Football Modifier

Crazy Li is back!

Under the round-the-clock surveillance of England's great and all-pervasive super paparazzi system, almost all England fans knew the news before the sultry man's right foot even had time to step out of the London International Airport...

On Li Tongfan's way back to Newcastle, thousands of paparazzi followed him all the way, just like the endless zombie siege in Resident Evil, all over the railways and highways and other places where Crazy Li might appear, anytime and anywhere. Monitoring and reporting around the clock on every detail of Crazy Li’s return——

"...The Sun has a mysterious report for you: At 10:15 in the morning, Madman Li sneaked out of London Airport alone in disguise and met Alan Shearer who had been waiting at the airport..."

"...Here is the Observer's exclusive revelation: At 12:24 noon, Crazy Lee and Shearer dined at a motel near the No. 3 gas station in Merdessey. Crazy Lee ate three fried onion rings with a high fat content... …”

"...According to an urgent report from a reporter from The Times: Crazy Lee did not make any eye contact with Alan Shearer when he got in the car. The relationship between the former Newcastle's "best partner" is suspected to have broken down..."

"...Mirror Secret Report: At 13:55 in the afternoon, Madman Li got off the bus and urinated in the wind without any sense of ethics on the side of the highway..."

"..."

The news about Li Tongfan's return to Newcastle is like a lively stage play being broadcast live on global satellites. Everything on the way, no matter how big or small, is meticulously displayed and vividly displayed in front of many gossips, men and women and some people with ulterior motives...

If Lao Li knew that even his glorious deeds of secretly getting out of the car to pee, which he couldn't hold back anymore, had made the headlines on the website of "The Sun" and been picked up by many influential media outlets, he would probably be frightened. Like the gay Aunt Zhou Botong in "Ashes of Time", she retracted her peeing...

The vast and endless broadcast followed Li Tongfan's car into Newcastle.

Finally, at 14:30 in the afternoon, Li Tongfan and his entourage entered the Rigberton training base at lightning speed. Old Sean, the dedicated gatekeeper, showed his power and blocked all the paparazzi from the barbed wire fence. Old Li Only then did we avoid the human tragedy of Boo Boo being exposed again...

…

In the next three days, reports about Crazy Li suddenly disappeared.

Since Crazy Li entered Newcastle's training base, reporters have tried their best to disguise themselves as weeders, collect heating bills, gas bills, etc., and tried every means to sneak into the base, but they have not been able to capture any clues about Crazy Li...

Compared with the vigorous reports that followed him all the way three days ago, Madman Li in these three days was like a fart that was put into the wind by a nameless homeless man. He stunk for a while, just for a while. After that, it quickly disappeared...

Crazy Li...what the hell is this guy doing in large numbers?

Thinking with lingering fear of all the "human tragedies" this Chinese lunatic has caused in major stadiums in the past, many people in Europe have raised such questions.

"...Manchester United is first in the standings. No one can take away the glory of the Red Devils. The final trophy belongs to Old Trafford, there is no doubt about it!"

Mr. Ferguson's speech on the official website seems to be full of confidence, but after careful consideration, it feels a bit lacking in confidence.

Everyone in the five major leagues knows that whether it is home or away, the invincible Ferguson has never defeated Crazy Lee's team. This has become a well-known problem for the old Scotsman, and some people even speculated. The reason why Ferguson has not retired is not because he wants another Champions League as he said, but because he wants to have a chance to defeat Madman Li once!

"...Crazy Li is back, so the 'chaos' of the Premier League is about to end, because the tyrant from China is about to resume his iron-blooded rule in Great Britain!"

This is the comment made by England's traditional football TV program "Green Green".

Wenger said: "Arsenal still has a chance, but the arrival of Crazy Lee made me and the players feel the pressure..."

Benitez said: "I ended Newcastle's complete victory. It's a pity that Crazy Lee was not there at that time, and now, maybe we will have a chance to meet again in the League Cup final. Liverpool and I are excited about the next meeting... …”

Hiddink said: "The reason why I chose to coach Chelsea on a temporary basis is because here I can directly talk to the best coaches in the world. Now that he is back, I can't wait..."

Moyes said: "..."

