Li Huang

I believe that when I wake up, I will become a brand new me. Then, I felt myself falling into the bottomless darkness, with a little peace of mind, I fell willingly.

When I opened my eyes again, there was a strong light in front of me. Gradually, rough curtains, half-old window lattices, and simple furniture came into view. I took a closer look and found that the curtains were made of blue homespun cloth dyed at home. When I first saw Haoyue, she was wearing such a texture of clothes.

Haoyue...My heart was startled. I shouldn't think of old people, I should forget everything. Haoyue represents my identity in such a world and is also a testimony of my life in the palace.

I want to forget!

Those memories belong to Miss Ling's family, and I, who woke up at this time, are already another person as I wish.

"Are you awake?" A gentle voice came, which sounded so kind to me.

This voice is like the tone my mother often speaks to me, gentle, caring, loving...

"Ah," I sat up halfway, and then I saw that the person talking to me was a middle-aged woman who was slightly fat, but she was very kind.

My eyes rested on her face, full of dependence, her expression softened: "Drink some water, you must be exhausted."

"You saved me?" I looked at her with a smile: "Thank you." I said I wanted to get out of bed and salute her.

She hurriedly stopped: "Thank you, lie down quickly." She handed the water to my hand.

I was really thirsty, and my lips almost cracked. That bowl is the most common white porcelain bowl, with a simple blue pattern, and it is the most common utensil used by farmers. Like this modest room, it is simple but comfortable.

At this time, in my eyes, it is much better than the low-key luxury of the Prime Minister's Mansion or the splendor of Kunning Palace. I couldn't help but laughed, watching the clear water in the bowl rippling slightly, and I drank slowly to my mouth.

Looking up at the woman, she kept looking at me with an implicit smile. Although the smile was mostly caring, it had other meanings. I looked at her, thinking how to explain my origin, but she spoke first.

"Girl, what's the problem?"

I startled, girl, so she knew the fact that I was disguised as a man. But it’s not surprising that she saved me and I slept for so long. It is still easy to tell whether I am a man or a woman.

I raised my head: "I..." but I don't know how to speak.

"My husband's surname is Huang, just call me Aunt Huang." Aunt Huang smiled, took the bowl in my hand, and looked at me carefully, "Also, you are still in the middle of the moon."

I was surprised, but I nodded. What's the point of concealing? After a while, I may live in Aunt Huang’s house for some time. If you decide in your mind, you will have an excuse.

"Don't tell me Aunt Huang, I am indeed a woman. I pretended to be a man just for the convenience of going out." I sighed and said in a sad voice: "My maiden name is Li and my ancestral home is Hanyang. But I have been with my family since I was a child. Growing up in Southwest, I only know that there are a few relatives here."

I paused, looked at Aunt Huang’s eyes and continued: "I married a husband who grew up in the same village the year before, and my husband’s family..."

I paused and said, "My husband's family name is Xie. We grew up together since childhood. We are childhood sweethearts, and we are happy in love."

I closed my eyes, as if I was reminiscing about the past, but what emerged in my mind was the red wall and golden tiles of the palace, the lingering song, and the colorful scene. I shook my head slightly, trying to get rid of those memories.

"Because we have known each other since childhood, we are very happy after marriage. Although Xie Lang's family is not rich, it is still wealthy. He read some books when he was young, and he was loyal and honest, and worked hard." A happy smile appeared on my face. "And Xie Lang is very handsome, and the girls in the neighborhood like him very much."

Aunt Huang covered her mouth and laughed: "Xie Niang, you look so beautiful, and your husband shouldn't be bad if you want to come."

I was stunned for a moment when I heard the word "Xie Niang", and layers of warmth surged in my heart, as comfortable as the sun was shining on my body.

"We lived with our parents-in-law after we were married, and they were also very beautiful. We almost never had any awkwardness, and our husbands did not take concubines. The only regret is that we have never had children." My smile faded and I remembered those beautiful faces.

The gentle beauty of Concubine Liu, the heroic spirit of Concubine Li, the gentleness of Concubine, and the various beauties, he should forget me.

