Villain: The Heroine Heard My Heart, The Character Collapsed

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There are always things in this world that make people feel unforgettable.

And the author is such an experienced person. Perhaps this experience is a kind of wealth, and when I am old, it will be a precious thing to recall.

Talk about why you have to embark on such a road of no return for the author.

But also from many years ago.

At that time.

I never thought that I would become an author, a person whose life was very boring and boring in my previous opinion.

The author spends half of his day coding.

The good life outside is like something from another world. In addition, building any world requires a lot of brain cells.

One can imagine the amount of hair as an author.

Ok.

It seems to be going too far.

Or talk about why I became an author. It was entirely due to a person, a person I probably will never forget in my life.

The first time I saw him was on the bus.

Simple short hair, fair face, sunny temperament. Holding a mobile phone in hand, watching while sitting, standing and walking. I really want to remind this brother that a girl sitting with me has been paying attention to him for a long time, but I am too shy to bother him with his concentration on his phone.

perhaps.

There is something very important in the phone that attracts him.

I thought so.

However.

When getting out of the car.

But I found that I was at the same station as this boy, and I inadvertently glanced at him standing side by side at the back door waiting to get off the bus.

Some pleasant surprises.

The screen displayed on this boy's mobile phone is surprisingly familiar to me.

"Do you also watch Doupo?" I asked subconsciously. As soon as I asked this sentence, I regretted it a little.

with someone I don't know.

Why do I want to talk to myself? If I am misunderstood or ignored, it would be embarrassing and embarrassing.

I am a very low self esteem person.

so.

It is also very impressive in my heart.

Just when I thought I would be ignored by the boy, he looked back at me in surprise, and asked in an uncertain tone.

"That's right, I watched Dou Po, why, do you, a girl, watch it too?"

Hear his inquiry.

While I was slightly relieved, my favorability for him rose sharply, and I nodded sharply in answer.

"I read it too. Who said girls can't read Doupo? Let me tell you, I read a lot of novels of the same type. By the way, where did you see it?" Because I was taller than him, Ang From the beginning, it can be said that he can look down on him.

Maybe it's because I'm not confident about my height.

He actually stepped on his toes, and answered somewhat unconvinced.

"I saw the protagonist merged with different flames. You may not know it. It's very powerful."

There is a kind of confidence in this sentence, as if, I am sure that I am not as far behind him. Yes, generally, girls can't read as fast as boys.

But I am different.

The corners of my mouth turned up slightly and I said proudly, "How did you see it, I saw it..."

I don't remember very clearly what happened after that.

In short.

That's how I met him.

This is a boy who is somewhat taciturn on weekdays. Although his appearance is quiet and delicate, he still has a girl-like feeling.

But it turns out.

He was actually crazy alone.

Several people meet to go out to play, he can not say a word for a day. But if it is to hang out with someone he knows, he can talk for a day by himself.

Watching him talk endlessly.

I wonder sometimes.

He should look good in women's clothing, maybe even more beautiful than female stars. That Gao Qiong's nose and my big eyes really make me envious.

"Why are you looking at me like that again?"

His strange eyes pulled me back from my thoughts.

In order not to let him know what I was thinking, I could only stick out my tongue and say to him, "I want you to care, I don't care what I think."

immediately.

I went elsewhere.

time flies,

My relationship with him has also become stronger and stronger, we are almost friends and brothers who talk about everything. Because we have a common hobby, reading online novels.

This is a hobby that many people look down upon.

but.

for us.

Internet novels can bring us a lot of happiness, much more fun than those hobbies that pretend to be elegant and interesting.

Day by day.

I can never forget.

Two years a day.

It was probably on a rainy night. After dinner, he suddenly asked me out for a barbecue, and he hesitated to speak amidst the lights of the barbecue stand.

Several times I asked him if he had anything to say.

He shook his head and handed me a bunch of big kidneys.

And after drinking for three rounds.

Probably the alcohol made him suddenly a lot more courageous. He suddenly raised his head and stared at me with unprecedented seriousness.

"What would happen if I wrote a novel?" His voice was trembling.

and also.

Some kind of emotion that I don't quite understand until now.

"are you crazy?"

I was a little surprised: "How can a normal person write a novel? With millions of words at every turn, you probably haven't passed the composition, right?"

"Oh."

After listening to my words, he just nodded and said nothing more.

In the following days.

I haven't seen him for about three months.

When we see you again.

On the bus again.

Compared with his handsome appearance before, his change made me almost unrecognizable, it was like a completely changed person.

Sparse stubble, decadent face... Is this really the man who envied me in women's clothing back then? How did it become like this!

I'm surprised.

There is a vague guess.

I heard that he really started writing novels.

