Two nights ago, I had dinner with my friends after a long absence.
But I found that after not seeing each other for a while, I became completely out of place.
How should I put it, I just realized that everyone is not in the same circle.
My social circle has almost disappeared, and there are no other recreational activities other than coding every day.
But they were talking about work, girls, marriage, house and children.
Yes, in the blink of an eye, everyone has known each other for eleven years.
The teenagers who were fifteen or sixteen years old at the time are now all married and established businesses, married wives and had children.
It’s just me, still living a numb life alone.
Watching them chatting about their salary of 3,000 a month, their 30-year mortgage, and their complaints about their spouse.
I suddenly felt a kind of fear.
Is my future… the same?
With 3,000 yuan a month, marry a wife that I may not like, have a child, and then live the rest of my life in this small city with a heavy mortgage.
This may be the life of most people.
At the end, let me sigh again: “Ordinary is a blessing.”
Is it true that being ordinary is a blessing? Or because of resignation?
I looked through QQ and the phone book of my mobile phone, only to find that I have lost contact with my classmates and friends from elementary school and junior high school. These are the only friends I have left now.
And now. . . We are also drifting away.
At the beginning, it was agreed that when we were 60 years old, we would find a nursing home to continue bragging and fucking together, but now it seems that it is just a distant dream.
Back home, tonight my parents in their fifties still went out to work on the night shift.
Sitting alone in front of the computer in the bedroom, a random piece of “Half Life” by Ashin came to me. For some reason, the words on the computer suddenly became blurred.
In the quiet late night, leaning on a chair, lighting a cigarette, my thoughts returned to more than 20 years ago for some reason.
That was the starting point of twenty-seven years of no success in my memory.
Later, my mother and my grandma said more than once that it was only five minutes before people from all over the country would celebrate my birthday together.
That’s right, my birth was only five minutes away from New Year’s Day.
It was 11:55 pm on December 31, 1992, the eighth day of the twelfth lunar month.
According to my grandma and my mother, at the beginning because my mother was in too much pain, she received a birth-inducing injection, and I fell to the ground five minutes earlier.
But I don’t have the slightest impression (laughs).
The earliest thing in my memory is about four years old.
At that time, the kindergarten held a program, and our class was going to perform the little yellow duck dance. The teacher asked the whole class to wear yellow clothes that day.
I don’t.
Because there is no money.
In the past, all I wore were old clothes that the two cousins above couldn’t wear.
That was also the first time I went shopping for clothes.
I don’t know how much it is, anyway, it’s summer, it’s a thin layer.
On the day of the performance, looking at the gorgeous new clothes of my classmates, I didn’t feel anything. After all, I was only four years old and I didn’t know what comparison is (laughs).
At that time, I didn’t think there was anything wrong at home.
At that time, our family lived in the marshalling station, which was a row of small two-story buildings. Each household had one room and no living room. The cooking was outside the house, and the toilet was outside the building of the marshalling station.
That place is close to the railway, and the road is rough and broken without street lights.
Every night after dinner at my grandma’s house, the three of us would go home on my dad’s motorcycle under the stars.
At that time, I was sitting in the middle of the motorcycle, with my face pressed against my dad’s back, and my mother was sitting behind and hugging me.
Although the wind is strong, I have never felt it.
With the bumps on the rugged path, the half-hour journey probably belonged to my happiness at that time.
I have been in poor health since I was a child. I took traditional Chinese medicine and other medicines as food. There must be three days of each month because of high fever and I had to get injections.
A distended stomach will cause a high fever, and a sore throat will cause a high fever.
In short, everything will turn into tonsil suppuration and high fever.
So in the third grade, my family took me for tonsil surgery.
Since then, I seldom get sick.
That’s right, my tonsils were cut out, and now I’m actually a man with an incomplete body (funny).
Why do you say this? Because when I was in fourth grade the next day, SARS broke out.
How should I put it, I don’t know if this is God’s will.
If I hadn’t had this operation, I guess it would have been gone.
after. . . In the fourth grade, my original head teacher, the young teacher who took over our class as soon as he graduated at the age of 22, became pregnant, so our head teacher changed.
(One of my blind date last year was my elementary school. I asked my teacher, and she said that my Chinese teacher is now the head of the Chinese team or the dean.
