Muted

It was a rare sunny day when discharged. There were continuous rains for several days. When I woke up in the morning to see the warm golden sun outside the window, the haze in my heart was swept away.

Packed up, thanked the doctor and nurse and left the hospital. I picked something on the street and I was going to see Xiao Yiyi, the little girl I met in the garden that day. These days, I often go to see her, and I know a lot with their family. It is also appropriate to go to the hospital after discharge.

The little girl just woke up when I went, and her mother was feeding her. When she saw me, she was called "Uncle Mu".

"Why are you here so early today, have you had breakfast?" When her mother saw me, she hurriedly remembered to greet me, and I waved her hand to signal that she didn't care about me.

"Is your body okay? It's great. We still have to boil." Yiyi's mother sighed with a smile.

"It's okay. After going through this level, Yiyi will be healthy and healthy forever." I walked over and put the fruit snack toys I bought for her on the table. Xiaoyiyi's eyes lighted up and she wanted to reach out He turned to look at her mother with some hesitation.

Yiyi's mother was in a hurry, dropped the bowl and walked over to bring everything back.

"How much can this little thing be worth, just because she called me Uncle Mu, can't I buy something for her yet?" I was more determined. Coincidentally, Yiyi's dad called to ask her mother to go downstairs to pick up things. She really said that she was not me, but she had to blush and put away the things and thanked them again and again.

"Hurry up, I'll help you look at her here." I sat next to Xiao Yiyi, took the bowl on the cabinet to feed her.

"Oh how can you bother her so much ..."

"Come on, her dad is in a hurry." If I continue to say this, it will endlessly. I hurriedly interrupted her, and Yiyi's mother thanked her and went out. I shook my head with a smile, the family was really simple and lovely.

Waiting for Xiao Yiyi to eat almost, I put the bowl down and found an envelope from the bag, "Yiyi, this is a gift from your uncle." I carefully put the envelope under Xiaoyiyi's pillow, little girl Opened my eyes and looked at me curiously. "But this gift is special. You have to promise your uncle that you can tell your mother to let her open it for you after he leaves."

"Can't I open it now?" Xiao Yiyi was completely attracted to my attention, and asked nervously.

"No, the gift will disappear if you open it now." The little girl looked so funny, I lowered my voice to tease her: "The witch will use magic to change it away."

"Don't change it!" Xiao Yiyi hurriedly held down the pillow, as if a witch really appeared in the next second to change the envelope. I smiled and touched her head. "So promise Uncle, OK?"

"Good!" Xiao Yiyi nodded solemnly. I reached over and hooked her, making her giggle again.

After Yiyi's parents came back, I said goodbye to the family. Before I left the ward, I looked at this happy family of three again, and silently blessed them before turning around and leaving.

In the envelope is a bank card and a letter with a password. I told them in the letter that they were an orphan and had incurable disease and had decided to give up treatment. There were only a few days left in their lives so money was useless to me. I might as well help them as a family with me. If you do n’t make a reason to say this clearly, this honest and dead-hearted couple will probably help me save the card and never use the money above.

After leaving the hospital, I picked a beautiful bouquet of flowers at the flower shop and bought two boxes of mung bean cake. I took a taxi to the cemetery. When I got off the bus, I was a bit surprised. The air here was so quiet and beautiful, it was really a good place. I first asked the cemetery management office about my mother's cemetery, and it took me a long time to find it.

There is a picture of her young on the tombstone, the figure is a bit fuzzy, I do not know where to find it. The monument is clean, and there are small stone lions carved vividly on both sides.

I stood there, not knowing what to say, and it took me a long time to remember to put down the flowers and mung bean cake.

"That ... I bought the mung bean cake you like ..."

"I came to see you."

It seems to me that I overestimate my mental capacity. I had imagined a lot before, because I had already planned, so I thought I would be very calm, but at this moment, I really stood here, looking at the person who used to laugh and move suddenly into a cold stone monument, and my heart suddenly swept away. The great pain that came to me made me feel bad. The pictures that my mother and I used to have flashed in my head, and my nasal cavity suddenly became sore. Before the eyes became blurred, I coughed hard and turned my head to take a deep breath.

I don't want to cry, there is nothing to cry. I would not treat myself so cruelly, and let myself live in guilt and pain all my life, so there is nothing to cry about. Everything will be over soon, and my mind settled down here.

"The scenery here is really good." I turned and smiled towards the tombstone. There were lush trees around it. It was probably the sunny breeze today. Even this kind of place would not be uncomfortable, but I felt peaceful and quiet.