Almost everyone related to football, in the last 72 hours, has been asked countless times by reporters about their opinion on the return of Crazy Li. For a time, in the football world, it seems that this question is the only way to be asked. A symbol of identity and honor, those who were not asked by reporters seemed extremely disappointed...

However, no matter how people discuss it, no matter what happens in the outside world, in the past three days, it was at home that Madman Li didn’t even show his hair and was ‘diving’ all the time...

And many times, the more mysterious things are, the more attention they attract. Fans in the media are curious about Crazy Lee's "evaporation", while those opponents who will face the challenge of Newcastle in the next game are more frightened because of the unknown...

"Really, my life is so hard... Really so hard!"

Uncle Van Basten, the head coach of Ajax and the Dutch version of 'Xianglin Sao', touched his newly shaved head and burst into tears: "Oh God, why did you let that damn lunatic come back at this time instead of earlier or later... My Champions League quarterfinals, my Ajax revival plan... Everything is hanging! ! 55555, no, I want to protest, I want to protest UEFA's schedule!!"

Of course, not everyone is as afraid of being coquettish as Van Basten. Men, there are also those who sacrifice their lives for justice and are fearless——

"...Wow hahaha, Madman Lee is finally back...hahaha, he's back just in time. I can finally prove to the world at St. James that West Bromwich Albion is the team that can beat Madman Lee. One day later, in the second round of the English League Cup semi-final, I will make that madman who seeks attention shyly and coquettishly kneel down in front of my Tony Mobley's Wilder brand handmade trousers and sing "Conquer" with all my heart! Hahaha..."

...

Rigberton training base. Sitting in the largest tactical room in the base, the Hammers watched the West Bromwich Albion coach jumping up and down and issuing a challenge on TV, and all cast their eyes to the same corner...

"Fuck, this guy, he is fucking rebellious..." Li Tongfan was gritting his teeth and roaring: "I have always been the one to tease others, and today someone teased me... If I can't kill you, I will no longer be called Crazy Li!"

The Hammers of the first team were sweating, watching the angry leader on the verge of a rage, and they all made a cross on their chests and began to gloat over Tony Mobley, who was laughing triumphantly on the screen...

...

...

Three days later.

St. James' Park.

"...The game is about to start. Newcastle must score three goals in the next ninety minutes to ensure that they can successfully enter the English League Cup final, because they lost to their opponent West Bromwich Albion 0:2 in the first round!"

In the commentary booth of St. James, unlike the previous few games, today's Cester was like taking a 'little blue pill' and performed extremely vigorously: "But, I believe that three goals are not difficult for the Magpies, because their invincible coach Crazy Lee has returned to the command seat..."

Yes, when seeing that sultry and lustful black figure finally appear in front of the home team's coaching seat, more than 60,000 Newcastle fans in the stands were like old virgins who had been hungry for thousands of years and saw a little wild flower that was stripped naked for anyone to pick. They raised their necks and screamed excitedly...

"...55555, we are so excited, Mr. God, you are finally back!!"

"Victory! Victory!! We need victory!! We can't wait..."

"Lee, let the damn Mobley, kneel down under your Armani windbreaker and lick your toes!!! Don't show mercy, insult him harshly... Oh oh oh!!!"

"..."

Until this time, West Bromwich Albion's head coach Tony Mobley realized that the atmosphere at St. James' Park today seemed different from the past, not very good -

In the stands of St. James' Park, which can accommodate more than 60,000 people, 99.99% of the people are Newcastle fans, and those 500 who had come with him from afar in the morning were very aggressive. More than 100 brave West Brom fans, who didn't know where they were at this time...

At this moment, there were only less than 100 West Bromwich fans in the St. James's stand, and they were trembling in the opponent's ferocious "eye rape", not even daring to fart more than 20 decibels, let alone put up some heartwarming banners and slogans...

"Aw, these damn cowards!!!"

Tony Mobley could only curse fiercely to express his disappointment.

But he didn't know that the 5,000-plus cheering troops he brought with him didn't want to come, but simply couldn't come. At this moment, more than 5,000 people were still blocking the streets in Newcastle city...

...

...

"Fuck, what the hell is wrong with you guys? Get out of the way, we still have to watch the game!!"

On Rose Avenue, a convoy of about 600 West Bromwich fans was blocked less than 1,000 meters away from St. James' Park, like a giant python nailed seven inches, no matter how it struggled, Can't get through...

