Hello, How Long Has This Been Going On?

The electronic screen at the door of the consulting room went out, fewer and fewer patients were waiting outside, and the regular outpatient hours were over.

The male doctor in his thirties and forties stretched his waist, relaxed his muscles and bones that had been stiff all afternoon, took a water glass and walked outside.

The light in the consulting room next door was still on, but there was no one in it. He looked in with some surprise, and then greeted the female doctor in the opposite consulting room.

"What day is it today, when will Xiao Shen leave?"

The female doctor glanced up and said lazily, "How is that possible? I sent the patient away."

"Tsk, I said, this is decent."

Saying that, the two smiled tacitly.

"Unfortunately, the leaders don't come to inspect every day. Isn't this a waste of work."

"What's the waste of work? It's boundless love. It makes you sour."

"How can it be called sour? Guipei performed the first joint fusion in one year. At this age, I can't even think about it. How can it be sour."

"I don't dare to think about it? In another ten years, the chief physician may not be enough for others to look at. He is a genius."

"Hahahaha, you are small." The male doctor glanced around deliberately, and lowered his voice, "I heard that he will be transferred to the inter-provincial branch of Yanping No. The one co-organized by a big company that can't spend enough money, if you don't make it, you will be the deputy high."

"real or fake?"

"Really, our dean has kept him for a long time."

"This treatment is just different. Alas, I can't be envious. I can only work hard in my next life."

"Hahaha, let's go, let's eat."

The rambling conversation faded away with the sound of footsteps.

After they left, a person slowly came out from the shadow at the end of the corridor.

In fact, their volume control is very good, it is a blurry piece.

But even if he didn't fully hear the content, Shen Nian could guess what they were talking about.

He was all too familiar with such arguments.

Standing at the door of the empty consulting room, Shen Nian was stunned for a while before going in to pack his things and turn off the computer.

There is a photo frame on the table. In the photo, there is a carousel seahorse with dreamy colors. There are many children sitting on it, smiling big at the camera.

When seeing the photo, Shen Nian's somewhat disappointed expression revealed a trace of comfort.

The hospital is very busy, and I haven't been to a special school for a while.

Shen Nian often felt that being with this group of children was happier than when he was undergoing surgery in the hospital.

He can naturally understand every inch of their feelings.

When he saw the composition called "My Wish" written by them, looking at those immature words and handwriting, he seemed to be able to truly understand their feelings.

If it were him, after holding a pen and writing down his wish to go to an amusement park, dreams that he would never dare to dream of would be aroused, and he would want to go very much, and even toss and turn at night, unable to sleep, looking forward to tomorrow. Wish come true.

But it's impossible, if one child goes, other children will also want to go, so many special children go out together, need to worry about all aspects, no matter how careful the arrangements are, accidents may happen.

Once something happens, it will become very troublesome, and this kind of thing is beyond the responsibility of the school, and few people are willing to ask for trouble.

In the next few days, he will be very sad. If this is a wish that cannot be realized, why let them write such a composition?

Obviously, he would not fantasize about it at ordinary times, because realizing his wish is too extravagant for them with special bodies, and it is not easy to live a good life.

Shen Nian actually didn't know why he had such a perspective, but the feeling of empathy was too real, so he even impulsively put forward his own ideas to the teachers.

He knows that taking a group of children out alone is a very risky thing.

But he also has an unfounded belief that accidents will not happen, and if they do, they will be quickly resolved.

For more than 20 years, apart from all kinds of emotions that are always absent, there has never been a negative accident in Shen Nian's life.

Many times, when others encountered danger and difficulties, as long as he showed up to help, he could often turn the danger into good luck and turn the crisis into safety.

So he is always passionate about helping others, no matter what time of day it is, and sometimes he seems weird.

Many classmates and friends would jokingly call him Lucky Star, and some people said that he must be the chosen one, otherwise why would he have such a lucky and perfect life.

Of course, Shen Nian also knew that behind his back, there were also many people calling him the False Virgin.

