Heading to Hell

Oh hoo!

I am Mu Ri Tian.

Your morning toilet companion.

Your bedtime troublemaker.

Your Internet cyber-adopted son.

I am back again!

Thank you for your support and appreciation. It will be available today at 12 noon!

I will continue to update in the morning tomorrow. Because I am too lazy to divide the chapters, it will be a two-in-one single chapter in the future.

I apologize in advance for not being able to update quickly. This book must have enough space to be written well. Once you fall into the rhythm of being forced to rush, your mentality and story will have problems.

You can scold me in this line.

You can also say in this line, "Four or five thousand words each time is already very good!"

Or "It's cute to update a little!"

Then other things, about the story, what is written well, what is not right, the original intention of creation, who criticized what, and what should be corrected, etc., think about it and don't talk about it.

It should be a closed stage, an independent world, which should only be performed in my mind and in front of your eyes.

If I suddenly jump out during the performance and make a condescending comment, or humbly bow to express my acceptance of the opinions, it will be a blasphemy to the entire performance, and even the actors on the stage will be out of character.

Jinx only needs to believe that she is perfect.

So, let me hide everything about the story and leave it for the day when the book is finished.

By the way, I have just rebuilt the VIP book club. For this book, you can join with 500 fans for the time being, as you can see in the introduction.

Don't worry, according to my update volume, it should be very... should also... anyway, you can join in not too long.

At the same time, in the introductions of the old books "Study Demon Cultivation System" and "The Girl in the Front Desk is My Number One Black Fan", the entry channel for 2000 fans is also opened.

I am really unable to maintain the general group, and I am deeply sorry.

Well, that's all for the business.

The story is still going on, I have to leave quickly.

Before we meet again.

Once again, thank you for your appreciation!

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The following content is just a few words of casual chat with friends who just happened to have nothing to do (pooping all the time) and want to know my recent situation. It is useless and you don’t need to read it at all.

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Hi.

Long time no see.

I didn’t expect you to be here.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Thank you for your love.

There is still time. I got up early today and basked in the sun for a long time, just to have a good mood and chat with you.

Um...

It’s great to be able to write a book.

Let’s start from here.

You may think this sentence is a bit fake and corny, but that’s what I think.

Give me a few minutes, let’s go back to April this year, which is 8 months ago.

At that time, I went to the book review area of ​​old books and replied to a post, telling everyone that "the new book is coming soon."

This is actually not a lie. At that time, I really had written the beginning and was about to publish it.

But the next day.

I suddenly couldn’t write a book.

At that time, I sat in front of the computer, opened Word, and prepared to write passionately as usual.

But after writing only a dozen words, I felt that it was not smooth at all, and I was stumbling about how to organize the language.

My head became more and more chaotic along with the sentences, until I felt dizzy and confused.

Not to mention coming up with an interesting plot, even organizing a smooth sentence became a big problem.

3 minutes, sitting in front of the computer, it only took 3 minutes to become like this.

At that time, I didn’t know that such 3 minutes would come every day thereafter.

In the following months, I went to the hospital countless times, checked every relevant part, took more than 20 kinds of medicines and supplements, and quit all bad habits, insisted on exercise, fasting and meditation.

This made me, a pure and beautiful boy who was only in his early 20s, suddenly a few years younger. The clerk couldn’t help but give me a few more mouthfuls of coconut fruit when I bought a cup of milk tea.

However, no matter how hard I tried, I could never overcome those 3 minutes.

It was like a curse engraved in my mind.

Every department in the hospital has no good explanation for this, and it seems that the only way to explain it is with the vague term "brain fog".

But I prefer to call it "unable to write a book syndrome".

Because it seems...

This problem occurs when I am writing a book.

I am so good at playing games, and even my luck in drawing cards has improved.

I am so good at playing basketball, and I can run for two hours without any problems.

So maybe it's because I have been in sub-health for too long?

Or is it because I have been overusing my brain for many years, and I need to supplement some vitamins and minerals in moderation to get better?

With this mentality, I took more supplements, and a few months passed.

I think everything should be fine.

But once I open the document, the devil's 3 minutes always come as expected.

It is like a vulture that never tires, and it only pecks at my brain when I start to write a story.

It won't really be... impossible to write a book, right?

I am a little scared, but what can I do?

But the editor Hu Ya always sends me an Ultraman flying kick on time.

"Where's your fucking new book? Are you still playing games?"

The exact wording may not be this, but the momentum is correct.

It's hard for me to explain. The 3-minute curse is true, but every time she asked me about this, I was indeed playing games.

So, the release date of this book was delayed from April to October.

Many things happened in the meantime, but only the "can't write book syndrome" did not change.

In the past six months, I have not been able to survive those three minutes a day.

Maybe it's true, I can't write a book.

Are you unwilling?

It's okay.

I am just like this, a waste.

Yes, I am not so desperate or uncomfortable, I am even cheerful and happy.

It's just that something is missing forever.

