super music master

This is not a distrust of Shao Zikang. If Wu Ling really doesn't trust Shao Zikang, he would not have arranged it to be with Wu Xueqing like this. This will indeed pose some threat to Wu Xueqing, so Wu Ling also has a certain trust in Shao Zikang.

of..

At least at this time, he had a certain degree of confidence.

But such confidence is also different. After all, people will change. Who knows what the other party will become after a period of time? So Wu Ling also has to make some other preparations, such as Zhang Lin now. After all, it is different from Shao Zikang.

The bond between Zhang Lin and him is not because of his life-saving grace, but a real interpersonal relationship. Although such interpersonal relationships may change, they are more important than Shao Zikang after all.

Be firmer.

If something really happens in the future, Wu Ling will definitely trust Zhang Lin more. This is also quite interesting Chinese interpersonal relationships.

When discussing interpersonal communication, Western sociologists generally believe that interpersonal communication begins with interpersonal attraction. The main meaning is that when a person chooses a partner, he or she will tend to choose those who can meet some of his needs as

When deciding whether to date, the other party will also try to understand whether he or she can provide what he needs. If some hints from both parties before the interaction begins, the other party will just include what they need.

, then interaction is easy to achieve. If the expression of secret surnames between both parties cannot meet their respective needs or only one party can meet the needs of each other, interpersonal communication will be difficult, let alone develop in depth.

In a general sense, this theory explains the motivation of interpersonal communication, especially instrumental interpersonal communication. However, just like the entire Western social science theory, in this theory, people are regarded as in the abstract sense.

Individuals with absolute rational surnames make mistakes that individualistic myths cannot overcome.

Because as far as their actual surname is concerned, people always exist in some kind of social relationship, so their behavior cannot fully follow the principle of rational surnameism. Especially in Chinese society, specialism has always been in interpersonal communication.

Dominant, when people choose a partner or decide whether to interact with them, they may not necessarily value what the other party can bring to themselves, but more importantly, they should weigh the relationship between the other party and themselves. Therefore, when that doctor

When we try to use the theory of interpersonal attraction to explain Chinese people's interpersonal communication, we often encounter some unexplainable confusion. For example, in Chinese people's interpersonal communication, sometimes there is a strong attraction between the two parties.

But the relationship cannot begin; sometimes the attractiveness of both parties is not very strong, but it may be easy for the interaction between the two parties to interact and continue the relationship. What Chinese people often say: If you are destined to meet thousands of miles away,

Not being able to meet each other is the best interpretation of this phenomenon. Obviously, these phenomena with special surnames in Chinese society.

The thoughts of Chinese people originated from Fuxi, and the Eight Trigrams created by Fuxi have always had a profound influence on Chinese people. Chinese culture was formed under the influence of the Book of Changes. The main idea of ​​the Book of Changes is human nature.

This is completely different from the God-oriented nature advocated by Westerners. Western management is always inseparable from the God-oriented idea, while Chinese-style management attaches importance to the human-oriented nature and puts people first.

Don’t think that the Chinese people’s words and deeds are messy and ambiguous. If you use the principles explained in the Book of Changes to examine them, you will find that what Chinese people do is very reasonable. Unfortunately, in recent hundreds of years, that doctor has often used the West. Only by examining one's own behavior by people's opinions and standards, will they think that everything about Chinese people is messy. What's more, some people like to compare the shortcomings of Chinese people with the advantages of Westerners, and they think that Chinese people are useless.

This approach is very wrong. If you really want to compare the advantages and disadvantages of all ethnic groups in the world, you must first have a fair standard and you cannot compare your own shortcomings with the advantages of others. Doing so will not only be unfair, but also easily lead to The doctors lost their self-confidence.

Chinese people have their own set of things. Others can't learn these things, and that doctor can't learn from others, otherwise they will only cause trouble. Therefore, that doctor has always emphasized that managing Chinese people requires Chinese management, and Chinese The most important part of Chinese-style management is the management of interpersonal relationships.

It is because of the very different interpersonal relationships between China and the West that the management of China and the West is very different. The interpersonal relationships in the West are based on equality; Chinese people generally believe that people are unequal, if everyone talks about equality, That's neither big nor small, and Chinese people hate others very much.

