The Chronicles of the Immortal God

Three days have already passed since the start of the selection. Fang Lin’s group has safely navigated through the Spirit Zoo. They were not able to encounter any other groups due to the sheer size and scope of the forest.

“This won’t do!” Tang Ya angrily muttered. “Do you two realize that we could be in danger of not being accepted if we all do now is just sit and wait?”

“So what are you going to do?” Fang Lin looked at Tang Ya with his arms crossed.

“We will hunt them of course!”

“No, hunting other participants for their cards will be dangerous for us too. They could put as in an ambush. If you really want to gather cards, let’s just use Venomshade’s abilities.”

“Venomshade? Oh yes, he can just use the poison to weaken them. Then we swoop in!”

“Haha, then lets gather this ingredients for my ‘weakening fumes’!” Venomshade gave a list of the plants needed for his concoction. They then started to look for this said ingredients.

After 3 hours of searching, they only needed to gather one more ingredient, the Springtail Leaf. This leaf can be usually found near the entrance of the spirit zoo. But before they went there, Tang Ya warned that they should be careful going there. Ambushes could easily happen there.

But before they were able to go, a tantalizing aroma wafted towards them.

“So hungry…..” Poor Yao rubbed her small tummy while looking at Fang Lin with her pleading eyes. Even though they managed to go by with the flesh of the Mountain-Bashing Boar, it is as tough as the ground. They were only able to procure a small amount of the meat for consumption. Yao’er of course were only able to enjoy few portions of this meat.

“Hmm, this might be a trap you know?” Tang Ya nervously replied.

“Muuuuuu….” Yao’er pouted sadly while hearing this.

“Hey hey! We four are strong you know!” Tang Ya panicked while she waved her hands. “Even if it is a trap, we can deal with them easily!”

“Really?”

“Yes…. Really.”

“Yaaaay!” Yao’er jumped up and down happily then she hugged Tang Ya. “I love big sister!”

“Hahaha! I’m a big sister now!” Venomshade looked dejected upon seeing this scene. When Fang Lin noticed this, he glared at Venomshade to behave himself.

They slowly approached the source of the irresistible odor. Upon arriving at the site, they saw a thin, lanky man who had been sharpening his sword. The other one was a fatty who had been stirring the aromatic food on his pot. Both of their faces were covered with mud, obviously used to hide their identities.

Tang Ya and Venomshade, upon seeing this just gave an appreciative nod. They knew hiding their identities were important in the selection. You might inadvertently offend someone in here, and hiding their identities is a safe way to protect themselves once the selection finishes.

However, Fang Lin clearly felt that there was something fishy about the fatty. When the said fatty looked at them, he suddenly jumped up in place, as if getting an electric shock.

The energetic Yao’er then saw the fatty. She pointed her hand to him and said “Do you see that Master! It’s Uncle Wang Hao!”

Fang Lin then realized that this fatty in front of him was actually Wang Hao.

“Master, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Ah, just some side business my disciple.”

‘There is something in the food right, MASTER?”

“Yes, there is….” Wang Hao just hung his headly after getting caught red-handed.

“I knew it!”

Tang Ya, Venomshade, Yao’er and Boner looked at the bickering pair confusedly.

“He’s your Master? What’s going on?” Tang Ya immediately brandished her broadsword. “Talk, or I’ll make you all into squashed egg yolk!”

It took half an hour for Fang Lin to explain what happened. He just said that his master is really strong, but he had been cursed with a powerful seal. He then took Fang Lin as his disciple to help him. Fang Lin did not divulge on the matters of divine bloodlines and the prerequisite of unlocking the seal. He then told the things that happened at the Disciple Selection.

After hearing Fang Lin’s story, they then listened to Wang Hao’s explanation. He told them about the spirit kitchen and the dispatchers. He also told them about their scheme to use rotten foods to steal form the partici[ants.

“Of course we only got their valuables. We did not steal their cards.” Wang Hao indignantly said. “We are proud thieves!” Tang Ya could only give him a withering look while Venomshade looked at Wang Hao with traces of admiration.

“Pffffttt….” Fang Lin, with his dirty mind, obviously focused on Boner’s name. “You are called Boner? What the hell have you done to deserve that name?” Boner looked down in embarrassment upon hearing what Fang Lin said.

