My life as a reborn monster

I walked back towards the village after the rage finally settled and thankfully the short romp through the woods gave me a sense of peace and clarity. Well honestly I think it had more to do with Ira helping me than anything but I like to think the peacefull woodlands around me and the fresh scent of pine helped aswell. Anyways, I walked back to the village and upon arrival I was met by my friends at the exit of the woods. They all had an expression of sorrow but also anger just as I had when everything happened. They lost a family member just as much as I had. That realization came over me and I felt ashamed that I reacted so badly.

"I'm sorry everyone, you lost Hannah just as much as I did and frankly... It's all my fault." I muttured the last part as I hung my head in shame as the painful reminder of how horrible I was as a leader and an adoptive father reemerged from the bottle I tried to seal those thoughts in.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and as I looked up I saw Sondar looking at me with a serious face. "You are to blame for this Vexsus, if you didn't screw around and go off on bullshit adventures, I'm sure Hannah wouldn't have been corrupted by Necro to the point that she would actually leave us..... This kind of shit has to end Vexsus, what if one of us get's messed up like Hannah did hmm? Are you going to mess around and waste time again and to hell with us? Do we really mean anything to you at all?"

His hand on my shoulder tightened and squeezed as I could feel his anger rising up. Thankfully by this time Konna had come up and grabbed his hand before gently rubbing his cheek and calming him down. I'm sure that if he would have kept going I would have a broken shoulder right about now.

"Master is to blame yes. But he also has done so much for us. Where would we be without him? Would I have found my love if it wasn't for master? Would we be out of that dungeon if it was not for master? He was thrust into a new world and by now he has to take command of so many people when up until a couple years ago, he was just a human in some other world. If you were in his position wouldn't you have some faults to work through? Be honest my darling, wouldn't you make mistakes along the way?"

She looked at him for a few seconds longer as Sondar let what she said be absorbed as his anger simmered down and his shoulders hunched with grief. Everyone was there around me by this time and they all had varying looks of either hate, when it came to the ones who were with me from the beginning and knew hannah. to anger at the ones who showed hate, from my children. I could feel them all staring at me with those eyes that either pitied me or was fed up with my bullshit.

"I'm sorry everyone, I did alot of stupid shit as you're leader. I was absent when needed most, I failed to defend and protect those who needed it, I slacked and fucked off tasks that needed to be done in favor of an adventure for whatever reason I came up with.... I know some of you hate me for letting this happen to Hannah, All I ask is for another chance. One last chance to be your leader. To show you that I love you all as my family and to show you that I want us to thrive and become stronger. If you want me to leave, than I will... If you want me to stay, than I gladly will. If you want me to step down as your leader and have Sondar become the official leader that he has shown better aptitude for than me? I will gladly do it and throw a feast to honor him.... I love you all and I want to be apart of your lives, But I know that I have made mistakes that I need to answer for. So I will leave the punishment up to you, my family, to decide what that will be."

I turned around and walked towards my home. I didn't know how much longer it would be mine but I decided that I needed to take a break, and reevaluate the things I've been doing.

As I walked in I saw as Mara was sitting in on my bed looking at me with a smile mixed with pity. The smile that said just how sorry she was that I was going through this.

"Can I do anything to help Vexsus? I can have Sondar and the rest put into the dungeon if that would make you feel better?"

"Ha, no that wouldn't do anything but cost you some soldiers. Sondar is more powerful than he shows, also the others are just as powerful in their own ways. Your people couldn't touch them unless they wanted them to. But I appreciate the offer, you're atleast trying and I thank you. But again no, I will sit here till they come and get me for whatever punishment they decided is right for my crimes."

"But you didn't do anythin wrong. You didn't let Necro take Hannah's soul, You didn't go off and immediately take care of whatever errand Necro gave you and that is your only crime, which by the way was put on the list under the more immediate things you needed to do. Didn't you say that you had to go take care of bandits that ended up turning into a dungeon that held some kind of eldritch horror? You closed that dungeon up for the time being so that needed to be done immediately.... Then didn't you say something about a dryad or druid who was poisoning your people? But it turned out to be some kind of spirit of the wife of one of your friend that then turned on you and tried to kill you? Didn't that same woman kill two of your children and flaunt their deaths to you?"

"Vexsus, you had so much shit going on along witht the overlooming bullshit of Necro that honestly I couldn't have seen any other outcome. I am glad you cose the lives of the people who wre there with you versus running off on some mission that would have taken so long and end up coming back to maybe even an empty base filled with the dead bodies of your family. Yes i'm sure it hurts to lose Hannah, but at the cost of losing so many others for the sake of one.... I wouldn't make that choice, granted I would do my best to save everyone.... But I would prioritize the masses over one any day of the week. You can rebuild buildings, cities for that matter... BUT when it comes to many versus one.... It's a choice that every ruler and leader eventually has to decide.... I'm sorry you were forced into that decision so early. I have some things to do and a meeting with a envoy from the capital... I will be there if you need me darling."

She then gets up and walks over to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek and walks out. Now I'm left there with the guilt of what I've done but also the logic that Mara has shown me, I'm crossing between seeing the truth of what she said but also the voice in my head screaming how this was my fault and how I could have done better, and how If I wasn't such a scatterbrain fuck up that I could have saved Hannah.... I was sliding down a pit that was getting steeper and steeper and it seemed like the hike to reach the exit was becoming more of a crawl across slime covered canyons, where a single mistake could result in me falling all the way back to the bottom....

As my mind fights with itself inbetween seeing the logic in my actions versus the voice screaming I FUCKED UP! a hand caresses my cheek and with a snap I come to realize that I am sitting on the floor with my head hung low and just staring intensely at the floor in a daze as my body takes a backseat to the war in my head. I look up and see that it's Kitsoma who is looking at me worriedly and with a little bit of fear in her eyes.

"Honey.... Are you ok?"

Authors note... I'm editing this after publishing so it shouldn't effect coins. But This chapter was short because I'm currently in a severe writers block. I have an idea of what I want to proceed with but at the same time I am thinking up ideas for my second book 'By the Stroke of the Full Moon'... Sounds naughty yes but I promise it isn't like that..... ok so 99.9% isn't like that but I'm a degenerate at heart lol.... Anyways, I will try and bring atleast weekly updates to this novel. Thank you for the support you have shown me so far and if you ever want to join my discord just shoot me a comment, 'Or a Review 'Cough, Cough' and I'll send you a personal invite.