How to Raise Your Regressor

Alright, let's review my situation, right from the beginning.

I'm the First Being- wait, no, not from that beginning.

Okay, so I'm a cursed child who was abandoned by his Ducal family in a forest full of monsters.

On the verge of death, I was saved by a young lad who turned out to be a Regressor.

The Regressor had a companion and together, they invited me to their Guild as a R&D Head.

I, being the innocent young boy who's prone to believe people easily, accepted their invitation.

Then we came to this dungeon to save a young Shadowlord (apparently).

Surprise, surprise, they decided to test me and now Noelle is pointing a sword at me while Azell is also wary.

As far as situations go, this is not ideal.

Alright, now how exactly did I land in this situation?

I don't think I did anything suspicious.

Well, anything suspicious except creating new Mana Circuits using unknown theories and explaining to them the basics of the system called 'Shadowlord' even though that's something only a shadow should know.

…

That's gonna be a yikes from me.

Perhaps I should revaluate my approach.

But before that, I need to tackle the situation in front of me aka I need to save my head from being lopped off.

"And what exactly do you mean by that, Ms. Noelle?"

I don't think just straight up claiming to be the First Being would be the most strategic play here.

"Exactly that. Who are you and what is your motive?"

Wut?

"I'm Samur, and my current motive is to find out the reason behind your actions."

"…You think this is a joke?" She scowled.

I wish it was- wait, is this some elaborate play to extort money from me? If yes, that would mean they actually think I have money on me.

Like dudes, do you seriously think that my family would abandon me in a forest full of monsters along with some cash? What will I even do with it, bribe the monsters?

"How about we step back a bit and handle this situation like mature adults?"

"You're a child."

"A child you're pointing your sword at." I couldn't help but sigh. "Alright, so the very fact that you're asking me that question means that you suspect I'm lying about my identity and purpose, correct?"

"…"

"I'll take your silence as a yes. So, why don't you start by telling me what it is that makes you think I'm lying?"

"…Take a long look at yourself and tell me while looking me in the eyes that you're a 12-year-old child."

Wow. Thanks for personally attacking me, Noelle.

"I've had what people call, a difficult childhood. My circumstances forced me to mature way before my age and acquire any knowledge I could get my hands on to up my chances of survival. Turns out, I was wrong." I shrugged for an added effect.

"…" Azell's eyes shifted a bit.

"…" Noelle's scowl turned deeper.

"…" As for me, well, nothing happened to me.

"Don't you think that story is a bit too convenient?"

What's the problem with this woman? Does she seriously think I have seduced Azell into inviting me into his Guild?

How insecure do you have to be jealous of a child?

But wait, what if that's actually the case and Azell is smitten with me?

Disgusting.

Not gonna lie, but if I was Noelle and I lost the love of my life to a 12-year-old orphan he stumbled upon in a forest, I'd literally kill myself instead of accusing the said child.

"Thank you for calling my traumatising childhood a convenient story. It really breaks the stereotype, like women being kind to children."

I actually don't know why that's even a stereotype. Everyone is capable of cruelty regardless of their gender.

"You're an asshole, you know that?"

Wow, you're the one pointing a sword at a child, but sure, I'm the asshole here.

"Anyway, you believe that things fell too conveniently into place for me, right? What about you, Mr. Azell? What do you think?"

"I… do think it's somewhat suspicious."

"Oh?"

"Don't get me wrong, but I have met children like you before."

"Yeah, and they were absolutely nothing like you."

Alright, that's a fair point.

"…Need I remind you that it was you guys who saved my life and invited me to your Guild and that I'm here only because I accepted your goodwill?"

"It's isn't that hard to orchestrate that. We've gone through such situations before."

"Hmmm…"

I guess it does make sense for them to suspect me, if that's the case.

It's actually praiseworthy how they're capable of looking at things through a critical eye and unraveling the hidden layers.

Except that there are no hidden layers in my case, so they're dicks.

Alright, how should I handle this situation now?

I guess I could take them back to the Eckart family house and prove to them that I was indeed thrown out by my family, but that involves risking my life.

Or maybe I could string out a series of arguments using advanced psychology to make them realise their mistakes and prove my innocence.

Or, you know, I could just die. Because frankly speaking, this is not worth the effort.

Let's just do that.

These guys are real dicks who don't deserve me.

"You know what? Just kill me." And so, I declared.

"What?"

"Eh?"

Now that I think about it, dying by the hands of Azell is almost poetic because he was the one who actually saved my life.

Maybe this is a metaphor for life, about how everything in life is so unexpected and abrupt, just like in this case, where the man who gave me life now wants to take it. Maybe fate put me here because it wanted to teach me this valuable lesson.

Except that this has happened to me more times than I'd like to admit so no lesson for me. Perks of being a professional Transmigrator, I guess.

"What… do you mean by that?" Quite interestingly, Noelle's voice trembled a bit.

Now what, do I have to teach them how to kill people?

These guys are so unprofessional.

"Um, you know, take that sword and give me a classic 'Sword in the throat'."

Easy peasy.

"B-but why!?" Noelle hastily retreated her sword.

"Well, I weighed the pros and cons of my current situation and decided it's better to just die."

"It has only been 2 minutes, though!"

"I'm a fast thinker."

Call me Samur 'Fast as fuck' Eckart.

"B-but why would you do that?!"

"Didn't I tell you to value your life more?" Azell chimed in as well.

What the hell is wrong with these people? Like, hot damn, moments ago they were ready to kill me, but now that I'm actually asking them to kill me, they're imploring me to value my life more.

These two have serious mental stability issues. Go consult a professional psychiatrist.

Hmm, maybe I could be their psychiatrist and guide them on how to cope with their mental disorders while charging them exorbitant prices for my services I mean doing it for free because they're my friends.

Wait, no, they're trying to kill me, aren't they?

I'm definitely looting them so hard their next 5 generations will have to work as slaves to pay off their debts.

Anyway, back to the discussion.

I'm actually finding it hard to focus on this conversation because it's so generic. I can already imagine how this whole fiasco is going to turn out.

"Yes, you did. But I don't work well under pressure and usually end up failing to follow even the simplest of directions."

Like cherishing my life.

"Do… Do you not fear death?" Noelle asked.

"Death is but an inconvenience, nothing more."

For me, death is similar to a gameplay-cutscene-gameplay transition. After dying here, I'll simply wake up in a new body with a new life.

"You… You-"

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHHH!" Just then, a roar resounded in the dungeon, and no, it wasn't Noelle going batshit crazy.

[QUEST: Survive]

Hmm, this wasn't how I was expecting this fiasco to end.

I suppose the monster who, dare I say, pushed that guy over at the entrance has discovered us.

And I'm half-hoping it pushes me over as well because these guys are an absolute pain in the ass to deal with.