I don't know.

But I can't think about it.

try{ggauto;} catch(ex){}

I dare not think about it.

So, this kind of happiness lasted until mid-October.

It seems that the search for medical advice has finally broken through some algorithm barrier, and the video website suddenly pushed a video to me.

It's about anxiety disorder, I forgot the specific name.

It probably means that we will fall into internal consumption due to the anxiety in front of us, and when the intensity and duration of this consumption exceed a certain limit, it will turn into a disease.

When the disease occurs, the heart rate will increase, dizziness, etc.

Oh? This seems to fit my situation?

That's right, why didn't you consider it in the direction of mental illness?

So I went deeper into the Morita therapy.

This therapy is probably to let you accept the things that make you anxious.

For example, if you are afraid of failing the exam, then fail it, whether you are afraid or not, you have to fail.

Of course, this is not pure play, I still have to work hard to do well in the exam, but I can completely accept the result of failing the exam.

This is quite simple, but it is actually a whole set of behavioral cognitive therapy system, I will not dare to expand.

It's just that there is a detail in it that I really empathize with.

"The reason why you are anxious is that you attach too much importance to the matter in front of you."

"You are too afraid of failure."

This sentence undoubtedly hit me.

Yes, I am too afraid.

I am afraid that the story is boring, so I scratch my head and can't sleep.

I am afraid of bad grades, so I change it again and again.

I am afraid of being scolded, so I look back and forth.

I am afraid that I am afraid, so I am more afraid.

However, the more afraid I am, the less I can write, and the less I can write, the more afraid I am.

This is a spiral cycle of anxiety. I believe many friends have similar feelings, and the author friends have a deep understanding of it.

As for how to solve it...

Give up, there is no way to solve it.

If you are not afraid that what you make is a piece of shit, then why do you make it?

It is because you cherish it too much that you dare not face it.

All we can do is accept fear and accept failure.

The story is boring?

Anyway, I have tried my best, and this is the most interesting thing I can do.

The grades are not good?

How bad can it be? It's not dead, it will get better as you write longer.

Being scolded?

Can you bring me someone who is not scolded?

Afraid?

Everyone is afraid, and it is because of fear that they choose to write stories, right? Be afraid, where can you escape?

Let it go and do what you should do.

That's all.

After understanding and trying to change some cognition.

That day.

I finally opened the document again.

I looked up again.

4 hours have passed.

The mood at that moment is indescribable.

I can only say.

It's great to be able to write a book.

I believe that you can understand a little bit now.

Very soon, very soon.

"Where is your new book? Are you still playing **?" Huya's screen shook unexpectedly.

"Stop making noise! ​​The editor knows nothing, don't disturb me when I'm typing!" I scolded back on the spot.

People who know me know that I never indulge my wife and editor.

"???" Huya didn't believe it.

"**" I scolded her again.

"When will it be published?" she asked.

"Tomorrow." I answered.

Then it was published.

Until now, I still remember how I felt that day.

Publishing a book itself doesn't feel anything.

But when I saw those familiar names popping up like groundhogs, I couldn't control my facial expression at all.

"Dog mushroom???"

"Woo woo woo...you're still alive..."

"Do you know how I've been through this year!"

"I don't know what you're thinking, I can't even contact you, what I know is that in these 452 days, 12 hours and 9 minutes, you've come back."

"You're...someone I can't forget...very important...your name is...I can't remember it (crying)."

I laughed out loud.

I just realized I haven't laughed that much in a long time.

The missing part.

Here.

Okay, this sentence is really a bit corny, I'll give you a vomit bowl.

Then comes the book publishing. It's inevitable that there are some bumps along the way, but it's not that important.

If I have to say something, there's only one thing.

Qidian now has a new feature that allows authors to see the "conversion rate" and "retention rate" brought by recommendations. The industry calls this "attracting volume". If these two rates are high, it's a good book that attracts volume, otherwise it's a flop.

And from the first day, these two data have been frighteningly low.

It scared the kids silly, I've never seen such a miserable life.

Fortunately, Ultraman's flying kick hit him immediately.

"Frighten your mother, read the ****, and follow me."

I finally calmed down after seeing this. Thank you, Ultraman who passed by.

No, no, thank you.

I also realized that under the current "volume absorption" algorithm, this book should not exist at all and should have been eliminated in the first round.

Fortunately, you have been with me all the way, so that it can be steadily followed and stumbled to this day.

I also thank the network platform.

Here, paying users are the foundation of everything and the first and final service objects.

As long as there are enough paying users to appreciate a book.

Even if it absorbs only one ten-thousandth of the volume, even if it is zero, even if passers-by sneer at it.

It deserves to live.

Therefore, "feel your appreciation" is never empty talk.

Whether in the past or in the future, it is all of the whole.

The best, the most pragmatic, the most sincere, and the most passionate are all in it!

So in the end, please allow me to say it again.

Thank you for your appreciation!

And me——

It's great to be able to write a book!