Headed by a Snake

** Content Warning: Graphic speech and sexual overtones. **

⟬ Meanwhile... ⟭

"Ding ding ding, moTHER-FFFFFF*CKER!!!"

Barza Keith, the Lone Shadowdark, placed his foot atop his defeated opponent's chest.

He'd just beat up a F*CKING GOD with his F*CKING FISTS!!!

He threw his arms back and yelled to the sky, "WOOOOO!!!!!"

His face was severely swollen.

It hurt... so, so bad...

His whole body hurt.

--and it wasn't just because of the crazy use of mana from all his spellcasting.

"I'm beat... the F*CK up!!" He cried... before collapsing onto his back.

Every little tiny movement he made hurt. Keeping his eyes open hurt.

Breathing hurt. (People needed to breathe to live! It didn't make sense for that to hurt!!)

But... he was alive.

He... he won.

He had earned a rest.

Maybe... just maybe that was an achievement worth Boss Tycon giving him permission to die?

"That... that'd be nice..." He coughed.

...When he spoke, one of his front teeth wiggled in a bad way.

Shite.

Trying his best not to crane his head (because it hurt,) Lone looked left and right as far as his eyes allowed.

The elves he met had disappeared. They were supposed to be working on saving some little girl, though.

Since there weren't any little girls around, Lone felt... pretty sure they did what they said they would.

He saw a familiar pair of swords in the distance... where the pool of blood was.

--not that he cared.

Touching those things put him in Turrim Orientem for a hundred years. He knew better than to pick them up a second time.

...So no one was around to help him.

He was in a really shite situation...

He was in the middle of what was probably a super-deep forest.

He was naked.

...And he was getting cold. *That* was shriveled up, completely... and he didn't have any energy to cover himself.

"To be honest, I expected a bit more, Elf God."

A strange voice shocked the Lone Shadowdark fully awake.

A moment prior, he could have *swore* that he had no energy. Still, he immediately sat up and scooped a pile of white sand onto himself to hide his privates.

It was cold!!

A man in a cloak appeared out of thin air, his face covered in bandages.

"Tut tut," He scolded.

Who says 'tut'? What was that supposed to mean?!

The bandaged guy leapt into the air, floating for a second before stepping down within Lone's DANGER ZONE.

Who was in danger? He wasn't sure, but there was definitely danger in the immediate vicinity.

"I'm rather impressed by your illusion spell," The man said. "If not for the traces of Elven magic in this... rather droll, greyscale part of the forest... I'd think you were *actually* human."

Lone put some 'oomph' into his voice, speaking deep and authoritative-like.

"Who be you?" He scowled, "What-- what are dos't thou wanting?!"

...Making that face hurt, so he wasn't able to do it for long.

He desperately hoped that whoever it was wasn't an enemy.

The way he was dressed, though-- and with his face covered up? And his creepy, high-pitched voice? Everything about him was top-tier villain material...

Lone scowled again.

Shiiiiiiiiite.

"My name is Konstantin Dunzis," The villain said... "And I have been searching for you for quite some time, oh... mighty... *King.*"

Lone closed his eyes, feeling the area in front of him with his mana sense. (Doing that didn't hurt nearly as much, so that was nice.)

He'd known how to use mana-sense shortly after he started Dungeon delving. He was usually able to tell if he could win against certain awakened beasts and monstrous casters.

That... Konstantinople guy-- he wasn't *that* strong... but Lone was completely out of mana!

In his current state, even a Bronze-Rank could kick the shite out of him.

He'd just beat off a Tree God-- so he wasn't ashamed, or anything like that! It was normal to need a rest period after finishing!

So Lone did the only thing he could...

"Not interested, guy! Come back tomorrow, alright? I-- I have to poop!"

He used a shameless excuse, in order to dodge responsibility.

"Oh, no," Konstantin shook his head. "No, no, no. That will not do. You see... I've come alllll this way... just to get a *taste* of... divinity."

Alarm bells rang at maximum volume inside of Lone's mind.

That... the way-- the things that guy were saying... sounded... really... overtly... super sexual.

But... he was a guy!

Lone was also a guy!

They were both guys!

Guys don't... really... get super sexual with each other?

Well... some did! But... most of them didn't!

Lone figured that, most likely, he was misunderstanding something. He wasn't all that smart. He misunderstood things all the time.

Though his muscles screamed in complaint and tears of pain drip-dropped out of his eyes, Lone turned his upper body to face away. Unfortunately, his core muscles failed him, so he plopped onto his side, sending up a small cloud of white ash.

He probably looked... really, really weak.

--unless he could pretend like he did it on purpose!

"Sorry, bro! I don't care what you have to say! Not listening! I'm... I'm goin' to sleep. Right now. You can go now. Just-- just leave, okay?"

"What a shapely arse you have... I'm going to enjoy grabbing hold of it and ravaging your tight Elven hole."

"Dude!" Lone shouted. He grabbed onto his biceps, trying to calm down. He was experiencing the scariest moment in his entire life, "I'm... I'm not gay! I... won't let you r*pe me! I swear to the gods-- I swear on MY LIFE that I will never relax my butt muscles from this moment on!!!"

"Hah... haha....hahaha... HAHAHAHA!!"

Konstantin was laughing... he was laughing hard.

Lone began to cry-- not caring how he looked. His whole body was shaking in fear. Nothing had happened yet, but he felt... dirty... inside and out.

He hadn't remembered doing ANYTHING to deserve getting taken advantage of by another guy!

"Worry not, Elf God," Konstantin chuckled. "My ⌈Draconic Domination⌋ Skill can corrupt the mind of ANY elf! ...Even you."

Lone sniffed in a snot bubble just as he heard... something interesting.

That was it!

That fact could save him!

"Hah! Then you're too late!" He yelled, "After I died, I INCARNATED!! I'm just HUMAN, now! Really!"