The qq signature is to invite everyone to pay attention to my new book and so on. Could it be that writing novels turned him into what he is now? Yes, the author doesn't seem to care much about the image.

unacceptable to the general public.

"You...what a coincidence." He saw me on the bus.

It's awkward when saying hello.

I responded with a smile.

After some exchanges, we regained the feeling of friends, and when talking, he was not as awkward as before.

Talk about his writing novels.

He asked me to watch it, and he let me watch it with great interest, saying that it would be absolutely complete, and he would trample mortals to death.

I don't believe it.

then.

After I got home, I couldn't help but watch it.

I looked hard for a day.

to be honest.

I really tried my best to read it, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get as fascinated as I read other novels.

At last.

I really had no choice but to give up. In fact, I really wanted to find out the slightest bright spot from his book, so as to attract me to continue reading while suppressing the uncomfortable feeling.

Unfortunately, however.

I ended up failing too.

his book.

Not to my surprise, it didn't catch fire as he expected. Even, they were not able to successfully sign the contract.

Maybe that's why he's so depressed.

After that incident.

We haven't been in touch for half a year, and his QQ profile hasn't been updated, and his avatar hasn't lit up. I don't know if he's invisible or offline.

Sometimes I think of him.

I can still see his glamor in women's clothing, and his slovenliness after writing novels.

In a blink of an eye.

The time has come to 14 years.

I remember it very well.

It was June, the hot summer time.

"Hey, xx, come out and sing."

The phone rang.

I was surprised to get a call from him, and I could tell he was happy in his voice. No, it's a pleasure. The tone infected me.

It made me a little inexplicably happy too.

Could it be possible.

Did he win the five million lottery? Or is it a showdown between his parents and him, and he will be the winner in life while succeeding? Think of the high-spiritedness in his tone.

I couldn't help but imagine along the way.

This.

It is probably a common problem that everyone who reads novels will have.

"Hahaha, do you know why I asked you to come out and sing today?"

There was nothing wrong with him at meal time.

But.

Just like when eating skewers before.

After drinking a little horse urine in ktv, he switched to another character again. Singing and singing stopped suddenly.

Some wild laughter, yes, crazy.

For his expression at that time, I can only find such an adjective. To be honest, even with that facial expression, no TV star is as professional as he is.

Extremely rampant.

With a kind of pride that I can't describe.

"why?"

I and a group of friends who were called out by him were a little curious, so we asked him directly. All eyes were on him.

This.

Seems like that's what he wanted to see.

"Because, my book is signed. Haha, it's signed. At seven o'clock, that's seven o'clock when Tudou and San Shao are there. Signed!"

He spoke loudly into the microphone.

It's a laughing cry.

However.

At that time, we, who didn't know anything about the Internet literature circle, just looked around blankly and looked at each other in blank dismay. Don't even know what a contract is.

It seems that the signing is very powerful, right?

I think of something that the author complained about in some novels.

It's too late to sign a contract or something.

From this point of view, it seems that the signing is indeed very powerful.

"I've been writing for almost a year, almost a whole year. I write every day, and I write in retreat. I don't do anything, and I write every day. It's not easy."

There was a gleam in his eyes.

I can see it clearly.

It's tears.

"Congratulations."

We either spoke sincerely or perfunctorily. He didn't seem to care about our attitude anymore, he just talked alone over there.

"I finally made it through, I finally signed a contract, hahaha. Do you know how difficult it is to sign a contract? Ninety-nine percent of authors cannot sign a contract..."

From the boy's mouth came the proud words,

He told us about his experience for such a long time, and complained about things we didn't understand at all. Although I don't understand it, it doesn't affect us at all.

Look at his appearance.

I know.

Signing a contract can be really difficult.

I haven't said my congratulations yet, but he suddenly cried without warning, laying down on the table, crying and talking.

"Finally signed."

His voice was full of crying.

at this time.

A friend suddenly sighed, shook his head and said, "Wake up, stop dreaming, you will never become a great god."

Such insulting words are obviously not suitable to be spoken on this occasion.

only.

This friend probably really wanted to persuade him to turn back, not that kind of malicious ridicule, but comfort from his own experience.

Everyone looked at him.

Confused.

"I really want to say that you are not a talented person. I heard that you have been writing novels for a long time, did you sign a contract until today? I also wrote a novel two years ago, and signed the first book. I didn't hit you , I just want to say, you have no talent, stop dreaming of becoming a great god, I gave up two years ago."

As the friend lit a cigarette and spoke.

After a long time.

"..."

We get it, it turns out that it is not difficult to sign a contract... The party came to an end in such a heavy and embarrassing atmosphere.

after that.

Although suffered a great blow.

But unexpectedly, he didn't give up, and continued to write the proposal.

Even more surprising.

He seems to have really succeeded.

