My 1979

He Fang asked Li He to touch her belly every morning and said happily, "Please touch it to see if it's a little bigger."

"That's a little bit." Li He just touched it and then retracted.

Seeing her belly bulging a little more every day, Li He's heart felt as cold as iron. Thinking about the lively family he once had, but now he was the only one left, he felt so miserable that he couldn't even sigh.

He Fang asked, "Do you want a boy or a girl?"

"girl."

"What if it's a boy?"

"Then you raise it yourself."

"You're seeking death." He Fang smiled and punched him. He didn't hide. She could see his displeasure, "Who provoked you again?"

Li He shook his head, "It's nothing. Just think about the big changes."

"Isn't that big? Think about it. When you first entered the school, although you were calm, you were very talkative and much more stubborn than you are now. You were so energetic."

"Really?" Li He didn't listen to He Fang's words, but he didn't notice the changes in himself. But if you think about it seriously, there seems to be a real change. When he was first reborn, the hormones in his body were probably over-secreting, and he couldn't hold back any kind of mentality, but he looked a little energetic.

There will always be a little impulsiveness, a little bad temper, and even a little bit of ambition.

But what about now?

Why did ambition and aggressiveness end midway?

How to calculate his age now? He fell into confusion again.

It rains heavily during the Qingming Festival, and the spring rains are continuous, so dense and thick that the wind can't stop them.

Since he shared the housework, he always opens the door early and then goes out to buy breakfast. The water had accumulated up to the threshold, and he turned around and said to He Fang, "Be careful when walking, the road is slippery."

After He Fang agreed, he put on his poncho and went out. He first bought breakfast and sent it back, then drove to the post office and mailed back the documents sent by Yu Dehua.

In the department store next to the post office, he bought two dollars worth of paper money and a bottle of wine. Today he will burn the two dollars worth of paper money for Old Yu's grave. Whenever he has time during the Qingming Festival every year, he will help burn the two dollars worth of paper money. His coming to burn paper had nothing to do with Yu Dehua, it was just because he got along well with the old man Yu, and it was right for him to burn two dollars of paper money.

I drove to the suburbs, but there were still no roads built here. The car had to be parked on the side of the road, and it took half an hour to walk on the dirt road in rubber shoes to get to the cemetery.

Old Man Yu's grave is easy to find. The tombstone, which is more than one meter high, is always a bit awkward here. The other graves are just raised earthen mounds without even a monument. Some of them had no one to worship, and some of them had even been washed away by the rain.

Because of the drizzle, the flames were very small and the paper money could not burn through. Li He poured a little diesel oil on it, and the flames started to spread.

He picked up some wet branches nearby and put them in the fire. When the flames became stronger, he put thicker sticks on top.

The fire circle was bigger, not afraid of the drizzle. Instead, the flames became more intense, and the wood crackled inside.

"Lao Yutou. Erguotou, it's strong enough." Erguotou opened it and threw a cup into the fire. The flames spread higher. "Don't worry, I won't let you drink alone. I will also drink a cup myself."

But he did not put this cup into his mouth, but still threw a cup towards the fire.

His body was not brought here, so he is considered dead and probably has decayed. Let’s give his dead self a drink.

His son and daughter should also worship him like this.

He stared blankly at the fire, as if talking to himself or to the fire, "Old Yutou, you are happier than me. If you die, you will be at peace. If I die, I will not be at peace."

"You feel comfortable. I have troubles in this life. But as for me, I have no choice. What do you think I should do? I can't be a father and son with my children in this life. I would like to, but we can't be husband and wife. "

At this stage, he thought he had it all right and figured it out, but occasionally when he thought about it, he still felt a sharp pain, and he couldn't think about it and didn't dare to think about it.

Even He Fang noticed something strange about him, and He Fang was also unhappy for him. But he didn't want He Fang to be unhappy.

As He Fang's belly got bigger and bigger, he became more and more conflicted.

"I feel miserable. Who can I tell? I dare not tell anyone!" Only in such an empty wasteland could he dare to shout so loudly, "To live soberly, to live soberly." I understand so well, it’s such a suffering. I’d rather be a fool.”

A whirlwind came over, and the flames almost touched him. He hurriedly turned to his hind legs, but he tripped and fell, sitting down in the mud with his hands in the mud. The wine spilled and he hurriedly picked up the bottle.

He didn't get up in a hurry, he just poured a glass of wine, ignoring the mud in the cup, and poured it into his stomach. It was so hot that he couldn't help but grin. In fact, it was more because the mud in his mouth was uncomfortable, so he spit heavily several times. , and then wiped his mouth with the clean area on his shoulder.

"Please think about it for me, is it cruel if I want to put them down now?" He stood up, put his hands on the weeds and rubbed them vigorously, until the mud disappeared. Then he added a few more large pieces of wood to the pile of flames and continued, "That's what I think, see if it's right. I'm almost 60 years old, and there will be a day when I leave them. Now, it's early Leaving or leaving late is always a matter of time. It just makes their sadness earlier, and then, it will cost two more dollars every year. They are older, they are good children, they can always take care of themselves, I It's reassuring. Now that He Fang is pregnant, they may have a younger sister, or of course a younger brother."

He sighed again and continued to pour a glass of wine and poured it into his stomach, "Grandpa and grandma love the eldest grandson, and parents love the old ones. Is this right? Now He Fang has a little one in his belly. I have to hold on tight. The younger one, right? You are wrong to say this, right? As a father, you can only be harsh and favor the younger one. Anyway, the older one is already married and sensible, so he doesn’t need me to worry about him anymore. Let’s talk about me, I can’t say I can’t bear to leave them, after all, they stayed with me for so long in my previous life, so I should be content.”

"Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming now, but I pinch myself hard and get stuck, and it really hurts. It's been almost ten years. I can't be dreaming for ten years, right? So, Ah, my life is real, I live a real life. I have to live, I have to live, my father is here, my mother is here, my brothers and sisters are all here. Hey, now my new wife I have everything. The new wife is pregnant. I have delayed her for ten years, I have to provide for her, and I can't owe others. They are all living a real life. "

The glass of wine might have choked his throat, but he began to cry unsatisfactorily, crying very loudly, and the tears mixed with the rain and fell down his face.

"Since it's real, I have to do something. Let me tell you from the bottom of my heart. I just don't like those foreign devils. You want to say that I am a big nationalist, but I admit it. You Come on, this person is so poor that even dogs despise it, let alone a country that is poor. People have reason to despise you. A few days ago, He Fang mentioned to me that I had quarreled with a foreign devil when I was in school. If he didn’t mention it to me, I would I almost forgot about it. I just have so much resentment in my heart, and if I can’t vent it out, I’ll feel uncomfortable. I have to continue to fight him, and if I don’t convince him, I’ll be unhappy.”

"I'm going to have a banquet in a few days. This is a wedding banquet for you in advance." After speaking, Li He poured the last half bottle of wine into the fire. "Oh, by the way, don't worry. Your son, I will Keep him as the richest man in Hong Kong. That’s it.”

With a bang, he threw the wine bottle on the tombstone and smashed it into pieces.

He took a deep breath, straightened his body, and left the cemetery without looking back.

When we got to the roadside, after finding the car, we took off all the muddy clothes and shoes and threw them away, leaving only a pair of red underwear.