"Wow, get out of the way? How? Do you have any humanity left? Didn't you see there was a car accident ahead? If you don't believe me, look for yourself. The blood is flowing like free tap water..."

Across from the West Bromwich fans, a bald Newcastle man glared at them, his eyes burning with the 'fire of justice', staring at the West Bromwich fans so hard that they turned their heads away... Then, he turned around carefully and whispered to the young man next to him: "Hey, Newton, do you think this method will work?"

The bus driver, John Newton, beat his chest loudly: "No problem, David, don't worry... The four main roads leading to the stadium are all blocked by us. Some people have been in car accidents and some are pregnant. There are miscarriages, there are middle school students fighting in groups, there are streaking, there are hanging, there are beating children, there are people selling me... Hehe, there are all kinds of accidents, keep these West Brom bastards, no one can enter the stadium. Cheering for that damn clown Tony Mobley..."

"Hero, my admiration for you is like a torrent of rain... Please accept me as your disciple!" The bald man stared at the smiling and lewd John Newton, and suddenly felt the urge to worship him, but at this moment …

In the distant St. James Stadium, which looked like a white palace, there was suddenly a burst of earth-shaking cheers reaching into the sky...

"Holy shit, the game has started!"

John Newton waved his hand triumphantly: "Mission accomplished, call it a day... Hurry, let's retreat, hurry up and watch the game in the bar..."

At this moment, the West Bromwich Albion fans who came from afar were surprised to find that the road that was originally blocked like a sardine can suddenly became clear to those Newcastle people who had car accidents, gave birth to children, and fought. , all disappeared...

However, at this time, they could no longer squeeze into the stadium.

…

…

force--

Michael Owen knocked the football back to Alan Smith behind him, and the stands erupted into cheers like a mountain roaring and a tsunami, like thunder on the ground, rushing in from behind, and the people standing next to the conductor's seat were shocked. Tony Mobley stumbled and almost fell down with a "dog eating shit" posture that was so standard that it could be included in the textbooks...

Mobley was horrified to find that today's St. James suddenly became like the violent Atlantic Ocean, with rough waves, lightning, thunder, and countless times more difficult and dangerous than the previous days...

"Could it be that Crazy Li still has the effect of stimulants?"

Tony Mobley suddenly felt like he was drawing water from fifteen buckets - he was very anxious.

But then I thought again: Hey, I'm not afraid of stimulants. Newcastle's recent decline is faster than the Wall Street stock market. Even opponents like Norwich can play 0:0 in St. James, I Our team is many times better than a no-name team like Norwich. As long as we don’t lose 3:0, how can we say that crazy Li is God descending? Hehe, there is nothing he can do about it...

Thinking of this, Tony Mobley suddenly felt elated. He glanced at the opponent's coaching bench standing not far to his right, and cast a few provocative glances, feeling very pleased with himself...

"...Three minutes into the game, Newcastle had an absolute advantage on the field, but this was not because of how crazy their offense was, but because West Bromwich Albion took the initiative to retreat and opened up the legendary 10 ——0——0’s iron barrel formation defended our penalty area tightly and watertight..."

The commentator, Cester, gave in.

Then, with the most shameless and obscene emphasis, he continued with a weird smile: "Tony Morion had vowed to the sky before the game to defeat Crazy Lee. Now it seems that his so-called solution is to put out the iron bucket." formation, hoping to force a spot in the finals by relying on strict defense and the advantage of two home goals in the first round... Hehe, the iron barrel formation is indeed a problem worldwide, but as far as I know, even many world-class head coaches have When facing Crazy Li, even if you use the iron barrel formation, you will die very ugly... Wow, hahaha! I bet that Mobley will die very ugly..."

Next to him, his old partner Gary Lineker, who was newly married, was sweating and secretly poked Sester, who was in an inexplicable state of excitement: "Hey, pay attention to the commentator's position!"

"Damn, as Crazy Lee's most loyal fan, I've long been unhappy with that damn Mobley, what a bullshit position!" Sester blurted out without thinking.

Lineker: "..."

…

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!"

