My Pick Up Artist System

When the system delivered Ben 200 points out of the blue, he figured it must've been giving him a partial refund for that trash banana peel. That's must've been it. He hoped that was it…

Ben exited the subway station into Union Square, a famous plaza in Manhattan. It was one of the bustling landmarks of the city. As he walked around, he took in the sights: old men playing chess, artists selling paintings, musicians playing melodies. In the middle of this hotspot of art and culture, stood a purple Grimace from McDonald's, also known as Beluga.

Antonio was there as well, wearing a striped black and white shirt.

'Is Antonio...the Hamburglar?' Ben looked down at his own clothes: a yellow sweater with red trim... 'Oh sh*t...and I look like Ronald McF*cking Donald.' It was a complete accidental McDonald's theme night. He shook his head, unsure if this was a good or bad sign.

The three caught up and Ben asked about some issues he had. Per Beluga's advice, Ben didn't call Katie, the pink haired girl, for a few days after he took her number. In fact, he didn't call at all; He texted her 3 days later. Since then, they had a few text exchanges.

Ben held off asking her out because she made it clear she was busy last week. So he planned to set it up this week. As for the two other numbers, one fizzled out in conversation and the other didn't respond at all. He asked Beluga why this happened.

Beluga answered, "That's just how it goes. Females are flaky. Even if a female seemed very into you, it doesn't mean it'll go anywhere. They're like cats, and in New York…there's yarn flying in every direction."

He sighed. "That's the nature of the game. To a certain degree, luck has to be on your side so that nothing gets in the way. Another issue is...you can't seem desperate, but you can't wait too long either. You have a limited time to turn a number into a meeting because the life of a number lead degrades. If you wait too long, it'll die."

"How long until a lead dies?" Ben asked.

Beluga shrugged. "Depends. Sometimes 1 or 2 weeks. Sometimes a couple of hours. Females have short memories. Unless they're very into you, you could say they like to 'Leave things to fate.' If they don't meet you before your impression weakens on them, they'll put you into the ill-fated category in their minds and forget about you. It doesn't matter why they didn't meet you, because females don't think with logic, but with emotion. Then they rationalize things after they happen.'

Ben realized he needed to jump on getting these dates set up with Katie and Miyuki. If he procrastinated any longer, he could lose those leads, and then his life as a consequence.

Antonio added something. "That's why the best thing is an insta-date."

"Insta-date?" Ben asked.

"Rather than get a number and suffer the chance of the chick flaking or the lead dying, you can try to get a date right away."

Ben's ears perked up. "How would you pull that off?"

Antonio said, "Look around. What do you see outside the square?"

Ben looked at the streets lining the sides. There were many shops, restaurants, bars, coffee places. His eyes flickered in understanding.

Antonio nodded. "You got it. One option is to have a chick join you for a quick coffee. That would count as a first date, skippin' the whole troublesome step of convertin' a number into an actual meeting."

Ben asked, "Will they agree?"

Beluga answered. "If they're not in a rush to get somewhere, it isn't too much harder than getting digits. The key is to appear assertive, but not needy. Antonio, you've been practicing this. Why don't you give Ben an example."

Antonio's eyes became bright, flaring with confidence. He approached a woman who was admiring some artwork. After several minutes of back and forth banter, he pointed behind him to a Starbucks. With little hesitation, she nodded her head with a smile. The two of them entered the coffee shop and joined the line.

Ben's eyes were wide. The last time he watched Antonio do an approach, it ended in a bald eagle cry and women fleeing into the wilderness. Antonio must've been practicing because this current approach was impressive. He got her into an insta-date on the first try. Ben and Beluga walked into the Starbucks, sitting down at a table so they could observe.

Antonio's interaction was going great. While they waited in line, he made the woman laugh, and soon they received their coffees and sat down.

One minute later, the woman excused herself and walked out, leaving a sad Antonio staring into his coffee.

"Things went south so fast…" Ben was still in disbelief.

Beluga added, "Yea, I'm curious what his strategy was there…ordering a venti ice water with 7 pumps of pumpkin sauce and the whipped cream on top. It was the beginning of the end..."

Ben frowned in disgust. "Don't forget the 8 Splenda packets he added by hand when they sat down…"

Beluga shook his head. "That was not a good look. The final straw...was when he literally took out the straw and started licking off the whipped cream in slow motion with his eyes closed…"

Ben nodded. "And the groan he uttered while doing it…"

They both shivered.

'What was he thinking?' they wondered.

All three sat in silence for a long time.