The Winner is King

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These three chapters were written in October today, which is very in line with my mood this month.

So there are some things inside that I actually wrote to myself.

Of course, it is also for those friends like me who are faced with such old and small problems.

October was my birthday month, and I participated in three weddings this month alone, and once went to distant Shanghai.

But it didn't seem to be filled with joy.

October was the month when I was in the lowest state for more than two years.

I have only written 210,000 words until now, and I should have written almost 400,000 words at this time.

It was almost halfway down.

Did n’t I dare to break out this month? Because there is no manuscript after the outbreak, I dare not outbreak ...

On the one hand, there are many common things. After all, we are all social animals. It is impossible to really live alone, there will always be some human contacts.

On the other hand, this month is really evil. The family members have been sick. The child has been sick for half a month, and his wife has been sick for half a month. Both of them are still not good. My mother-in-law also had a cold for more than a week. My mother's lumbar disc herniation is getting heavier and heavier. I went for surgery this month and wanted to recuperate, so we took the child back to his wife's house. As for me, in the last few days of the end of this month, I finally did not get through it, with a cold and acute conjunctivitis of the eyes.

Everyone has a natal year that does n’t mean that, is this my natal month?

Tomorrow is my 31st birthday.

This age can not be regarded as "people to middle age".

In the online writers who have been writing books for more than ten years, the 31-year-old is probably not really old.

There is no clear age range for middle age, but generally everyone counts the time between the age of 40 and the age of 50 or 60 as middle age.

According to this definition, I am still far from middle-aged.

But I still feel the crisis of middle-aged men.

As I wrote in the book, there are old people and young people, and I am the main source of income for the whole family. I can't go wrong. If I go wrong, this family will collapse.

In the past, when you were single, you only need to feed yourself and your parents. Now that you have a wife and children, you need to be backward compatible.

Then I was caught in the middle and became a sandwich cookie.

When I was in high school, I listened to Zhou Huajian, Li Zongsheng, and Pin Guan's "Recently Annoying", but the lyrics were very interesting.

Now I gradually realized the helplessness of the middle-aged man singing in the song.

"... I'm getting annoyed recently, annoyed, annoyed! I can't see the shore in front of me, there is a group of geniuses to catch up behind, oops! It's getting harder and harder to write a song that is all happy ..."

It ’s my anxiety to change the song to a book, it ’s not exaggerated at all.

※※※

The day my wife gave birth to a child, I also brought a laptop and said to spell words with my friends.

It turned out that the whole day, I didn't write a word.

When I was fidgeting and waiting outside the delivery room, I saw that many mothers and their babies were being pushed out, and the family members waiting around went up, and even other people would go up and take a look, and then come back and say, "That child So good! "" Will our children do the same ... "

On the other side of the delivery room is the ICU intensive care unit for newborn babies. Those babies who have problems in life will be sent here. But the parents waiting here or coming and going are all frowning and looking worried.

Looking at this scene of the tragic comedy of life, I suddenly realized that I wrote 6,000 words a day in my life, and then I could play games all night with no worries, or go wherever I wanted to go, and write as much as I wanted. If you do n’t want to work, you will definitely not work. If you want to indulge yourself, you will indulge yourself. You only write 60,000 words a month ... A beautiful day without heart and lungs is over.

When I have a child, all my thoughts will be on him, and I will have a hard heart. I have a lot to worry about. I'm worried that my mother's milk is not enough, I'm worried about his bad rest, I'm worried about the child's poor development, I'm worried about his illness, I'm worried that he will be sick for a long time ...

When he was a little older, I was worried about the hidden or obvious dangers. When we were young, we did n’t have as many cars now ... I still worry about his education, and I worry about his character.

When he is older, I worry about him going to college, I worry about his job, I worry about him looking for a wife, and find his wife, I worry about his children, the children come out, I have to worry about my grandchildren ...

Ok, I do think too much, but parenting, hasn't it been this way in this life? I clearly saw such a trajectory in my own parents.