In the 18th minute of the game, Cester, who had been waiting for a long time, finally caught the opportunity and shouted happily: "Goal blah blah blah!! Finally a goal! Oh oh oh oh, West Brom Vicky's iron barrel formation collapsed in less than eighteen minutes..."

"...Hahahaha, it's Michael Owen again. Every time the team needs to score a goal, Owen will always step forward. He has become another St. James icon after Alan Shearer. figure"

"...This time, the 1.73-meter-tall Irving overwhelmed the 1.89-meter center back Leon Bryant, and incredibly headed Juan Mata's corner kick into the goal... It seemed that only Crazy Li Standing on the sidelines, Newcastle are invincible!"

On the sidelines, Tony Mobb looked earthy inside.

Seeing Michael Irving doing a glider gesture on the court to celebrate his goal, he felt like returning to his mother's womb to "reinvent himself". If the guardrail of the coach's bench wasn't high enough, Mobley would have wanted to take off his belt. Hang yourself on the sidelines...

"What the hell is going on?"

Why was the 'Iron Lock Hengjiang Defense Formation' that he had rehearsed for two weeks so vulnerable?

You must know that Mobley worked hard for this semifinal. Prior to this, West Bromwich Albion had used this 10-0-0 tactic in three consecutive Premier League games. Even before, they challenged Tottenham Hotspur and Aston Villa who were in good form away from home. La, they all gave Martin O'Neal and Juande Ramos a big duck egg...

"...Why don't the mysterious stunts I learned from the mysterious ancient Eastern countries work?" Mobley didn't understand.

"Defense!! Hold on to me...hold on!!"

The earth-colored Tony Mobley looked like a Mexican rabbit whose tail had been stepped on. His red eyes shouted hysterically: "Hold on, ah, ah, we still have a one-goal advantage. In the end, The victory is ours!”

Before he finished speaking, a large number of water bottles, fruit cores and rotten eggs flew down from the stands like bolides. There was a burst of inhumane screams in front of the West Bromwich Albion coaching bench: Ah, the enemy! Attack...Help~~~~~

Li Tongfan almost choked to death when he saw this scene: Damn, Mr. Tony, you are so miserable, so miserable...

However, after Li Tongfan showed some sympathy, he immediately turned around and rushed to the sideline mercilessly, making gestures repeatedly——

attack!

Attack me hard!

Such familiar and obscene offensive gestures are Madman Li's unique signature technique for changing tactics.

Such a familiar gesture makes the hammers on the field blood boil, and they kick the ball one by one as if they are risking their lives. If it were a rugby match on the field now, the opponent would probably disappear on Mars even with the ball...

But today there are people who are even more passionate than the Hammers, and that is the fans in the stands.

"... La la la, there is only one madman in the world, and you are our loser... You are full of courage... You are invincible... Forward! The madman who brought us victory! Forward!! The victorious loser from China!"

The fans in the stands are singing this song with the energy of having sex for the first time.

Although he used to listen to this song dozens of times every game day, which made Li Tongfan's ears calloused, but when he heard this song again at St. James's one month later, Li Tongfan suddenly had a climax. a feeling of……

At this moment, the situation on the field suddenly changed——

Juan Mata sprinted down the right wing of the court with his ball in his hand, and Arshavin rushed down the left wing like lightning. While running back, he held up his cheat ball high and shouted loudly, waving for the ball: "Pass, pass, pass." , this way, this way, this way..."

Juan Mata, who had a "very close connection" with the [Czar], responded with a wink, pushed the ball forward, and then made a big-footed pose...

"Quick, left! Watch the left!"

Tony Mobley screamed miserably as if someone had stabbed him in the anus. West Bromwich Albion's defenders did not dare to neglect at all, and immediately assigned two people to defend Arshavin...

However, who knew that such an honest kid like Mata would learn bad things after following crazy Li for a long time. He actually just made a fake move that was fake and made the West Bromwich Albion defenders lose their minds. Suddenly, the sole of his foot With a sudden rush, an extremely coquettish ball passed by and disappeared in front of West Bromwich Albion right back Karl...

"Idiot, chase me quickly!!"

Seeing that Mata had rushed into his own territory, while Karl was still looking around stupidly for someone, Tony Mobley, who was standing on the sidelines, was so angry that he almost became incontinent...

"Chase?"

How can it be? Juan Mata will tell you what it means to be unable to catch up.

