How to Raise Your Regressor

Chapter 22 - Family Troubles

Unfortunately for him, he's wrong.

Every life has a 'price tag', and as such, there are some lives which are more valuable than others.

Objectively speaking, of course, every life is equal. However, the concept of objectivity itself is a farce. Things are far more subjective than what we're led to believe.

Just take a look at the current situation. Out of the 10 guys who attacked us, 5 are dead.

The very fact that Azell and Noelle were willing to exchange my life for theirs means that for them, my life was more valuable than all of theirs combined.

Even if they personally believed in the concept of equal lives, they chose to save my life over theirs.

"Please promise me you will never do it again." Noelle asked while wiping her tears.

"I shall try my best."

And by that, I mean I'll try as long as it'll only slightly inconvenience me.

After all, dying for someone is far easier than living for them.

"Can you heal him?" Azell brought us back on track.

It feels really weird to see them work so hard to save my life when I couldn't give two shits about it myself.

"Not here. A simple spell won't do; I will need to perform some surgeries as well." Neia replied.

Seems like this Dragon is rather proficient in the art of healing.

Which makes sense since she's, you know, a Dragon.

Looks like our Regressor boi has been 'collecting' comrades in order to win the final fight. And as if the Dragon and Ancient Vampire weren't enough, he also got his hands on the First Being aka me.

What's next? Is he going to wear us on his finger and snap the Universe out of existence?

…That actually sounded wrong on so many levels. Let's just move on.

"I'm sure you don't need others to perform the surgery, right?" My voice came out raspy as I was now having trouble breathing.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Noelle bite her lips.

"I don't." Neia replied.

"Perfect. And how long do you think it would be before I can walk again?"

If she's going to operate on me, I'm sure she will knock me out using some kind of drug so that I don't feel the pain of the operation.

"Hmm, you won't be waking up before tomorrow."

Well, that's a shame. Oh well, I suppose I'll have to rely on these dodgy wankers.

"Why are you asking all those questions?" Noelle chimed in.

"Finally, who among you is proficient in torture?"

The moment I asked that question, everyone's eyes turned to the Ancient Vampire.

She flinched and glared at me, "What are you planning?"

It's kind of becoming hard to speak as this shit body is already half-dead, but I have no choice but to explain it to them.

"It's simple. You see, these hunters were sent by my family to ensure that I died. So-"

"Wait, what?" The vampire's eyes widened.

Is she suffering from hearing impairment or what?

I repeated myself, this time a bit louder, "These hunters were hired by my family to make sure I died today. So what-"

"What!?"

Let me finish goddamnit!

"Uh-huh. So, as you can imagine, killing all of them would invite nothing but trouble for us. My family will suspect whether I had really died or not and might send out a search party to confirm."

"You still want to keep them alive?"

"What choice do we have?"

"…Which family are you from?" Noelle's voice was as cold as ice.

"That's… irrelevant." I smiled.

"It's not."

"And what will you do after knowing that, hmm?"

"Nothing much." She smiled, but that smile didn't reach her eyes.

Yup, I'm definitely not telling her that.

What if in a moment of rage, she stormed the Eckart Ducal house to demand an answer from them?

That'd start an all-out war between my family and my Guild, which would be a yikes from me.

"Why don't we discuss that later? Because, you know, I'm not in my peak condition right now."

"…" Noelle scowled.

Emotional blackmail is always effective.

"So like I was saying, Azell can go back and retrieve the 'you-know-what'. Ms. Ancient Vampire can-"

"It's Arteria."

Alright.

"Ms. Arteria will stay here with the rest and make sure that the remaining hunters will only wish for death."

"Hmm?"

"You know, give them a classic third-degree torture treatment until they're begging you to kill them."

"…"

"And when they do beg, release them on the condition that the report they will give to my family will list me as dead as a man who has been rejected by a thousand women."

"What?"

"I mean they will list me as dead as a normal dead person, or whatever. Look, just tell them to inform my family that the monsters killed me."

Ez peezy lemon squeezy.

"That is… far more sinister than what I was imagining."

Well, if I was a normal transmigrating protagonist with moral values, I would have tried to talk it out with these pieces of shit.

But I'm a motherfucking Professional Transmigrator. Sure, my methods aren't really ethical but hey, they're efficient.

"Hmm, and since you're an Ancient Vampire, I'm sure you have some contract-based skills. Bind these hunters to one such skill so that they won't go back on their promise."

All that effort torturing them would go to waste if the hunters decided to tell the truth to my family.

"You sure know a lot about Vampires."

"I've always been an avid reader."

"And is that it?" Azell asked.

Hmm?

"Of course. What else do you want?"

"Don't you want to take revenge against your family or something?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Eh?" Everyone's eyes widened.

"Because they left you to die in this damn forest!" Noelle exclaimed.

Oh, right, I forgot that my story is supposed to be incredibly tragic.

Whatever.