Guide to traveling through the Northern Song Dynasty

"Bang bang bang..."

The big iron gate of the farmhouse made a clanking noise as it was shot, and the courier boy shouted from outside: "Brother Zhu, your courier! Brother Zhu, Brother Zhu..."

"Come on, come on!"

Ju Ming, who had just finished washing, stretched out and opened the door.

The courier boy was an old acquaintance. He stood on the side of the van, holding the edge of the carton and said, "Brother Zhu, what did you buy? I can't move it alone."

"Then it's time for you to exercise. You can't even lift more than sixty pounds." Ju Ming said with a smile.

The courier boy said: "Only more than sixty kilograms? I think it weighs eighty kilograms...Brother Zhu, the trailer is broken, please help me."

The two men carried the express box and put it down carefully in the yard.

Ju Ming immediately unboxed and inspected the goods, and the courier boy also took out his mobile phone to record the video. This express delivery is highly insured, so I'm not afraid of it being damaged or broken in the process, but I'm afraid of it being replaced with rocks and bricks.

The utility knife cut the transparent tape, and the packaging box was opened layer by layer. Soon some nail plates were exposed. Ju Ming nodded and said: "No problem."

"Then you sign for it." The courier boy also smiled.

After signing for the express delivery, the delivery boy did not leave. He liked to watch the strange things at Ju Ming's place.

Ju Ming is a historical science blogger who makes a living by posting videos to earn traffic, and occasionally accepts advertisements to make extra money. Maybe it's because he's not well-known yet, so the quality of the ads he receives are not high. They are all for electric toothbrushes, self-heating hotpots, mite removal ointments, and the like. He doesn't even receive ads for krypton gold web games.

Of course, there are also live broadcasts occasionally.

Ju Ming took out the shooting equipment and set it up against the express box. After waiting for a while, he found that there were only about a dozen viewers in the live broadcast room - it was too early, and those who stayed up late to cultivate themselves had not yet gotten up.

"Brothers, we have something good today!"

Zhu Ming held up the selfie stick, turned around and pointed both himself and the courier at the camera: "I edited the video last night, and the last issue of this year will be released on time. Before I go home for the New Year, I will start a half-hour live broadcast for my parents. Guys, show me my custom-made Heavenly King Armor...Xiao Hou, help me get the selfie stick."

"Okay!" The courier boy was very positive.

Ju Ming took out two pieces of parts from the box and introduced: "This is the greaves. Is it handsome? The design is based on the Guangmu Tianwang statue of Shanhua Temple in Datong. Let's try it on first."

The greaves are matched with a pair of armored boots.

The main body of the boots is made of cowhide, with bright silver steel plates inlaid on the surface.

Putting on his boots and greaves, Ju Ming jumped on the spot a few times, then walked back and forth, and then performed kicking movements. He commented: "Not bad, not bad, it will not affect the activities, and it is very comfortable to wear."

Ju Ming pulled out the shoulder armor from the box again and asked the courier boy to get closer and take a picture: "Isn't this beast swallowing the shoulder very handsome? When designing the armor, we listed more than ten types of king statues, and I chose the most handsome one. A..."

The parts of the entire set of armor were taken out one by one, and Ju Ming put them on one after another.

All dressed up neatly, the courier boy's eyes were already shining and he said with envy: "Brother Zhu, this thing is quite expensive, isn't it?"

Ju Ming smiled and said: "Eighty thousand."

"Fuck!"

The courier boy immediately complained: "It's really 80,000 yuan, I might as well buy the full set of Honor of Kings skins."

The number of viewers in the live broadcast room has now increased to more than 60 people. Except for a few who praise his handsomeness, the rest of the comments are all gloating about his misfortune.

"Haha, I was cheated. It's worth 20,000 at most."

“80,000 yuan buys a Pinduoduo set, and the anchor’s brain is kicked by a donkey.”

"Making a staff..."

Heavenly King Armor is the armor worn by the Heavenly Kings of the past dynasties. It only exists in temples, paintings, and stone carvings. The shape is indeed powerful and domineering, but it will inevitably look cumbersome when worn on the battlefield. Some of the cool parts are purely redundant.