West Bromwich Albion full-back Karl had just had time to turn around, and Mata was already stepping on a Harley motorcycle with a door, roaring into the penalty area. Facing the panicked opponent defenders swarming over, Mata did not Instead of passing the ball, he cut inward laterally and made continuous fake shots...

"Once...twice...three times..."

The whole of St. James is counting the number of fake moves arrogantly and loudly...

Finally, when he took the shot for the fourth time, Mata had already calmly completed the 'cruise' from the right side of the West Bromwich Albion penalty area to the left side like a general reviewing his troops, and then without a trace Hesitantly taking a shot...

Whoosh!

A lob like a flying fairy from heaven! !

The curved trajectory was like a fatal rope swinging under the moonlight, strangling West Bromwich Albion's last hope of luck...

"G——O——A——L~~~~~~~2:0, personal performance from Juan Mata, Spain [Angel Wings] is a magician on the football field, he defeated it alone All opponents!"

"...Although Mata's performance in the previous rounds was not satisfactory, and his equally famous winger Cristiano Ronaldo in the Premier League is replicating the magic of 42 goals last season, but at the critical moment, Crazy Li is back , and Juan Mata’s unparalleled competitive status! Cristiano Ronaldo needs to pay attention, because his opponent is back!”

Courtside.

Tony Mobley was heartbroken.

As soon as the goal was scored, the total score between the two teams became 2:2, and West Bromwich Albion's last advantage had disappeared.

Moreover, this is the home ground of the Magpies. Looking at the wolf-like Newcastle fans in the stands, Mobley feels like a pure little virgin who has stumbled into a bandit's den. No matter how hard he struggles, he can't escape the fate of being turned... …

So, Mobley was about to take out his belt and hang himself on the railing of the commander's seat to avoid being wheeled, but at this moment he desperately discovered that he was wearing sweatpants today without a belt...

"...West Bromwich Albion head coach Tony Mobley unbuttoned his belt on the sidelines with an anxious expression. Is this his unique way of releasing stress? Hahaha, this is big news...during the game Before, he vowed to make Madman Li bow down and sing "Conquer" under his suit pants, but now it seems that it is impossible to achieve... Oh, I'm sorry, I suddenly realized that this guy is wearing sweatpants today..."

[Erotic traitor] Cester is as sarcastic as possible.

Fortunately, he was not the commentator, and Mobley couldn't hear it for the time being.

Otherwise, Mobley, who was so ashamed that he didn't have a belt, would still take off his sweatpants and twist them as a rope to hang himself...

Time passed quickly in rage and confusion.

The first half of the game ended quickly. Newcastle easily took a 2:0 lead thanks to the goals of Owen and Mata, but Tony Mobley's carefully organized "Iron Lock Hengjiang Defensive Formation" was like a group of vain attempts. The monkey who fished the moon out of the water became a pitiful laughing stock...

During the fifteen minutes of half-time, the cheers of St. James's resounded through the sky.

At this time, no one will doubt whether Newcastle can enter the League Cup final, because Crazy Li will solve all doubts and tear apart all difficulties for them.

All the hearts of the ‘magpies’ have already flown to Wembley Stadium. They are imagining the glorious moment when the Magpies defeated their opponents in the final, finally lifted the English League Cup trophy and won the first championship of the 2008-09 season!

And the one who is about to bring them all this is the greatest coach in the history of the club, bar none.

Newcastle people have long been accustomed to the thrilling performance of the Chinese coming down from the sky to turn the tide at the most critical moment. They ushered in the second half of the game while singing loudly!

However, no one expected that Li Tongfan would make substitutions at the beginning of the second half.

The whole place was in an uproar!

Because assistant coach Alan Shearer had made exactly the same substitution not long ago, and at that time, that substitution brought about a humiliating defeat——

Andrei Shevchenko replaces Michael Owen!

Felipe Senderos replaces Steven Taylor!

…

"Wahahahahaha, there's been a substitution, it's such a substitution, Wahaha, I don't have to hang myself... there is hope..."

A lewd laugh came.

The first time West Bromwich Albion head coach Tony Mobley saw the electronic notice board for substitutions put up by the fourth official on the sidelines, he was so excited that he suddenly saw a ball in front of him. Like a client of Viagra, his eyes were glowing red with excitement!

