My Pick Up Artist System

When he spoke to the woman, Ben noticed a difference right away. The words flowed from his mouth like water, his voice sounded smoother, and even his body felt more comfortable!

As Ben delivered the opener and the joke, the woman responded well. She giggled!

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Curiosity Killed the Cat(common) - Make one woman curious]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 100]

There was nothing better than points! Ben didn't even mind the system's vague insult in the achievement title! He had enough to buy a Mystery Box, but he'd save that for later. Now, he needed to focus on the present opportunity.

If he could raise this girl's attraction level to interested, then he might get her phone number!

Ben persisted in chatting with the girl for a few minutes, but the mood only turned awkward. Despite the higher communication stat, he was still too lacking in experience and conversation topics. After some time, she excused herself and walked away, leaving Ben standing there frustrated.

He shook his head. 'It's fine. This is already a massive improvement.' He returned to Antonio and Beluga. They also observed that Ben had done much better and encouraged him.

Ben described to Beluga how well the joke went, but he needed more material to raise attraction.

Beluga said, "The best jokes are situation specific. Not only will they be the most relevant, but they'll display your intelligence in adapting to the situation. Females will pick up on that and become more attracted...I could give you a fish, but it's better to teach you how to fish. So rather than hand you a jokebook, I recommend you try inventing teasing-style jokes on the spot to build attraction."

"Teasing?" Ben questioned. He understood the word's general meaning, but not the specifics of doing it.

Beluga answered, "Teasing is making a lighthearted joke targetting the female. You choose some item or attribute of hers: clothing, an accessory, a tattoo, something about her body or hair...Then you make a joke about that, poking fun at her in a subtle way."

"Hmmm...I understand. I'll give it a try," Ben said. Despite his inexperience, he discovered the boost in communication improved his creative thinking ability. That made it easier to generate conversation ideas. He amped himself up to give it a go.

Ben approached a woman stretching after a jog.

'Body part,' he reminded himself.

"Hey beer belly!"

***

As Ben walked back, Beluga and Antonio shook their heads hard. Ben knew it was no good. He moved to a new girl to try again.

'Clothing item,' he said to himself.

"What's up clown shoes!"

…

He dodged a water bottle. 'Ok…That didn't work either…That's all right. Third time's a charm.' Ben found a new target.

'Let's try a different accessory.' He adjusted his material.

"I like your Racoon hat!"

…

He hiked back with his new hickey--the red slap mark on his face. "That was her hair?!? Who could tell?!? Why is nothing working!" Ben screamed at the heavens.

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Watch Your Back(common) - Make one woman a mortal enemy]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 100]

'I even got points for that?' Ben glanced back at that woman he just spoke to. Her strange brown h.i.p.ster haircut framed her eyes, as they spat a venomous glare at him. Behind the malice...Ben only saw more malice, and the desire for devilry.

He jogged back to Beluga and Antonio, glimpsing over his shoulder every so often to confirm he wasn't tracked.

Upon Ben's return, Beluga gazed at him with newfound respect. He didn't know if this kid would ever make it as a pick up artist, but he was a damn prodigy at cursing and offending people. This was a talent!

Beluga explained to Ben where he went wrong. "You're doing too much. The point of teasing is to be playful and charming, not insulting. There's a spectrum between boring and abusive. Choose something the target won't be sensitive to. The teasing should be funny, which helps loosen things up."

He continued, "Your body language is also important for easing the tension. Enter with a relaxed joking tone and a light smirk so they know you're playing around...Ok, let's try something a little different. Approach some females and think of a famous person they have a vague resemblance to. Open them by jokingly asking them if they're that person.

"...Ok, I can do that," Ben replied. He spotted another woman gazing at a lake in the distance.

As he got closer to her, he went over the plan. 'Famous person…I Got it. Don't forget the light smirk.'

Ben was a quick learner. His body language and tone aligned in perfect harmony. He remembered to speak with a carefree, playful attitude. He did everything Beluga said. It was perfect. "Are you Hitler?"

***

Ben rationalized it to Beluga. "Her short hair looked like Hitler's though!"

"He committed genocide! No homicidal maniacs for f*ck's sake! Pick someone with no crimes against humanity!" Beluga yelled.

…

Ben reflected and brainstormed. "What about aural genocide? Is Miley Cyrus out?"