Unrequited Love

"Do you know? Zhang Min's brain is sick."

At a certain noon in the second grade, the girl at the same table turned her eyes around, and said something like this inexplicably.

Ye Zhanyan raised his head and was stunned. It took a while before he swallowed the scrambled eggs with tomato stuffed in his mouth.

"What do you mean?" she asked carefully.

"Why are you always so slow?!" The tablemate gave her a disgusting look.

Ye Zhanyan lowered her head and didn't argue, she had long been used to it. The girl at the same table is her friend. Actually Ye Zhanyan doesn’t really know what a friend is. Anyway, this girl is at the same table when she transfers to school. She points out the location of the women’s toilet and calls herself every time she goes to the toilet. She introduced herself to most of the classmates' names, but by the way, she was the one who put the gossip and embarrassment behind their names to explain them, and she was the one who had dinner together at noon. It was she, she was her, she was the one who "saved" Ye Zhanyan, a lonely and rigid transfer student.

Ye Zhanyan doesn't like her. People like her are just the representatives of most ordinary girls in every class. They don't have much brains, follow the trend, are a little bit vicious and not too outrageous, have no personality and gossip.

But the heart is self-proclaimed and unwilling to be overwhelmed by everyone, so the people around him are "people-like", such as Ye Zhanyan.

Ye Zhanyan, you are so dumb. You can't do Ye Zhanyan's questions. Why are you always so slow, Ye Zhanyan, don't you even know who Stefanie Sun is?

But other people say she is a good friend of hers, because more often she will say: Ye Zhanyan, I go to the bathroom, can you go? Ye Zhanyan, I am here, do you bring sanitary napkins? Ye Zhanyan, have you seen the music festival awards ceremony last night? Ye Zhanyan, did you forget to bring shoe covers again? Today is a computer class...

Their biggest friendship crisis came from that day Ye Zhanyan wore the light blue dress given to her by her father’s colleague instead of school uniform, nor did she use that vulgar red star hairpin to pin her bangs to the side like a silly girl. , But let them lie in front of their foreheads at will—so, the boy in the front row who looks like a hippo and who likes to fight with Ye Zhanyan at the same table unnaturally looked at her when he turned to borrow the eraser. eye.

These two eyes made the sensitive tablemates very upset, and there was a bit of contempt for "just you love to show off" in the eyes looking at Ye Zhanyan. In the afternoon, Ye Zhanyan put his hair on again, and "Hippo" boldly showed her well: Your hair is better looking when it falls off-Ye Zhanyan glanced at the bulging tablemate in confusion, and said, "No, no, just don't , It's better not to."

The aesthetics of junior high school students is nothing more than this. In a sluggish face, girls who dare to spread their long hair, girls who dare to take off their school uniforms and coats when the head teacher is absent, dare to hang many plush toys outside their schoolbags The girl who dares to paint the nails first... Such a girl is a beauty.

As for the figure, as for the appearance, all these overwhelming external conditions can attract people's attention.

Therefore, Ye Zhanyan at that time was not a beauty.

No one will take a serious look at whether her smooth forehead and long and slightly curled eyelashes show signs of potential beauty.

When Ye Zhanyan was distracted when he was a child, he found that the eyes at the same table were already impatient, and quickly asked as if to please: "I really don't understand. Why do you say that Zhang Min's brain... is sick? How good is Zhang Min's grades? First."

"This thing doesn’t matter whether Nao Ticong is smart or not? Today, some of us went to the language office to see the results, and happened to meet her mother talking to the teacher. They stopped talking when we were in the house, so we went out. Just stay at the door and listen for a while, guess what?"

Ye Zhanyan only realized that the same table and a few girls kept passing notes when they were in class, and seized all the time to chat with others in excitement after class-it turned out to be gossip.

She didn't want to spoil her tablemate's interest, pretending to want to know, and asked: "What's the matter, is it because Zhang Min's mother said she has a brain disease?"

"That's why you have a brain disease, okay? Whose mother would say that to her daughter?"

The corner of his mouth curled at the same table, and Ye Zhanyan suddenly became a little angry-indeed, no one's mother would say that to his daughter.

Only you wicked **** would say this.

"What's that?" She suppressed her temper.

"Her mother complained to the teacher, saying that Zhang Min's father couldn't stay at home anymore. The neighbors couldn't bear it, and they always ran into the street..." The same table said this, suddenly as if intriguing. He glanced around, then lowered his voice and said, "If you don’t wear any clothes, I just ran down the street! I was finally tied back by my family. I was sent to a mental hospital a few days ago, otherwise Zhang Min would She was going to be beaten to death—her father was a lunatic Wu, and he would beat anyone who caught him at home. Her mother said that she was a nurse and had to work the night shift. She couldn't take care of Zhang Min, so the teacher should bear it. She hoped that Zhang Min would be promising. , Can be admitted to Zhenhua."

