honored, I just created an original spell, especially for you."

She had finished filling out hundreds, maybe thousands, of command lines inside the scroll within a couple of minutes. She then rolled it shut, before picking up a few of the other Spell Scrolls she'd taken out.

She then walked over to my still-paralyzed body with five scrolls in her hand, including the new one she'd just created.

"Unless my entries were wrong, which they almost certainly aren't, activating these five scrolls on you will have quite an interesting effect," She smiled coldly, pressing the scrolls against my abdomen, "The effects will last for ten hours...your body will be rewinded to five years younger, as will your memories. Every two hours, you'll grow by one year, both your body and memories. At the end of the ten hours, you'll be back to normal. Don't worry, you will remember everything that happens in those ten hours after it is over. This is what you get for addressing me as a child!"

Oh, no...thanks to my reincarnation, the age of my memories and age of my body weren't in sync.

Damn it, this paralysis was ridiculously powerful, I couldn't do a thing like this!

She activated the scrolls one by one, stepping back and watching me with a satisfied and haughty smirk as I felt my body begin to shrink and my head started feeling unclear and foggy.

"Damn you...you stupid, sadistic...legal loli," I managed to spit out, before everything went black as my time began to rewind....

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