There is a strange phenomenon now. Many people like to read books, but the more books they read, the more unlucky they are, because they read books written by Westerners: Westerners’ skills are worth learning, Wei Yuan proposed “Learn from the skills of foreigners” The view of "using to control the barbarians" is not wrong, science has no borders. However, things related to culture must be very careful, otherwise it will easily fall into the "trap" of Western culture and become further and further away from the reality of China. If these are the From now on

Living in the Western environment is not a big problem; if you continue to live in the Chinese environment, you will find that you suffer losses from time to time and run into walls everywhere. Just like in the late Qing Dynasty, many people wore long braids but wore suits, where to go They all seem out of place.

Interpersonal relationships in China and the West are very different

Interpersonal relationships are a very important topic for anyone. Among all things in the universe, human relationships are the most complex, and the customs and customs in different places are different, and the performance of interpersonal relationships is also different.

Generally speaking, Western interpersonal relationships are dominated by individuals. Westerners believe that society is composed of individuals and individual reading ability, but appropriate norms must be imposed, that is, the rule of law can be implemented to maintain overall order. Everyone is The legal scope of Zhou Yunna is within the scope of **, equality, and reading ability, which are the interpersonal foundations of the West.

The interpersonal relationships in China are mainly ethical. Chinese people believe that although society is composed of individuals, it is difficult for individuals to survive without society. In fact, individuals have very limited interactions. The interaction between people cannot be completely based on the law. To control. Everyone is within the scope of Zhou Yunna of the law, valuing the reasoning and using ethics to make up for the shortcomings of the law is the interpersonal basis for the doctors.

Because of the different interpersonal foundations of China and the West, there are great differences in interpersonal relationships between the two. Understanding the differences between the two will help to recognize the interpersonal relationships of the doctors. The differences in interpersonal relationships between China and the West are as follows:

First, the interpersonal relationships in the West are God-oriented, and the interpersonal relationships in China are human-oriented. Westerners believe that God is high and everyone is God’s people. Chinese people are different. Fuxi made that doctor from the beginning We realize that the most amazing thing in the universe is not God, but man. In this case, why did that doctor have to make a God to be their own master?

Chinese people do not have their own religion, and all religions are foreign. Chinese people only worship their ancestors, but do not worship any gods. Chinese people are not worshiping gods or Buddhas, but worshiping gods and worshiping Buddhas.

, when you see the gods and Buddhas, you walk over and say hello, that's all.

Second, when Westerners take individual units, Chinese people take family units. When Westerners see a child, they usually ask him directly what his name is; when Chinese people see a child, they usually ask him whose child he is.

Chinese people will judge their child's surname based on their father, not on their own. Similarly, if a child does something wrong, people usually attribute the mistake to his parents and blame them for not educating their children.

Third, Westerners attach importance to equality, while Chinese people attach importance to reasonable inequality. Westerners can call their father by name because everyone is equal. In China, doing so is unfilial and disobedience. Chinese people do not agree with Westerners.

A view of "people are born equal", and a belief that people are unequal as soon as they are born, and that they are reasonable inequality. Everyone can accept reasonable inequality. However, if there is excessive inequality, the doctors will resist. Hua

Chinese people do not believe in absolute equality. They have limited resources and too few opportunities. How can they be absolutely equal?

The reasonable inequality between people reflects the ethics of Chinese people. Dads and sons, superiors and subordinates, teachers and students... are always divided into high and low, and it is impossible to stand on the same level. No Chinese

The Chinese people dare to stand in front of their boss and say, "That doctor is equal to you, so you must listen to that doctor." The Chinese people have different attitudes towards their superiors and their subordinates. If you dare to say something to their subordinates, you may not dare to say it.

It is normal for the boss to say that this is a saying for the superior, and another for the subordinate, which is the embodiment of ethics.

Fourth, influenced by God’s nature, Westerners only talk about rights and obligations, while Chinese people talk about treating each other. Westerners are in a relationship of rights and obligations even if they are father and son - before the age of 18, they rely on their parents to support their son; after the age of 18, they will be supported by their parents;

It depends on yourself. Chinese people do not value rights and obligations. If Chinese parents let their children die by themselves until they reach the age of 18, they will be regarded as cruel parents by others.

The treatment of each other that Chinese people value means: If you are good to that doctor, there is no reason for that doctor to be bad to you; if you are bad to that doctor, the doctor will not be good to you. Chinese people will put their hearts in favor and repay you.

It has nothing to do with rights and obligations. In Western enterprises, superiors and subordinates are only rights and obligations. If you are the superiors of that doctor, that doctor will report to you according to regulations. But Chinese people are not like this, although you are the ones

The doctor's boss, but when that doctor doesn't agree with you, that doctor will not report to you. If you force that doctor to report, that doctor will be perfunctory.