The tablemate himself spoke happily. He was excited, and did not notice that Ye Zhanyan had stopped eating, and silently closed the lid of the lunch box.

"Dad is mentally ill. She is so pitiful. What's the use of good grades?" The same table said dryly, and at the same time, he picked out all the coriander in the lunch box with chopsticks and piled it on the lid of the lunch box.

"What does this have to do with Zhang Min's brain disease?"

The same table turned her head and looked at Ye Zhanyan like a fool: "You idiot! Don't you know if this disease is inherited? She will be crazy sooner or later!"

The same table had just finished saying this, Ye Zhan stood up and said blankly, "I'm going to the bathroom."

The same table hurriedly took two bites of rice in his mouth and said: "You will go later, I also want to go to the toilet."

Ye Zhanyan walked straight to the door as if he had never heard of it, ignoring the surprised sentence from the same table behind him: "Have you taken the wrong medicine?"

Ye Zhanyan never takes medicine. She used to feed her mother to take medicine, but now she doesn't have to.

Last year, her mother jumped to her death.

At that time, Ye Zhanyan looked out from the high window and stood there silently, imagining the blood slowly overflowing, overflowing-it can only be imagined. In the story, the person who jumped off the building will have blood flowing under the body, and will bloom fiery red flowers. However, looking down from the height of the fifteenth floor, nothing is clear.

She thought in her heart that there will always be such a day, and indeed there will be such a day, it finally came.

It was not her who called the police, but the passers-by, the passers-by who surrounded her mother's body.

The relief of this woman who fell from the sky is more surprised and regretful than her own daughter, passersby.

She explained to her former classmates that her mother accidentally fell from upstairs while cleaning the glass, and then her resignation turned into a car accident.

She herself didn't know exactly what she wanted to cover up, but watching her classmates whispering, she knew that cover up was always right.

Later, her father was considerate and helped her transfer to a new junior high school so far away. This time, she never talked to anyone about her mother again.

So this time, her mother was not dead.

They can say that Zhang Min has a brain disease, that psychosis can be inherited, and they can't even distinguish the difference between psychosis and neurosis-but no one can tell her.

Ye Zhanyan gradually realized that he was so naive. In a small city in the north, the interpersonal relationship is like a cobweb, which binds her tightly and cannot move.

After she saw the parent meeting, her father was chatting with Zhang Min's mother. Zhang Min's mother's tall cheekbones and thin cheeks filled Ye Zhanyan's vision. Her brain hadn't reacted, and her legs suddenly became soft.

The day her mother jumped down, she didn't feel so scared or sad.

She remembers the face of Zhang Min's mother.

A few years ago, when her mother was still alive, in the poorly ventilated visitation room of the nursing home, she knelt on a chair and looked into a large room from the iron fence, watching her mother sitting with another unknown man. Talking happily at the table close at hand. Her mother grasped the other's hand with a bitter expression, tears streaming down the deep law lines.

"You don't know how much I have paid for this family. I can't sleep at all, and my hair fell in a handful. You said, why didn't the Buddha save me? I did what you said and read it more than a dozen times. Yeah..."

The man's lumpy face was twitching all the time. I don't know if it was the cause of the drug's effect. Every time he said a word, his neck twisted to the side, making her heartbeat.

"XinXinXin...sincere, your heart, no, no...not sincere..."

The door opened, and she saw Zhang Min's mother, who was still short hair, coming out.

It turns out that man is her lover.

What Ye Zhanyan avoided, but the adults didn't want to be bored in his heart. She watched her father standing at the door of the classroom gracefully, comforting Zhang Min's mother who put all the sadness on her face, but the boring face that came to her at the same table in her mind.

It turned out to be her, they knew each other. She is done.

Ye Zhanyan stepped back away from the crowd at the door of the classroom and fled.

"I was ill for two days. When I returned to school, I thought the sky was falling, but I found that nothing happened. Zhang Min's mother had a hard time, and it became a habit for such people to complain. Zhang Min naturally knew everything, and she too Came to me and complained, thinking that we were both sick and pitying each other. I was so scared that I stayed away and didn't dare to talk to her. Later I was worried that she would be angry with me and spread my mother's things. But she has everything Did not say."

Luo Zhi suddenly remembered that when the second-year liberal arts class was first formed, there were boys who were not doing well on duty, and Zhang Min did the work alone. Ye Zhanyan once had a fight and brought back several boys who had escaped to play basketball.

Maybe a trivial return.

