Pastor's Tantra

Although Isabel referred to Aiwas as a third person...Aleister felt the abundant emotion.

And Isabel continued:

"Before I really fell in love with him...I had awe, dependence and trust in him. Although we were of the same age, I felt the love and reliability of an elder.

"And then, it was curiosity...I was very curious at the time-Is this really the complete him? Is he really that young? Is this some kind of performance? Or is it that under that omniscient, god-like glow, he still has unspeakable hideous flesh and blood?"

After the uncontrollable curiosity, Isabel gradually felt Aiwas's gentleness and reliability.

He was like an excellent commander, a wise monarch, or a loving grandfather, a doting brother...At first, Isabel did not feel love. Because Aiwas was too far away from her at that time.

"But in these complex emotions, I gradually peeled off Aiwas's heart. And I unexpectedly... caught something deep in his heart."

- That was a trace of "Evans's humanity".

"That was exactly the melancholy, timidity, inferiority and panic in Evans' heart. He never showed these things to others. Only after Evans completely relaxed in front of me did he secretly release a little and then quickly retract it. It was as if he was afraid that I would discover this secret... But what I didn't tell him was that I had actually felt it a long time ago, but I didn't say it because I cared about his self-esteem.

"You know... the path of beauty is the path with the strongest perception of human hearts."

Isabel whispered in Aleister's ear: "In fact... this is the reason why I really fell in love with him."

There were two reasons why her feelings for Evans changed from "like" to "love".

When she had just ascended the throne and was mentally exhausted, she thought of Evans at the first time. Only in his arms could she, the "Queen", cry with peace of mind.

At that time, she knew that she could no longer leave Evans.

Although Isabel has been a crybaby since she was a child, she has never cried in front of others.

The more she was despised by others as a child, the stronger her self-esteem became, almost to the point of paranoia.

However, people cannot truly love gods.

People's worship of idols is nothing but false love. It is love for the perfect person in their hearts, but it never points to the other person's true heart.

Because of this, Isabel's self-esteem makes her unable to accept love that comes and goes. If Aiwass loves her selflessly, but does not desire any return from her or pursue anything, then she cannot accept this kind of equal love like "God loves the world". Because she cannot accept that she is meaningless in this relationship.

"... Fortunately," Isabel leaned closer to Aleister's ear and whispered softly, "When I cried on his chest, I heard his heart crying silently."

When she completely collapsed, Aiwass also showed a moment of vulnerability in front of her, even before he revealed it... At that moment, she realized that they were indeed a couple who could support each other to the end, not just lovers with "like" and "attachment".

"Let me guess."

She whispered: "The sentence that Lord Aiwass said at that time... [So, don't cry]."

"It's also said to yourself, right? "

At that time... at that moment, the shell of the glorious statue named "Evans" suddenly broke.

The one who hugged her at that time was not her omnipotent and loyal minister, but a young boy who was equally melancholy and uneasy.

Just like when Evans received the hand-knitted sweater given by his grandmother, his violent reaction was better than every carefully drawn magic painting she gave to Evans. Isabel was still a little jealous at the time, but it was not until then that she really understood everything.

Evans was not perfect, he just hid all his wounds and was strong alone.

Even in front of herself, he would never admit or accept his own fragility... But her crying could melt the ice in his heart.

"A person who wants to laugh but can't laugh wants to see others laugh; similarly, a person who wants to cry but can't cry also wants to see others cry... Therefore, a person who has deeply felt sadness is either a wanton tyrant or a good doctor who heals the soul. "

Isabel said softly.

She had received an "all-round" education on the path of beauty. Therefore, she knew that the purpose of people watching tragedy was to release fear, satisfy pity, arouse grief and anger, and enhance determination...

It was not a good wine, but a bitter medicine - a medicine to heal a numb heart.

It was also from then on that Aiwass began to gradually show his less perfect side. He gradually let go of his vigilance, like a snail gradually poking out of its shell, exposing his fragile and fatal softness to Isabel.

And now, with Aiwass's separation...his complex heart was also dismembered and disemboweled.

Just as medical specimens would hang different internal organs outside, Isabel could also read Aleister's true heart more clearly.

Once the nobleness of dedicating oneself for a higher purpose was lost, Aleister's humanity seemed so clear.

"Don't be afraid. "

Isabel whispered softly, hugged Aleister, who looked young and tender in front of her, like a gentle mother, and conveyed her words to the most vulnerable part of Aiwass: "Don't worry, cry, girl. I will be with you."

That was what Aiwass said to Isabel in the past...similar but opposite.

Aleister did not look back or speak.

When Isabel was halfway through her words, her eyes were a little wet.

It was like watching a sad movie, and it was like the grievances and fears that had been accumulated for a long time finally had room to be released-when Aleister blinked again, a line of tears fell slowly.

