How to Raise Your Regressor

"Obviously! The Princess is here to see you!" Vafferan exclaimed.

Hmm, seems like I'm so famished that my ears have started failing me.

I mean, the Princess is here to see me? Assuming she means the monarchy of this country and not some self-proclaimed Princess, why the fuck would she do that?

After all, I'm just a normal boi living an absolutely normal life among normal people.

"Sorry, who's here to see him?" Arteria asked.

It would seem she had the same thoughts as me. As I thought, I really need to recruit this woman as my assistant.

Our thought processes are too alike.

"The Second Princess of this country!"

Hmmmm…

You know what? I'm too hungry to deal with this bullshit right now.

"I see. Please send her my regards, along with a message that I'm not able to see her at the moment."

"What?" Vafferan raised her eyebrows. "What can be more important than the Princess of this nation herself?"

A lot of things, Vafferan. For an Ultimate Weapon, your imagination really is limited.

"I have a dinner date with Arteria."

"Huh?! You two are already in a relationship!?" Her jaw dropped open.

"Of course not! Who'd like this brat?!" Arteria whacked me on the head. "Since the Princess herself is here to see you, I'm sure it's something important. Go greet her."

Goddamnit, do I really have to do it?

Hmm, wait, what if I treat her like the French Royalty and, you know, separate her torso from her head?

It would be pretty amusing, but yea, not the most tactical decision.

"Is there any food there?"

"Of course, there are some tea and snacks."

Tea, huh? I'm more of a coffee person, but whatever.

"Alright then. Where is she?"

Let's see what the so-called Princess is here for, and why she wants to meet me?

Did she ask for me specifically, or was her interest piqued after hearing about me from someone so she came her to satisfy her curiosity?

Hmm, now that I think about it, hadn't Azell and Noelle gone out on some business yesterday?

What if that business thing wasn't a cover for their secret date, and they had actually met the Princess to, say, report to her?

What if in their report, they mentioned that I had risked my life to save theirs?

What if the Princess was fond of these two wankers and decided she had to personally thank me for my services?

What if I ask her to pay me gold coins instead of giving me a simple 'Thank You'?

⟦⟦What if you stopped your incessant theorizing and just met her?⟧⟧

[What if I stopped trying to make sense of a situation to prepare myself for the things that were about to come?]

⟦⟦What if all your conjectures are useless and you're faced with something even you didn't expect?⟧⟧

[What if I stopped thinking for myself just because I was afraid of failure?]

⟦⟦What if that was what you needed all along?⟧⟧

[What if ceasing to find reason in things allowed me to exist as a mindless, unthinking soul drifting through the void?]

⟦⟦What if that finally allowed you to get the peace you so desire?⟧⟧

[What if it finally allowed me to truly die?]

⟦⟦What if?⟧⟧

[What?]

⟦⟦If?⟧⟧

[…]

⟦⟦⟧⟧

So many what ifs, yet so little answers.

Wao.

That sure went much deeper than I expected it to. What is this, a porn video?

*Knock* *Knock*

Oh, we're already here.

Before I knew it, we had reached Azell's office.

"Come in." He replied from inside.

"Go in. She's waiting for you." Noelle beckoned at the door. "And don't be so nervous." She whispered to me.

Nervous? Me? The fuck is this woman talking about?

Huh, now that I think about it, why am I meeting the Princess in Azell's office? Do we not have a parlour to entertain guests?

I opened the door.

Unlike last time, Azell was seated at the sofa meant to receive guests. Noelle was standing behind him.

If my maths and the information I was provided were correct, then the last person seated across Azell should be the Princess.

The moment I stepped in, three pairs of eyes turned towards me.

Two of them obviously belonged to our dear wankers, while the last pair of emerald green eyes belonged to the Princess.

Her eyes were slightly moist.

Hmm, perhaps the reason for her visit is more personal than I thought.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, Your Majesty." I slightly bowed while standing at the door.

"Ah, come have a seat." Azell beckoned at me.

As per his directions, I took the seat beside him and in front of the Princess.

"Allow me to introduce her. She's the-"

"Just call me Voloha." She smiled.

"I'm Samur, Your Maj-"

"Voloha." She was still smiling.

"…Your Majesty." I smiled as well.

"Voloha." Her smile stiffened a bit.

"Your Majesty."

Woah, this is a great way to pass time

"Vo. Lo. Ha." Her smile vanished and she glared at me.

Wow, learn to take a joke, Princess. These guys don't have a sense of humour smh.

"Alright, Ms. Voloha."

"Just Voloha is fine."

"Should I switch back to 'Your Majesty'?"

"…Alright, fine. Have it your way."

"Thank you, Ms. Voloha."

Ez.

"Now then, I was led to believe that you specifically called for me. Is that right?"

"Yes."

F.

"Well, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

I don't think I've met her before.

"Before that, I need to confirm some things."

Hmm- ah.

Looks like I'm in some deep shit.

"Go ahead."

It sounds amusing though, so let's see what exactly she wants to verify.

I hope it can stave off my boredom.

But before that, let's drink some tea lest my stomach decides to growl in protest.

"First of all, can you switch your hair colour back to their original colour?"

Wut? Bruhh.

Whose genius idea was it to reveal that I was cursed to the fucking Princess of this nation?

No matter how I look at it, that doesn't sound like the most tactical decision. What if she decides to eliminate me because I'm supposed to bring ruin to this world?

Worst case scenario and I'll have to replace the royalty as well as the religion of this world.

Wait, that sounds kinda exciting.

I stole a glance at Azell and Noelle from the corner of my eyes but judging by their widened eyes, I doubt it was them who revealed it to Ms. Voloha.

But then again, they could be acting.

Let's listen to her for now. The situation might still be salvageable. If I can successfully manipulate her, she could become one of the most powerful pawns on this game board.

I manipulated Mana and cancelled the spell which was cast on my hair. The next moment, they turned jet black.

"You really are… Samur." Her eyes trembled.

….

...

...…

Looks like I was worrying for nothing. After all, she seems incredibly happy to see me.

Nice.

After all that has happened till now, I'm not even surprised anymore.

"So, it would seem."

But the problem is; I do not remember her because, you know, I deleted my memories.

Yo Memory System, what the actual fuck? My past with the fucking Princess didn't seem like an important memory to you? Bruh.

⟦A summary of your history with her was left.⟧

Oh, nice. Sorry for abusing ya.

Let's see… hmm.

Okay, so I kept her company when she was lost in my family's back garden.

Wait, lost in my family's 'garden'? Was it a motherfucking farm or what?

Anyway, it would seem I calmed the crying Voloha down and stayed with her until someone came to get her.

But for her to have such an 'intense' reaction after reuniting with me… looks like the original Samur was a chad.

For now- oh?

My oh my. Would you look at that.

"Is everything alright?" I asked with a smile I couldn't stop from emerging.

Voloha flinched upon hearing my voice.

Her previous relieved expression had contorted into one of terror and despair, as if she had just witnessed a scenery of hell.

Which she actually had.

After all, she had peeked at my fate.