He was sad at first, but gradually, he learned to accept it.

That inexplicable sense of sight appeared again, and he seemed to be very familiar with the feeling of being misunderstood and discriminated against.

However, Shen Nian kept this feeling alone, and did not tell any friends, because no one would believe it, and maybe he would only get a hypocritical evaluation behind his back.

His life seems to have been walking between two extremes.

On the one hand, he was a teenager who skipped a grade, and was admitted to the medical major with the highest score in the top prestigious school. His studies went smoothly, and he was the kind of genius who was open at every stage.

Whether it is difficult theory or hands-on practice, he will do it once and never make mistakes, as if he was born for medicine. If they hadn't seen it with their own eyes, many people would not believe that such a person existed.

He is the youngest graduate in the history of the entire medical school, and the student with the highest evaluation by his advisors. Everyone feels that his future is immeasurable.

One side is a cold relationship, he doesn't know who his biological parents are, he was adopted by adoptive parents in an orphanage, but they treat him so badly that he might as well continue to be an orphan.

The lack of family care, Shen Nian tried to make up for it with friendship, he was very kind to every friend and classmate around him, and would give all his sincerity and enthusiasm.

Shen Nian liked to talk since he was a child, and he seemed to have endless things to say, but later he discovered that not everyone was willing to listen, and he sensitively read the impatience and perfunctory in their eyes.

No one wants to really get close to his heart.

He is too outstanding in his studies and abilities. Such a person is often lonely and arrogant, and others will think it is reasonable and full of reverence. But his character is too warm, so strange like a dummy, even he thinks he is strange.

So Shen Nian felt a kind of utter loneliness.

He didn't understand what he was living for every day.

He didn't know what was pushing him forward in life, and he didn't know what he was looking for.

But God gave him an almost unparalleled medical talent, if it wasted, even he himself would feel it would be a crime.

He had to live like this.

Sometimes he even hopes that if he really has a second personality, at least he will have someone to accompany him.

A strange intuition often appears in his mind, leading him to a certain direction.

Shen Nian once thought that he had symptoms of schizophrenia or multiple personalities, so he went for a special examination, but everything was normal.

Just like just now, he didn't intend to go down to take the patient, but that strange intuition reappeared.

He should go downstairs now.

Shen Nian almost missed this intuition.

So he obeyed "it" without thinking, and sent the last patient downstairs.

While saying goodbye to the patient, Shen Nian looked back and found a man wearing a white scarf in the crowd looking at him all the time.

The other party was wearing a mask, so he couldn't see his face clearly, his eyes were very bright, Shen Nian felt that he probably didn't know him, so he smiled politely at him.

To his surprise, the other party's eyes were soon filled with crystal mist, which contained many complicated emotions.

He seemed to see through himself the lost friends and long memories.

Then another man wearing a dark blue scarf next to him lowered his head to talk to him, and finally the two walked towards the hospital together.

It was long after they left that Shen Nian suddenly remembered that he had seen that dark blue scarf more than once.

It seems that each time is followed by a strange intuition.

But he is not curious about the dark blue scarf now.

He wondered why the white scarf looked at him with that expression.

He intuited that it was important to him.

This time it was truly his own intuition.

There will be no surgery tonight, Shen Nian is wandering around the hospital after get off work.

In winter, with normal activity and wearing a mask, the most likely disease should be flu.

He went to the infusion hall first.

In the corner, he really saw those two familiar figures.

The air conditioner was turned on in the hall, so it wasn't cold at all, so they took off their scarves, and two knitted scarves with warm fleece were rolled into a ball, like a blue sky and white clouds, with a mobile phone on it, and each of them took a A headset and looking at the screen.

Very warm scene.

The white scarf that was hanging the IV raised her head feelingly and saw him.

Then he immediately said something to the people around him, who nodded and got up to leave.

Only Shen Nian and the white scarf without a mask were left.

Shen Nian's heart suddenly felt an unreasonable tension.