Ju Ming spent a huge sum of money to customize this set, which really belongs to "Pinduoduo". He copied a little bit of the statue of the Heavenly King from the Tang Dynasty, a little bit from the statue of the Heavenly King from the Song Dynasty, and a little bit more from the statue of the Heavenly King from the Ming Dynasty. The pieces had to be pieced together perfectly, and the design fee for the armor alone cost him 16,000 yuan.

With more than 60 kilograms of Heavenly King Armor on his body, it was difficult for Ju Ming to run.

He went to the workshop, brought a sword and tied it to his waist. He came out with a long gun, stood in the yard and said, "Xiao Hou, go around and shoot me."

The courier boy held up his mobile phone and circled around Ju Ming, and the barrage style in the live broadcast room finally changed.

Let’s not talk about whether it is practical or not, and let’s not talk about whether it is cheated by others. The main reason is that this set of armor is so handsome that it has a 100% chance of turning heads when walking on the street. Just like brand-name bags to women, which man can withstand such armor?

The courier boy encouraged: "Brother Zhu, you are playing two tricks."

Ju Ming immediately waved his spear and made random gestures. While dancing with the spear, he also artificially dubbed: "Ha, ha, ah ah ah ah..."

As I danced, I was out of breath from exhaustion.

"Master UP, I can't do it. I'm too weak. Take Liuwei Dihuang Pills quickly to replenish my body."

"Liuwei Dihuang Pills are useless, I have to take Wuji Baifeng Pills."

"This set of bastard spears is so good that I lost 80,000 yuan of Heavenly King Armor in vain."

"..."

Zhu Ming, who was originally very happy to be cool, immediately turned dark when he saw the barrage and started to attack the fans: "Yang Guo, Yang Guo, do you know? I haven't recovered my strength yet!"

"Baba!"

A horn suddenly sounded outside the iron door. Zhu Ming gasped and went to open the door, only to see a brand new BMW parked at the door.

Zhu Guoxiang opened the door and got out of the car. He raised his hand and adjusted his glasses. Looking at his son's funny dress, he asked with a puzzled expression: "What are you doing?"

Zhu Ming immediately laughed and walked around the BMW twice: "Okay, Dean Zhu, I will change the car as soon as I get promoted."

"Deputy, deputy, not yet the dean." Zhu Guoxiang said with a smile.

Ju Ming asked: "Does this car cost seven to eight hundred thousand?"

Zhu Guoxiang said: "Low price, more than 400,000 yuan. Have you packed up? Quickly pick up your luggage and get in the car."

Ju Ming said goodbye to the audience in the live broadcast room, sealed a red envelope for the courier boy, and went back to the small courtyard where he rented to pack his luggage.

Zhu Guoxiang also helped his son clean up and complained: "What kind of shabby place did you rent? I almost couldn't find it when I turned on the navigation system."

"Cheap and quiet." Ju Ming explained.

Seeing his son moving the armor out, Zhu Guoxiang quickly said, "Why are you bringing this thing?"

Ju Ming said: "80,000 yuan, if I don't take it with me, it will definitely be gone when I come back during the New Year. There are many thieves in this town. I had my computer stolen last time I went home."

"Eighty thousand yuan? Are you crazy?" Zhu Guoxiang was surprised.

Ju Ming patted the sword on his waist: "This sword costs more than 30,000 yuan. It is a customized high-end product."

Zhu Guoxiang scolded: "Playing with things is a waste of one's ambition."

"I didn't spend your money, I earned it myself." Ju Ming said in a calm tone.

Upon hearing this, Zhu Guoxiang became even more angry: "When you wanted to apply for the history department, your mother and I didn't object. You couldn't find a job after graduating from college, so I used my old face to rely on my connections and finally arranged for you to join a state-owned enterprise. Everyone else I have already agreed that I will make you a regular employee after working for three months. How many people are still contract workers their whole life. It would be better for you to leave after working for one month and get paid. If you insist on resigning, you will start some self-media..."

"What's wrong with self-media? I have hundreds of thousands of fans online, and I'm going to have over a million fans soon!" Ju Ming immediately shouted back.

But Zhu Guoxiang said: "How much money have you saved over the past few years? To buy a second-hand shabby Harvard, you actually have to pay in installments!"