Fifth, Westerners attach importance to law, while Chinese people attach importance to morality. Western legal provisions are very clear and strictly enforced. There is no favor at all, and there is no Tan surname. Theoretically, the law should not have Tan surname.

However, it is difficult to enforce laws without a single name in China. Since ancient times, the Chinese nation has not been a nation that relies on law to restrict. In ancient times, the effectiveness of the law was limited. Although it is said that "a prince violates the law and commits the same crime as the common people", this is just

In ideal state, it is actually rare to execute this way, and most of them are "injuring a doctor". In folk stories, even Bao Gong's example of being upright and upright is just "beating the dragon robe" rather than hitting the emperor.

Chinese people generally do not follow any precepts, but advocate examples and attach importance to morality. "A gentleman loves money and takes it with his own principles", "Those who have great virtues occupy it"... Comrade Hu Jin Tao proposed the "Eight Honors and Eight Shames"

It is also moral persuasion, and there is no legislation to force the people to enforce it. Morality is an invisible binding force, while the law is an visible binding force. If a Chinese person does not talk about conscience and morality, it will be difficult for him to survive and develop in China.

The Chinese do not value tangible things. For the Chinese, everything tangible things will sooner or later become formal things. The doctor only relies on intangible things to restrain each other, restrain others, and themselves.

Sixth, Westerners are full of curiosity, and Chinese people are full of care. Westerners have the same attitude towards people and animals, because Westerners believe that humans are animals and only curious about each other. In Western society, young men and women are the same.

If you get curious, you can live together. Once you lose curiosity, both sides will be separated. Chinese people cannot do this because people should not be curious, but should care for each other. Westerners are very polite and will be able to meet.

Say hello to you kindly, but he doesn't care about you at all. Chinese people do not pay attention to polite forms, but they care about you very much. Seeing your mouth breaking, Chinese people will ask directly: "Why is your mouth breaking? Is it a fire

Now? Come on, take some medicine.”

Westerners will not see your mouth breaking, and they will turn a blind eye when they see it. They will still say hello to you: "How are you?" And you also know that even a few complaints about your misfortune will be useless, because he doesn't care about you

.At this time, even if you feel unbearable in pain, you can only say: "That doctor is very good, thank you."

Westerners do not care about others, nor do they want others to care about themselves. Chinese people regard respecting the elderly and loving the young as their virtues, but Westerners do not. If you see that Western elderly people have difficulty walking and helping them, they will be unhappy.

The view is that the doctor is capable of handling his own affairs, you are less concerned about it, and if you help the doctor, you look down on the doctor.

Seventh, Westerners will naturally create distance, while Chinese people are often close. Westerners value the power of the country and keep a guard against each other, so they will be very distant. Chinese people have a strong understanding of each other

The **, once, twice, and three times, they are friends. In this way, they gradually go from not recognizing each other and then getting close to each other.

People must first establish trust before they can work together. If you don’t believe in others, you cannot cooperate with them. Building trust between Westerners depends on the legal guarantee. Both parties will sign a contract before cooperation. As long as there is a slight injustice,

Will be punished by law. The establishment of trust between Chinese people depends on the transmission of their hearts and mutual understanding. Therefore, when Chinese people meet, they will "get close" and ask questions. This is absolutely not the case in the West.

Allowed.

Eighth, there is a stake in Westerners, and there is a snobbish relationship between Chinese. Many people believe that Chinese people value stake in interests, but they are actually wrong. Western talents attach importance to stake in the West, countries, organizations and organizations

There is a complete relationship of interests and no morality to speak of, and the same is true between individuals. Chinese people are very snobbish. Interests and snobbish are very different. For example, there is an employee in the company who performs very poorly

The company immediately fired him, which is a disadvantage. Although the employee performs poorly, he has a background, and dismissing him will cause trouble, so he can only keep him, which is snobbery. It can be said that snobbery is a complicated disadvantage.

In short, the interpersonal relationships in the West are relatively simple, while the interpersonal relationships in China are quite complex. If you are not careful, you will lose everything. Westerners use the "dual method" to distinguish things. Right is right, wrong is wrong; Chinese people have already gotten rid of them.

The doctors know that "wrong, absolutely not; right, often useless". In addition to right and wrong, it also involves the question of whether to be perfect. The doctors dislike the right and wrong and do not welcome them.