He knew that the other party was waiting for him to walk over.

When he actually walked in front of the other party, Shen Nian, who was always enthusiastic and proactive, didn't even know what to say.

He has a deep impression on each patient, and he has never seen this person in his memory, nor is he a classmate or friend.

But the sense of sight told him that the other person's face was very familiar.

The other party spoke first.

He smiled and said, "Hello, we meet again."

Very ordinary greeting.

But Shen Nian felt that he seemed to have been waiting for this sentence for a long time.

"Hello."

He responded somewhat dryly.

The tone of the white scarf was very sincere: "I may have offended you in the evening, so let me say sorry first, you look a lot like a friend of mine, that's why I keep staring at you."

Shen Nian relaxed slightly: "Actually, I also think you look familiar."

"Really? Maybe it's fate."

The white scarf laughed, then held out the hand without the infusion to him.

"My name is Tao Zhiyue, nice to meet you."

"Shen Nian."

Shen Nian shook hands with him, maybe because of the fever, the temperature of the other's palm was very hot, his thoughts wandered, imagining the pulse, blood vessels, heartbeat connected with it, everything was alive.

I don't know why, but this kind of imagination moved him very much.

Tao Zhiyue asked him, "Are you a surgeon?"

"Yes, now in orthopedics."

The other party sighed: "You are so young, you are very powerful."

"...Actually, I'm afraid of blood, but no one will believe me when I say it."

Unknowingly, he spoke his mind to the stranger in front of him, pretending to be relaxed.

"I believe." Tao Zhiyue stared at him, "You must be a very brave person, that's why you can become a doctor and perform many surgeries."

Shen Nian worked very hard to restrain the urge to have a sour nose.

"Is your...your friend a doctor too?"

"No, but I guess he'd really like to be a doctor."

"should?"

"I can't be sure because I'll never see him again."

Shen Nian was speechless for a moment.

"Feel sorry…"

"It's okay, that's not what it means. He must be living well, but I can't see him again."

Facing such sad memories, Shen Nian panicked for no reason.

He has always been a person who is very good at comforting others, but in front of this stranger, he seems to be ineffective.

So he hurriedly ended the conversation tonight.

But when Shen Nian woke up the next day, she regretted it.

He would like to know the story of that friend.

He also wanted to chat with this inexplicably familiar person again.

But the other party's cold should get better after the infusion, and he probably won't see this patient anymore.

With regret and remorse, Shen Nian heard the nurses on duty talking about something when he was busy shuttling back and forth in the hospital building.

"Laughing like this, did you just come back from the single ward?"

"Hey, he's really handsome, isn't he a celebrity?"

"No way, how dare a star be so aboveboard, it's two men!"

Shen Nian was surprised.

If he guessed correctly, it was just winter flu, why was he hospitalized?

During the lunch break, he deliberately went to the single ward that was passed on by word of mouth.

Sure enough, it was the person I met last night.

Tao Zhiyue's cold worsened and turned into pneumonia, and his complexion didn't look very good.

Tao Zhiyue saw him through the glass window of the ward, and still smiled brightly at him.

Shen Nian pushed open the door and couldn't help asking: "Why did it turn into pneumonia so quickly? Did the cold drag you to the hospital for a long time?"

Tao Zhiyue put down the book in his hand, shook his head, "No, it's not serious, I just want to work when I stay at home."

Shen Nian seriously warned: "Pay attention to your body, your body is the most important thing, everything else is secondary."

"I will, thank you."

The thank you he said seemed extraordinarily solemn.

Shen Nian was silent for a while, and said in a low voice: "I'm going to have surgery again this afternoon, I'm very nervous, and I'm going to see a lot of blood again."

He would never say such things to others, because no one believed him to be nervous.

But the person in front of me who only met a few times would.

"Relax." Tao Zhiyue looked at him, "Do you believe in miracles?"

"I do not believe."

In Shen Nian's life, miracles seemed to be happening all the time, but he was still unhappy.