Ju Ming said firmly: "A second-hand Harvard is a domestic car. I support domestic products, I am proud, I am proud. If you buy a BMW, you are worshiping foreigners!"

Zhu Guoxiang was furious with his son: "I have been driving a Poussin for more than ten years. If the traffic police caught me, I would have to scrap it. What's wrong with me switching to a BMW? Driving a foreign car means worshiping foreigners. Then where is the Nikon camera you used to shoot the video? Domestic products?”

Ju Ming was unable to refute for a moment and could only blame the domestic brands for not living up to expectations, but then he said harshly: "BYD's electric cars are good. If you change your car, you should change to that one."

Zhu Guoxiang turned to look at the BMW logo and muttered to himself: "Your mother wanted to buy a BMW before she died. At that time, she went to see the car, and suddenly she was found to have a tumor."

After hearing this, Zhu Ming stopped talking and buried himself in moving things.

Zhu Guoxiang didn't seem to want to talk about this, and he scolded in a very abrupt and aggravated tone: "You are almost 30 years old, and you have been around since you were 30. You don't have a stable job, and you haven't saved much money. How can you be successful when you are thirty? How can you stand up? Is the girl at home willing to marry you? Listen to me, look for a job after the Chinese New Year. If you really like to engage in self-media, you can do it in your spare time. I have been working for half my life, nothing else, and my face is still of some use, so give me It’s okay for you to arrange work..."

"Stop, stop, stop, I hate nepotism like you the most," Zhu Ming dragged his armor to the back of the car and ended the conversation, "Open your trunk!"

The father and son have a tacit understanding and use their own ways to change the content of the conversation.

Zhu Guoxiang opened the trunk, which was full of things.

Ju Ming was speechless and said, "What are you talking about?"

Zhu Guoxiang said: "Every family of your uncles and aunts has a copy of the New Year's goods for relatives back home."

"Can you make some room?" Zhu Ming asked.

"Find a way by yourself." Zhu Guoxiang said.

Ju Ming could only stuff the armor and sword into the back seat of the BMW, rubbed his hands and said, "I'll drive."

Zhu Guoxiang said: "I drive the BMW I just bought, and I haven't had enough fun yet."

"Who cares?" Zhu Ming muttered and sat in the passenger seat.

…

The father and son took turns driving and entered the Qinling Mountains eight hours later.

I slept in the expressway service area that night, ate a bowl of Lanzhou Ramen the next morning, and continued drilling tunnels in the mountains.

Waking up in the passenger seat again, Ju Ming asked: "Where are you?"

"Just entered the boundary of Xixiang County." Zhu Guoxiang said.

Zhu Ming couldn't help complaining: "Why don't you take the high-speed train back by plane this year? Driving on the highway is so tiring."

Zhu Guoxiang said: "I just bought a new car and I don't have time to drive it. This time I went back to my hometown to enjoy the car."

"You just go back to show off your BMW, bastard." Ju Ming rolled his eyes.

Zhu Guoxiang suddenly said: "Your mother has been gone for almost ten years. Your aunt called and said she introduced someone to me. We can meet him first when we go back for the Chinese New Year. He is forty-two years old, widowed, a middle school teacher, and has a daughter who is in high school. . I have to tell you, here..."

"I don't care," Zhu Ming joked nonchalantly, "Okay, Dean Zhu. You'll be promoted, change your car, and find a wife. You'll be so proud of your horse's hoofs. You're fifty-five this year, so find someone in his early forties. It's a typical old cow eating young grass. By the way, you are already the vice-dean, so just find a female student in the courtyard. She is young and beautiful, and she is like a pear tree...press and squeeze the begonias."

"Go, go, no matter how big or small." Zhu Guoxiang didn't want to chat with his son. This bastard was too talkative.

But Zhu Ming chuckled and said: "You think the girls in the Agricultural College have dark skin? Go to the department next door and look for them, or the school next door. Don't you have a film and television school there?"

"Get lost! The more you talk, the more nonsense you get." Zhu Guoxiang looked unkind, but in fact he also had illusions in his heart.

An old colleague of his was married to a female graduate student, and Zhu Guoxiang was envious of her at that time. But Zhu Guoxiang is timid and cautious. He only dares to think about this kind of thing. There is absolutely no way he would attack a female student.