I also added the WeChat account of my Chinese teacher, but there is nothing more to say, because I said I was a student in the class of 99, the first class you taught, but she had already forgotten. )
At that time, I saw a book at my cousin’s house.
“ASD”
Chu Tiange, Cong Rong, Ye Feng, Mai Yunjie, Gai Shiai, and the little brother from Hanguo, who plays drums, what’s their English name? I forgot.
I like that book very much, and through this book, I became friends with a girl in the class (at that time, men and women in the class had a feeling of opposition, children, I think it’s embarrassing for you to be a boy to play with girls, And when you meet a little girl you like, you will deliberately annoy her).
After that, I went to junior high school.I should have told the story before.
I thought there would be no intersection since then, but our junior high school is in another school (actually, we already know that we are in the same school, because they are all children of workers. The students in that junior high school are basically the children of workers in the factory, but I don’t know which class. .)
How did they get mixed up again? . .
I have a deep memory.
It was an inter-class exercise after two classes in the morning. After the inter-class exercise, all the students in the school would be asked by the head teacher to run around the playground twice.
It was summer, and I was running slowly, chatting about basketball and games with two or three friends.
She suddenly slapped me on the back.
It really hurts. . .
I turned around and saw her surprised face.
“Wang Chuan (pseudonym)?! What class are you in?”
I am in Class 17, and she is in Class 6.
So logically, the two of us got mixed up again.
But it’s just buddies.
until that day.
In the first and second grades of junior high school, we lived in the school. That night, we sneaked over the wall to go out to buy food. When we came back, the dormitory teacher patrolled us. We hid in a small grove behind the playground.
Maybe it’s nervousness, maybe it’s something else.
We held hands together.
Later, maybe the teacher left and we relaxed, or maybe it was because of her ignorant age of twelve or thirteen, her cheeks were flushed at the time, and I guess it might be the same.
Then the two of us kissed each other.
It’s just simple lips touching lips.
At that time, I just felt my heart pounding. After the kiss, the two of us just looked at each other and smiled.
so. . . Maybe even together?
Later… There is no later.
In the third day of junior high school, I went to commuting and had heavy schoolwork. For some reason, I stopped contacting.
Until now, more than ten years later, when I was typing, she notified me on QQ that I was going to get married, and sent me mass invitations.
I just found out that our QQ friends have always been there, but they have never been deleted.
Last time I chatted with her on QQ. . . It’s been 2007.
Of course, I also started reading novels at this time. Strictly speaking, it was the summer vacation of the sixth grade.
At that time, next to junior high school was the Hope Book Club, which was the one that bought a library card for 36 yuan, and then borrowed a book for 10.20 cents a day.
It is full of pirated online novels of green skins.
At that time, I remembered that there were more than 20 volumes in “Starting from Zero”. I thought it was long enough, but I didn’t expect it to be finished a few years ago (laughs).
I started reading many books from there.
Later, I got a computer that my cousin knocked out, and that broken computer couldn’t play games, so I became obsessed with fan fiction.
It wasn’t because I started watching anime at that time, but because Qidian’s anime fan novels were all free and not on the shelves. Everyone used love to generate electricity, and I despised the genuine ones.
At that time the most. . . It is a fan fiction of anime such as Hokage, Shinigami, Gundam SEED, and Magic Teacher.
Among them, there are especially many Naruto and Gundam SEED.
This can be regarded as the beginning of the pit where I entered the starting point.
I remember that the domain name of the starting point was CMFU or CFMU at that time.
The one I remember most clearly is called “Legend of Sword and Spirit”. The protagonists are the sons of Nangong Huang and Wen Hui. There are two heroines, Zhao Linger, and the other is the daughter of Xingxuan and Wang Pengxu.
Then because of reading novels, my grades plummeted, and my family cut off my library card (although I secretly applied for another one later).
Later, I saw a martial arts book from my uncle, “Fenghuajian Xueyuedao”.
I was very impressed, so in this book, Ding Yi also played tricks.
After that, I went to high school in such a daze.
When everyone was studying hard in high school, there was a girl who was bluffing in the class.
She is really cute and lively.
Under the thin school uniform, Linglong has a budding youthful body. To be honest, it is hard not to be tempted.
But it’s just a heartbeat.
We had a good relationship at that time, perhaps because of our tablemate relationship.
