Unrequited Love

"Unknown flowers bloomed on the trellis, bright red, small, pouring down like a waterfall. I only saw it when I came back from the mountain. The sky was still bright when I went out, I just smelled a desolate fragrance, like They only wake up, but sadly realize that the summer is over."

When Luo Zhi wrote this paragraph in his diary, Sheng Huainan caught a glance behind him and sighed.

She heard it and couldn't help laughing.

Sheng Huainan always said that Luo Zhi’s diary gave him a headache. If he were to write it, there might be only one sentence:

"Unrecognized flowers bloom in the yard."

He called Luo Zhi "Luo Luo" like Luo Zhi's mother, but he didn't understand why Luo Zhi still called him "Sheng Huainan" by his first name and last name, and even wrote all these three words in his diary.

Luo Zhi couldn't tell it, maybe because she was unable to call out his name openly, maybe because of her high school diary, half a page of his name was written with a blue pen at the end of the first article: Sheng Huainan , Sheng Huainan, Sheng Huainan.

Sheng Huainan...

The neighbor's grandmother told them that they could go to the back mountain before dawn to watch the sunrise, and by the way, come back with a bucket of spring water to make rice dumplings. Now is the best season to appreciate sweet-scented osmanthus. It is golden and full of mountains and plains. Just pick a few of the freshest branches and sprinkle them in the balls, which is more intoxicating than fermented rice.

But Sheng Huainan missed it. He woke up at half past eight, with the window facing the east, and the sunlight just came in, and the room was bright.

"Why don't you call me?" He sat on the bed in a rage, with the hair on the back of his head curled up like a furious magpie.

Luo Zhi squinted his eyes and smiled, coaxing him up for breakfast in a good manner.

In fact, she didn't call him on purpose, not just because of distress, she wanted him to sleep a little longer. At that time, she looked at him through the dim light of the bedside lamp, watching him curled up in the quilt and sleeping soundly, his brows stretched out, and his calm and peaceful appearance was particularly beautiful. Then she slipped out of bed quietly, dressed lightly, and walked out the door.

When walking on the dirt road up the mountain, she still remembered his sound asleep in her mind, and she had a special feeling.

She is on the road, and the one she loves is at home; she will return to him soon, but now, only now, she is alone on the road.

This feeling is unclear, as if the fish and bear's paw are all under control.

The morning was foggy and the mountains were not high. She didn't see a beautiful sunrise. She just hit a bucket of sweet spring and picked a handful of golden osmanthus. When I went back, I cooked two bowls of sweet fermented rice **** with clear spring water, sifted the golden cinnamon finely, and sprinkled them in the soup bowl. Sheng Huainan didn't wake up yet, so Luo Zhi sat in the small courtyard to eat by himself, looking up with the mournful breath of nameless flowers, and looking down at the small sweetness in the bowl.

She ate two bowls by herself.

The mist above his head gradually dissipated, the sky became clearer and the whole world brightened.

At that moment, she suddenly felt very happy.

Sheng Huainan would not understand this feeling.

I thought it was good to go to the beach today, but a phone call in the morning called Sheng Huainan to Hangzhou.

His business is getting better and better. The mobile game he developed is very popular. Many colleagues around Luozhi are playing it, but he is always angry that his wife never installs their app.

Luozhi has always only had the game "Bejeweled" in mobile phones. She did think that Sheng Huainan's games were too copycats and too mentally retarded, but they were surprisingly popular and Sheng Huainan made a fortune.

Luo Zhi really didn't understand the world more and more.

A few months ago, she was also drawn to help their development team do game dubbing. The product manager solemnly asked Luo Zhi to use Obasan’s tone and tone to say "make a profit", "beautiful backflip", "God, I picked up the money"...

When she was recording, Sheng Huainan was laughing wildly beside her, knowing that he was deliberately fixing himself.

So Luo Zhi didn't install that game, just because he didn't want to hear his own 13 o'clock voice.

However, Sheng Huainan insisted that this was because Luo Zhi was infatuated and would not cherish him after he succeeded.

You are a big-headed ghost, she can't laugh or cry.

It is true that Luo Zhi no longer does stupid things like she did in high school. She no longer learns to eat with three chopsticks, but will leave him alone and go climbing.