People who are clear but not perfect in terms of right and wrong, "the water is clear and there is no fish, and people are observant, there is no disciple." This is the truth. Chinese people emphasize "dividing right and wrong in perfect harmony", and distinguishing right and wrong will make everyone have face and not offend others.

But it is not pleasing to others, so interpersonal relationships can be good.

Chinese people like to build relationships, rely on relationships. This sentence can easily cause people to misunderstand, think about bad, improper, and illegal things. Some people think that the success of some people is the result of pleasing others, while their own success is

It was obtained by ability, and even publicly declared: "That doctor never had relationships, and everything about that doctor now was obtained by real skills." In fact, if a person has no ability, he cannot rely entirely on interpersonal relationships.

But even if you have superb abilities, you cannot succeed if you lack good interpersonal relationships. Relying on your parents at home and friends at home is an important surname for interpersonal relationships.

Of course, the doctor also saw that some people used their hearts to create abnormal and improper relationships, and then used them to engage in private fraud, which harmed the country and the people. The disadvantages brought by this interpersonal relationship did make many people feel disappointed, so they believed that interpersonal relationships were

There are only harm but no profit, so they do not pay attention to it and do not study interpersonal relationships. There are also some people who are not good at establishing interpersonal relationships and see others profit from interpersonal relationships. They have a strong sense of interpersonal relationships out of jealousy or dissatisfaction.

The disgust.

Therefore, many people regard "making relationships" as a negative thing. It seems that good people never make relationships, and only people with bad intentions can make relationships. Looking at interpersonal relationships like this will naturally form an extreme attitude. Interpersonal relationships themselves are based on the Chinese surname, and they are used.

Appropriately, it means good interpersonal relationships; if used incorrectly, it will certainly have bad effects. People with legitimate behavior do not have to be too sensitive to relationships and relationships. In the better direction, it is easier to achieve good results.

Have fun but not done it?

Interpersonal relationships require ethics

The ethical concepts of Chinese people have developed earlier than other nations and are the most perfect. Mencius said: "Give Qi to be the Situ to teach human ethics: father and son have relatives, monarch and minister have righteousness, husband and wife have different conditions, old and young are orderly, and friends have faith

.” That is to say, there is a close relationship between father and son, there is a way of courtesy and righteousness between king and minister, there is a love between husband and wife but a difference between inside and outside, there is a order of superiority and inferiority between old and young, and there is a virtue of integrity between friends.

Code of conduct for dealing with interpersonal relationships.

Since ancient times, the doctor has formulated various guidelines, just to strengthen individual constraints and reminded the doctor that there are various related people besides themselves, so he should be extra cautious in his words and deeds.

The five relationships of the king and minister, father and son, husband and wife, brothers and friends are indispensable in life and have an important impact on the words and deeds of Chinese people.

Since ethics is the criterion for dealing with interpersonal relationships, the interpersonal relationships of that doctor will inevitably be marked by ethics. Since ancient times, the doctor has established a rare human relationship, and the Chinese have no interpersonal relationships at all. And the doctor

We have been mistakenly trying to transplant Western interpersonal relationships, making our relationship increasingly tense and corrupt.

The most important difference between human relations and interpersonal relationships is that the former values ​​"reasonable inequality" rather than the "equality" advocated by the latter. Westerners believe that "people are born equal", so they develop an equal set of interpersonal relationships.

Chinese people believe that "a person is unequal as soon as he is born." Even if the children born to the same family and the same parents are different in terms of qualifications. In addition, the family environment at birth, the age and social status of parents are not necessarily the same.

How can children be equal? ​​Innate inequality, and acquired inequality cannot be equal. After more reasonable adjustments, we can achieve reasonable inequality.

Ethics is reasonable inequality. Parents, fathers, sons and sons should be divided into their own parts; kings, kings, ministers, and ministers, in modern terms, are superiors, and subordinates play different roles. "Reasonable inequality" must be maintained between each other.

Degree, rather than "unreasonable equality" of "equality". The differences between the two must be carefully grasped so as not to make mistakes and avoid being harmed by "equality" in an unknown way. As long as "reasonable inequality" is taken

"When this concept is correct, many problems will be solved. The doctors are now full of pursuit of equality, which makes everyone very unhappy. People are fat and thin. If two people sit together, the fat people will naturally occupy a bigger position.

