Hellbound Heart



Since the very moment Zeke heard his son's voice calling him 'dad', he had been overcome by emotions. Emotions he did not know he actually had within him. He had always known he was generally a person who would hardly be affected by emotions, no matter how strong. And the only time he was completely moved was when it had anything to do with his other half, his beloved, Alicia. But only now he realized just how a simple action of having his own flesh and blood call him 'dad' could evoke such strong feelings within him.

The situation in the Underworld had worsened to a degree that Zeke no longer had the time to even think about the family he had been fighting for. He had not had the time to feel or to think or even remember. Though he was honestly thankful, he had been a little scared. Scared that he would go numb and would no longer feel anything once he returned to his family. 

Having no time at all to think about his loved ones was a huge help for him to focus on nothing but his goal. It had also helped him not to drown from any downside of missing his beloved too much. But he had felt a little uneasy at the same time, that he would actually forget how to feel emotions and act like a human again once he got back to his family. 

But thank goodness… Apparently he was worried for nothing. Because it took just one word for his seemingly lost and numb emotions to rise back to life. 'Dad'… that word had echoed again and again in his head. That young and innocent voice seemed to have breathed life to the barren desert of his inner person. It was like that arid land that was his frozen emotions, had thawed and been watered by the refreshing and life-giving shower that was his son's pure and sincere love for him as son to father.

And when he turned and saw him, his son, the miniature version of himself, he could do nothing but stand there and stare at him. Until now, he was still amazed at how similar Azriel was to him. As much as his mind knew that the boy was his and that genetics would have contributed to having similar traits passed on to him. But still, knowing and actually seeing it in the flesh were two different things.

He remembered that Alicia had told him their son looks exactly like him. What she said was true, but Zeke could also see some subtle features of his beloved wife in their son, which is not surprising at all. After all, Azy had half of his chromosomes contributed by his mother.

His heartbeats had been so loud within him as he approached the boy. And when he held him for the first time, everything within him trembled. 

It had honestly worried him at first. That moment when he finally met his son. He had not been there when he was born and when he grew up. They never saw each other even once. However, it did not stop him from feeling as though a piece of puzzle that he never knew was missing in the first place, finally clicked into place as he held the boy within his embrace. It was like a piece of himself was being returned to where it belonged and that completeness was so wholesome and fulfilling.

Zeke had wondered how his son would react once they finally met face to face. He had thought about how he, himself, would react. 

There was one time, years ago where he had simulated all possible scenarios of their first meeting. He had thought of what he would first say to him, that he should show him a gentle fatherly smile first and foremost. 

But none of those happened as what he had envisioned within his mind. He was dumbstruck that Alex had to intervene to wake him up from his trance. This had never happened to him. 

He was not even sure what kind of face he had made when their gazes first met. He really hoped he did not wear his completely emotionless face at that moment. That was so uncool of him if it had been the case. Never had he ever been fazed by whatever the situation that he was being thrown in in the past, but just one encounter with his young son, was enough to throw him off his game.

And to top it off… his son cried. 

The pain he felt was so sharp and deep. One unlike that he had never experienced is the many hundreds of years that he had been alive. Yet all he could do was to hold him. He did not know what else he could do but to only hold him tighter. 

When his son had begged him to go see his mother while trying his best to calm down, Zeke felt his heart stop beating. 

The desperate look in his son's eyes immediately gripped his entire being with fear. But thankfully, he managed to calm himself. 

But now that he was here, looking down at her like this, Zeke's body began to tremble hard as he sat there, holding onto her hand. 

It was happening again. This all too familiar state she was in. He had sworn years ago that he would never let Alicia waste away like what had happened to her before she died the first time around. Even though he knew back then that it was not her end even if she died, watching her wasting away, weakening day by day, was still a torture to him. He had just stood there watching, torturing himself even more by letting another man take care of her. 

Now it was happening again, and it was worse this time. Because he was not even there anymore to even watch over her from a distance. 

He had not anticipated this. And that Alicia would weaken to this degree.