I went to college and they worried about my work. I worked and they worried about my income. My income has increased, they started worrying that I could n’t find a girlfriend, I ’m married, and they worry about our descendants ... Up to now, sometimes for our business, they still sleep all night, closing the door to discuss for a long time .

Then when I thought about it so much, I suddenly lost.

Very reluctant to have a good day away from me.

But no matter how reluctant, this day must continue to go forward.

I think I may have matured since then.

I have more responsibilities, I can't lose my temper, just pick a pick if I want to pick a pick. Now that this road is on, it is impossible to get off the train halfway.

Even if this road is not easy to go, the burden on this shoulder is a bit heavy. After squeezing the waist and tearing the skin on the shoulder, you have to go forward.

Because, this is life.

I have to do this in my life.

※※※

I went to the hospital this morning because my eyes were red last night. My wife was worried about conjunctivitis, so she took me to the hospital.

In addition, she is going to check again.

She was holding my hand while in the hospital. She was quite happy. At that time, I had a cold, topless, noseless, uncomfortable throat, and dry mouth. I did n’t know how happy I was to come to the hospital.

As a result, his wife said: "Because this is where you accompany me to the hospital!"

Then I froze for a moment.

If you think about it, in addition to having children, she has been to many hospitals in the past two years to do various reexaminations, examinations, and medical treatments.

But every time, it was her mother, and her father accompanied her.

I have never been with her. At most, I drove the car to the underground parking lot of the hospital, and then sat alone in the car to code.

Not only my wife, but even my child went to the hospital, I only followed it once.

Now that the child is more than one year old, both "grandpa", "grandma" and "mother" will shout, but they will not shout "daddy."

They asked him "How about Dad?" He learned my snoring sound, which is "Daddy".

Recently, my wife and mother are not good. I accompany my child to sleep at night, but he will be awakened at midnight every night, and then he will cry when he sees me next to him. I can't coax him. He had to get his grandma out of the horse.

The result followed me to sleep for two days, but let his grandma take him to sleep.

He rarely wants me to hug, hardly stick me.

My wife complained that this is what I brought.

Because I really don't have time to take children.

I have to write at least 400,000 words every month, otherwise I can't keep up with the explosion.

These 400,000 words are tasks that can be completed from sleep in the morning to sleep at night.

I spend all my time on codewords, how can I bring my children?

I always think that I will fight for another two years, and while my body can still fight, I will fight for two more years.

But the ghost knows if I will fight for another two years?

Life is a battle, you have to fight.

A few days ago, after watching the national derby, I took another time to watch a Ronaldo documentary. In the film, the last reporter asked Ronaldo: "You always work so hard, why is this? You are already the world's top star."

Ronaldo replied to him like this: "You have to keep working hard, otherwise everything you gain will be lost and you will have nothing."

For me, the results of these two books are all desperately updated, so I must work hard and work hard all the time, otherwise I am afraid that I will lose everything now, I am afraid that I will disappoint you, I am afraid if it is not enough With hard work, his own family cannot continue to live the present day.

I ca n’t afford to lose. My four parents, a wife and a child are all looking at me from behind.

I am not fighting for myself, I am fighting for them.

Today there is a photo on the Internet that is very popular. A man sat on the subway and fell asleep. Before he fell asleep, he called his child and told him that he had eaten it. Go home to let him wait for himself at home.

Then after the phone call, he kept his hands on his knees and fell asleep.

I think this is the typical representative of every man who carries responsibility and family on his shoulders.

※※※

Written here, my wife came to take her temperature and told me she had a fever.

I have to lie down for a while.

People become susceptible and vulnerable when they are sick, and they tend to think about things.

So wasting everyone's time to see my nonsense.

Tomorrow is my 31st birthday. It is really memorable to write such a text at this time.

I wish myself a happy birthday and get better soon. I also wish you all happiness and health every day!

Thank you!

Lin Haiting Tao

2013.10.28 in Chengdu

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