Playboy Cultivator in the Apocalypse

"G-Greg, don't." Evalyn pleaded as the athlete approached the emperor, "He's just a bit crazy."

Kaze gave her a bitter, sidelong glance. "You're not dating anyone, so don't insult me, least of all out of pity. Okay, Eva—"

Greg threw a sucker punch before turning back to Kaze. He planned to insult his bleeding body but turned just in time to watch a fist crash into his jaw.

He stumbled back, crashing into a few students watching the impending beat down with anticipatory grins.

The hallway fell silent as the students tried to comprehend what they saw. They turned to the geeky man with perplexed faces.

Kaze was shaking his hand with an annoyed expression. "How out of shape was I?"

Greg cackled on the ground in disbelief. "You know, I was just gonna punch you before. But now I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you."

"Yeah, you also said Evalyn was your woman." Kaze replied mockingly, "Look how that turned out."

The other two jocks growled and walked up to him, preparing to fight.

"Why don't the weak ever learn from the warning?" The emperor scoffed while turning to them.

"Yes? Can I help—"

Craaaash!

Evalyn's eyes widened in shock as her co-athlete Tim, a buff black athlete, crashed into a trash can.

Kaze dodged his superman punch, causing him to lurch forward. Then he pushed his back, using his momentum to send him flying.

The emperor learned his body couldn't handle depressingly basic things, so he opted to use technique instead of strength.

Whoooosh!

"Wha—"

BOOM!

Kaze dodged Mark's side hook and used both hands to smash the man's head against a wall.

THUD!

Groans and winces filled the hallway as the athlete's unconscious body it the ground.

"Gahhhhhhh!" Greg yelled while running at him with a football tackle.

Kaze scoffed, moved out of the way, and tripped the man. As the blonde-haired athlete fell, he threw an elbow down on the athlete's spine, sending his body crashing into the ground.

"Guuuhhhhhhh." Greg groaned while attempting to touch his back. However, his body fell to the ground, in too much pain to struggle.

Tim got back up and moved to attack again, but he froze when he saw the terrifying look in the emperor's eyes.

"Drop your fist, or I'll turn your teeth to shrapnel." Kaze declared.

An icy chill crawled down Tim's spine as the geeky man spoke. The same was true for Evalyn, who watched everything with confused, trembling eyes.

"You're lucky this world still has laws, and the weak still have a place." Kaze asserted with narrowed eyes, "If you did this one month from now, your neck would look like an unsolvable geometry problem."

The hallway's temperature dropped as the students comprehended his words. A few minutes ago, they thought he was a delusional lunatic. Now, seeing Gregory groaning on the ground from a spinal injury and Mark's unconscious body, they didn't doubt the validity of his words.

"You can't get away with saying things like that, especially with this many witnesses." Tim said with a beating heart.

"We'll see about that." Kaze laugh-scoffed before turning to Evalyn.

"Once again, I'll be at Jackson Street park under a maple tree tomorrow until 8 pm." He reiterated.

"So go there when the time comes and find me, and I will offer you power beyond your wildest imagination. I'm not demanding anything of you, but you'll understand when the time comes."

After his strangely prophetic words, Kaze turned away and walked down the hall.

He stopped next to Jake and reached out his hand.

"I know you filmed that. So give me that phone." Kaze demanded in a loud voice.

The nervous boy looked at him hesitantly, desperately not wanting to give it to him.

"I'm not going to steal your phone, you imbecile. I'm pretending to steal it so no one tries to harm you." The emperor scoffed breathlessly, "Men don't abandon those who aid their rise to power, let alone those that do them favors."

Jake's eyes widened in surprise, and he handed him his phone.

"Meet me out at Lamers Park in thirty minutes." Kaze whispered.

Then he walked away, waving the phone over his shoulder to remind everyone that witnesses are meaningless when a video captures the first attacker.

Evalyn watched him walk away with a stunned expression. No words could explain her thoughts, nor would there ever be.

She followed his back as he walked out a hall door, walking to Lamers Park with the same confidence he approached her with.

…

"Bro! That was so cool! You were like, [you're weak], and then they were like, [I'm coming to kill you], then you were like BAM!" Jake explained while walking up to Kaze.

The latter was sitting in the lotus position at the park gazebo with closed eyes and a twitching eyebrow.

"You should've seen—"

"Keep quiet, you fool!" Kaze snapped, "I'm trying to cultivate. Have you no manners?"

"Cul-ti-vate?" Jake asked, "What's that, and what do you use it for?"

The emperor took a deep breath and released it through his nose. He needed to remind himself that the cultivation customs didn't exist.

"It's a profound form of meditation." He replied, "You can use it for many things. Right now I'm using it to scour my memories, trying to remember how to use my smartphone."

Jake's excited face went blank in confusion. "I'm not sure why you need to do that, but I can help you… I guess?"

Kaze opened his eyes in acceptance and threw the man his phone.

"It seems you may prove useful yet again." He chuckled breathlessly, "Rejoice. That makes you one step closer to surviving the impending calamity."

Jake opened and closed his mouth silently. "I… don't know what to say."

"Nothing. It's better that way in general." Kaze remarked, "Now, will you save me time and teach me how to sell things?"

"Sell things? What are you trying to sell?" The geeky man asked.

"Everything." Kaze replied briskly, "Save my bed. Selling one's bed is a declaration they're willing to sleep alone. I shall never stoop so low."

Jake's eyes trembled in confusion. "Um… okay. Can I ask why?"

Kaze turned to him with a serious expression.

"I need a haircut." He replied, "And while I'll be dumpster diving at cheap clothing stores that don't exchange in spirit stones, anything will be better than this… this… whatever the hell this is."

The man who was an emperor just hours before looked down at his blue anime t-shirt in disbelief. His eyes were filled with disgust, shame, and vexation at his past self.

"I… see. Well, if you just need a few hundred dollars, I'll give it to you." Jake said while reaching into his wallet and pulling out a few hundred dollar bills.

Kaze accepted the bills with perplexion in his eyes. "What is your ask? Speak, and I shall grant it if possible. Just be reasonable."

The geeky man, wearing a dirty white t-shirt from his favorite band, turned away for a moment in thought.

"Could you… teach me that kung fu stuff?" Jake asked.

Kaze's gratitude instantly disappeared and was replaced with insufferable annoyance.

"I said to be reasonable, you imbec… fool." He growled while taking a deep breath. He was ashamed and humiliated but could not destroy a key relationship at this critical juncture.

"Reasonable? I don't understand…." Jake replied.

Kaze took a deep breath. "A martial technique of even the most basic caliber could take decades for someone like you to master. I will not apprentice you for centuries for discount clothing."

The young man's eyes widened in disbelief. The man before him sounded like a lunatic every time he spoke. However, he was strangely believable and had the power to back it up.

"Then… another favor, perhaps?" Jake asked.

Kaze's entire head twitched. "No… that's far worse."

"I… then what can I ask for?" Jake asked nervously.

"If calamity strikes tomorrow as it did five millennia ago, I shall give you a divine-grade technique. Surely that will do, will it not?" Kaze asked.

"Ummm… sure…." The young man replied awkwardly while correcting his glasses.

"Good man. Now, please escort me somewhere that we can post this video." The emperor ordered, "We must act fast so that I can restore my reputation. Otherwise, my dual cultivation techniques will be for not!"