"Really ... I haven't seen you for too long and I don't know what to say." I touched my nose uncomfortably. In fact, many things can be said, but many things don't want to say. There is really nothing to say that makes people happy, and there is no good news to report. I never spoke again, just sat down and quietly accompanied her, listening to the "brushing" sound of the wind blowing between the leaves, thinking nothing in my mind.

I sat there for one afternoon, and left when the sun went down. I just wanted to make sure she was okay, and see how she was sleeping. Now I am assured that there is nothing to worry about.

When I took the taxi back to the city, I felt a little tired, and I even had trouble breathing. Waking up from that dream to the thing that has been supporting me now is finally reaching its limit, and I seem to be able to hear its crumbling sound. When I was approaching, I stopped the car on the side of the road and slowly walked towards Pingqiao Park.

Many people arrive at the park, most of them are people who come out for sports after dinner. I walked through the crowd and sat down on a stone bench by the lake. There is an old man playing chess next to him. Children who have just learned to walk in the distance shake their calves and run around in the care of adults. I watched them leisurely, and occasionally I couldn't help laughing with the laughter of the crowd.

"You step forward! What are you afraid of? I'm helping you behind!" Two boys in the high school next to them were learning bicycles.

"Hold the head of the car and don't crook it! ... Don't crook it! Don't crook it ... Ah !!!" Both men fell to the ground with a slam, the boy in the moped fell tusks and grinned to pinch the other boy Face, the captive turned and strangled his neck, and the two started fighting.

I looked funny beside me, and suddenly thought of Yi Tian and me. Thinking of that time when he left after fighting and rubbing the blood on his hand, I followed him. "Thank you, classmate." "What's your classmate's name?" "Classmate, let's make friends." I asked all the way. At first he ignored me, but then I was so annoyed that he stopped and looked at me with the same look as neuropathy and said, "Are you **** ill?" The words of the righteous hero came to me, I am stunned His face turned red for a long time before he uttered a sentence: "I'm not sick."

I laughed when I thought about it. I didn't know where I came from at that time. I chased him every day and followed him. He was so annoyed that he scolded me and scolded me. I still didn't leave.

I'm so lonely, I want a friend, but I humiliate and never dare to approach others. I have experienced so many bullying and insults since childhood, he is the only one who saved me. Even when I was beaten up with blood by my adoptive parents when I was young, my neighbor just called the police and walked away to look at me with pitying sympathy. No one even came up to help me wipe the blood on my face. This way I suddenly met Yi Tian, ​​except for him, I couldn't see anything.

I still remember that the first time he smiled at me was a month after we knew him. I heard that he was ill, so I went to see him with my own porridge, and it took me a long time to find his home. The garden fountain of the house returned to me in shock, and a dog ran towards me. I didn't know it was a non-harmful and familiar Husky, only to see that the dog was tall and strong, and ran away like a wolf scared. I do n’t know how long I ran in the garden. In the end, I was so tired that I could n’t run. The dog fell to the ground from behind, my face was buried in the grass, the porridge in the thermos bottle was knocked over, and I still sat on my back. a dog. When I sat up struggling with grass and mud on my face, I found that Yi Tian, ​​not far away, covered his stomach and laughed, squatting on the ground. At that moment, listening to my heartbeat sounds faster and faster, I just think that if he can be so happy all the time, let me bury my face in the grass.

I remember those warm pictures over and over again. I dare not admit until now that I haven't stopped loving him for a second. I closed my eyes to be his eyes, the corners of his tight lips, the breath on his body. Only in the memory can I look at him unscrupulously, talk to him, blame him, and miss him. I later liked him so much that he lost his sense of reason and was tortured by the thoughts and paranoia of his heart every day, and then he was foolish enough to do stupid things. My results today are entirely caused by myself. I don't blame anyone. I only hate myself.

I have lived for more than two decades, but to prove to my biological parents that they gave birth to me was indeed a mistake.

The night was getting deeper and deeper and fewer people were around. Finally, even a couple of lovers sitting by the lake left, leaving me alone.

I got up and walked to the lake. The lake was dark and murky at night, and I could see nothing.

When I was in contact with the lake, I could not help but feel cold, bitterly cold. As if someone was holding an ice drill to bite the flesh and bone and then submerge it into the bone marrow, the needle-like tingles were dense and dense all over the body.

When the lake was not overhead, faint tree shadows were still faintly visible, and the water flowed from all directions to the mouth and nose, slowly sinking, and saw nothing again.

My chest began to ache, and I closed my eyes.

Throughout my life, I have stumbled and even broken my head.

I also thought of wanting to give up because the road was too rough, but in the end I insisted on walking down because I wanted to meet people I trust and love, because I want to be loved, and because I want happiness.

It was a pity that I still failed myself.

Then ... if.

If there is a god, if there is an afterlife, give me a home.