Hellbound Heart

"You might be right, Sebastian." Elle felt him freeze at her words and her heart squeezed so tight, just at the mere thought that her words were actually hurting his feelings so bad.

But she shut her eyes tightly and forced her tears to stop flowing. Those words she had uttered, not only hurt him but herself too, so badly. She hated that this issue even had to be brought up like this. She hated that she brought this up at all. She should have just ignored it and told herself that it did not even matter anymore. That whatever the case was with her heart, it did not really matter at all anymore. But she had gone and let her emotions take over the reins.

Now here they were. In an even deeper hole.

That question he had asked made her question things she had never even imagined. Made her look at things from a different perspective - one that is not only on her point of view. His question had her pointing those questions she threw at him back to her. If she did not carry this heart within herself, would she even be feeling the same way she was for Sebastian right now? Was this even her loving him all on her own, or...

Elle tried to shut all these thoughts and emotions that were flooding her mind from affecting her, but she was helpless. Because these thoughts continued coming back to her no matter what. And how she apparently hated it was not all baseless. As though something in her was taunting herself, she was immediately reminded by those strange feelings she had tried hard to ignore ever since that night she first met him. It was as though the moment she laid her eyes on him, her heart already reacted strangely. She had told herself it was love at first sight. But... was it truly the case? Now that she thought about it, she remembered how she felt like there was a connection between them even before they met. She had felt many times before that the attraction that was going on between them that moment they first met was strange and seemingly not normal. She had thought it might be the so-called soul-mate thing that she had previously read in some of the novels. But now, she was questioning it again... Perhaps it never was as simple as that in the first place? Was it all because of the heart that was beating within her that had influenced everything?

She hated that she remembered everything so vividly. She hated it so much. She hated that these things were what was flashing so clearly in her mind in this situation. Why was it that everything about Sebastian, even the littlest emotions and feelings she had felt were still so clear in her mind like this? She had felt this before, that something just did not seem normal about this. Could this be another one of her abilities that she knew nothing about? But why was it responding only to Sebastian?

She wished she had completely forgotten about these things. She wished she was not being reminded of every single feeling she had felt for him in the past. But what could she do?

With a painful chuckle, Elle put her hand over his. "I think I'm really... messed up right now, Sebastian." She whispered. "I need to set my mind and emotions straight before I can face you again."

His grip tightened. But eventually, he loosened his grip on her.

Feeling his shaky breath, Elle turned to look at him. Putting it in simple terms, he looked like... hell.

"You want to leave..." he said as if he already knew she was not planning to go back to the Black Forest. "Where?"

"I don't know..." Elle replied, shrugging her slender shoulders. "But I need to go there. I want to know more about myself, Sebastian."

"And what if I don't want to let you go?" His eyes gazed into hers with desperation.

A stretch of silence reigned between them. "I will still go, Sebastian. I'm not... your wife anymore so â€"" her voice broke a little at the word 'wife' as a sudden grimace of pain flashed across her face, gone too quickly before it could be registered.

She was suddenly pinned against a tree trunk.

Sebastian hovered over her as his eyes blazed with molten grey fire.

"You are still mine, Iza!!! Divorced or not!" he growled, every fibre of his being protesting that statement. His instincts not allowing that this woman was no longer recognised as his.

"I am still yours, Sebastian. But not as your possession â€"" Elle tried to soothe his agitated state.

"I am doing this to keep you safe!"

"Sebastian!" she yelled at him, exasperated that he was doing what he did from before. Again. "Are we back at square one? We've been here before... and there is no way I would ever consent to let you lock me up again."

He fell silent at her blunt words, stunned for a moment. That accusation stung, but unfortunately, it was completely true.

His grip on her wrist loosened up as his throat worked. Suddenly, his forehead pressed over her collarbone.

"F**k...." he cursed. His voice was hoarse. "I don't want this, Iza..." He did not want to let her go. But neither did he want to hold her back against her will. He was torn, not knowing how to move forward.

She could not stop herself from reaching out and hugging his head. "I feel like this is necessary for both of us, Sebastian. We both need some space to think anyway..."

"There is nothing to think about, Izabelle." He begged, wanting her to reconsider. Hoping against all odds that she might sudden her heart and relent. Alas...

"For me, there is. A lot, in fact. I need to get a hold of myself, especially regarding this..." she trailed off, not wanting to mention anything about her heart to him anymore. Not when they have finally calmed down and are talking normally again. She would not be able to take it if he had growled at her like that again.

"Can't you just... forget about this issue about your heart, Iza?" he said, pleading. Shocking her that he had said 'your heart'. "Alyssa's dead. She's been long gone... she's... f**k... this heart belongs to you now. Everything else shouldn't matter anymore. You're telling me you need space to think about this. But hell, Iza... I don't think you'll get anything out of doing that. You will only overthink and distance yourself even further from me, endangering yourself."

Elle could not respond. She had not expected him to say all those. But despite his words, Elle just knew there was no way she could just forget about the issue regarding her heart. Yes, Alyssa's gone but... why was she feeling like this? Like she was here with her all these times? And her powers... were all these powers that she possesses now, all because of the heart within her? If that was so, how could she ever convince herself that this issue regarding her heart should not matter?

"Don't go." He shook his head slowly. "I can't handle it... you disappearing again."

Kissing the remnants of tears on her face as he murmured his pleas, Elle felt her resistance melting like ice cream by the blazing fire. His touches are so gentle and loving that it really almost broke her resolve.

Shutting her eyes, Elle battled within herself. She wanted to go. She knew she needed to go and see for herself where Snow was planning to bring her. She wanted to find answers. Perhaps, this was the only way for her to finally come to terms with herself.

Taking a deep breath, Elle cupped his handsome, ragged face. Lord... she missed him... she missed touching him...

"I'll be fine, Sebastian." She told him. "I am not the powerless human I thought I was anymore. So please... have a little faith in me and don't worry... I promise I will be alright. I'll come back to you myself once I get the answers I desperately needed. I promise."

Her lips pressed down hard on his own and just as Sebastian was about to let go of her wrists to hold her face, she backed off and disappeared. It happened so fast that Sebastian was left there with his hands still hanging in the air, touching nothing.