But every day, she became more like him and more like herself.

Sheng Huainan left at noon with only a computer bag. He called a taxi himself, and instead of letting Luo Zhi send him to the high-speed rail station, he left the rented car in the village. Luo Zhi took a nap for a while and woke up to see a new text message from a strange number.

"I heard that you are in Ningbo, do you want to come out for a meal?"

Luo Zhi bit the bullet and asked who the other party was. He said, "Hello, I am your high school classmate, and my name is Qin Shuning."

Luo Zhi remembered him. In high school, he was at the same table with Sheng Huainan.

Other than that, she knew little about this person. The head teacher of Sheng Huainan High School was a male teacher who taught mathematics and married another female teacher from Zhenhua who taught Chinese. The couple have a common way to lead classes-when the seats are divided, there is always a table for boys and boys, and a table for girls and girls. It is said that the female teacher first proposed it, and was appreciated by the male teacher, because this method can prevent students from having inappropriate thoughts, so as not to affect their studies.

So from time to time classmates ridicule, in this couple's class, everyone can only engage in homosexuality.

However, what is meant by "inappropriate mind"? Luo Zhi was still a model student in high school, perhaps even more model than Sheng Huainan, who was always agitated by Chinese teachers and playing rogues to avoid cleaning. But an appropriate student like her still had inappropriate thoughts towards Sheng Huainan.

The tablemate of Sheng Huainan is Qin Shuning. Luo Zhi once chatted with Sheng Huainan when he couldn't sleep at night. When talking about all kinds of classmates in high school, Sheng Huainan mentioned this tablemate. Qin Shuning was less than 1.7 meters tall and when he was one row taller, he actively asked to sit in the back row. This kind of request is the easiest to meet. Many parents have proposed that they want to move their children's seats forward, which is troublesome. Qin Shuning's request was in line with the head teacher's mind, so he never asked him the reason for doing so.

Luo Zhi guessed, maybe it was because of boys' self-esteem.

He didn't want to continue to be the "little boy in the front row".

While listening to Sheng Huainan's description of this ordinary tablemate who "has no friendship at the same table for three years", Luo Zhi clearly showed the other side in his mind.

Qin Shuning is a quiet-looking boy, slightly thin, fair and beautiful, wearing glasses, and gentle.

Luo Zhi was shocked by himself.

Sheng Huainan was still talking, her head resting on his chest, listening to the buzzing resonance of her chest, she lost her mind because of this thought.

I should have seen it when I stole Sheng Huainan before. No matter how much Luo Zhi concealed his inappropriate thoughts, she was definitely not a chaste girl who did not squint when she passed by the door of Sanban. She would turn her head and glance at it unintentionally, then calmly move her gaze away, behaving normally, especially normal.

Sheng Huainan was sitting in the third-to-last row. He couldn't see from the front door, but there was hope at the back door, provided that he did not move to the group against the wall.

It should be at this time that Qin Shuning has visited Qin Shuning by the way, she thought.

He Yolozhi was dating in a Japanese restaurant in the city center. He heard that she lived in the suburbs, and he said he wanted to pick her up, but she declined.

If it were college, she would definitely not go to such an invitation from a distant stranger. Work tempers her character, not to mention that Sheng Huainan and Ding Shuijing are also influencing her subtly. Unconsciously, she has also changed a lot.

On the way from the outskirts to the city center, the navigation made her go around and I don't know how many circles there are. I finally found my destination, but I couldn't find a parking space. I was already ten minutes late when I parked the car. Luo Zhi ran a few steps past, and met Qin Shuning at the gate.

Although he was a person with little overlap, he recognized it well, as if the image in his memory had jumped out of Luo Zhi's mind. He has a small flat head, rimless glasses, and a thin dark blue down vest over the white shirt. He is really not tall because he is very thin and does not look short. Compared with high school, she is naturally mature a lot, with prominent edges and corners, but she is also inevitably older.

When Luo Zhi entered the door, he subconsciously looked at himself through the door glass.

People who are twenty-seven or eighteen years old should be getting old too, right?