I don't know if the book he signed is selling well, but I think his temperament seems to have changed, it's the kind of disdainful temperament, I've only seen it in the protagonists of urban novels, it seems that he doesn't put anything in it in the eyes. I have also seen this kind of temperament in upstarts.

It looks like Long Aotian.

"Yo, have you smoked King Furong?"

I haven't seen him for several months. At first glance, he surprised me a little. It is completely different from before, and it has a new style again.

High spirits.

"Haha, long time no see, what have you been doing lately?" His smile was extremely natural, and there was a bit of grandeur when he spoke.

but.

I always feel that he is not as flamboyant as before. It is the kind of deliberately low-key feeling: "Nothing, I found a job at home, and now I go to work. What about you?"

"Write a novel."

He shrugged his shoulders and answered me.

"Are you still writing?"

I was very surprised.

"Of course, it's a dark road. How can people give up so easily?"

"Then you are a great writer now, how much do you earn a month?"

"Haha, not much. Enough to support myself."

"..."

After chatting for a long time, I really admired him. I always feel that he seems to have really succeeded in writing novels, and he should have made a lot of money.

I was also moved, and I also wanted to write a novel.

But in the end, I still didn't have his courage, and I couldn't write for a long time.

A few months later, 15 years arrived. At the end of the year, I received a call from him: "Lend me five hundred yuan."

"You still ask me to borrow money? Great writer, I still plan to borrow money from you." I was a little surprised.

"The manuscript fee hasn't arrived yet, so we should deal with emergencies first, and I will pay you back after the Chinese New Year."

"..."

I think, it seems that the him on the surface is not the real him, right? Did he really succeed?

It was summer again in 2015, and I had a sudden whim, wanting to see what the environment for great writers to create was like. After the phone call, I came to his house.

When I entered his bedroom at his invitation, I obviously felt that I frowned subconsciously. A dark and damp smell rushed towards the face, the whole room was filled with the smell of smoke, and some mixed strange smells. The curtains are drawn, the whole room is opaque, the computer is turned on, and there is a document on the interface, full of small print.

"Is this where you work?"

"Yeah, I found that I don't like light anymore, and now I don't turn on the lights at night, because I don't have inspiration when the lights are on."

I was a little worried: "If you go on like this, can your body bear it?"

"Whatever, you're young. By the way, have you read my new book?"

I wanted to say that I watched it, but I was afraid that I would reveal the plot when he asked me about the plot, so I shook my head.

He was a little disappointed, and said with a smile: "Then you have time to take a look."

"Sure."

I glanced at a photo on the computer screen: "Your girlfriend? She's pretty."

A happy smile appeared on his face: "Pretty, right? We've been together for two years."

"Really? Why didn't I know before?"

"I didn't tell you."

"It's so beautiful, doesn't it cost a lot of money?"

Speaking of this, he smiled wryly, and finally did not answer the question.

August 8th, a day I will never forget;

A classmate in elementary school celebrated his birthday and asked me to go to the xx bar.

Amidst the loud DJ sound, a large group of us had a great time drinking.

The birthday classmate's surname is Liu, let's call him Lao Liu for now.

Old Liu pointed at the female DJ wantonly and said, "That woman is not bad?"

"Then why don't you call to accompany us for a drink." We booed.

Old Liu laughed, a little disdainful: "That is only good, you have never seen the real best."

Old Liu was a little drunk: "Wait, I'll call you some."

Within half an hour, three girls came, who seemed to be familiar with Lao Liu, and sat down without being shy after saying hello. All three girls are beautiful, but one of them looks familiar to me.

Maybe it's an illusion...

My classmates were not honest, and after chatting with each other, they started to play tricks. The girls were not disgusted either, they laughed and quarreled with them. I could see that this should be a crowd with rich nightlife, and I might not be able to blend in.

: "I don't want to break up yet, I think he treats me very well."

: "Then I'm not good, am I?"

The girl was crushed by him. She laughed loudly under him: "You are fine too."

I drank a bottle of beer, feeling depressed and panicked. Because I know why I am familiar with her, I have seen her picture, not long ago. This is the man who smiles when he mentions it.

"Don't come back tonight."

"Where don't you go back?"

"Your home is like home to me."

"Then I have to call him. I have to call him good night at ten o'clock every night."

"I am jealous!"

"hehe."

The girl is out.

But now, I suddenly feel very uncomfortable: "I left a little earlier."

"Hey, you..."

When I got out of the bar, I saw the girl outside the silent door, and I only heard her say to the phone: "I'm at home, I'm going to sleep..."

I didn't go far, standing on the curb and watching the traffic, I felt a sense of loss. I still called him: "Is your girlfriend called xxx?"

"right."

His voice was very low, which surprised me a little.

"I want to tell you something."

"Needless to say, I'm opposite you."