"The child can't be forced." Aunt Huang handed me a towel, and I realized that the corners of my eyes were sore and slightly moist.

I continued to tell about the life of Niang Xie: "Although we are not rich, we are loved by our husbands and loved by in-laws. Life is also sweet until..." I looked at Aunt Huang's eyes: "Until war broke out. The generals sent by the imperial court did not stop the enemy’s invasion in time and lost the city. The local officials recruited local young men to join the army. Just the previous month, my husband was also confiscated.”

When I said this, tears were streaming down my face, with a sad expression on my face. Aunt Huang hurriedly wiped my tears, and lightly patted my back for comfort.

I grabbed my grip and said slowly: "A lot of officers and soldiers came from the village that day, and they forcibly took away my husband and a few men. I didn't know that I had a child at the time, so I screamed and chased some sisters. I couldn't catch up, so I could only watch my husband and the others were taken away. It didn't take long for the news of the defeat to come, saying that there were countless casualties. Someone who went with them at that time fled back and told me...I... "

I choked up, coughing because of choking, and I couldn't stop the tears. Days of panic, grievance, and fear rushed to my heart, and I couldn't help it anymore.

Aunt Huang's eye circles were also red. I saw that she wiped her eyes with her hand and wanted to say something, but I didn't want to be interrupted, so I continued.

"The man told me that my husband had died in the war and was stabbed to death in a close fight with the enemy. He said he saw it with his own eyes. When I heard the news, I could almost imagine the time. Fainted several times because of sadness."

I took the towel in my hand and pressed my eyes: "I'm thinking, he just left, he didn't even leave me a body, what else can I live for in my life?"

Aunt Huang comforted me: "My child, don't think so. It's better to live than to go. Your husband must also hope you live well."

I nodded: "I really wanted to go with him at that time. I was rescued and I was rescued. Only then did I know that I had a child. My in-laws persuaded me, and I also felt that this child was left to me by Xie Lang. Yes, I should live well."

I placed my hand on my lower abdomen, and my heart was already numb with pain. My child, if it weren't for the person behind it, should still be in my body now, and it would be born a few months later.

There is no more emotion in my tone, as if my emotions have been wiped out in the past: "But one night, the enemy suddenly invaded the village, and most of the people in the village did not escape. I was on the mountain that night. In the monastery of, I and a few sisters prayed for their husbands to be overwhelmed, and this was spared."

I said that I lowered my head: "When I returned to the village, I had nothing left. People who were alive went to surrender to relatives, and I wanted to come to Hanyang."

I looked up at Aunt Huang: "I suffered all the bumps along the way, and finally got to Hanyang, but my relative turned me away."

I shook my head helplessly, and said with a cool smile: "I have no choice but to return to the place where I grew up with my husband. But this way..." My voice went low, carrying Endless sadness and grievances said: "My child is gone halfway."

Holding the quilt tightly in my hand, I thought about that day, the nurse who killed my child. But, who is behind her, and who else can it be? Suddenly resentful, I coughed violently.

Aunt Huang patted me on the back, and her tears fell: "It's so pitiful, so pitiful."

"Don't cry, child, like you, the family is gone. Although it is a pity that this child fell, you still have to live on."

Aunt Huang said, helping me to lie down: "Sleep for a while. You Xiaoyue, you shouldn't talk so much. Rest and rest. I'll make some soup for you."

She tucked my quilt and went out. I also feel tired. I always feel that something important is forgotten in my dimness, but I don't want to think about it anymore.

I woke up from sleep, about an hour, Aunt Huang brought a bowl of soup to wake me up.

"Xie Niang, eat something. This is the chicken soup that has just been stewed. I put some noodles in it." She said and brought it to my mouth: "Hot, be careful."

I was really hungry. I picked it up and ate it. Although it was hot, this bowl of noodles was the best meal I had ever eaten.

"Xie Niang, are you still planning to go back to your hometown?" Aunt Huang sat on the edge of my bed doing an embroidering job, asking as if accidentally.