The Decade of Deep Love

When I first liked a person, I often couldn't notice it myself, but my eyes finally looked at his direction no matter where I looked, and then I didn't want to admit that I couldn't hide my heart.

Ai Ziyu was sympathetic to He Zhishu at first, and there was no closeness to the person who was close to the disease. Then he was distressed. When he asked his illness with a whisper, he was wearing a heavy down jacket. Standing at the door of the office, waiting to see him doing a bone marrow puncture pain when he couldn’t stand it: he later liked it, watching him hold the flower pot in a careless and cautious look, watching him wear a thick down jacket to reveal the appearance of a small half face. Ming knows that it is not right, but it still sinks in a little bit, and even half of the struggle is too late to make.

Later, when Ai Ziyu thought of He Zhishu, he first remembered his eyes, big and round, black eyes and many white eyes, wet and covered with tear film, gentle and affectionate when watching people. Then I thought of the sound of He Zhishu, light and slow. If a sentence is longer, it will slowly become a soft Nanyin.

When I first knew about He Zhishu and Jiang Wenxu, Ai Ziyu was not disappointed in his heart. He should not be so ill-advised by himself. When he got to this point, he didn’t see that man had a little bit of sincere care. He also hates Jiang Wenxu, who has brought such a gentle and clean person, and the heart outside does not know how to converge. But at that time, there was no such thing as Ai Ziyu. He had no position to blend. He even advised He Zhishu to treat the disease well, and even one care should be said in the voice of a doctor.

The only thing Ai Ziyu can do is to ask all the relationships that can be asked to help the knowledge of the book to find the bone marrow. He knows that his body does not care about his body, but Ai Ziyu can’t help but care for him. Zi Yu can't restrain the instinct of a doctor to count how long it can be. He really feels distressed. Every time he looks at He Zhishu’s painful face when he is finished with chemotherapy, he can’t help but want to rush to carry him into his arms. He wants to take care of him and never let him A person bears such a heavy burden.

Later, a kiss that Ai Ziyu lost out of control broke the delicate balance between them. He did not regret it. It was only at such a moment that he did not care about it. Ai Ziyu thoroughly understood how deep his feelings had reached.

So I can't let go, block the future and take him away in the future. Even if you know that you are destined to end the pain, you are indulged in the process of bitterness but mixed with joy and happiness.

Every step they take is not easy. Ai Ziyu knows that there are people in the heart of He Zhishu, who want to forget the kind that can't be forgotten. Fourteen years of love and hate, and inscriptions inscribed in the flesh are instinct. Ai Ziyu is not a saint who can not care about these at all, but he is reluctant to pull out and let He Zhishu struggle alone. He thinks that if one person suffers, the two people who bear the pain will be more or less Can't you alleviate some?

In fact, Ai Ziyu never felt how hard he had done for He Zhishu. He didn't think about the return. He only occasionally thought about how good it would be if He Zhishu really liked himself.

Ai Ziyu gradually learned that the heart of He Zhishu was actually more delicate and soft than he thought. He Zhishu also studied hard to accept himself and opened his heart to a small gap.

He Zhishu never verbally and Ai Ziyu reached a promise of "together", nor did he say a love and sincerity. But I don't know why Ai Ziyu has been very determined, even if there is only one moment, He Zhishu has also had him.

I remember that one time the He Zhishu was uncomfortable at night, and Ai Ziyu stayed with him for a night. At noon the next day, he couldn’t help but fall asleep from the sofa. That kind of sleep is not stable, you can hear the sound, you can't open your eyes. Ai Ziyu felt that someone had gently dropped a blanket for himself. The man did not walk immediately. He stood by his side for a long time. In the end, he just carefully raised the blanket and raised his voice. His voice was like a sigh. He Say: "The fool..." is full of distress and pity. Ai Ziyu slowly fell asleep.

When he woke up, it was already dark. He knows that the book is ready for dinner. There are vegetables and soups, and He Zhishu is sitting in the chair by the window, only to open a dimly lit decorative light to read quietly. At that moment, Ai Ziyu suddenly wanted to cry. He thought that maybe God would not be willing to live up to the deep feelings of a person. What you have done is never just scattered like a smog.

Ai Ziyu feels that it is enough. Even if the relationship is not completely determined, they are no different from the couple. He Zhishu does not resist his closeness, and even tries harder to accept himself.

However, Ai Ziyu is more and more afraid. He simply does not dare to think that if one day He Zhishu left, he would become what he would be. He has been a doctor for more than a decade, but he can't save the life of his favorite person.

