MMORPG: Rise of the Peerless Pumpkinmancer

A man and a wolf were having a strategy meeting. Next to them was the silvery portal leading to the Wolf Den.

"Alright, so we have an issue. Our cheese is a bit too cheesy!"

"Woo!" (Nodding seriously.)

"With our current strategy, the second boss isn't spawning at all. Because of it, we are receiving less loot. So, do you know what we're going to do?"

"Woo!" (Less cheese!)

"Actually, a different kind of cheese! Last few runs, you were blocking Remus from spawning. This time, your goal will be to let it spawn but still steal its meal. It will require incredible timing, but I know you can do it."

"Woo!" (Heroic!)

It would make its master proud for sure! It posed proudly, showing high confidence. But a second later, its ears suddenly twitched as it turned backward in shock. There were footsteps approaching!

"Woo." (Soft warning.)

"What? Someone's coming?" Jack stared at the nearby Wolf Progenitor. It didn't seem to be overly on edge. How come?

The footsteps became louder:

— Tap, tap, tap —

That's when a man turned the corner. It was an old man with a white beard and a kind face. He seemed extremely relaxed as he took step after step with his flip-flops. Wait, flip-flops? He didn't even have any armor.

The situation sure was odd. He kept moving forward as if he couldn't see the deadly wolf boss nearby. The boss was already dripping puddles of saliva, with its maw gaping and its tail wagging in anticipation.

"Hey brother, are you lost?" Jack inquired.

"I'm precisely where I should be." The old man shook his head.

"You do know that this dungeon is level 6 and pretty hard to clear, right?" Jack asked, perplexed.

"Thanks for the concerns, but don't worry about me. I am just entering casually, and I don't plan on clearing it." He chuckled lowly.

He kept coming closer, appearing ever so relaxed. Just as the wolf was about to pounce on him, he suddenly flicked his hand, sending something flying. Was that…a piranha?! The colossal wolf instantly jumped to gobble it, showing a blissful expression.

Wow! Had this guy managed to tame the boss that easily?! That sounded so fishy! Was that even possible?! The duo couldn't believe their eyes. Seeing them, the man silently nodded their way, about to enter the portal.

"Old man, who are you?!" Jack couldn't help but ask.

"Just a hobby fisherman, that's all…." His voice echoed in the cave as he disappeared inside the rippling portal.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"So there's some random guy fishing for piranhas in a dungeon, eh? What do you think of that?" Jack laughingly remarked.

"Woo!" (Excited!)

It was possible to eat piranhas?! What about their large teeth? Wait, it was possible to remove them! At this moment, the little wolf had a revelation. Many things could be food and just needed preparation.

"Woo!" (Begging!)

"Alright, fine. We'll grab some."

Afterward, the two similarly went inside. Objective catch piranhas!— and beating the boss fight. They were ready to kick some wolf ass!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

In the Wolf Den, two teams faced one another. This fight would have been worthy of a pay-per-view event! Seeing as there was no narration, Jack took it upon himself to do it:

"In the left corner, we have the Demon King Jack'O and his mighty companion, the fearsome Wolfgang Amadeus Moon Moon! Only their handsomeness rivals their power. Ladies at home try not to faint!"

"In the right corner, we have some random stray wolves. Romulus and Remus or something. Their special power is being delusional and thinking they stand a chance against their peerless opponents!"

"Who will come out on top! Watch now and see it for yourselves!"

Jack happily shouted it all. The bosses stared at him while growling. They didn't need to understand human speech to feel the contempt in his voice. After all, the two bosses were only furry stepping stones in their path.

"Let's fucking goooo!!"

"Woo!!"

— HOWL!!! —

All the contestants charged at one another in a violent clash that…. didn't happen. Why? Because Jack and Moon Moon were running for their fucking lives!

The bosses were utterly confused. What the heck?! After all that bravado, both were running?! What was the point?

Well, this was an ancestral secret Infinite tactic for aggro generation. It was called…being a fucking asshole!

"Catch me if you can, you rug! Heck, you're so dirty I'd be too disgusted to even wipe my shoes on you!"

"Still drinking milk from your mother's tits? So did my pet! Heck, he's twice the wolf you'll ever be!"

The wolf was swiping and biting relentlessly, but Jack managed to block all the hits.

-2

-2

-2

-2

"You're coming at me so fast, but I don't feel a thing! Are you sure it's in? Your claws, I mean…."

As for Moon Moon, it was doing the very same:

"Woo!"

"Woo! Woo!"

"Woo! Woo! Woo!"

Damn! Jack couldn't believe how awesome his pet's trash-talking skills were. It made his own insults seem like compliments in comparison! How insane was that!

Jack sighed, pride oozing off him. They grew up so fast!

But, there was only so much that Moon Moon could dodge. After all, it was fast, but so was the enemy. It couldn't block or parry either, with the only option being to dodge.

Heck, a single hit would almost be the end too! A bright red -10 would appear as the valiant wolf winced in pain but kept running and dodging nevertheless.

Luckily, Moon Moon had a new trick up its fur! Around its neck, there was now a potion holster made with a leather strap.

Do you know how hard it is to teach a wolf to drink potions mid-battle?! The answer is hella fucking hard! The problem isn't the action per se, but not to freeze doing it.

But, where there is a will, there is a way. That Is how the new improved Moon Moon 2.0 came to be a junkie! Well, it was consuming a lot of red liquid….

"Perfect, just like that. Keep the aggro on that Romulus Bitch long enough for me to end the fight!" Jack gave a thumb up as he began a 1 v 1. The poor Remus was about to get its fury ass handed to it!

The fight went a bit like this:

— Slash Slash Slash! — (+ Some Cluck-Cluck)

— Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! —

— Slash Slash Slash! — (+ Some Cluck-Cluck)

— Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! —

— Gulp! Gulp! Gulp! —

The loop would always end up with Jack drinking a potion and the enemy despairing. At some point, it began to cry out for its brother to help.

— Pitiful howl! —

Sadly for it, the "Mighty Wolf" was only seeing red. It couldn't believe that a wolf as powerful as it was wasn't able to dispatch a reckless pup!

Driven by fury, it never realized the precarious situation of its brother, all until the poor wolf fell, violently slain. Hell, it never once used a skill to help!

As master and pet began teaming up to take it down, it finally understood how deep in shit it was. But it was far too late. Then again, perhaps it had already been too late when they had first spawned.

It was time to slay the tyrant….