This kind of change is hard to see for herself and the people around her, but when she suddenly saw Qin Shuning, ten years of time showed her power in the most direct and violent way, she was a little flustered.

Laughing, greeting, ordering, modest.

This boring social link has always caused Luo Zhi a headache. The headless meeting started to make her regret.

"Do you drink? Do we want a pot of sake?"

Before Luo Zhi refused, he smiled and said, "Sorry, I forgot, you drive."

As he lowered her head to study the wine list, she couldn't help but curiously asked: "It's only eleven now. Are you wearing a down vest, isn't it hot?"

Qin Shuning raised his head, actually smiled shyly, shook his head and said nothing.

In contrast, Luo Zhi seemed to be a weird old aunt, embarrassing a high school student.

In fact, the reason why Luo Zhi agreed to see Qin Shuning was a bit selfish.

Almost all of Sheng Huainan's friends she knows are his partners after starting a business. The old classmates are separated from each other. Most of the buddies from high school and university go abroad to study for Ph. Many of Sheng Huainan’s friends now know him later than Luo Zhi, so she has never had the feeling of “being brought into his hair-baby circle by her boyfriend”, and she never had the opportunity to talk to anyone about him. s story.

Even if it’s a trivial story, it’s okay even if you smile and say, "He’s this kid..."!

She has always been a little regretful.

While waiting boringly for food, Luo Zhi began to chat with him actively, which was actually a questioning.

It turns out that Qin Shuning learned that Luo Zhi was playing in Ningbo through a friend, and that friend read Luo Zhi's WeChat Moments.

She wanted to ask which friend he knew from, and why they talked about themselves-but saw that he became more uncomfortable.

She didn't feel that something was right until then. Since Qin Shuning knew that Luo Zhi and Sheng Huainan were in Ningbo together, why didn't he even invite Sheng Huainan when he sent a text message today?

What's more, it stands to reason that if he wants to see his old classmates, he should contact Sheng Huainan directly.

She regretted her slowness, and began to stand up, not daring to ask more rashly.

"My grandmother's home is in Ningbo. I haven't returned to China for two years. I have been home for a long time this time. Anyway, I have to come here to see the old man."

Haven't returned home for two years? Where did you go? Luo Zhi didn't ask further, smiled and nodded.

Qin Shuning took a sip of water and continued: "I will return to the United States next Monday to continue my studies."

The waiter brought a small plate of wasabi octopus and a small plate of seaweed.

"Are you coming to Ningbo? It's a safe journey."

"Go to Beijing for a transfer."

"Oh."

Qin Shuning was silent for a while, and suddenly said solemnly: "I heard that you are also in Ningbo. I am very happy. I muster my courage to try my luck. I didn't expect you to come."

Luo Zhi was dumbfounded, how did she answer this?

These old classmates of Sheng Huainan are really fit to stay in the laboratory, but don't come out, she said.

She turned her mind and raised her head with a heartless grin.

"It's a pity that Sheng Huainan has something to do temporarily, otherwise he must be very happy to see you. It's not easy to meet old classmates when going abroad."

Qin Shuning smiled comfortably, without showing the slightest loss or surprise.

"It's not easy. And I think it will be difficult for me to see you and him in the future. There is no reason to meet. I have a normal relationship with him, and you don't know me."

Luo Zhi chewed the meaning of this sentence quietly, and did not respond for a while.

Qin Shuning poured himself a glass of sake and raised it to greet Luo Zhi: "I know I am taking the liberty to punish myself for a glass."

He raised his neck and poured it down, and turned the bottom of the glass toward Luo Zhi to show that he had finished drinking. This action made Luo Zhi a little surprised-Sheng Huainan ran business all the year round in the early days of entrepreneurship, and had a lack of alcohol. He also used Luo Zhi to accompany him to practice. Later, when he was more comfortable, he would offer treasures to her and explain to her the "liquor tables" in various places. culture". However, many of Luo Zhi's classmates rarely have the opportunity to be exposed to drinking occasions. It is rare for Qin Shuning to make such actions habitually.

"Do you often drink?" she asked.

Qin Shuning shook his head and nodded again.