If he were to write "My Wish", then his wish would be to encounter a miracle that can change his current life.

But there was no other overly enthusiastic Shen Nian to help him realize his wish.

Tao Zhiyue organized his words and tried his best to comfort him.

"To many people, you are the miracle itself. Many times, red is the color of hope."

So this afternoon, Shen Nian, who was concentrating on holding the scalpel behind the transparent mask, felt that she really felt a little more relaxed.

The operation was a success, every detail was perfect, even the most picky director couldn't find any faults, he was only amazed and lamented how awesome he was.

In the evening, Shen Nian, who was rarely in a good mood, went to visit Tao Zhiyue in the ward, bringing a bucket of fragrant hot soup.

On the small table in front of Tao Zhiyue was a box of exquisitely matched fruits, and the table beside him was full of comic books and game consoles, as well as flowers adorned with dew.

"This is the most famous soup in our cafeteria. It tastes very good."

Shen Nian finally found an open space, put down the thermos, and said with a smile: "Your family members are very attentive."

Seeing such a warm ward, Shen Nian seemed very happy too.

Although he has no family, he now has a real friend.

It's nice to have friends.

His loneliness faded a little.

"Very fragrant." Tao Zhiyue opened the thermos, "I feel better today than yesterday, and I think the disease will be cured soon."

"That's good." Shen Nian breathed a sigh of relief, "After you recover from your illness, you should also take good care of your body. It's easy to get sick in winter."

"I will. Is today's operation successful?"

"It was very successful. I did this operation for the second time. The lesion was removed completely, and the contact area after reset was also very wide. I think it is more perfect than the case pictures in textbooks..."

Shen Nian opened up the chatterbox and chattered endlessly.

Suddenly, he stopped embarrassingly: "I'm sorry, you should not be interested in this, I seem to talk too much."

Tao Zhiyue listened very attentively: "It's okay, I like listening very much."

Many people have said this to him, but most of them are unwilling to save his face.

But Shen Nian felt that only this time, the person who said this was sincere.

He seemed to really enjoy hearing himself talk.

Is it because of the friend who looks a lot like me?

Shen Nian asked curiously: "Can you tell me about your friend? The one who wants to become a doctor."

Tao Zhiyu nodded, seeming to think about his words: "Actually, strictly speaking, he cannot be regarded as my friend. This is my unilateral definition."

"I only met him once, but he saved me. When I came home from get off work that day, I suddenly... fell ill on the subway."

"He was sitting across from me, typing on his mobile phone, his fingers were moving so fast, he didn't even pause. I was still wondering what the **** he was doing, and it didn't look like he was chatting. After a long time, I thought, maybe he was talking. writing a novel."

"Watching him keep pressing his phone, I was a little bored, and I wanted to take out my phone, but found that I couldn't move. I couldn't make a sound, and I froze on my seat. And there were not many people in the car that day. Everyone was looking down at their phones and no one noticed."

"Only he noticed, he seemed to be very sensitive to everything around him. After seeing my abnormality, his expression suddenly became very flustered, the phone suddenly fell to the ground, maybe it broke, the impact was loud, I almost had hallucinations of seeing sparks, like falling meteors, but he didn't care at all and rushed towards me in a hurry."

"His mouth was moving, but I didn't hear the sound. In fact, many sounds in my ears were blurred at that time, but I pulled out my consciousness and calmly thought, it's not that I can't hear, it should be that he can't speak. "

"Panicted for a few seconds, he hurried to the next compartment to pull other passengers, but he could only sign and point to me. Maybe many people would think he was crazy and didn't understand what he wanted to express."

"He finally called someone. Someone called 120, and someone called the flight attendant. He came back again and stayed by my side, at a loss. He really wanted to help me, but he didn't know what to do. I saw his expression was very anxious, Worse than I was, almost on the verge of tears. Then I completely lost consciousness."

Shen Nian was worried when he heard it: "Then what?"

"Then I woke up." Tao Zhiyue seemed to be joking, "Otherwise you wouldn't have seen me here."