“Actually…” Boner then closed his eyes. “Besides from being a deboner, I was also a fledgling alchemist. I did not really have that much skill, but I really like to experiment.” He then started to look uncomfortable. “Then one day, I managed to mix up a concoction that can improve the sexual prowess of a man!” Tang Ya immediately covered Yao’er’s ears upon hearing that.

“I tested it on the animals first. The test was successful. All their floppy d*cks got as hard as a steel sword! At that moment, I called my creation as the ‘Imperial Hardener!”

(Author’s Notes: I wanted to name it Biggra, but maybe its copyrighted.)

“Pfftt…..”

Boner continued, as if not appearing to care for the snickers he heard. “Some people heard word about my creation. One of them is Fatty Zhou’s only son, Zhou Rougue. Upon hearing about my ‘Imperial Hardener’ he demanded me to give one. I of course did not agree. Zhou Rougue is only at the First Stage and I haven’t done any human experiments yet. I did not want to fail.”

“But of course, in the end I gave in. He paid me a lot of spirit stones so I reluctantly handed him a vial of ‘Imperial Hardener’. He drank it in one gulp, then he went to the Sect’s Red House.”

The Red House is of course a brothel, but how can the sect call it like that?

“The next day, I heard about what happened to Zhou Rougue. It seems like his d*ck did not soften at all. He and his father tried all methods, but nothing worked. They of course forced me to do something. But I can’t. It was only after one month that his tempest disappeared. But even then, it stayed numb for 3 months. Fatty Zhou was of course incensed, and here I am now.” Boner finished with a flourish of his hands.

But instead of tears and consolation for his tragic story, what he got was

“Hahahaha! This is a classic! ‘Imperial Hardener’! Why don’t you just call it ‘A D*ck Eternal’!”

“I, Venomshade, applauds you for creating such monstrosity. Join me, and you shall rule the world under your D*CKTATORSHIP!”

“Hmmphhh, stop talking you dirty perverts. You two could not clearly understand his situation. He clearly suffered a lot! So be a man and apologize to ‘His Hardness’!”

After a few more rounds of more puns, the trio calmed down.

“So what do we do now?” Tang Ya asked. “We do not even know how you two are still allowed to do things like this. You did this for three days already! Why are there no examiner stopping you two?”

Boner then raised his hand. “Actually, no Elder or Guards watch over this selection. They will only move out if the situation is a severe one like a beast swarm. Anything like this are not worth their attention. So we need to just hide our identities.”

Wang Hao looked expectantly at Fang Lin. “Do you want to team up?”

Fang Lin appeared to be deep in thought. “Well, can we eat first? We are still starving. Of course, I will provide the ingredients.”

They were about to start cooking when Boner exclaimed “Crap! There’s five groups quickly approaching our location. What are we gonna do?”

Fang Lin and Wang Hao then looked at each other, with understanding flashing on each other’s eyes.

“We have a plan!”

10 minutes later, the five groups reached their location.

“Strange.” The leader of this alliance said. He was a tall man exuding the aura at the Eight Level of Qi condensation! “What are they doing inside that tent right now?”

From inside the tent, they could hear moaning and gasping sounds of multiple voices. The female practitioners who heard this all flushed red. The males all turned pale. There are some females however, who appeared delighted when they heard that the pleased voices were all males!

“This is a multiple BL orgy!!!!” They screamed in their minds.

Hell no, of course it was not like that. The moaning voices were all made by Wang Hao inside the tent. He manipulated the airwaves to emulate multiple male voices. The thick scent emanating around the tent was a potion concocted by Boner and Venomshade together.

This is the perfect distraction. While the group was engrossed with the sounds. Fang Lin started the second part of his plan.

“Rumble….”

Suddenly, two wagons full of rotten food were tipped down from the tree above the group. Once the wastes hit them, half of them already passed out due to olfactory malfunction. The others whose noses were resilient got knocked out by the falling debris. This surprise attack would not work unless there is an extremely attention-grabbing event that the group will see.

Only one survived the sneak attack. It was the leader of the alliance who spoke earlier.

“You bastards.” He then gagged as he vomited right in front of them. “I’m gonna kill you all!”

Fang Lin cracked his knuckles as he said ” Looks like we are in a fight then. Just don’t go all ‘bleergh’ on us!”