How to Raise Your Regressor

Anyway, time to leave Mr. Fally McFallface behind and continue our quest. There's no saving him now. We might as well find out who pushed him over and avenge him as long as it only slightly inconveniences us.

By the way, Noelle was now blushing slightly after realising her pathetic play at diverting my attention. It's probably Azell's pitiful gaze that made her realize her mistake.

"Didn't you say there were no monsters here?"

"There aren't."

Hmm, Azell seems adamant that there are no monsters here. However, that corpse at the entrance was clearly the work of a monster or a beast; that's what the bite marks suggested anyway.

"Then, is there something other than a monster?"

"…" Azell's eyes widened slightly as he looked at me. "The short answer is, yes."

Knew it.

"And the long answer is?"

"There's a guardian here that guards a certain… thing."

"Okay?"

"Special conditions must be met to pass those Guardians."

I guess the man at the entrance was made short work of by these Guardians as he didn't meet their… standards.

"I'm assuming we meet those conditions."

"Yes." He nodded. "So, there's no need to worry."

I'm worried about you guys though.

Anyway, if he says he has a way to make the so-called Guardians let us pass, let's believe him. I have no reason to think he's lying, anyway.

"What is being guarded here anyway?"

Let's focus on that.

What could it be? A legendary sword? An impenetrable armour? An apocalyptic monster in its infant stage that Azell wants to, let's say, abort belatedly?

"Hmm…" His eyes suddenly flashed with a calculating glint. "It's the… future Shadowlord."

Hmm…. A Shadowlord, eh? Going by its name, it's probably the leaders of those things called 'Shadows'.

But 'Shadows' is a rather broad category. I need to know more.

"What is that?" I tilted my head.

"Shadows are black, hazy creatures that prey on others. The Shadowlord is their ruler."

Ah, it's that 'Shadows'. The ones who kill the creatures of light out of sheer jealousy.

Well, well, this just turned more interesting.

"Then, are we here to kill the Shadowlord?"

That makes the most sense; weed out the threat before it can blossom into an apocalypse.

If I'm guessing the species correctly, the birth of the Shadowlord is an event of great importance, both to the Shadows and the world.

It's the Shadowlord's duty to create a new and just paradise for its people, where they feel neither envy nor fear; and what better way to do that than eliminating everyone else? After all, they can't feel jealousy or fear if there's nothing to fear or be jealous of.

I was a Shadowlord in one of my previous lives. The intrinsic impulse to kill anything that was not a Shadow was just too strong; it was their racial trait.

However, contrary to popular belief, Shadows are actually intelligent creatures instead of just some mindless killing machines. Their desire to kill everything is the result of a mythic curse which affected the species as a whole across the entire Universe.

Most of the Shadows are able to rein in that desire and act logically. In fact, during my time as the Shadowlord, I was able to create a society where the Shadows lived in harmony with other creatures.

We had formed our own kingdom. We had a government and had formed peaceful diplomatic relations with surrounding countries.

Of course, there were those who were adamant about not letting us live in peace. Needless to say, they were razed to the ground.

Ah, those were the good times.

Wait, we digressed.

Thankfully, my thinking speed was, like, as fast as light; I remembered all those things within the fraction of a second- I wish I could say that.

This body's brain was still trash. I'm upgrading it the moment I reach the city and get my own lab.

I was given the time to ruminate about all that because Azell and Noelle had fallen into silence.

Azell covertly took a deep breath and opened his mouth again, "No."

"No? You don't want to kill this… Shadowlord?"

That certainly is odd- ah.

Don't tell me…

"I'm going to raise it."

Thought so.

"Raise as in… raise it as a pet?"

I certainly wouldn't recommend that. A Shadowlord is far too intelligent and powerful to be treated as a mere pet. Azell would be annihilated within, like, 3 months.

"No." He shook his head. "I'm going to raise her as my daughter."

What? Daughter?

…

...

...…

"Pfft, hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

"S-Samur…?"

"Ahhaha, haha, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Hahahha, ah, my sides hurt. Wheew." I finally managed to curb my laughter.

"…Was it that funny?" His head drooped a little.

"Well, it certainly is amusing." I stifled another chuckle. "Imagine it: the Shadowlord, the leader of Shadows, whose job is to create a just paradise for its people, would be raised by a human, their mortal enemy. Wouldn't you find that sight amusing? Wait, do you have any experience raising kids?"

"I have a little sister back at home-"

"Which means you don't. This is going to be even more fun. All the best, Shadowlord-Papa."

I stole a look at Noelle. She had a slight smile on her face, probably imagining her time as Shadowlord-Mama.

This is going to be one dysfunctional family, and boy am I going to enjoy their drama.

"I… didn't expect this side of you…"

"Is that so?"

Oh well, he's going to witness more such unexpected sides in the future.

"That is so."

"Oh well, there's nothing we can do about that." I shrugged. "I'm just looking forward to your… adventures."

Raising a child is a wild ride in itself, and he's trying to be the foster father of the Shadowlord.

Boy oh boy, this is going to be the highlight of my current life.

"You know what?" Azell scowled. "You're going to be the elder brother."

Wut?

"No, no, no."

"Yes."

"But I'm not even fit to be a brother!"

Someone as overly-sarcastic as me wouldn't make for the best role model. The Shadowlord saying 'Fuck' every 20 seconds would the stuff of nightmares.

"…"

"…"

"…"

Oh boy, they took it the wrong way, did they not?

"By which I mean I'd make for a terrible older brother because I don't have the experience of being one."

"Didn't you have a little sister?" Noelle furrowed her brows.

How does she know that?

"I didn't get to spend much time with her, unfortunately."

"…"

"…"

"…"

I just made it worse, didn't I?

"I mean I stabbed my own little sister."

"…Samur." Azell grabbed my shoulders. "Everyone deserves a chance at redemption."

"I don't want one."

"Good luck, Shadowlord-elder-brother."

This motherfucker…

To think I'd become a part of this dysfunctional family; I keep hitting new lows in this life.

I thought I was already at rock bottom but these guys took a shovel and dug even deeper.

Oh well, I'll play the role of the cold older brother who has no love to give to his younger sister.

I mean, that'd be pretty traumatising for her as she'll question her worth for the rest of her life, but as they say, progress takes sacrifice.

She'll be the collateral damage in my quest for a… peaceful life.