Hearing what he said, Shen Nian's chest seemed to be filled with a complicated feeling, and he could not speak for a long time.

Finally, he whispered: "Fortunately, he discovered your strangeness."

"Well, I was lucky to meet him. He gave me a whole new life."

Tao Zhiyue looked very serious.

Shen Nian can often hear patients say this sentence to himself or colleagues, but at this moment, there seems to be a different meaning in this sentence.

After thinking about it, Shen Nian agreed with what Tao Zhiyue said before, "If he can really become a doctor, he will definitely be a very good doctor."

Unfortunately, physical defects doomed this impossible.

After a moment of silence, Tao Zhiyue asked him, "Why do you want to be a doctor?"

Shen Nian answered decisively: "Because I want to heal those who are suffering from illnesses, and I want to make up for the defects in life."

Shen Nian paused, and added: "Actually, I've thought this way since I was a child... I don't know why I have such an obsession. I haven't had any serious illnesses, and I'm obviously a timid person. I'm afraid of blood, afraid of blood. Injection, afraid of bugs, afraid of everything.”

"Before today, my heart trembled every time I had an operation, but my hands were always steady and never made mistakes. It seemed that God really wanted me to eat this bowl of rice."

"Sometimes I think to myself, how can there be such a contradictory person like me."

Tao Zhi listened to him quietly, and finally asked, "Is there anything else you want to do? Something that will make you feel happy from the bottom of your heart."

This question made Shen Nian think for a whole night.

Another night, Tao Zhiyue, whose health had improved a lot, was wrapped in a soft white scarf, and walked downstairs with him in the hospital.

The cough is less, the fever is lessened, and the inflammation is slowly subsiding.

"I've thought about it for a long time. Staying with children is the happiest time for me. I'm willing to do anything for them."

Shen Nian smiled and said, "Maybe it's because I want to make up for my own shortcomings... This is the most frequently mentioned word by my colleagues in the psychology department, childhood shadow."

Tao Zhiyue said with certainty: "If you change careers, you will definitely be an excellent teacher."

Shen Nian smiled more heartily, as if he had imagined those pure and happy scenes, but his smile slowly disappeared again.

"It's a pity I can't do it... I don't have the courage."

"I seem to be pushed forward by something all the time, maybe it's fate, maybe it's someone else's eyes, maybe it's an illusion."

"I suspected that I was schizophrenic before, and I went for an examination, because strange thoughts always popped up in my mind."

"For example, I obviously like the place where the four seasons are like spring, and I hate summer and winter. In the end, I came to Jinbei Guipei, which has four distinct seasons, and next year I will change jobs to a newly built hospital. Maybe I will stay here forever. , but I am not used to the food here, and I often have allergies.”

"I don't think this is what I want, I'm a mess, and I can't say that to other people, no one will understand, everyone thinks my life is glamorous, no one can see the inside of my head All the weird thoughts, even the doctor can't diagnose me."

Shen Nian's gaze was very dim: "I don't know why I am alive, I help others every day, but I still can't help myself."

The air on a winter night was cold, and so was his life.

When he came back to his senses, he repeatedly apologized to Tao Zhiyue: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say these bad things, I didn't control my emotions well..."

"It's okay, it will be more comfortable to say it."

Tao Zhiyue changed to a new topic: "Do you want to continue listening to the story of my friend?"

Shen Nian nodded: "After you recovered, did you see him again?"

"No. Because I didn't know his name and left that city, I never saw him again. But by chance, I read a novel he wrote, and I seemed to know him a little bit, so the next thing was my Guess."

Tao Zhiyue narrated slowly.

"I guess he must be a very smart person with strong perseverance, so he can learn to read and write. And I think he should write for the first time, because the writing is not very good. But it is already very good, Looking back, I couldn’t even write a composition in the middle school Chinese exam.”

"The protagonist of his novel is a redeemed disabled person. He also arranged a role for himself, the redeemer. This seems to be a very popular type of story on the Internet, with very routine plots and templates, so he also followed suit. It would be easier for novices to write that way."