, thin people feel a little aggrieved. Two people eat the same thing, those who like to eat eat more, and those who don't like to eat eat less. Why do you have to half of each person? The whole world is relatively equal, and there is no absolute

Equality is just a different way of expression, there is no right or wrong, no good or bad.

Chinese people attach great importance to being a person, the principles of doing things, and how interpersonal relationships reflect the effect of being a person. They only know how to do things but not being a person, and they have interpersonal relationships.

Not good, if you offend many people, how can you do things well? It is usually more effective to do things well by being a good person and doing things well.

Interpersonal relationships are both the principle of being a human being, and they can also be said to be a human being. When a human being is pursuing skills, it is inevitable that there is some scent of power, smoothness, and fraud, which arouses the disgust of many people. Injecting ethics at this time can turn power, strategy, and strategy into temporary response.

, adapt to the times, smoothness becomes smoothness, and fraud also becomes a kind of alertness.

If you only learn the skills of being a human being and ignore the principles of being a human being, it will not only be ineffective, but will also be ridiculed. You should not play with power and strategy. Many people mistakenly regard perfection and adaptability as a strategy, but it should be a strategy.

There can be strategies, but not strategies. In other words, all requirements should be justified and reasonable, and there should be no improper thoughts.

That doctor has three deep-rooted ideas that are difficult to change:

First, law is dead, and people are alive. The law of death needs to be used reasonably by living people, rather than observing laws and regulations without thinking.

Second, there seems to be nothing that cannot be adapted in the world. If you cannot adapt, it is mostly because you have found the wrong person. As long as you find the right person, there should be no problem in adapting.

Third, the law is established by a few people and modified by one person. This phenomenon is the consistent spirit of Chinese society since ancient times. Some people who can control others will intimidate, threaten, or even kill others to warn others when they have slight opposition.

For Chinese people, the law is not enough. Because Chinese people do not like to violate the law and do not do things that violate the regulations. However, Chinese people generally like to use their brains and do things that are not stipulated by law. This situation must be compensated by ethics.

Only by doing something based on your conscience can you change it. Not closing a house at night is not achieved by law, but by morality.

In general, the focus of human relations is "fairness" and "unequal". Be polite to the superiors, but do not flatter or please; do not be too strict with the subordinates, and do not be too relaxed or indulge them; do not be parallel colleagues, do not need to be

It is too restrictive, and you cannot be too familiar with etiquette. The importance of it must be appropriately controlled by the person, the time, the place, and the things, so that it can be called fair. Only by experiencing it carefully and constantly improving can you achieve good human ethics

relation.

"The Art of War" says that knowing oneself and one's enemy will never be defeated in a hundred battles. They are both Chinese, and when establishing interpersonal relationships, they need to truly understand what the other party is saying and thinking.

As the saying goes, words are the voice of the heart. The hearts of Chinese people are elusive, so Chinese people's words are often ambiguous. The doctor advocates "only say three-point words to everyone", and also advocates "will say everything you know and say everything you say."

Only say three-point words to people" is for people who have not deep friendship and have not enough relationships, because people's hearts are separated from their belly, and people know their faces but not their hearts. Of course, you should be careful and tempted. "You know everything and say everything" is for people who have sex

For people with deep and close relationships, since everyone is as close as a family, there is no need to hide it from each other.

In fact, when Chinese people say "only three-point words to people", they already contain the meaning of "everything knows and everything is said". Moreover, what Chinese people say "three-point" can be "three-point flowing water and seven

The "three points" of dividing dust can also be the "three points" of "the world has only three points of the moonlight", and you can see how to grasp it. When you are not familiar with each other, of course, "you can't throw your heart out"

, When we trust each other, we can tell everything and say everything.

Similarly, when Chinese people say "all words", don't forget to "only say three-point words to everyone", because although they have a close relationship, if they have something, they may hurt the other person's self-esteem or cause his jealousy.

There must be appropriate reservations. If you say that three points are left and seven points, then seven points will be tacit.

It's better to be obedient than to say "see" words

People who don’t understand Chinese people find that the doctor is elusive: “Why is the doctor still unhappy even if he understands his words?” Because what Chinese people usually say contains a lot of meaning, but they often don’t listen to the superficial meaning.

Understand the implication. Sometimes, Chinese people don’t speak, just a look and an action contain a lot of meaning. Of course, this requires tacit understanding between each other. If there is no tacit understanding, it is indeed difficult to figure out what the Chinese people are talking about. (Unfinished

to be continued.)