Fantasy Clock～Dream Ruler～

In the season when the sun returns to the roots, coolness and sultriness alternately dominate the city. Worrying about what to wear, people took to the streets, smiling at their acquaintances.

The baked part of the breakfast bread was late; many subways were shut down due to the failure caused by the bombing attack; missing step.

In the eyes of Sato Kazuhiko, the corridor between the room and the entrance in the apartment is an insurmountable distance. He walked to a mirror and tried hard to smile at himself opposite the mirror, but the smile gradually changed.

The corners of the mouth curled down and twitched uncontrollably, it was a smile uglier than crying.

"depression". It was the monotonous word that could ruin his life.

Others don't see that he has moments like this because he's an out-and-out extrovert who always draws a laugh.

Introverted people are prone to depression, and extroverted people can get out of the haze if they let it go. This is the inherent concept of people, so when they hear extroverts talk, they will easily ignore their despair.

Extroverts only need a simple reassurance to cheer up and erase the pain of the past; extroverts are synonymous with facing life positively, and they are absolutely impossible to do stupid things.

If extroverts go to a dead end, they will betray the common sense of the world, and the admiration for extroverts will also fall.

Therefore, only Kazuhiko Sato knew that he had signs of depression.

For example, tears will always slide down my cheeks inadvertently, and once I cry, I can't stop it.

For example, he always imagined that on the day of his funeral, no one was present, and he was buried alone.

For example, after he hangs up the rope, he thinks that he can bear it for another day, and maybe everything will be better if he endures it for another day.

The self opposite the mirror was wearing a suit that he would never wear normally. He simply stopped smiling and pushed open the door of the apartment, but the corners of his mouth still wanted to twitch unnaturally. This was his occupational disease.

Kazuhiko Sato took a detour and boarded the tram that was not in service, leaning against the door, looking out the window at the passing scenery.

Due to the outage of the line, the traffic was temporarily paralyzed to a certain extent. Private cars were crowded on the road, and the criss-crossing streets were bustling with pedestrians.

blue sky. In the sunny season of late autumn, it is spotless.

The clear sky is like an endless calm blue sea.

In such a pleasant weather, there are many things that make people unhappy.

The sunny weather has become an unintentional mockery of the sky.

It took two hours to transfer to multiple subways in this noisy city, and finally arrived at the destination.

Who told me to see a psychiatrist in the first place?

I can't remember, it seems that my seniors asked me to go, but there seems to be another person before this.

Sato looked at the building in front of him that made him almost shrink back and turned to run away, recalling the senior who liked to joke the most, when he suggested him, he showed a serious expression that he had never had before, and his suggestion to the senior , suddenly froze the smile.

Entering the clinic, he followed the instructions from the front desk and entered a room. Although the middle-aged doctor in front of him comforted him, he still hesitated, clenched his fists, unwilling to explain the situation more clearly, and always had reservations.

It wasn't until Sato realized that the other party's gaze didn't hold strong expectations, and that Sato wouldn't cause disappointment to others if she made a wrong step, did she finally muster up the courage to tell her situation.

"I think I have depression."

Even though his emotions became more and more intense, even if the color in his eyes faded, his tone was still stubborn and refused to waver.

"Life is bitter and mean, and I am lonely and hopeless."

The doctor showed a gentle smile, and didn't feel disgusted by his attitude, but only encouraged him, which made him breathe a sigh of relief from the long-term tense state.

Although he couldn't remember when he started to have this whole picture, Sato felt that he could finally break free from the smile against his will. As long as you can really smile, everything will be good again.

"Well then. There is a well-known clown in the city, you go to him and try first, he will definitely make you happy."

The doctor's tone was calm and gentle, but he didn't know that he touched the weakest nerve of the other party, and Sato Kazuhiko's slightly improved eyes became dim again.

"But doctor..."

He howled sadly, desperately suppressing the grief in his heart, and only then made his articulation clearer. The tears suddenly burst, and the teardrops hit the back of his hand drop by drop.

"I am that clown."

Desperation was finally beyond words, and all defenses were completely dismantled.

The doctor, who had always maintained an expression that would not change no matter what happened, suddenly flashed a look of astonishment.

This doctor, who felt that he had rich experience and absolute confidence, also fell into a situation where he couldn't answer for a while.

"I no longer have the courage to put on the mask of a clown and entertain others."

Sato clearly understood this matter, so he was extremely frightened, so he trembled desperately.

He has lost his reason to continue living.

I have endured long enough, endured day after day, today should be the end of everything.

The doctor wanted to make up for his mistake, and tried his best to comfort Sato, whose thoughts were running amok, but the clown didn't listen to a single word from the other party, stubbornly thinking about which way to die would be easier. It would be better if the spectators in the circus city could be left in deep thought, dumbfounded.

He was contemplating seriously, tears still welling out of his eyes.

Now he is not only unable to create happiness, but even began to try to mass-produce sadness.