He rushed to the sideline and made tactical arrangements with excitement.

"... Hehe, hey, look here, listen to me... Poliga, Brent, you two give me your full attack on Newcastle's center back position, yes, that's the Swiss white pig... And, that old one The Ukrainian who even lost all his teeth, hey, Olson, you can take care of him alone! Haha..."

Tony Mobley was jumping up and down on the sideline.

"MLGBD," Shevchenko and Senderos, both of whom could understand English, gritted their teeth and thought to themselves: "If you let me break out, if I let you do it, I can't kill you!"

…

…

"What the hell is going on?"

Five minutes later, when Tony Mobley watched the football being sent to his own goal by Crespo again, he felt that there must be smoke coming from his ancestral grave, but it was not green smoke, but unlucky black smoke. …

The risks kept coming round and round, and every time they happened, Newcastle scored a goal!

3:0!

"It's over! It's over..."

West Bromwich Albion manager Tony Mobley is devastated.

He was about to take off his sweatpants and hang himself on the guardrail of the command post, but at this moment, bursts of monkey-like laughter suddenly came from the St. James stands, and they all rushed in like needle pricks. into his ears...

In an instant, Mobley was filled with anger and evil.

He felt like a dog, a dog that was forced into a corner. Since there was no way out, he would bar his teeth and show his sharp teeth, even if his spine and the dog were still broken in the end. Legs must also leave their own teeth marks on the opponent's body...

So, Tony Mobley pointed at Senderos and screamed: "Attack, attack, attack!! Kill him suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, suddenly kill him..."

Just at this time, Shevchenko flew past Mobley's eyes. Mobley, who was in a semi-crazy state, was immediately stimulated again: "Prevent him from death, prevent him from death for me, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ah ah ah ah ah……"

On the other hand, West Bromwich Albion assistant coach Luo Meng couldn't stand it anymore. He found a shoe and covered his face. He reached back from the seat and grabbed the frightened Tony Mobb. Pulled back!

The West Bromwich Albion players on the field began to strictly implement the tactical instructions issued by the head coach in a state of madness...

"...Morrison got the football, and he sprinted with the ball, avoiding Manzianni's defensive area... and rushed towards Senderos like a rampaging tank. He smiled very proudly, because he We know that Senderos, who just came on the field, is the weakness of Newcastle’s defensive system…”

"...He's making a fake move...to the left?...to the right? A dazzling move...Oh, it's almost a direct duel...Manzianni retreated, and he had already started to prepare the 'Big Colander' as usual. Delos is ready to take over..."

"...Morrison's eyes were full of murderous intent... We were about to meet... on a bicycle... Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch, he was broken, he was actually broken... Is it Senderos? It's really Sen. Deros? This is incredible, Morrison was intercepted by Senderos as easily as he was bullying a minor!"

Buzz!

I saw Senderos wearing his red underwear, and suddenly transformed into the world's number one central defender Alessandro Nesta like Superman, using a cross-body pull that was so standard that it could be included in the textbooks. Leeson intercepted the ball at his feet, and even Newcastle fans were shocked...

"Ouch, God, you didn't drink too much today, did you?"

Numerous people have raised such questions. Considering Senderos's previous poor state, how could he achieve such a coquettish blocking position, such an awesome interception of the ball, and such an extremely accurate pass... Hey, this Pass the ball, what?

Before Newcastle fans could even shout out the cheers, they saw Senderos showing his prowess with a coquettish steal, and suddenly his true colors were revealed like a deflated balloon...

Because Senderos passed the ball to West Bromwich Albion left winger Chris Brunt...

"Mistake... Senderos made a mistake!" Cester yelled regretfully.

"Wahahahaha... He made a mistake, ooha, he made a mistake... Did you see that big fat guy like a white pig made a mistake! Kill him suddenly..."

Tony Mobley, who attempted suicide by hanging himself in his sweatpants, raised his neck and let out a sinister and lewd laugh when he saw the scene on the field.

He didn't notice at all that the people around him were covering their faces in shame.

Tony Mobley rushed to the big man like a prostitute who had taken Viagra: "Come up and insert it for me, yes, yes, yes, insert it from there..."

——

Chapter 1 of 9000 words.