The Guardian Knight of Affection-Starved Young Ladies

55 – Sinat (03)

056.

-I am Build, the second son of the Jesnai family. Ah, about the Jesnai family…

-I think you must have heard of the fame of Count Pchelande. It’s a bit awkward to say it myself, but my father, Count Pchelande…

-By the way, could I possibly meet with Grand Duke Dranus? We are going to be close in the future. At least that much…

Lonely.

Parents who looked at me with loving eyes.

An older brother who, though not quite fitting the name of a Confucian scholar, was still the best sibling.

Even a grandfather who was a world-renowned great magician.

I was the beloved daughter of a family that was the envy of others.

I wasn’t foolish enough to take it for granted,

and I worked hard for my brother, Sitram, who was always ahead of me, and for my grandfather.

The people and retainers in the estate sang praises of my name.

The world was filled with a pleasant pink hue.

I thought that I would live a life filled with nothing but love.

Until the day I saw my parents weeping over Sitram’s corpse.

Until my grandfather covered my eyes with his hand.

From that day, everything changed.

Those who used to call my name with joy disappeared from my side.

The world, once tinged with pink, gradually lost its color.

The shock of my brother’s death led to a tragic end for my father and mother as well.

My grandfather took me away from the family.

In his eyes, as he weakly smiled and explained the cottage,

there were tears that did not suit the great magician Blamia at all.

It wasn’t that hard.

No, perhaps I had to think it wasn’t hard.

Sending off my parents and brother was undoubtedly heart-wrenching.

The place my father left behind, which my brother should have naturally taken over, I held in my heart for that reason.

But I couldn’t show it.

Seeing such a sad expression on my grandfather, the only family I had left, was painful.

So I smiled.

I pushed away magic and acted cute.

In truth, it was difficult.

“`

My talent is insignificant compared to my brother’s.

There was a time when I wanted to be like him, and I worked hard.

But I couldn’t risk my life on something hopeless.

Helplessness.

A profound sense of helplessness enveloped my entire being.

The reason Blamia turned Sitram into that state was all because of magic.

Isn’t it absurd for a grandfather to push his grandson into such a corner?

Everyone in the world would say so.

Thus, I had no choice but to tremble in helplessness.

Yet, I couldn’t give up learning magic because I didn’t want to see my grandfather’s sad face.

For my grandfather, magic was everything in life.

Instead, I made an excuse.

I needed a friend.

There was no way to soothe the loneliness that burrowed into my heart,

So I buried myself in pure innocence, hoping to ignore my true feelings.

The real reason I needed a friend, my grandfather would never know until his death.

Sinat buried himself in innocence,

Craving the excuse of a friend with a faint smile.

I had a little hope.

Maybe, just maybe, I would meet a friend who truly understood me.

And I could bury this loneliness and start anew.

But what came back was nothing but disgust at hypocrisy and pretense.

Whether it was a lower noble who caught a stroke of luck,

Or a high noble living in their own self-importance.

The ones my grandfather brought were all hypocrites.

Hypocrites who boasted about their family and parents.

It felt like they were mocking my parents and brother, who shed tears of blood, losing the house of Dranus.

These trash cautiously or boldly asked for a relationship with my grandfather.

It made me nauseous to think that they saw me, who was left with only loneliness, as merely a tool to connect with my grandfather.

I hate it.

“`

I hated it.

The excuse of being friends, and everything else.

I cried endlessly for that pure time that would never return.

Every time, what remained was my miserable self.

I could no longer laugh while reminiscing about memories.

What filled the remaining space were the tears that poured out miserably, and my wretched self.

It was during such a time that I met him.

The street orphan boy that my grandfather brought along, calling him a friend.

I had no expectations anyway.

Just my grandfather and I in the cabin.

I only hoped that my grandfather wouldn’t leave me.

-…It’s okay.

He was a strange boy.

An orphan, yet handsome.

There was nothing about him that I didn’t like.

It was funny that someone who came along as a friend spoke formally.

Perhaps my first curiosity started there.

*

I liked Kallen.

A very pleasing gift that came one day.

Boasting about parents, talking about grandfather.

Kallen focused solely on me.

He listened seriously to whatever I said, and pondered carefully.

Even though the conclusions he reached were sometimes absurd, I loved the way he focused on ‘Sinat’ himself.

Parents, brother, grandfather.

It felt like I had returned to the time when everyone in the estate and the retainers cherished me.

So I became curious.

I wanted to know more about Kallen,

And I wanted to make more memories with Kallen.

You could call it a compensatory psychology.

It felt like I could somehow recall the time when I could purely smile, even though it has become difficult to even reminisce about it.