Suddenly Ye Zhanyan lowered his head and opened the handbag, took out a lighter and a bag of a hundred years old, and said politely to Luo Zhi, "Do you mind if I smoke?"

"Don't mind." Luo Zhi said, slightly opening the window on his side, revealing a slit.

Ye Zhanyan snorted, and skillfully lit the cigarette, sandwiched between the thin white fingers, it was very beautiful.

"By the way, I heard that you envy me?"

Luo Zhi never resented his diary with such intricate ability like this moment. She didn't answer with a cold face.

"Ding Shuijing said, you envy me very much," Ye Zhanyan continued, "but she said it wasn't because of Sheng Huainan. I didn't understand it at first, but then I figured it out."

Suddenly she pulled aside the hem of her rose red coat and lifted it up slightly, revealing a long, narrow brown scar on her waist.

"My mother is hot, still envy it?" She laughed again.

Luo Zhi was silent. Just as Ye Zhanyan could realize what she envied, she could also see that Ye Zhanyan said that she was not worthy of envy, and it was not just because of this scar.

The scar on Ye Zhanyan's waist was left when he was very young. The mother with aura of mental illness carried the iron rod that had just been pulled over the coal stove and waved it around the house, and slammed Ye Zhanyan's body severely. The healing ability of children is not as strong as imagined, and the shadow has not faded, whether it is physical or spiritual.

Ye Zhanyan has never complained about her mother in front of anyone, although she blamed her deeply-but Ye Zhanyan knew since she was a child that as long as she dared to speak, she was the one who was wrong, and she was responsible for all the mistakes.

"She is your mother anyway, she gave birth to you in October." Everyone would educate her like this.

But who can't have children?

The only masterpiece Ye Zhanyan has ever read is Jane Eyre. She has been thinking that if one day tells her own story to others, only one sentence is enough-assuming that Mr. Rochester and the crazy wife in the attic once had a child, that child might be called Ye Zhanyan.

Ye Zhanyan’s father was a poor rural boy, he knew how to paint and wrote well. Perhaps the reason for marrying Ye Zhanyan’s mother was love, or to stay in the city after graduating from university, but no one knew the truth. As Ye Zhanyan's mother's madness got worse, even if there was love between them, they have become a chase.

When Ye Zhanyan grew up, once imagined that if her mother was not mentally ill, but had disabled legs, would her father be more loyal?

Love is not afraid of broken body, but it can't bear the change of soul.

The image of his father was always vague in Ye Zhanyan's heart when he was young. He only remembered that when his mother was still sober, the family once celebrated his joining the Provincial Association of Calligraphy and Painting, and what position he held. Then, after only more than a year, he suddenly took an opportunity. He got involved in the art circle in Beijing and became a temporary teacher at a Beijing Academy of Fine Arts.

Her mother's home is fairly well-established, her grandfather passed away very early, and her grandmother is still in a tough body, holding two heads on one shoulder, taking care of the crazy daughter and young granddaughter. This kind of care is not loving and considerate. The grandmother feels uncomfortable, and her temper is irritable. She can swear by others. She and her mother talk to each other, and often repair Ye Zhanyan to the ground.

When Luo Zhi heard this, he suddenly became curious.

How did the little poor boy who was careful to flatter and frighten in junior high school turned into a crystal-like dazzling school flower in high school?

The person who knows the most may be her tablemate in junior high school, but she has no idea.

On the day of the final exam for the second grade of Ye Zhanyan Primary School, her mother became seriously ill again and was forcibly taken to the hospital. Grandma also fell during the scuffle with her mother and was sick for half a month. The old man became less energetic after a period of illness. Suddenly he felt that the deadline was approaching and he wanted to entrust the mess to Ye Zhanyan's father who fled to Beijing. I couldn't get my son-in-law back on the phone several times. The old lady carried light luggage on a snowy morning and set foot on the train to Beijing.

Ye Zhanyan still remembered the old lady's face like a knife.

"You girls, you still have to count on him in the end."

Grandma blocked "Mr. Rochester" and his "Jane Eyre" at the door and carried the news of the crazy woman in the attic. "Jane Eyre" with a bulging belly couldn't believe it and rushed away.

"My grandma is not a good person," Ye Zhanyan smiled. "That female student dropped out of school with a big belly. My dad resigned from the Academy of Fine Arts dingyly and stayed home for three months to see if my grandmother is getting better. Gone again."

She just told her, but didn't notice Luo Zhi's face suddenly graying when she heard the story.