"I rarely drink by myself, but every time I go home, I will accompany my elders to drink. The elders in my family can drink very well, and my cousins ​​drink very well. Compared to me, my nerd, my grandparents are even better. I like them because I have a bright mind and will be courteous. Later, I refused to admit defeat, and started to drink with them during the holidays, and gradually practiced." He raised the wine cup to his mouth, thought about it, and put it down. , Laughed, "Actually, there is nothing to compare. But I just like to compare with others, and I can't compare harder, then I will accept my fate, so three years after I was admitted to Zhenhua, I gradually accepted my fate. Ha, Do you think I am too competitive?"

Luo Zhi shook his head: "The eccentricity of adults is too obvious, and it is difficult for children to maintain a balanced mind. Who doesn't want to be the most lovable one, no one naturally likes to look at them."

Qin Shuning thought for a while with his eyes down, and the smile on the corner of his mouth became stronger. He raised his glass again to salute Luo Zhi: "I respect you for this."

Luo Zhi hurriedly stopped: "If you drink this by yourself, I will be embarrassed."

He was taken aback, but he was a little at a loss, put down the cup and rubbed his hands embarrassedly: "I'm sorry, then I won't drink."

The atmosphere was temporarily deserted. Luo Zhi looked at him cautiously and couldn't help but blame himself.

She poured herself a glass of wine impulsively, and gently raised her hand and said, "Excuse me, then I'll accompany a glass, don't mind."

She looked up at Qin Shuning’s surprised gaze. The sake content was not high, but she drank too much and took a sip. She finally held it back and covered her mouth with a wet towel and coughed gently. Two clicks.

"I'm sure now, I like you for so many years, it's worth it."

Qin Shuning suddenly said a word that caused Luo Zhi to cough violently.

"Actually, I saw you in my freshman year." He thoughtfully ignored Luo Zhi's embarrassment, turned his head to look at the dim lights by the lake outside the window, and preached slowly in a weak voice alone.

"On a noon in the fall of the first year of high school, our class was playing on the playground. I saw a girl walking across the playground from the cafeteria to the teaching building with a stack of books. She was quiet, her skin was white and her eyes were very bright. Me too I don’t know how I noticed you at a glance, and I’ll never forget it. It’s very strange. Later, I told my friends in college and they all said that it might be adolescence." He laughed, "Really, I I still can't figure it out yet."

Under the dim light, Luo Zhi could only see Qin Shuning's eyes on the table candlestick, like two dim lanterns.

"I was playing as a guard at the time. Seeing you approached, I suddenly wanted to show it. I was short and didn't play the ball well. In the past, I only passed the first ball at the beginning of each game in halftime. Almost nothing happened to me. But that day, I actually dribbled the ball to direct the forwards and small forwards of our team to move, and shouted very loudly, "Look at Chen Yongle, "Look at Sheng Huainan"..."

Luo Zhi blinked.

She remembered that day. Once forgotten, but because of Qin Shuning's words, it clearly appeared before him. At that time, I was suffocating for the first place in the exam. I had to let Sheng Huainan know how good he was, and tried to avoid all possible opportunities to know Sheng Huainan-so I heard a very loud sentence After "staring at Sheng Huainan"...

"I never thought, I called so hard, why should you look at me? Unexpectedly, you turned your head and walked away. I don't know why you seem to be angry."

Luo Zhi could not laugh or cry, and did not explain.

"After all, I'm far away, so I didn't see you too clearly. After a while, when I was about to forget you, I suddenly discovered that you would come to the playground for a walk every night before studying. Our class every day In the evening, I play on a seat near the flag-raising platform of the basketball court, so I can always see you. I think you, a girl, are very strange. Others are sisters in twos and threes. You are the only one by yourself, and you seem to be looking for someone every day. .But I have been observing for many days, but I can't see who you are looking for.

"But after a long time, I can still see it a little bit. Every time you walk around our class, it feels a little unnatural. I play hard there, risking being teased by everyone. Soul figure, but you never look at me. At that time, I suddenly began to think, is it possible that she came to me?"

Luo Zhi lowered his head slightly, and saw Qin Shuning smile bitterly.

However, he did not quickly reveal the mystery that each other knew well. Instead, he changed the conversation and continued the story.

"But do you remember what we saw?"