I looked up, and the man was sitting on the bus seat across the road with a phone in his hand, but he was looking at the front of the bar behind me. The eyes are a little red, but there are no tears...

Having a long conversation, I feel sad for what happened to him.

That man, he never made it. And everything he did in front of us is actually just an exaggerated appearance. When I thought that he really made a lot of money writing books, in fact, his two-month income cannot keep up with my one-month salary.

He took all the manuscript fees for a month and spent them on the woman, telling the woman that it was one-third of his monthly income. But that woman took his money to dress herself up, doing things he didn't know at a place and time he didn't know.

I admit that he is a man, and only a man. Not badass, but not brilliant at all.

That man has too much pride.

When others scoffed at his dreams, he slapped his face swollen and pretended to be fat, insisting on proving to you that he was right. In fact, he knows better than anyone whether he is right or not.

I feel a little ridiculous, why he is so naive, I have never been able to understand. What is a dream? Well, the thoughts in the dream.

I'm kind of dumbfounded because I've never seen such a childish man.

I haven't seen him since then.

Maybe he still has a fair face and simple short hair. Maybe it's the sparse stubble, the decadent face.

This is an internet writer, I don't know how to describe an internet writer.

Maybe he started again, two years of experience, no success, but failure should teach him how to behave?

He wants to prove himself, but in fact he has no ability to prove himself.

That man is like a lone ant with limited abilities, he can only carry bits and pieces, insisting on building a nest by himself in the place he wants.

That man may be successful, but more likely to keep failing. After all, what can a man who can't even keep a woman hold on to?

The man actually cried and said to me:

"In the past two years, my biggest dream is not a grand ideal. In the past two years, I only want to succeed once. Among the countless failures, I only succeed once, just once, and even small ones..."

That man is afraid of seeing his future. He writes metaphysics novels, but he is afraid of metaphysics. He was afraid that metaphysics could really do divination, and he was afraid that someone would actually calculate his fate and tell him in advance. Because he knows in his heart that he may still fail in the future. But he didn't want to know in advance, because then he would have no motivation to work hard towards the hopeless non-failure.

That man always pretended to smile in front of friends and family, and always said that he was very good. But he broke his body secretly, but he can only know it himself. He didn't even dare to tell his family the name of the novel he wrote, because he often revealed his true feelings in the novel, and he was afraid that his family would see it.

The man forgot about the woman, and there was no love or hatred in his heart. Now I just want to live for myself and live well for myself.

That man continued to swear for the umpteenth time: This time, he really must succeed! ! !

...

2021.11, 9th, now is the sixth year.

Sleepless night.

I got up and washed my face with cold water, looking at myself in the mirror with a dark yellow face and sunken eyes. Imitating the man's smile, he said with pride but bitterness.

"That man is me, once, not yet transgender me."

Dry your face.

I took a deep breath.

After a while.

He typed the last line of words on the keyboard with his hands again.

"Actually, I made up all of the above."

...

Ok.

The above are all false.

The main reason is that there is really no bitterness to tell. Although life is difficult, I have chosen this path, and I will go on no matter what.

I just wish I could have food money.

I put all my energy into the novel I wrote, and finish it meticulously. My expectation is that it can bring joy or blood to everyone, and let everyone relax after stressful work and study. Get a brief moment of happiness.

From time to time, someone criticizes online articles.

Advertise some beautiful words like spring and snow, saying that these can bring the sublimation of the soul to readers.

to be honest.

I generally don't pay much attention to this kind of criticism. I don't like confrontation, and I don't want to discuss the soul sublimation effect of traditional literature.

Since it exists, it makes sense.

Web text.

To be able to live so well.

Nature has the right to live. I just write my article quietly, because my goal is very clear, which is to relieve everyone's tense nerves in this society where life pressure is increasing, just like many movies in movie theaters.

Getting to this point is enough.

Be down-to-earth, let my works accept everyone's inspection, and truly let readers decide everything.

to this end.

I always try my best.

In fact, with the development of web texts to the present, hundreds of thousands of people write, everyone is inevitably fatigued, and the extremely fierce competition has made the difficulty of writing web texts reach an unbelievable level. , It is much more exaggerated than traditional literature and martial arts back then.

Especially now.

The difficulty of writing is even more extreme.

Readers will get fatigued.

It is very painful for the author to have novel ideas to make people read and satisfy readers.

The things I just learned are eliminated. I eat instant noodles every day, and there is no hope at all. . . . Well, I'm not trying to be miserable.

how to say.

Our book is really miserable.

Modifications have changed a lot of plots...

However, it is absolutely cool!

As for the latter... let the quality of the work speak for itself.

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That's right, that's all!

It's crazy!

This time it's really going to explode!

Just a subscription is enough.

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