How to Raise Your Regressor

"To Samur! Cheers!" Azell raised his glass.

"Cheers!" And so did the others.

Wow, this party is more lavish than I thought.

And it's also more limited.

I mean, only the members of the core team were invited to this celebration. We might as well call it a get-together.

Wow.

"Thanks," I said as I sipped God's nectar.

Contrary to what I was expecting, Arteria and Neia actually listened to me and added Chocolate Shake to today's menu.

I must admit, that came as a pleasant surprise.

"Did you really clear a dungeon within 3 minutes?" Antonio, who was standing beside me, asked.

"He did," before I could answer, Neia did.

I wasn't aware that I had appointed her to speak in my place.

And that's because I did not.

These guys really do love violating my basic human rights, like letting me answer questions that were posed to me.

"Well, it's nothing that amazing."

It was a 1-star dungeon, and the weakest one at that. Yet these guys continuously remind me of that fact like I was an adopted child.

Honestly, the New Dawn guild can go fuck itself.

Nah, just kidding, in the end, these guys ARE celebrating for me; they are happy for me, which I can respect.

But yea, if this was any other day, I would have wanted to go fuck themselves.

Huh, imagine if they took my words too seriously, took a mirror and started humping it while moaning.

That would be a yikes from me, and also my cue to leave this world and go on to a new, mundane life.

"Is that what you believe?" He asked as he sipped some fine wine.

"Technically speaking, any of you could break my record."

Why else would they be the members of the core team of such an important guild?

"Maybe," he nodded and took another sip. "But we definitely couldn't have gotten a time even remotely close to yours back when we were mere newbies."

Huh, that's a surprisingly reasonable argument.

And now that I think about it, Antonio has been pretty chill about me. He treats me like a proper person, respects my wishes and even thinks logically.

In other, the New Dawn Guild except Antonio can go fuck itself.

This guy is my new homie.

"Fair enough, I suppose."

"You don't seem that excited," Neia smiled wryly.

"Well, it is a pretty good achievement, but it doesn't compare to the other things we did, does it?" I winked.

"…" Neia quietly sighed.

"What did you guys do?" Antonio asked.

"Well, nothing much. We just went on a date."

Oh wait, I probably should not have said that. What if he takes it seriously and reports Neia for catfishing a minor?

That would be awkward.

"It hasn't been that long since joined the guild, and you're already making your moves on the other members? You have fine taste. Good luck."

"It's nothing like that!" Neia exclaimed.

I doubt she would want to be in a romantic relationship with someone like me.

"Yeah, that was just a joke."

However, I'm not sure whether Antonio really thought of it as a joke or not.

Let's assume that he knew that I was simply teasing Neia. That would mean that his own statement was also a joke and we're all fine and dandy.

In other words, he's still my homie.

However, if he took my statement seriously and still said what he said, it would mean that not only Antonio believes there's nothing wrong with a minor and a thousands of years old Dragon going on a date, he also promotes it, as evident by his statement.

In other words, he's a piece of shit.

Perhaps I should reconsider what I thought about him literally seconds ago.

Maybe he's not that good of a guy.

What if beneath his calm, logical temperament, a beast is lurking, waiting for its chance to strike?

"Haha, I know, I know," he chuckled.

Oh, looks like it was just a misunderstanding. We can stay friends.

However, now that I think about it, that doesn't tell me anything about his views on relationships between minors and adults.

I should probably confirm his thoughts on this matter sometime soon.

"How's the party going, world record holder?" Arteria asked as she approached us with a glass of wine in her hands.

"Where's the tank I asked for?"

I remember specifically asking her to prepare a tank filled to the brim with chocolate shake.

And while I may be myopic, I'm not literally blind, so the fact that I cannot see or sense it through magic must mean it's not here.

"We simply didn't have the time to prepare something like that."

"My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined."

Things like this is what push people off the edge and make them jump of a 10-storey building.

Now how the fuck am I supposed to enjoy my evening?

This party is basically ruined for me.

"What tank?" Vafferan appeared out of nowhere and asked. "Oh, and congratulations."

"Thanks," I replied with a sigh.

Even I can't gather the energy to properly thank her.

Today is literally the worst day of my life; worse than the time I got abandoned in a forest full of monsters, worse than the day I blew up my arms, worse than the day my dumbass thought accompanying these wankers would be amusing.

Good grief, how am I supposed to continue living now?

"Are you alright?"

"Oh, don't worry about him. He's just being a drama queen," Arteria waved her hand with a chuckle.

Ex-fucking-cuse me?

First of all, how dare she?

Why don't I reveal the fact that you literally operated on me and transplanted my heart? Then we'll see who the drama queen is, Assteria.

Second, how dare she use inappropriate nouns?

If she's going to dismiss my sadness as mere drama, at least she should use the correct term and call me 'Drama King'.

"Well, the night is long, so take your time and enjoy the evening."

And how the fuck am I supposed to do that? There's not even any music to dance to.

"Well, about that," Noelle who also appeared out of nowhere (are they all trying to be magicians or what?) interjected, "He's still a child so he'll have to go to bed early."

Wow.

What is she, my mother?

No, wait, that's incredibly insulting to all the mothers I've ever had.

"Aww, come on, it's his day today. Let him enjoy!" Vafferan exclaimed.

"She's right," Azell said. "I'm sure you can look the other way just for today, no?"

Oh my, I'm touched.

"Well…. Fine, I guess."

"Hooray!" Clementine exclaimed.

"But only for today, okay?"

"Okay!"

"isn't that good for you?" Arteria asked. "You can party all night."

"Hmm."

I mean, that's all well and good, but have they considered asking me?

What if I didn't want to spend all night partying? What would they have done then?

Sure, I actually do want to party because having a work-life balance is paramount, but what if I hadn't?

Do they ever think about that?

No, they only think about themselves.

These guys are fucking assholes.

Wow.