I wanted to create the future of that time, which I can no longer return to, together with Kallen.

The heart of a girl who met her ideal type grew uncontrollably.

That affection and her own feelings mixed together to create something strange.

It was when Kallen threw himself towards her that she acknowledged and accepted those feelings.

He risked his life for her, without considering his own body.

That terrible event was enough to touch something she had tried hard to keep closed within herself.

She hated it terribly.

Being left alone again, she would rather die than face that.

She had just come to accept it.

The torrent of emotions that invaded her mind became something she could no longer handle.

Seeing Kallen’s body growing cold.

It was then that she understood the feelings she had kept closed and accepted her feelings for Kallen.

When Kallen opened his eyes…

Honestly, she couldn’t help it.

She couldn’t control her racing heart when she saw him.

Seeing the scars engraved on his body made her blame herself.

She couldn’t imagine a life without him.

If he left, she felt like she would return to that time she could never escape from.

The person who allowed her to be herself.

The person who connected her to the future of that time, which she could no longer dream of.

To her, Kallen was that person.

But,

He kept trying to leave her side.

Saying there was no future.

That the things that ended then were no longer something to dream of.

Lacatus’s sudden proposal.

It was the result of many relationships built up with her grandfather, but,

The result is the same.

Lacatus took Kalen away from me.

I am anxious.

This situation without him, it feels like my parents and brother have disappeared, leaving me behind.

Tick, tick.

Before I knew it, a sharp pain was felt in my fingers.

The more it hurt, the clearer it became.

I like Kalen.

A life without Kalen by my side is unimaginable.

When Kalen came back after finishing his work, I felt relieved.

But hearing Blamia’s words, it felt like my heart was breaking.

Kalen, who jumped in to save me without looking back.

He did such a reckless thing again.

I couldn’t bear it.

I attached a surveillance spirit mana to Kalen.

After a while, he left again for Hyatt’s work.

From noble mtl dot com

It was at that moment.

Thud-

Something inside me snapped.

No.

No.

No.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Kalen is about to leave again.

A man who always brings trouble, this time too, he is likely to not take care of himself.

He could just live peacefully with me.

The restoration of the Dranus family, it could be covered just by having Kalen.

What I want to inherit the position of Dranus is purely a return to those happy times.

With Kalen by my side, I could imagine the future that was cut off.

As long as I have Kalen, I don’t need to become the head of Dranus.

However, ignoring such a wish.

Kallen left.

Lady.

Again, a lady.

Those noble ladies.

One by one, they took Kallen away from me.

Then, let’s do it.

If the reason Kallen disappears from my side is because of a noble lady,

I, too, will become a noble lady.

I will inherit the rightful position of the head of the Dranus family.

I will become a noble lady who shines more brilliantly than anyone else.

Does Kallen know?

That he readily handed over Hyat’s work

because of such determination.

The lingering attachment to the Dranus family, which could be buried because of Kallen’s presence, sprouted again in an entirely unexpected form.

I practiced the magic that took my brother away to death.

To become the lady of Dranus, so that I would never lose Kallen again.

But not everything went as planned.

Was it too much of a backlash?

Before I knew it, my soul was kidnapped by the monster I faced with Kallen.

A place unknown, as dark as pitch-black.

Chains that oppress the body, and a monster staring at me.

It was more than enough to drive me insane.

The more I did, the more a boy’s face came to mind.

Like the time he saved me before.

I let go of my mind, hoping Kallen would come to save me.

The boy lived up to my expectations.

How could I not love him?

No matter what unknown place I fall into,

No matter what pain and trials come,

The dark eyes that look only at me remain unchanged.

Not relying on that eternity.

At least for oneself, it’s an impossible task.

I willingly entrust myself to that dark eternity,

dreaming of a future that can never be connected.

Let’s tear apart our bodies and minds as we please,

and dream together of the ideal of looking at each other.

Like the conversation we had on the sunset hill.

For no reason at all.

Just looking at each other.

Kallen’s unforgettable smile on the sunset hill.

Sinat smiled a little more sincerely, like back then.

Until now.

I hoped to be saved, but I didn’t want this.

His hand that pierced through Kallen’s body.

It looked like the hand of the monster that pierced Kallen’s heart back then.

Sinat felt like he was suffocating.

“I wish you could smile like you used to.”

“…”

[aaa- ah- ah!!!]

He smiled.

He smiled so brightly.

But that smile was just a reflection of his heart from a moment ago.

How could he smile when Kallen was collapsing?

The moment the monster disappeared along with the chains that had been oppressing him.

What he felt in the hands that held Kallen,

was the coldness of his endlessly flowing tears.