Facing Qin Shuning's eagerly anticipated gaze, Luo Zhi frowned slightly, and she nodded subconsciously, and couldn't think of a specific meeting.

"The semester is near the end of the semester. When class is over, I was about to go out. As soon as I stood up and turned around, I saw you slowly passing by the door of our class, looking in my direction, and seeing that I was also looking at you, you immediately He turned his eyes away. I know you were pretending. I was very happy at the time and thought, now I can find evidence."

There will always be a moist and salty smell in the air of the seaside city, which makes people's hearts soft and warm. Under the dark blue sky, the brilliant lights in the distance were also smudged by the moist air, sharpening them into circles of light with burrs.

The whole world was in a trance, falling into the memory.

"I've inquired about a lot of your things. Every time our Chinese teacher took the excellent sample essays from previous exams, I immediately opened them as soon as they got it in my hand, just to find out if you were your name. Then I started to take care of it. Writing Chinese papers, I hope I can appear in the excellent composition with you. Don’t tell me, there was a mock test in the third year of high school. Our composition was next to each other. You were in front and I was in the back. But I think you should be Never noticed it?"

Luo Zhi lied very sincerely: "I remember. Although I don't remember what article you wrote, I remember it."

Qin Shuning's eyes lit up.

She had always hoped that Sheng Huainan could tell her such a lie. Now it can only be returned to others.

He smiled gratefully.

"Thank you, thank you so much. I am very happy."

She shook her head: "Nothing, I just..."

He smiled heartily: "Don't worry, I won't get it wrong, you just saw it by the way."

Just by the way, not special. Qin Shuning frankly made Luo Zhi ashamed.

"You are as clean as a piece of white paper. You have no particularly good friends, and you have never shared gossip with any boy. But I just believe that you are not a simple nerd. I will always remember your eyes are very bright, your expression There are stories, but I have no chance to understand.

"Actually, to be honest, don't be angry. You didn't look as good as you are in high school. When I was in high school, I also tried to mention you with a few friends around me. Of course, it was just a small chat. I didn't dare to reveal that I was interesting to you. Everyone. Almost all have heard of you, the first place in the liberal arts class. But they also said that they think you are quite ordinary, and they said that there are no beautiful women in the study.

"But I think you are very good-looking, you can be noticed in a crowd. They can't see that they are blind."

Luo Zhi couldn't laugh or cry.

She interrupted him, raised her glass, and toasted it with a smile: "Thank you."

Qin Shuning didn't ask her what this gratitude represented, but drank it in silence.

He did not mention the word "like" again. She did not deliberately avoid it.

Luo Zhi knew that this was not a late confession. Those loves that were so secret in their youth that they might die of shame if they were revealed will eventually find an opportunity to talk about them gradually as they grow up years later.

Some wishes are finally realized, and some wishes become only a story.

He just needs to tell the story.

A meal is quiet but not dull.

They think about the past, and sometimes they may even think of the same thing, but they have different faces. On the noisy basketball court, too many teenagers have too many thoughts, cast their eyes in the same direction, but aroused different heartbeats.

When checking out, Qin Shuning suddenly asked if he could add Luozhi's WeChat.

Luo Zhi nodded and said, "You tell me your WeChat ID, I will add you."

Qin Shuning glanced at her and said solemnly: "Conan 2005."

"Should C be capitalized? Why, do you like Conan?" She immersed herself in typing.

There was no one talking across the table for a long while, Luo Zhi raised his eyes and saw Qin Shuning's loss and relief.

"You really don't remember? You called me Conan."

Conan.

She looked at the boy in the dark blue thin down vest that was out of season.

In the winter of the third year of high school, she walked out of the cafeteria alone and went back to the classroom to study at night. It was dark early in the winter in the north, as if it had been stolen without paying attention.

Luo Zhi saw Sheng Huainan walking not far ahead with his schoolbag and earphones alone, with a little joy in his heart. In the boring time of reviewing the college entrance examination, meeting Sheng Huainan is one of her little pleasures. Not too excited, at best, it feels like walking on the street and picking up a hundred dollars. She wouldn’t do anything. She just followed him with confidence, raised her head and looked at his back squarely, listening to those happy or sad secrets pouring up, taking the good mood along the way as her own reward.

