Lazy Dungeon Master

My… Secret Plan…

​ “Oi, Kehmaaa, what’re you doing, getting my daughter drunk like that?”

​ “Sorry. She said she was good with alcohol so I prepared some good alcohol for her, but I didn’t think she’d end up dead drunk.”

​ Before me was an empty barrel and a flame dragon laying on its back like a drunkard, as well as a certain salamander as her guardian. Ontentoo, the guardian, appeared when I called for him, thankfully.

​ Looks like the way to defeat dragons from Japanese myths (through alcohol) appears to work in this world too. Hahaha, Japanese myths are this world’s cheats! Just kidding…

​ “… Man, I tried stopping her, but stopping her in her flame dragon form was impossible.”

​ “Yeeeah… Maybe if she were in her human form, but… oh, Kehma, are you stronger than a minotaur?”

​ “No? But wait, why?”

​ “Ah, I was wondering if maybe it would’ve turned out different. Igni’s still stronger than a minotaur even in her human form, after all.”

​ The heck. She could’ve ripped me apart if things went bad, seriously.

​ “Still though, Kehma. What’re you planning now? She’s not gonna wait up till morning, and good luck waking her up, she gets rough.”

​ “… There’s a chance that she’ll be attacked by the hero if she gets rowdy… hmm.”

​ “Should I ask Redra to be a stand-in? Humans shouldn’t be able to tell the difference between them yeah?”

​ “… Red dragons and flame dragons look too different, even for us humans. It wouldn’t work.”

​ “Really? Ah well, guess so. But they act like each other, like their habits. They felt so in sync getting out of their magma bath yesterday, like a real mother daughter duo.”

​ “You’re proud of your wife and daughter, I get it.”

​ Telling me they wipe their bodies off the same way is troubling. In various meanings.

​ … So, what should I do? Should I wait until she wakes up?

​ Or should I call for everyone since they’d probably come in before then?

​ There’s also the fact that the alcohol smell will fade if I wait till she wakes up.

​ Hmmm. I really don’t want to wake up someone when they’re sleeping as peacefully as that, but I guess I have to…?

​ “Alright Ontentoo, you wake her up. I don’t want to get crushed.”

​ “Yeah… well, guess it’s all we can do. Oi, Igni, get up.”

​ Ontentoo shook Igni’s body with his foreleg.

​ Bang.

​ Her tail, thicker than a log, struck Ontentoo.

​ “Ouch, come on. Get up, Igni.”

​ [Ugyaoo… three more… hours…]

​ However, Ontentoo merely caught her tail with his body, not looking jostled at all.

​ Yep, shaking her would’ve been impossible if it were me, let alone taking her tail head on and continuing.

​ I looked at Meat, who was standing beside me… I wonder if she could’ve? No, still, no way. I wouldn’t even want to try it out since it might kill her.

​ “More like, Ontentoo, are you alright?”

​ “This… this is my pride. I gotta show her my dignity as her father.”

​ “Pretty different from your usual then? You’re always so flirty with Redra.”

​ “… Oof… don’t talk about that right now…”

​ Igni turned over, letting out a flame as she breathed out. Even so, Ontentoo continued eagerly trying to wake her up as Meat and I looked on from the corner of the room. We were sitting down with our arms around our knees in front of us just trying to not get in the way.

​ … Igni’s claw marks and breath were starting to cover the boss room’s floor. It was more like a record of Ontentoo’s hardships.

​ Yep. I would’ve been in trouble if Ontentoo weren’t here. Meat and I never would’ve been able to get her up. Would we even leave bones behind if we took one of those breaths?

​ “Hey, won’t this turn into dealing damage to the dungeon core if it goes bad? Are you really okay?”

​ “Shut up! A father won’t die from his adorable daughter tossing in her sleep! I mean yeah my body’s wounds are from her, but… alright just wake up!”

​ [Migyah!?]

​ Being a father’s tough…

​ Bang!

