Lazy Dungeon Master

Preparations

That day, Leona was taking a stroll about Succubus Village.

Though I say that, she didn’t exactly walk far, seeing as how the place the village was in was just a single dungeon floor. It looked like a spacious meadow, but it had walls and a ceiling.

‘There’s nothing new to see…’ is what she thought, but then she suddenly found a red button sitting on a rectangular pedestal coming up from the ground.

“Oh? Was this here before?”

Not pausing at all, Leona pressed the button.

“…? Nothing’s happening.”

Click. Click, click click.

Leona pressed the button repeatedly.

Cli-click, click, clickity click click click. She even started trying to press it sixteen times per second, but even then nothing happened.

[Oi Leona, what’re you doing?]

And then a Golem appeared.

“Oh, Kehma-sa—-Golem-san. Well, I was pressing this button here.”

[… You pressed it?]

“… Yeah?”

[How many times? … Mm, fifty-two times eh? Kay then, here ya go.]

“Eh, what’re you gonna give me?”

He dropped an eggplant into Leon’s outstretched hand.

“… I don’t want them…!”

[Sorry, it’s one of this dungeon’s rules. Someone who presses this button here has to eat an eggplant… Alright, here’s the four others.]

“Such a weird rule, change it!”

[You want me to change it? Oh well then. Then you’ll have to give me something in exchange… how about five Philosopher’s Stones instead of the eggplants? You can make them at the drop of a hat right? I’d like to experiment.]

“Sure, here.”

Five Philosopher’s Stones—alchemic treasures—tumbled across the ground.

They weren’t worth any different than simple rocks to Leona.

[Ah, thanks.]

“Seriously, why’d you suddenly make such a weird rule?”

[I made it since the Succubi wanted to eat eggplants. I’ll just remove this button then~]

With a rustling sound, the Golem removed the button along with its pedestal from the ground. It then slung it over its shoulder like it was just carrying a plank.

[Listen here, if you got discouraged by this, go and try pressing some more buttons whenever. Absolutely press them!] [1]

With the Golem telling her not to press buttons, it left without waiting for a reply.

“…”

Leona smiled.

*

“She should definitely press the next button she comes across now.”

“Well, she’ll definitely press them after you told her to press them like that.”

… Did it turn into that because of the translation function?

“Just to say it, what I told her was to not press them. It’s an intentional mistranslation that feels like a scheme. Leona—who’s also a Hero—should hear it as-is in Japanese, though.”

“Eh, what? She’ll press them even though you told her not to press them…?”

“She’ll definitely press them.”

Leona’s weak points. That is, [Eggplants] and [Promises]… rather, [Clichés]. [2]

She keeps her promises, all the more so when they are clichés. In that case, it’s a definite thing.

While on the topic, my saying [Absolutely press them!] was a [Cliché] to the point that the translation function mistranslated it. With that, Leona’s pressing of the next button she comes across is virtually a sure thing.

“With this, the foundation for Leona catching herself in the trap has been laid. Next is making the instakill trap… well, it won’t kill her, but it should at least drive her out.”

Still though, I wound up getting a hold of these Philosopher’s Stones in the preparation stage.

I was expecting for it to blow over as a joke, but it looks like Leona really does treat them as the same worth as pebbles…

… Maybe I should’ve asked for fifty-two of them? Well, no point in crying over spilt milk.

“… Should we try turning one into DP?”

“Oh, wait. Don’t… I get the feeling that they’d be 10 DP at most.”

Rokuko stopped me when I tried to convert a Philosopher’s Stone into DP as a treasure.

She’s gotten to the point of being able to know how much DP a treasure is before crushing it? Just when did that happen…

“Hm? The heck, is it a fake?”

“I don’t know, but I get the same kind of feeling with Kehma’s Ring? It’s just a guess, but I think it might be because it didn’t take much time or effort to make? Like you get proportional DP to the effort it takes.”

I see, so it’s the same as the DP-light magic sword blade golems I made… Conversely, when I raised those beets and turned them into sugar, the value of those cheap seeds went up after I put so much time and effort into them. It’s that kind of feeling.

Ooh, now that I think of it, that DP-raising method about raising a Jewelled Turtle that Haku-san taught me did take up quite some time, didn’t it?

“Leona’s able to make them from any old rock right? But they still function normally. It’s like that.”

“I see…”

In that case, maybe I should give one to Nayuta? … is what I thought, but I don’t really have a reason to actually give her one.

I got it from Leona after taking great pains to do so myself, so I should use it for my own sake. Just giving it away is no good.

But Nayuta doesn’t have anything I actually need. Even her gun is a defective prototype… maybe some freshly used socks?

“… Eh, wait. You tried crushing the ring I gave you?”

“Hueh!? N-no, Kehma! Haku Ane-sama said she wanted to buy the ring for 100,000,000 DP, so I was like ‘I wonder how much it’s worth~’ and just started thinking about—ah, I obviously turned her down though, you know that right!? Don’t worry, I really definitely absolutely wouldn’t betray your love and trade it in for money or DP! So, umm, right! Let’s sleep together tonight!”

“Wait wait wait, STAHPPU, STAHPPU.” [3]

I calmed down Rokuko, who’d started panicking for some reason.

… 100,000,000 DP though, woah. But Rokuko’s also amazing for actually turning that down. If it were me, I would’ve sold it. I could’ve used that to buy a bed and a luxurious life of indolence.

“I wouldn’t have minded if you sold it for a 100,000,000 DP though, I could’ve made another.”

“It’s the ring I got from you though! There’s no way I could sell it. Don’t say something so mean… Muuu…”

Rokuko pouted.

… And now I’m thinking this girl’s naturally adorable.

It’s just a ring to me, but for Rokuko, I guess it’s something important she got from me.

“Hey, Kehma… I wonder, umm, a Dungeon Core and a human, they can make kids, right? Taking Setsuna as an example, they can, right? How do they make kids?”

“That’s not a story for right now, alright? Oookay, let’s change topics~!”

Ask Haku-san about something like that… no, actually please just forget about it and never ask anyone. It’d get me killed.

But still, Rokuko’s in this state… did Leona do something to her? I really do have to rush Leona out of here or I’m not going to live for long.

“Really Kehma, you don’t have to get shy. We’re in a relationship, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, we’re partners.”

I once again strengthened my determination to drive Leona out.

“… So you made that Leona-use floor after all? There are a lot of things you made that I don’t understand though.”

“Yeah. I made sure to prepare a chance for Setsuna to get an attack in on Leona too.”

With that, my preparations are in order.

Next, I’ll be sending Leona to the specially-made floor and do something to her.

… As soon as Setsuna’s preparations are ready, it’s go time.

“Nerune, how’s going on their side?”

“I gave the weapons I got from Master to them~, they’re probably ready whenever~? They were practicing with the weapons they got~”

“In that case, we’ll start the operation tomorrow.”

I decided to do one last look-over of the Leona-use floor.

I really just wanted to sleep to prepare for tomorrow, but it looks like Rokuko would get into my bed if I tried sleeping now, so I don’t think I’d be able to sleep in more than one meaning…

Footnotes:

Keima is actually saying [DON’T press them]… by using Japanese wordplay that doesn’t work in English at all. Return

He adds the ‘this is important O’ modifier to ‘Promises’, causing it to gain a second meaning: clichés. It might be a bit of a spoiler in English, but understand that this meaning isn’t used much in Japanese. This is meant to be wordplay that becomes apparent in the next chapter. Return

Keima started speaking English here, so I put Engrish.

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