Unfortunately, as soon as he turned to the small road, a boy came in and walked between her and Sheng Huainan.

The boys are not tall, but they also cover Luo Zhi's sight. She was a little irritable and couldn't help but look at him very unpleasant. As if the boy was struggling, he used his index fingers and thumbs to compare the shape of the camera's viewfinder frame with both hands, index fingers and thumbs as he walked, and "clicked" at the street lights to "take pictures".

Insane, she thought angrily.

At this time, clear snow was floating, and under the orange canopy formed by the lights of the street, snow flakes curled down, so gentle that people wanted to cry. Luo Zhi forgot to slander the "neurotic" boy in front of him, and raised his head, following his viewfinder frame and looking up.

The snow of the world falls into the lights of the world.

She stood and watched for a long time, and the boys also "shooted" for a long time.

When she went to look ahead, Sheng Huainan's shadow had long since disappeared at the end of the path, hidden in the dark night.

But she did not feel very disappointed.

Luo Zhi was a little bit cold, walked a few steps forward, and gently walked sideways around the boy who was still "taking pictures", leaving him behind.

She still couldn't help but look at it. It was only half-side, with a dark blue down vest over the white shirt, and a pair of sneakers under the school uniform and trousers. She was short and wore a pair of glasses.

She blurted out: "Conan."

Fortunately, the voice was not loud, but the boy seemed to have heard it. The moment he turned his head to look over, she quickly ran away along the road.

Run under the lights, into the darkness.

"I remember this dress, you actually can wear it."

Qin Shuning laughed at herself happily: "Yes, it's best if you don't grow up, save money."

They smiled happily and said goodbye happily.

Qin Shuning rejected Luo Zhi's offer to send him. He walked Luo Zhi to the parking lot, called a driver for her, waved his hand, and turned away alone. Then he stopped under the street lamp, turned around, raised his hands to show the viewfinder frame, and smiled at Luo Zhi who was standing and watching: "Kacha."

Luo Zhi suddenly felt a sour but sweet emotion, soggy, soaking his whole heart heavily.

The car drove through a dirt road without street lights, and finally returned to the village. The car parked on the small empty ground of the Cultural Palace, Luo Zhi walked slowly towards the small courtyard alone alone.

A full moon above my head shines brightly all the way.

The phone vibrated, it was a text message from Sheng Huainan.

"I'm almost at Ningbo Station. I guess I will be back before ten o'clock. You can make me noodles."

Luo Zhi smiled and replied: "Okay."

Maybe it’s boring on the train. Sheng Huainan’s short message replied very quickly: "After a meeting in the afternoon, my **** hurts. What did you eat for dinner and what are you doing?"

She looked up at the full moon in a melancholy way, so round that made people crowded.

After being together for seven years, she has almost forgotten the secret love of girls' generation. Everyone said that Luo Zhi was peaceful and generous now, which made everyone around him feel the power of stability. She became happy without knowing it, and the gloomy stubbornness and lofty arrogance of the past no longer exist, which is a good thing.

But why do you miss the sharp girl suddenly?

This melancholy groaning without illness, sweet, and destined to be unshared with anyone. Even if Sheng Huainan shares life and death with her and has a clear heart, she will never understand her expectations when she writes the composition stroke by stroke.

She could not return Qin Shuning's love.

But this does not prevent her from moving.

It's not because of being moved, let alone for him.

It was for herself, for the light in his eyes, which reminded her that her eyes had been lit by others many, many years ago.

She doesn't want to go back to that bitter time, but she can miss it.

She was lying on the stone table in the small courtyard, with red petals falling all over her body.

Some things in this world are like an unknown flower blooming. Careless people only smell the fragrance, but some people will stop to ask and remember what it looks like.

The flowers bloom sometimes. No one will stay for it, but at least someone will remember it.

The text message she sent to Sheng Huainan was also displayed on the screen of the mobile phone lit up nearby.

"What am I doing? I miss you."

Luo Zhi sniffed the fragrance of flowers in the courtyard, and laughed for some reason.

I am missing you, and you are coming back soon.

I love you.

we will be together forever.

But now, I just want to miss myself.