​ Just as I thought that, there was an explosion on Igni’s head that would’ve caused a human’s neck to erupt with something similar to ketchup.

​ [Ueh… that hurt, papa… uuu…]

​ “Alright, you’re up? You got drunk again, are you alright?”

​ [Nn… my head’s pounding… uhh, what was it called…?]

​ “A hangover—oh well. Just hold it back, you gotta run.”

​ [Ummm…. oh, oh yeah, I had to escape, huh?]

​ “Oooi, Kehmaaa! Looks like it’s alright!”

​ Seriously? But there was so much suspense.

​ “Let’s see… alright, Meat. Please get the rope out of your [Storage].”

​ “Yes, Goshujin-sama.”

​ With that, Meat took a collapsible platform cart and rope out of her [Storage].

​ It’d be great if we could bind Igni up in the rope directly, but…

​ Thinking about it, Igni shouldn’t be able to move, so we have to put her on the platform cart first… and Meat and I couldn’t lift her giant body.

​ … I’m also worried about the thing’s weight limit. Rather, can I even pull her outside on it? Maybe Wataru could manage it somehow?

​ “Igni, please get on the platform cart. Your body’s way too heavy for us to carry.”

​ [Aaah, oooh? I’ll just… go to my human form…]

​ “Oh, no, just ride it normally—”

​ Igni went to her human form as she spoke. It was the little dragon-human form I saw when I met her.

​ “Fuaaah… ‘kay, niiiight…”

​ Saying that, she curled herself up on the cart and fell asleep. Without changing back into a dragon.

​ “… Umm. Ontentoo, is this okay…?”

​ “Heck if I know… probably not?”

​ Ontentoo tried tapping her on the head, but Igni didn’t even stir.

​ “… Looks like it’d take a while to get her up this time.”

​ “Yeah…”

​ “Should I ask Redra to substitute in after all?”

​ “No way, that definitely wouldn’t work.”

​ What should I do?

​ Just then, Meat opened her mouth.

​ “… Goshujin-sama. How about calling in Ichika and the others as is?”

​ “As is, you mean… like how she is now? With her looking like a girl sleeping on a cart?”

​ “Yes… I think… I think her strength is obvious just by looking at her. She is a true dragon. And, well, Wataru is naïve, so…”

​ I see, I get what Meat’s wanting to say.

​ Wataru is naïve. That is, he couldn’t even find it in himself to take down Rin—the black wolf that occupied our dungeon for a time—because it could talk.

​ And this is a young girl that looks like a human. There’s no way he’d just suddenly kill her.

​ He’ll probably say something about wanting to negotiate when she wakes up. Heck, I’ll say it if Wataru somehow doesn’t.

​ Then we can just have Igni surrender and run off…

​ “… Can you really see how strong she is just by sight? She just looks dead drunk to me though?”

​ “Wataru definitely will. Gozoh, Roppu, and Ichika will too, probably.”

​ I can’t see how, but they’ll probably see it if Meat says they will.

​ “Hmm, well, in that case, Igni probably won’t die.”

​ “So it’s good? In that case, I’m going to head back. Kehma, I’ll leave the rest to you yeah?”

​ Saying that, Ontentoo got up and moved to leave as he struck my shoulder?, but I called out for him to stop.

​ “Hold up, Ontentoo… there’s still something I’m worried about. There’s a possibility that Igni might say something when she wakes up…”

​ “… Yeah… Kehma, you should be able to come up with something, yeah?”

​ “Depending on the situation, sure, but I’d like to prepare a little… help, Ontentoo.”

​ “If it’s for my daughter, nothing’s too expensive, what do you need?”

​ “Please prepare a trap that’ll hit her with something to keep her from speaking, a switch activated kind. And just in case there’s an emergency, I—”

​ I held a preparatory meeting with Ontentoo (for the second time that day) before I called Wataru and the others in.

​ … Seriously, this isn’t going to plan at all. Sheesh.

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