Ai Ziyu will never forget the night before He Zhishu’s birthday. They are obviously the most intimate gesture. The ten fingers are entangled in the body, but their own heart is so painful. He kissed the eyebrows of the eyebrows and wet the face of He Zhishu. At that moment, he only wanted to hold the He Zhishu tightly, so that he could trap this person and live with him for a long time.

He knows that his birthday has been very happy. He talks with himself about Jiang Wenxu. He has been very calm. He loves hate and occupies half of his short life. It should be put down now. Only Ai Ziyu suddenly gave birth to a faint hunch, and there seems to be something to go to the end. He didn't dare to think that the panic in his heart was more and more like a drop of ink in the clear water.

Later, I remembered that this may be the last day of my life to be peaceful and happy. The future suffering seems to have begun to appear.

In the end, He Zhishu did not leave anything, no will, and his last wish was only about how to deal with his body. The day he left was a sunny day, barely struggling to wake up for a moment and said that he wanted to go to the floor-to-ceiling windows on the second floor to see the flowers in the lake and the flowerbed in the distance.

Ai Ziyu sat with him in a soft plush blanket and gently touched his hair and face: "It will bloom after the end of the year, are you waiting?"

He Zhishu fell asleep in his arms, his expression was not too painful, but his brows were always wrinkled. Ai Ziyu smoothed his eyebrows, and the voice was gentle and helpless: "You said to look at the scene, and fell asleep when you fell asleep."

Ai Ziyu has been holding him until the afternoon, and He Zhishu is no longer a sleep, it is a coma. The room's quiet Ai Ziyu can only hear his own heartbeat, and he goes to visit the knowledge of the book. In the evening, Ai Ziyu suddenly saw that He Zhishu seemed to mutter, and Ai Ziyu was close to the lips of He Zhishu and heard a proverb: "Let's go to school... Let's go home together..." He looked at He Zhishu. There is a clear, gentle smile on the face of He Zhishu. Ai Ziyu hugged him tightly and did not let go of the night.

Can you feel that feeling? The person you love the most in your life, the one who is most distressed, the person who wants to live with him for a lifetime, loses his breath and body temperature in your arms... The feeling is a kind of despairing coldness and pain. It is the heaviest punishment that can fall on a person. What makes Ai Ziyu even more unacceptable is that perhaps the person he loves has no memory in his last memory.

The ashes of He Zhishu were scattered into Baikal, where the scenery was beautiful and the lake was quiet and gentle.

A person's emotions are usually initially suppressed after experiencing a great impact. From He Zhishu to returning from Russia, Ai Ziyu has always been an indifferent state that seems to have not returned to God. He also thinks that no one can do it. I am not coming out yet?

His anger against Jiang Wenxu only vented more, it seems that it is only completely isolated from all the things about the knowledge. But when he walked back into the house, he saw two people's slippers, a pair of toothbrushes, a neat quilt stacked in the bedroom, and the clothes he had prepared for the He Zhishu in the closet... The heart finally hurts, from the continuous The pain is so painful that it can force the suffocation of madness.

After the departure of He Zhishu, everything in this house lost its meaning.

Ai Ziyu was crying without warning. At that moment, he was not like a man in his thirties. His sadness was as pure and real as his child.

Later, Ai Ziyu returned to Beijing, and there were two more things in his wallet that he had never had before - a 150,000 card, a blurred photo of a man.

Ai Ziqian got a pair of dragons and phoenixes. When Ai Ziyu knew it, he went to see it. His brother took a chubby little boy to Ai Ziyu and said, "I look like you were a child?" Ai Ziyu smiled and said: "I don't know what I was like when I was young."

Ai Ziyu is coming to say goodbye to his brother. He has already done a Russian work visa and wants to stay there.

Ai Ziqian sighed: "You really don't make people worry...and for that person?"

Ai Ziyu nodded and shook his head: "I will take care of myself."

Ai Ziyu's decision that his brother can never change, Ai Ziqian's only hope is that he can be good.

"Come back often to see me and my dad, as well as your nephew and niece." Ai Ziqian sighed: "Take care of yourself outside... There is nothing wrong with having the right person to try everywhere."

Ai Ziyu was undecided and only smiled lightly.

Ai Ziyu brought a dog and four cats and a memory to live again. He did not remember Jiang Wenxu, and the text message was enough for the man to suffer for a long time.

Ai Ziyu is too tired, he just wants to slowly and slowly raise his own injuries. He did not reach the violent emotions of Jiang Wenxu to He Zhishu, and he did not suffer from the pains of finding death, because he had not done anything wrong, and he had never been jealous and remorseful. Sometimes jealousy and remorse add up more than love.

He can still go on... It’s never going to fall in love with a second person in this life.