Suddenly, the black-haired girl turned around with her eyes closed and shrank into Isabel's arms.

"I...I lied..."

Aleister sobbed softly: "I don't want to disappear...I don't want to be forgotten..."

After the first sob, her crying gradually became louder.

That was something that Aiwass, as a man, would never do - even if he had a breakdown one day, he would just hide in a corner and drink alone, even though he didn't drink at all.

All he could do was to comfort himself with the pain of self-harm, like a knife wound deep in his throat, and every time he swallowed bitter water, he would feel a piercing pain. And in this way, he would not be able to taste the bitterness.

Because once he fell, the world would be destroyed.

Aiwass had no room to give up - there were no great "players" in this world who could solve all disasters and defeat any powerful enemy. He could only rely on himself. He didn't need to do anything... He just had to watch, and everything would eventually lead to destruction.

Disaster after disaster. One incredibly powerful boss after another. The game of gods, the fate of chess pieces, and another future destined to be destroyed... Everything was piled up on one person.

A mortal, but carrying such a heavy fate.

Aiwass must be strong - until the very end, to open up a new path for the whole world.

He was never afraid of sacrifice. He was just worried that after his early sacrifice, the remaining crises that followed would still destroy the world.

Of course, he had his own desires and his own love as a mortal. He also wanted to enjoy life. He wanted to study comfortably on campus, he wanted to play with Isabel in the palace, he wanted to enjoy the wealth and glory of his life as a rich man, he wanted to be a great man and help everyone he wanted to help.

But he couldn't do it.

"The future" was like a spell, pushing him away from one place after another where he had feelings, and heading to one scene after another where disasters would happen. Sometimes he also wanted to tell others about the future he was carrying...

But in this world, there are no absolute secrets anywhere. Whether in the dream world or the material world, as long as the words are spoken and written, there will definitely be many people and gods who will know, and the future is destined to turn to a direction that Aiwas could not predict.

So Aiwas must be strong.

He has reasons to keep moving forward.

...But Aleister is different.

Her body is that of a little girl, not even an adult, and she will cry when she feels a little pain; her race is the Children of the Moon, and they are notorious for their uncontrollable emotions; she was born less than a month ago and will live less than half a year; her name is not Aiwass, but Aleister...

--In this case, it doesn't matter if she can't help crying out loud, right?

"Cry, just cry. You are already drunk... You only cry in your dreams, how strong you are."

Isabel whispered gently: "Aleister... Can I call you Alai?

"Let's do this, Alai. I swear... No matter what, if Aiwass and I have a child, regardless of whether it is a boy or a girl... I will name the first child Aleister. I will love Aleister in this life, just like I love myself, until the end of my life.

"You will never be forgotten as long as I am here. And I also believe that Aiwas will not let you disappear completely. Because he would rather die than hurt someone who loves him... You and he both have such tenderness."

Isabel gently patted Aleister's back and held the girl who was so light that she could easily lift her up in her arms.

This girl who was so dangerous that she could kill extremely dangerous demons alone was like a cold-fearing cat at this moment, instinctively curled up in Isabel's arms.

She felt the weight of the girl's body and her painful spirit that was even thinner than her body - what kind of weight did she carry to make Aiwas's brilliant and sacred soul full of scars?

At this moment, Isabel felt the loneliness, pain, sadness, and fear hidden by Aiwas very deeply and clearly.

...It was like he had encountered a crisis that would destroy the world if he made a wrong move, but he had to solve it himself and couldn't tell anyone during the period.

Isabel vaguely sensed Aiwas's pressure.

She knew that she couldn't help Aiwas save the world. She had already exhausted all her strength and sweat just dealing with Avalon's many problems.

But she could save Aiwass, and now there was Aleister.

All the political affairs piled up in Avalon and the love words accumulated in her heart could be suppressed at this moment.

The most important thing was to heal the long-damaged heart of this big child.

"Cry... I love you."

Isabel closed her eyes slightly, and her emerald pupils looked at Aleister mercifully.

At this moment, she deeply felt the beauty of "dedication", just like an actor gradually getting into the play... She gradually understood what Aiwass was thinking.

At this moment, she was holding Aleister, but it was as if Aiwass was holding his clone.

If she left this dream again, she was confident that she could make Aiwass's mask.

And Aleister - after sobbing, under the shining of that warm light, her crying gradually became louder and gradually turned into howling.

The crying turned into crying, becoming hysterical, even breaking the voice, and using so much force that it seemed like vomiting.

In the end, even the weakness of sobbing could no longer be heard, but more like an irrational instinctive roar, venting the fear of life and death.

——And this is just like the first cry of a baby coming into the world, announcing the true birth of a life.