Hearing this, Shen Nian held his breath.

He always felt like he was hearing something important to him, but he didn't understand why.

"But I think that his own unfulfilled wish should be hidden in that novel. I still remember his appearance, his face looked pale, as if he didn't go out often, and his sitting posture was a little shy, but when he asked for help for me Brave, the bravest man I've ever met."

"The novel is really amazing. You can weave the widest and farthest dreams with words. I guess his dream may be to save others very earnestly and vigorously, just like the kind of salvation he expects to happen to himself. , to be rescued, loved and protected."

"Although I can't see him again, but looking at the novels he wrote, I will hope that the protagonists in his works will have a good ending, especially the redeemer who projected his wish, so that at least in the novel world, he can have A freer and better life."

Shen Nian couldn't help asking: "In that novel, does this character have a good ending?"

"I haven't finished it yet, but I'm sure it will be good. If it's not good, I'll try to make it better."

This answer was beyond Shen Nian's expectation, just as he was about to say something, he heard Tao Zhiyue continue.

"Stories in novels can be modified, and real life can also be modified."

"Don't pay attention to other voices and eyes."

"Do what you like." Tao Zhiyue repeated, "Yourself."

"Myself…"

Shen Nian murmured and repeated after him.

Something seemed to be loosening in my heart.

Tao Zhi stared at him steadfastly, as if expecting something: "Can you do me a favor?"

"You say, I will definitely help."

This is Shen Nian's most familiar answer, it has been engraved in his bones, I don't know how many times he has said it.

"Can I take you as him and say something I want to say to him?"

"You look alike, and you have many similarities, so I thought, when I tell you, maybe he can hear it too."

"Sometimes the world and life are truly amazing beyond our imagination."

This is such a special request that it hardly counts as a favor.

Shen Nian agreed without thinking: "Okay."

This time Tao Zhi thought for a long time before he was ready.

His voice flowed under the quiet night.

"Thank you for saving me that day. I know you did your best, and in the end you did it. You never expected it. You gave me something special. Don't beat yourself up, you really did a good job gone."

"If in the past and in the future, you have encountered some bad things and experienced some strange eyes, but it is not your fault, it has never been your fault. You are a very good person, very strong and You are very kind, you are very important to others, at least to me, you changed my destiny."

"My illness is cured, I am now healthy, and I have a happy new life, all because of your original creation, I hope you can hear, I really want to say thank you to your face, unfortunately probably There is no such opportunity."

"Fate is unfair, maybe you have less than others, maybe your road is more difficult than others, but those things you have paid will definitely be remembered, will be remembered by the days, and will always be engraved on other people's hearts. in people's hearts."

"Don't be afraid of other people's eyes. You are the best you now, do what you want to do. You have suffered a lot, but fate has compensated you. In places you can't see, you have created the most incredible things. Miracle."

When Tao Zhiyue was talking, snow as light as goose feathers drifted down from the icy night sky.

Shen Nian actually couldn't understand these words, and knew that these words were not meant for himself.

But his eyes were red, and tears were about to fall.

He also heard a crisp sound like a shackle breaking.

Something is missing.

Shen Nian suddenly felt an indescribable freedom.

It was as if he had opened his eyes to see the world for the first time, looking greedily at this extraordinarily bright winter night.

Bugs were flying beside the incandescent lamps outside the bushes, the smell of disinfectant spread from the tall buildings, a bright and clear moon hung in the sky, and the snow in the night sky was reflected in the light beams of the street lamps.

The dust that fell on my heart seemed to be blown away by the white snow.

"I feel like I'm finally feeling a miracle in myself."

Shen Nian wanted to describe his feelings, but his words were incoherent: "I don't know why I feel moved, and I feel very free, maybe your friend really heard it, maybe I was moved for him... No, this is my own Feeling."

"I guess so." Tao Zhiyue looked at him with a smile, "A miracle happened again."