How to Raise Your Regressor

"Hahahaha! I finally have you, Dragon Princess!" The man holding me laughed maniacally.

Um, I'm truly sorry to say this mate, but the Dragon Princess is standing in front of you. I'm just a random boi you can find anywhere.

Well, not everywhere, because I'm the motherfucking Origin; would be a yikes from me if you could.

But wait.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

What if I AM the Dragon Princess?

What if the Eckart family- instead of giving birth to me- had actually stolen me from the dragons when I was a little baby to use me for their nefarious plans?

What if the man holding me was actually my real family and had come to take me back home?

Well, probably not, because a Dragon does not have the heart of a shit human.

Sed.

"Um, I think you have the wrong-"

"Shut up!" He hollered as he hit me in the side of my head.

"Ow. Bruh-"

"Shut. Up." His hand suddenly turned into a Dragon Claw which he put against my neck.

Alright geez, calm down. I was just asking. Why do you have to be so violent about it?

This discrimination against hostages needs to be stopped; even they have rights.

The kidnappers of this world are fucking assholes.

"Now then, Princess." The man turned to the real Dragon Princess aka Neia. "I need you to quietly come with me. Do anything stupid and this boy gets it."

Gets what?

"Why are you taking a child hostage? Where is your pride as a Dragon?" Neia asked, but I could see the gears of her mind turning.

Perhaps Neia's actually really smart and has an ingenious plan to get both of us out of here?

"Heh, pride? Everything is fair in a war, Princess." The man- or shall I say, the Dragon in his humanoid form, scoffed. "Now, your answer." He asked as he pushed the claw against my neck, causing a prickling pain.

I felt a small amount of blood trickle down my neck and stain my clothes.

First of all, does he have any idea how hard it is to wash out blood stains? Bruh.

Anyway, this guy is serious, huh? He'll probably kill me if Neia doesn't agree to his demands.

Which means there's only one thing for me to do here.

"Run away, Neia!" I shouted. "Don't listen to him!"

"Hey you, shut up!" He hit me in the head again.

Come on, Neia. Your job is simple; just transform into your Dragon form and fly away. That way, both of us will get what we wish for.

"Hey! Don't you dare hurt him!"

"Then ask him to keep his mouth shut. Now, make your choice, Princess. We don't have all day."

"Guh!" Neia groaned, but I couldn't make out her expression clearly because I'm suffering from myopia.

Wow.

Also, act your part, Neia.

Please turn into a dragon and fly away so that I can die and be freed of you fuckers I mean so that you don't have to live the life of a slave cuz I care for my comrades cuz I'm a gud boi.

"I can't attack or hurt you in any way, but neither can you." I could feel a smile appearing on his face; 'feel' cuz I obviously couldn't see it.

"…" Neia finally took a deep breath and declared. "Fine. I'll go with you, so leave Samur alone."

Jesus fucking christ, Neia.

You can't rely on anyone these days, huh. You gotta do everything yourself.

"I will, but only after we reach our village."

"And why should I trust you?"

"I swear it in the name of the Dragon God."

Wait, what? Did he actually use the name of the Dragon God?

Huh, looks like this Dragon is a Dragon of honour and values his tradition.

After all, the moment he goes back on his word, the Dragon God's apostles will personally descend and kill him to make an example out of him.

Now, the moral integrity of Mr. Drago McKidnapper aside, this situation is getting out of hand.

Like what, I was supposed to cosplay the pathetic side character in a B grade movie and die in this hostage situation.

Though I guess I could still do something similar, except this time I would be the best friend of the protagonist who'll sacrifice himself to protect the latter.

In fact, that scenario sounds better.

Hmm, but how should I do this?

Should I go for theatrics and end my life in an epic Grand Finale? I'd cry and smile at Neia, telling her to live a good life in place of me. As Neia would scream and beg me to stop me, I'd slice my neck against the claw and kill myself.

Or maybe I can be the cool best friend. With a savage smile and eyes full of conviction, I'd ask Neia to back off and detonate myself, taking the Dragon out with me.

I could also do it in a way where Neia doesn't blame herself. I could start panicking like how a child should in this situation, do something stupid and die.

Huh, I should get an Oscar just for thinking about these scenarios.

But I obviously cannot do all of them at once, so I'll have to narrow down my options.

The third one is a no-go because acting like a stupid child would be inconsistent with my character and would lead to what people call 'plot hole'. I'd just embarrass myself.

The second is good, but I have already done something similar with Noelle (by blowing up my arms to kill the Minotaur), so I can't use that again. After all, the sequel has to be better than its predecessor.

I guess the first scenario is my only option, eh?

Except that there is a slight problem; the Dragon had withdrawn his claw while I was planning my glorious death.

In other words, fuck my life.

Overthinking has once again cost me a good death. I should probably stop doing it.

God-fucking-damnit Dragon, you had one job.

I mean, sure, the New Dawn Guild would probably have given you a pretty horrific death because I died by your hands, but that's a small price to pay for the chance of starring in one of the best scenes of all time.

I gotta do everything myself, huh. Poor me.

I guess I'll have to postpone my plans of killing myself without making it seem like I've killed myself.

Time for little old me to save the day.