At that time, we were joking and laughing. But after all, there is no story between a man and a woman, maybe because the friends she usually plays with are all the punks in the class.
So I arrived in the second year of high school without any surprises.
One weekend night, I went out for a night run.
That day I saw her squatting outside under the street lamp crying, so I went to ask her what was wrong.
She raised her head, her teary-eyed little face looked pitiful under the dim streetlights.
To be honest, I was really moved at that time.
She said that she had a quarrel with a difficult friend, and then she wanted to drink and talk to me.
I sat with her on the barbecue stall, watching her drink, vomit and cry, and the eyes of the diners next to her made me really feel like I was sitting on pins and needles.
Later she was drunk, and I took her home behind my back.
The youthful body lay on my back, which made people feel a little distracted.
Then, her hoarse voice sounded in my ears: “He doesn’t want me anymore…”
Me: “Yes.”
She said, “He doesn’t want me anymore, you want me, okay?”
My heart became cold, and so did my blood.
Just like that, he sent her home in silence all the way.
Her father looked at me like he was looking at a thief.
I didn’t say anything, bowed, turned around and ran home.
Later… Later theyThe two reconciled, she still joked with me every day, and I responded to her with a smile.
Smiling and smiling, I went to university with a smile like that.
I went to a junior college.
Friends in the university and dormitory all talked about love, and everyone happily fell in love, played games, and played basketball every day.
Only me, still alone.
Is it true that no one likes me?
Maybe there are, after all, with my handsome appearance, it’s not too difficult to find a girlfriend.
A girl from the same class, a senior from the first class.
They were joking: “Wang Chuan, you don’t have a girlfriend, why don’t we make do with it?”
I smiled and said, “Okay, okay.”
Then everyone laughed and laughed and took it as a joke, because my expression didn’t look real.
The friends in the dormitory laughed at me: “You can’t be gay, are you?”
I was also giggling: “Then remember to wash your buttocks at night and wait for my luck.”
Then everyone laughed.
Maybe it’s because of boredom, maybe it’s because of following the crowd.
I later accepted a girl’s confession.
But is that love?
I have no idea.
We just eat together, go to class together, and go to the library together.
Maybe just looking for a companion to chat with when you’re bored? Maybe so.
She is about to graduate, and she wants me to go to her city.
I refused.
On the day of graduation, she cried and hugged me and wanted to stay out with me at night, which is commonly known as having a room with me.
I still refused.
I sent her back to the dormitory and said to her, “I can’t harm you.”
Do I love her? Maybe not.
She didn’t say anything.
Later, I was blocked, and from then on, I was separated forever and never saw each other again.
This is also the best ending. In the future, she will meet someone she likes, get married, have children, and give herself to him without regret.
It’s good to think about it.
After graduation, my first job was in a company run by my cousin and classmates.
It’s a company, but it’s a studio with only a few people.
My salary is 1,000 a month, and 1,500 after three months of internship.
But I only took 3,000 yuan in the first five months.
Because the company was being renovated at the time, the boss gave everyone a long vacation.
Only I didn’t, because I have to go to the site to supervise the work every day.
Then she said it wasn’t work.
I didn’t say anything, maybe because I was young.
I have worked for almost two years.
I remember that it was the last day before the end of the New Year’s holiday in 2015. She called me and said she wanted to drink with me.
I said it’s already ten o’clock, and I’m going to work tomorrow, so I should go to bed.
She said that she and her boyfriend were already downstairs at my house.
I went down, and the two of them drove me to his house with a bundle of beer.
While drinking, they said they trusted me the most, and they would give me a raise when I got to work.
I said yes.
I thought to myself at the time, as long as I have 2000, I will work with you for the rest of my life.
I had a meeting at work the next day, and my salary was raised from 1500 to 1300.
She said that 200 yuan will be deducted every month, and then every three months, that is, the first quarter, she will send me an extra 600 yuan at one time.
I didn’t say anything, and left my job in the afternoon.
In the evening, she scolded me in the circle of friends, saying that I am a white-eyed wolf, how much she trusts me and wants to train me.
Ha, what boss doesn’t like fools who don’t want money and work hard?
Later, I went to learn from whom.
It is the company that Chen Xiangdong, the former executive president of New Oriental, came out to start his own business. It is an online teaching platform.
I am the Luoyang branch responsible for taking promotional photos and videos for teachers, educational institutions and schools.
