From Flower Vase to Film Emperor in Hollywood

What was he like at seventeen?

He remembered that on his birthday that year, his father bought him a skateboard. He tinkered with it at home for a long time, and after convincing himself that he had figured out some tricks, he took the skateboard to school, ready to show off and flaunt his skills.

During a break between classes, he took out his skateboard and glided along the corridor, moving like the wind. His school uniform jacket fluttered in the breeze, and he really made a splash.

Then, he inadvertently caught sight of the girl he had a crush on at the time, and eager to show off his skills, he played a trick with abandon—

He face-planted.

Moreover, the posture was not elegant at all, spread-eagled and in a complete mess.

The hairstyle he had meticulously styled with half a can of hairspray was completely ruined. It wasn't until the end that he realized how embarrassed he already was. At that time, he did a carp jump to stand up and pretended to be okay, quietly leaving, but he found a rustling sound of suppressed laughter around him. Later, he discovered that the crotch of his pants was torn, and a turn exposed everything, which was simply the ultimate humiliation in life.

To make matters worse, the skateboard shattered the glass window of the classroom next door.

However, at that time, he was fearless. After a brief moment of embarrassment, he calmly accepted all the strange looks and admitted that he had failed to show off.

Later, the head teacher of the next class came to question him, and he also bravely admitted his mistake, as a result, the head teacher grabbed his ear and took him to the office to call his parents.

His father came and was severely reprimanded by the head teacher of the next class in a barrage of words.

At that time, how did his father respond?

His father expressed his apology with humility and paid for the repairs with a wave of his hand, but refused to admit the fault of the skateboard. He believed that children should exercise more. Not only should they study, but they should also be physically strong. It would be a bad thing if young people grew up as delicate flowers in a greenhouse.

After a round of heated debate, before the head teacher of the next class was about to roll his eyes, his father took him away, and he didn't attend the remaining classes, grandly declaring:

The child fell badly and needs to go to the hospital for a check-up.

He still remembered the scene of himself holding the skateboard and leaving behind his father, bathed in the envious eyes of the students in the whole grade, everything was so vivid.

After leaving school, his father severely reprimanded him, not because he had caused trouble, but because he was not skilled enough. He ran out to show off with only a smattering of knowledge, and as a result, he failed to show off and became a joke, damaging his own image.

"Does it hurt?"

Later, when he returned to school, he had become a celebrity. There were all kinds of outrageous rumors flying around the school, so outrageous that he didn't even know where to start explaining.

Unexpectedly, he was blessed by misfortune. The girl he had a crush on actually took the initiative to give him a love letter and confess her love, which was even more sensationalized by his group of bad friends in the class. In less than half a day, the whole school already knew about it.

Now that I think about it, those glories, those wanton behaviors, those happinesses have gradually faded away. What remains in my memory are those worries and troubles.

Worried about his father's blame, worried about his mother confiscating the skateboard, worried about losing face in front of the object of his crush, and worried that the school's rumors might make the girl retreat after confessing, worried that the head teacher of the next class might give him trouble, worried that the homework piled up like a mountain after taking two days off would not be finished…

In those days, he could experience many ups and downs in one day, and it seemed that he always had inexhaustible energy and inexhaustible energy.

So, that was youth.

What is he like at twenty-five?

"Mom, remember to bring your documents."

"Mom, there's no need to pack those flower pots. We're not allowed to take them away."

"Mom, we have to leave. This is no longer our home."

A mess, a pile of chicken feathers.

He still remembered the look of astonishment on his mother's face when she learned that her beloved peony could not be taken away. She couldn't understand and kept asking repeatedly, "Isn't it just a pot of flowers? Those are my flowers, why can't I take them away?"

He was not in the mood to comfort his mother.

He needed to be calm, he needed to be rational, because he was now the head of the family.

Everything happened too hastily, they didn't have time to pack their luggage, they only had time to take away their documents and a little emergency private money that their father had secretly hidden in the humidifier, and then they were swept out the door like stray dogs.

They rushed to relatives' houses for refuge, but encountered closed doors one after another. He and his mother walked for a whole afternoon and couldn't find a place to stay.

He knelt at his uncle's door for two hours, but his uncle didn't show up either. His aunt carefully poked her head out from the balcony and dropped a note down.

The note was blank, with five hundred yuan in cash inside.

Looking at the blank note, his mind was in a mess and he had no thoughts at all. Clearly, there were things that needed to be dealt with piled up like a small mountain, but he had no clue where to start.

At that moment, he began to miss those former troubles.

His eyes warmed slightly, but he realized that his mother was next to him, so he hurriedly wiped them away and straightened his back again, he needed to be strong.

Did he resent his father?

In fact, for a long time, he always refused to believe what had happened.

His father in his memory was always tall and stalwart, although strict but also kind. He always looked at himself with focused and expectant eyes.

How could such a father disappear without a trace and then throw them unprepared into the hail of bullets, and then never be heard from again.

When he couldn't sleep at night, he thought about countless possibilities and made countless excuses for his father, even imagining the worst and most terrible possibility, but there was no answer, there was never an answer.

There was no time to be sad and no time to panic. The approaching storm was still waiting, and he was thrown into a war empty-handed. His confusion, his fear, his bewilderment were all not allowed, and in one night, he fell into a huge void. The only thing he could do was to firmly grasp the present—

Focus on today, don't and can't think about tomorrow, let alone the day after tomorrow.

One step, one footprint.

He at seventeen, that was real.

He at twenty-five, that was also real.

But the point is that, whether it's seventeen or twenty-five, everything has long been locked in the depths of memory, refusing to look back, and not daring to look back.

There is no time and no strength. He must firmly grasp today. The power of memory is too strong and too turbulent, and it can easily defeat the strength he has built up with great effort.

Those vivid and bright memories, those dark and hopeless memories, are all the same.

It wasn't until many, many years later that he finally understood the ending of "Spirited Away", why Haku told Chihiro not to look back when she went out.

Because once they look back, the power of the "past" will completely defeat them, and then they will never be able to move forward.

But today, he finally looked back.

He, needed to look back, he believed that he was strong enough to be able to look back.