What happened next made Zhu Guoxiang secretly say that he was lucky that he didn't do anything wrong.

His old colleague was seriously ill and was hospitalized. He was still lying in the hospital, but his second-married wife started a fight with her children and staged a good drama in the hospital over the family property. After the old colleague recovered and was discharged from the hospital, several of his children turned against each other, and there were various conflicts between the husband and wife. The house was full of chaos all day long.

At noon, eat in the service area.

Zhu Guoxiang took out his mobile phone: "Here, the photo your aunt sent seems to be quite decent."

Ju Ming glanced at it and said, "I'm open to beauty, be careful with the photos."

"When it comes to finding a wife, looks are secondary. The main thing is being able to run a household. Family harmony is the first priority." Zhu Guoxiang said.

Ju Ming exposed it ruthlessly: "Stop talking nonsense. The one my aunt introduced last year, you obviously think the person is ugly."

"fart!"

Zhu Guoxiang refused to admit it: "That woman spoke too harshly, and she looked petty at first glance. I didn't care about her appearance at all."

Ju Ming sneered: "Haha, the final interpretation is yours."

Zhu Guoxiang said: "Mingming, you see, I am about to get married for the second time. Shouldn't you find one too? You are almost thirty years old, and it is not a problem to be single forever. I have a graduate student who is diligent and smart. , Be practical. I have asked for you, she has not been in love yet, and her age is more suitable for you..."

"stop!"

Ju Ming immediately interrupted: "I asked you why you brought up the blind date. It turns out you want to urge me to get married."

"I'm not forcing you. Let's talk about it first. If it's not suitable, we can look for it later." Zhu Guoxiang pulled out a photo from the album. "You look at the photo first. I didn't use beauty. I guarantee that it looks the same as the real person."

Ju Ming objected with his mouth, but his body was sincere. He couldn't help but leaned his head closer, and almost laughed out loud just by taking a look.

It's not that there's something wrong with the girl, it's that Zhu Guoxiang's filming was too funny.

In the photo, a girl is carrying a hoe on her shoulders, her clothes are dirty, and she is stepping on a pile of freshly harvested potatoes. There is also an agricultural machinery parked next to her. The skin is dark and the smile is bright, full of the joy of harvest.

The person is quite energetic, but it doesn’t look like a blind date photo.

Zhu Guoxiang said: "How is it? Although she is not beautiful, she is certainly not ugly. Moreover, the little girl has a cheerful personality and is generous and lovable. When she first enrolled in my graduate school, I fell in love with her at first sight. I want to introduce you to my girlfriend. But you have to improve yourself and find a stable job first, otherwise you won’t be worthy of her..."

"Stop it! Why are you talking about it again?" Zhu Ming was particularly annoyed by this topic.

"Okay, okay, I won't say anything." Zhu Guoxiang put away his phone.

After having lunch and buying some snacks in the service area, the father and son returned to the car and continued on their way.

Zhu Ming put on his seat belt and drove for a while. Zhu Guoxiang suddenly said: "Mingming, the girl's surname is Zhang, and her name is Zhang Rongrong. She is two years younger than you. Her parents are from rural areas. She was a left-behind child when she was a child. She passed the exam all by herself. …”

The father kept chattering, the son turned a deaf ear, and the BMW was speeding through the mountains.

"Bang bang bang..."

A series of speed bumps made the car bumpy.

In a blink of an eye, we entered a long tunnel, and as we opened it, the front became darker and darker, as if the lights in the tunnel were broken.

"Drive slowly." Zhu Guoxiang couldn't help but remind him.

Ju Ming was very obedient this time and did not take his own life into consideration. He obediently applied the brakes and slowed down.

The car drove for more than twenty minutes in the dark tunnel.

Both father and son felt something was wrong. Why is there no end to this tunnel?

"Holy shit!"

Ju Ming cursed.

Zhu Guoxiang was also stunned, because the dark tunnel suddenly became colorful, like a rotating kaleidoscope.

And the car is accelerating in the kaleidoscope.

"Stop!" Zhu Guoxiang shouted.

Ju Ming stepped on the brake pedal frantically: "I can't stop, the car is running on its own, what kind of broken BMW are you?"

"boom!"

I don’t know how long it took, but the car seemed to have hit something and finally stopped in a dazzling light.