2,500 a month, five social insurances and one housing fund deducted (this is the only job I have paid five social insurances and one housing fund), and I get 2039.
At this time, I met two colleagues, two female colleagues who were one year younger than me and joined the company a few months later.
I like the first colleague very much. I took her to learn some principles of society and the workplace.
We get along day and night.
I ride an electric bike to take her home every day.
Then one night, I said, “Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow?”
She shook her head: “Tomorrow my boyfriend is graduating and coming to Luoyang. I’m going to watch a movie with him.”
I smiled and waved my hands.
I wish you happiness.
The second girl is 1.72 meters tall, with a big grin and cute rabbit teeth.
She likes to play LOL.
I like it too, so the two of us became good friends in the company.
It just developed slowly. I also watched movies and went shopping.
I think it’s time.
I said, what do you think of me?
She said, you are a good friend and a senior in the workplace.
She said that she just graduated now, and she doesn’t want to fall in love, she wants to do a good job first.
I nodded, you are right.
In the second month, she posted a photo in her circle of friends. In a car, she and the person in the driver’s seat intertwined: “The rest of my life is up to you, I am very happy.”
Later, after I resigned, I heard that the two of them broke up.
I hope she can find someone better.
After that, I didn’t bother again.
Then I embarked on the road of blind date.
Along the way, the blind date has been more than two years.
There have been more than ten blind dates one after another.
Even some of the 17-year blind dates are married and have children, and I am still alone.
Among them, five or six times, the other party wanted to try to develop it.
But I am introverted and indifferent, that’s allLet it go.
Until I met a junior high school teacher.
She said to me: “Wang Chuan, you never opened your heart at all, you just wrapped yourself in the wall you built, sitting alone in the middle, even if someone wants to open the wall, you will open the wall Make it up, and continue to sit in the middle alone. The cheerfulness and optimism you show are just masks you wear.”
After she left, I was speechless.
Looking back and thinking about it, it seems to be true.
In the past, I always thought: Falling in love is for getting married. If you can’t give the other party a good material life, then there’s no need to delay them.
Is this responsible… or inferiority?
In the past, I was in a daze, not knowing what I was after.
With a monthly salary of more than 2,000 yuan, I can get by.
Until that day, I didn’t really understand anything.
That day, I accompanied my classmates to Wangfujing to buy clothes.
It seems to be H2 or the brand, I don’t know.
He bought two clothes and one pair of trousers, a total of 2,800 yuan.
Seeing me stand aside bored, he found a shirt with half sleeves for me to try.
After putting it on, it is indeed very close to the body, and the material is very comfortable to wear.
My heart is moved.
Then I asked about the price, 600 yuan.
It was almost half a month’s wages when I didn’t eat or drink.
I waved my hand and said it was not good-looking, forget it.
At that time, I only had 700 yuan in my card, and I didn’t carry a penny on me.
The classmate said to put it on for me first.
I refused.
The shopping guide girl didn’t say anything, and there were no mocking words or eyes.
She just smiled, took the clothes in my hand and hung them up.
Just like me, am I qualified to fall in love?
Then I wrote novels.
Maybe I can live a better life only if I immerse myself in the dreams I wove.
There are always a lot of people talking about starting a business.
This is like a series of ladders going up.
Most people will fall with wounds all over them. They lick their wounds, give up, and turn around to go home.
But I don’t have that qualification.
I turned my head, but when I looked back, there was only darkness.
My parents are now persuaded to leave by the factory, and they are still working as security guards and dormitory supervisors for others at a very old age. They work three shifts a day just for the 1,700 yuan.
They are for me.
So I want to code words, so that I can escape into the dreams I weave, if I can support myself without contacting the outside world. . . that would be nice.
It is said that most comedians are lonely in their hearts.
Maybe it’s the same for me who writes light-hearted novels.
If one day, I can support myself by writing novels, I won’t have to let my parents continue to work hard.
Can a girl break the wall I built…
I also hope to travel, to many, many places.
To fulfill many, many dreams, but the gap between reality and dreams is too fragmented.
For me like this, making money is the only purpose now, so this book is also my only hope now.
If you can,
As far as possible, I will try my best to update without letting the excitement and plot of this book interfere, because you are the only sticking force right now.
So, if everyone thinks the writing is okay, they must give…at least one
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