All along, he has tried his best to respond to the tourists who come to him, expecting him to bring him happiness. But he found that he couldn't make people smile sincerely every time.

He saw blatant disappointment and false laughter in order to echo.

He also tried to ignore the disappointed stares.

However, he knew better than anyone else that the mask of disappointment and hypocrisy had deeply hurt his soul.

Under such impulsive and emotional thoughts, it would not be fair for him to make any choice.

Even so, he chose the ending he wanted.

In an air that freezes everything, he resolves to put on the clown mask one last time for his final performance.

Sato Kazuhiko swallowed hard, staring at the bottom of the building like an abyss.

Standing at this height and jumping down, there is no doubt that you will die.

In this way, punish those who blindly seek happiness from themselves.

With such completely distorted thoughts in mind, Sato turned around slowly, turned his back to the guardrail on the roof, and tilted his head back.

Suspended life is not the ending he wants. For him, death is inevitable. He looked at the sky dominated by the falling night with dim eyes, and remained motionless. The night sky without stars is very suitable for myself who has lost the meaning of existence now.

downstairs.

The curly-haired boy who rushed over without taking off his costume was looking at the roof. The movement of raising his head made the back of his neck sore, which proved the height of the roof.

Watanabe Feng didn't know why, obviously he could list this matter as irrelevant, obviously Sato Kazuhiko's death was not the result he didn't want to see, but this time he yelled in his heart and ran into the building in one go entrance.

He rushed up with the awareness that maybe it would be too late to witness him jumping down.

no way! I won't let you just jump off like this.

How can you die so easily?

Watanabe Feng was looking for a clumsy excuse for his uncharacteristic actions, towards the edge of the roof, where the railing was, he quickly rushed over, his arms met with a real sense of reality, he stopped the decision to go straight down man.

Panting hard, Watanabe Kaede took off the mask on Sato's face, and threw it downstairs fiercely, as if this would make her vent her hatred. Watanabe Feng laughed at his own thoughts with a wry smile.

"Senior, you..."

Before Sato could finish speaking, Watanabe slammed his fist hard on the opponent's face. The force was so fierce that he was bloodstained in an instant.

"You don't need to be obsessed with this, right? If you don't want to be a clown, give up this path and go to another path!"

Once upon a time, I also... used to have only this meaning of existence.

Maybe, I just wanted to punch this man who looked exactly like my former self.

My actions were only out of anger.

Sato Kazuhiko looked at the red-eyed senior in front of him, and choked up for a moment. The sadness in his heart made him both feel sad and sincerely thankful that someone stopped him. I hesitated for several days before making the decision to kill myself, and was stopped by the senior just like that.

"Playing a clown in front of others, weeping in secret behind others"

This is the conclusion drawn by seniors who have been in this industry for several years.

All the extroverted loner, who tries to do something stupid without anyone realizing it, and even his friends are told afterwards, finds it unreal, faces the irony in disbelief, Against betrayed common sense.

"How can someone as outgoing as you think of doing such a stupid thing?"

Watanabe Kaede clearly remembered that when he was lost, his friends had stared at him blankly and said so. Watanabe Kaede, who suddenly realized something, was determined to make some changes from that day on, no matter it was a good change or a bad change.

The two of them stared at the night sky silently on the rooftop, and had no intention of leaving for a long time.

By now, both of them had lost the courage to jump down from upstairs.

"Senior, you said you found a new meaning of existence, is it acting?"

Watanabe Feng smiled and shook his head left and right.

"That's just a new way of living. As for the new meaning of living..."

He didn't go on, just answered with silence. He didn't want to tell Sato that the Dominator's game was his new meaning of existence.

If Sato Kazuhiko also easily denied the significance of what he did, he would be hit hard. The disappointment might deprive him of the right to struggle again. He will think of his betrayal, he will think of the dramatic scene that day.

A week after Kaede Watanabe cut his wrists as a means of suicide, Kaede Watanabe was invited to the colorful dream world by a strange man. That man obviously had other purposes, but Watanabe Kaede found the meaning of his existence in the dream world.

He has been at a loss and doesn't know how to change, but he found an opportunity to change. That's enough.

As for Sato Kazuhiko...

Between dreams and reality, people will definitely believe in the real world in which they live. Even if they say how much they hate the inequality in this world, they must be dismissive of the world of dreams. Watanabe Kaede thinks Sato Kazuhiko is no exception.

"Senior! I want to know, senior will find meaningful things, maybe I can too."

Just as Kaede Watanabe fell into his own hard thinking, Sato seemed to see the mind of his senior.

"No matter how ridiculous it is, I will definitely accept it."

Watanabe Kaede didn't expect Kazuhiko Sato to be so persistent, nor did he think that people who once lost their desire to live would be more likely to believe in things that go against their own cognition. He forgot that he had been through it too.

In the end, Kazuhiko Sato also took this world as the meaning of his existence.