From this father who had missed her growing years, she learned the important life wisdom of "to be spared". Her father was free to get married for the sake of the registered permanent residence, and abandoned the family for the future. He did not hesitate to hesitate, so he became the final winner-the mother-in-law died of illness, the crazy wife chased the mother-in-law and jumped off the building. When all the hidden dangers were resolved, he just succeeded. There is only one daughter left, she is also very worry-free, beautiful and well-behaved, as long as she gives her pocket money.

"I don't hate him, but admire him," Ye Zhanyan said seriously, "I will be my father, not my mother."

Luo Zhi's heart was extremely shaken.

"But he deceived the female students of the Academy of Fine Arts in the past, and later got wicked, but the retribution was on me," Ye Zhanyan nodded playfully, "Guess who that female student is?"

"That female classmate is actually Sheng Huainan's little aunt and aunt."

Luo Zhi's shocked look made Ye Zhanyan very satisfied, and the trace of sadness in his smile became more intense.

"Interesting? Huh? Interesting."

Not all coincidences make people smile.

"Is this the reason you broke up?" Luo Zhi asked.

"What's the reason to break up for this kind of thing," Ye Zhanyan sneered. "Even if the **** says we are cousins, I won't break up. It's better not to have children?"

Luo Zhi was taken aback for a moment, and then laughed hahaha.

She didn't remember how long she hadn't laughed like this, but Ye Zhanyan just said casually, seeing her so happy, she thought about it, and laughed together.

Strange and interesting scenes, their relationship, for such an untimely joke, the hearts are closer than ever.

"I remember," Ye Zhanyan exhaled the white smoke leisurely, "our classmate meeting, you told me to make me more free and easy, free and easy to be like me, Sheng Huainan must like me a little more generous, eh?"

"It seems to be," Luo Zhi nodded, "a polite remark."

"But I am not a free and easy person. What you said at the time made me very popular because you got it right. He didn't know anything about me. He, like everyone else, likes me like that, so I will act for him Look, show it to everyone. Over time, I will really be a lively and free and easy person."

The wind blows Ye Zhanyan's white smoke toward the out of reach window at the other end of the corridor. Luo Zhi's eyes drifted away along the smoke.

What about the real Ye Zhanyan? Maybe she hasn't grown up yet, she was left in the corner of the junior high school classroom, carefully hiding the secrets, waiting to be understood and rescued, but she was deliberately forgotten by her now glorious.

The deepest shadow always has the most brilliant light on the back.

"But why did you call me out on purpose?" Luo Zhi said, "Since you are worried about Zhang Min leaking secrets to me, why do you tell it yourself now?"

"I hope you can help me tell this to Huainan. I can't say it myself." Ye Zhanyan's voice trembled, and the ashes fell to the ground, with the beauty of slow motion," Ding Shuijing told him, you threw it away. My break-up letter. I called him and he never asked me what was written in that letter. Although it was a non-existent letter, he still rejected it. He will not uphold justice for me. "

Where do you have justice. Luo Zhi frowned, but did not refute.

"How? I beg you again, this time you must help me."

Luo Zhi shook his head: "Go by yourself. I can't restore every word you want to say."

Ye Zhanyan showed an unsurprising expression.

"Then I'll change my request. You should never tell him that we met. Don't disclose any word I said to you. I will tell him by myself."

Does Ye Zhanyan have a brain problem? Luo Zhi was confused by her and felt strange.

"Ok."

Somehow, she didn't even worry that Ye Zhanyan would confide in Sheng Huainan.

Ye Zhanyan seemed very happy, she jumped off the window sill, walked a few steps, and squeezed out the cigarette butts on the trash can.

"Then I'm leaving." Ye Zhanyan said suddenly.

"what?"

Luo Zhi was still blindfolded, Ye Zhanyan actually walked toward the stairwell with a powerful force, the sun shining her rose red coat particularly dazzlingly.

After walking a certain distance, she suddenly stopped, turned her head and said, "There is something I want to say'I'm sorry' to you. I remember that I filed a complaint with Ding Shuijing when I was a bit, and you two broke up. Actually, I didn't shout. You go to play volleyball. When I said this to Sheng Huainan, I saw you walking past. I felt that your self-proclaimed virtue was particularly an eye-catching, so I just set you up. I'm sorry... But I don't guarantee that I won't be in the future. Framed."

Luo Zhi did not respond, just smiled faintly.

"It's the virtue of you now, it's annoying."

The sound of high heels turning around the stairs, clicking and clicking, gradually disappeared.

Luo Zhi touched his cheek. In high school, most of her indifference was self-protection, but now she can face Ye Zhanyan so calmly all the time because she really has confidence.

The so-called calmness, the so-called high profile, and the so-called calmness are just because you have long been a winner.

The result is already the greatest revenge, so why bother to have the upper hand.