Dysfunctional - An Assassin's Guide to Reincarnating in Another World

"Okay, wow...you weren't lying, this is damn good," I remarked, as I took a bite of one of the many desserts on the table.

"Holy crap, I can't believe that I've never thought of this before...I can taste multiple desserts at the same time, this is the absolute best!" Kilzachs sighed contently, as he and his clones scarfed down a ton of various different desserts at the same time.

"I think I'm gonna get quite the sugar high by the time we're done here," Grinned Belia, a couple of streaks of chocolate sauce around her mouth.

"There are some pretty good desserts in our world now too, but I've never had any sweets as good as these," Added Persia, wolfing down ice cream with pieces of brownie sandwiching it.

I reached for one of those brownie ice cream sandwiches as well, my eyes widening as I took a bite. Oh, wow, that's so good! The brownie is so soft and slightly chewy, with small sugary crunches inside it.

And the ice cream, it's a rich vanilla with a delightful caramel ripple to it, along with a few small chunks of crunchy caramel bits inside it, it's so freaking good!

"It's not often you have a meal consisting solely of desserts, actually, this might be the first time I've had this many in one sitting," Laughed Mitchell wryly.

"Huh? Seriously, you've never done this before? Gotta say, you're missing out," Responded Kilzachs with a shake of his head.

"Wait, how many times have you done this, exactly?" Inquired Seila in bemusement.

"Hm? Let's see...usually about once a month, occasionally maybe a couple of times a month, I guess," He replied, after mulling it over.

"Wow, sounds like you've got one hell of a sweet tooth. You know, I can probably use a spell to get rid of your taste for sweets," Offered Belia with a smirk.

"What? Hell no!" He protested indignantly without hesitation.

"Instead of that, why don't you use a spell on yourself to make you less impulsive and idiotic?" Suggested Az dryly, as he bit into a slice of red velvet cake with chocolate frosting.

"Hey!" Protested Belia indignantly.

"I think I'm close to done here," Sighed Katie, covering her mouth as she stifled a burp.

"What, already? Come on, we're just getting started here," Grinned Suri in response.

"Yeah, that's for sure, I'm still just warming up," Nodded Kilzachs in agreement.

"Easy for you to say, you're eating with three bodies," Pointed out Katie dryly.

"I'm just surprised that this clone this isn't against store policy or anything," I chimed in wryly.

"That'd be dumb, it's not like doing this changes the bill, after all. Well, not that there will be one, I'm kinda like a mascot for this place, so it's all you can eat for free," Declared Kilzachs, as he took out a card.

He did mention that he's done an ad for them, guess his endorsement must have been highly profitable for them if they're willing to offer a lifetime supply of free food to him.

I could probably implement something similar in Abyss, but I don't really need to. I've literally got a full treasury's worth of money at my disposal, so I don't need anything for free.

Well, whatever, I'll just focus on the present for right now, because these desserts are seriously amazing! Like this thing I'm trying right now, a churro shaped like a spoon, along with a chocolate dip.

And inside the churro was a rich, dark chocolate cream blended with cinnamon sugar, it's so good! Then there were these bite-sized crepe pockets, which consisted of half a strawberry coated in chocolate and then wrapped in a small crepe.

"Alright, I think the warmup's almost over...time to get serious!" Exclaimed Kilzachs with a gleam in his eyes.

He really does have quite the sweet tooth, doesn't he?

...

...

"I think I'm about to burst," Groaned Az, rubbing his stomach.

"I definitely ate way too much," Added Persia in agreement.

"Really? I could keep going if I wanted to, but I suppose I'm pretty satisfied with this," Mused Belia in response.

"It's almost impressive...I mean, I tapped out ages ago," Sighed Katie in bemusement.

"I...I don't think I can move...," Muttered Suri, staring up the ceiling with a slight heave.

"You're dead to me if you puke it out, no one wastes such premium desserts in front of me," Kilzachs warned her wryly.

"No fair, you had an advantage thanks to your clones," She grumbled in response.

"I can't believe we really ate all that, it was so much food," I sighed wistfully.

Towards the end, I had no choice but to form a couple of clones of my own, there was just no way I could finish my share of what was left by myself.

"You guys could totally win eating contents with ease, what with those clones of yours," Mused Mitchell.

"They would probably get disqualified though," Pointed out Seila.

"They could simply argue that there aren't any rules in place banning clones. It'll work at least once," Countered Mitchell objectively.

This argument is kinda pointless, huh...

"Anyway, now what? I've been thinking, and we should probably go back to our world by the end of the day. There haven't been any problems so far, but staying for too long in a world we don't belong in could have some consequences," I remarked with a sigh.

"Oh, that's too bad. In that case, let's make the most of the rest of the day," Suggested Kilzachs with a grin.

"Sure, sounds good," I nodded with a thumbs up.

"Hey, about that consequences thing, you might be onto something," Belia responded telepathically, Az and Persia also included in the telepathic link, "A being similar to Samsara contacted me this morning, and gave us a warning that we shouldn't change anything in this world.

So far, we're good, but they also demanded that we erase any evidence of our presence here before we leave. So I'll have to use a spell to erase everyone's memories of us, and also some mind control to have someone delete all recorded footage of us."

"...you tell us that now, you idiot?" I sighed in exasperation through the telepathic link.

"Hey! Anyway, do we do as that being demanded, or just ignore them?" She responded.

"Are you seriously actually considering crossing them?" Groaned Az incredulously.

"Yeah, we're not doing that. The war against not-God was hell, I'm not going through that shit again. Let's leave tonight, and before we go, you erase everyone's memories of us and have someone delete all the footage of us that their drones recorded," I replied, before speaking out loud, "So, where to next?"

"Oh, I know, how about that weed café? Do you guys smoke up?" Inquired Mitchell with a grin.

"Hell yeah, we do," I nodded affirmatively.

"Awesome! In that case, let's go get baked," He responded enthusiastically, before turning to Kilzachs, "What do you say?"

"Sure, sounds good," He replied.

Not long after that, we got up and headed out, making our way to the weed café Mitchell had mentioned. I wonder if they have any strains that aren't in our world...guess I'll find out soon enough. If there are, maybe I'll buy some seeds to take back with us.

As we arrived at the cafe and headed inside, before we were shown to a private room with couches, a table and a TV screen. It was pleasantly air conditioned and dimly lit, and had a relaxing feel to it.

Mitchell took care of placing the order, and while we got some drinks, we didn't get any snacks, none of us had any room left for any more food. It's not often that I'm this stuffed, even with increasing my metabolism using my Healing Factor.

I don't want to overdo it though, I'll end up needing to go to the bathroom in no time if I do. And I want to relax and chill when stoned, don't want the hassle of having to do anything while I'm high.

"You guys get stoned often in your world?" Inquired Mitchell curiously.

"Ohh, yeah, big time," Grinned Belia with a nod.

"That's for sure, it's pretty much our go-to when we have some downtime or want to relax," Added Persia wryly.

"I definitely prefer it over alcohol or any other intoxicant," Chimed in Az.

"What about you guys, you smoke up often?" I asked them.

"Nah, it's pretty occasional for us, like on birthdays or holidays," Replied Kilzachs with a shrug.

"Yeah, things have been pretty hectic over the last year or so, so any downtime we get doesn't last long these days," Sighed Suri wistfully.

"Which means that we should enjoy ourselves when we can," Declared Mitchell with a grin, right as the door opened and a waiter entered with our order, a huge pile of joints and a couple of bottles of fizzy drinks.

Yeah, this'll be a nice way to conclude this trip of ours to another world...

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