Wildfire

There are many things that I have never thought about in that direction. At a certain moment, I suddenly get nervous. Once a small opening is made, everything after that will be understood without even talking.

Tang Suoyan looked at Tao Xiaodong, all the traces of these days passed by one by one, and they were repeated in front of his eyes.

Tang Suoyan rested his hands on the edge of the table, and in this posture, he lowered his upper body slightly. His fingertips felt a little cold, and he lowered his head and thought in silence.

It didn't take long, about half a minute, when the two looked at each other again, Tao Xiaodong closed his eyes.

Tang Suoyan put his hand on the ophthalmoscope, and he actually smiled at Tao Xiaodong. The smile is not far-fetched, as always gentle, such a doctor will always make people feel refreshed.

"What's the matter with me?" Tang Suoyan waved at him, gesturing for him to sit over, "It's okay, come here."

Tao Xiaodong sat down, took off his hat, and silently asked Tang Suoyan to look into his eyes with an ophthalmoscope.

There is only direct ophthalmoscopy in the office, and two people need to be very close together.

"I remember you had a genetic test before," Tang Suoyan said softly, "I asked Tian Yi when I first met you and Xiao Nan, and he said you're fine."

Tao Huainan inherited primary retinitis pigmentosa from his father. It started early and developed very fast. When we met him, it was already at a very late stage. Tang Suoyan had just returned from the outside world, and his research team abroad was focusing on gene therapy for RP. He told Tian Yi as soon as he knew Tao Huainan's condition, and suggested that his brother also check the gene.

Tian Yi was very sure at the time, saying that his brother was fine.

So for so many years, Tang Suoyan has always tacitly accepted that Tao Xiaodong's genetic test ruled out the possibility of the disease, and never considered it again.

Tao Xiaodong wanted to talk, but his mouth hurt, and he still doesn't know if it really hurts or he thinks it should hurt. It was difficult for him to open his mouth, he couldn't open it. The festering scab stuck to the corner of his mouth stood out, ugly as a sore.

Top right, bottom right, top left, bottom, Tang Suoyan gave him orders softly, looking into his eyes.

Looking at the left eye after reading the right eye, Tang Suoyan's movements are natural and normal, his expression and eyes are not flustered, and even every command is flat and gentle.

"Did I remember wrongly?" After reading both eyes, Tang Suoyan put down his ophthalmoscope, put his hand on Tao Xiaodong's shoulder, and asked him.

Tao Xiaodong opened his mouth and frowned first, his mouth hurt so much that he was annoyed, his voice was very hoarse, and he said, "I haven't done it, Brother Yan."

He subconsciously wanted to raise his hand to touch the corner of his mouth, but Tang Suoyan pressed his hand to prevent him from touching it: "Didn't you test your genes?"

Tao Xiaodong said "hmm".

Tao Xiaodong had never thought of testing his genes before. He was young at that time, and he was single-minded, with the free and easy and stupidity of a young man. Since it can't be cured if it is tested, it is of no use to test the genes in advance to know whether you are at risk of disease. It's good if you can't find out, but if you really find out, you always have such a thing in your heart, and find yourself guilty.

After a long time, it was as if I had tested myself, and I didn't put anything on myself, forgetting that there was such a thing.

"Then let's test one." Tang Suoyan told him.

Tao Xiaodong raised his head, his eyes made people unbearable to look at, Tang Suoyan touched his head, Tao Xiaodong said with difficulty: "I've confirmed it...Brother Yan."

"Where did you check it?" Tang Suoyan asked him.

Tao Xiaodong said the name of a city, the city where he went out last time, Xiaokai's place.

Tang Suo said, "I'll check it myself."

The range that can be seen by direct ophthalmoscopy is limited. At this time, the outpatient system is off work, and other investigations cannot be performed. It wasn't a sudden illness, and it was within a day and a half. The two returned home, and Tang Suoyan asked Tao Xiaodong to come to the hospital at noon tomorrow.

In the evening, Tang Suoyan applied medicine to the corner of his mouth, and smiled to himself: "Why do you often apply medicine during this time?"

Tao Xiaodong also twitched the corners of his mouth, wanting to smile too.

"How did you find out?" Tang Suoyan asked.

"The day the power went out..." Tao Xiaodong wanted to touch the corner of his mouth again, Tang Suoyan blocked it with his hand, Tao Xiaodong put down his hand and continued, "I can't see anything."

"Can't see at all?"

Tao Xiaodong said yes: "I wanted to go to the bathroom, and I only realized it when I knocked on the wall lamp."

Usually, I seldom do anything with the lights on. I didn’t think about anything else when I turned off the lights before going to bed. I got used to it. In fact, even if the lights are turned off, a normal person will not be completely blind as long as there is a little light from the window, and the scotopic vision in the dark can also see the outline. Tao Xiaodong knocked on the corner of his eye that day, and it hurt so badly that he was dizzy from the pain. He stood there for a long time, and when he wanted to leave, he suddenly couldn't find his way.

There was indiscriminate black everywhere in front of him. He raised his hand and touched it. He shouldn't be able to see the white wall.

Tao Xiaodong knocked on the suite that Xiaokai booked for him many times after knocking it down. He can't find it anywhere, he can roughly tell the direction along the wall, but he doesn't know where he is after walking a few steps away from the wall.

——Walking with his hands like this made him suddenly think of Tao Huainan.

Walls, chairs, table corners, and coffee tables, the more they knocked, the more panicked they became. He began to compete with himself in the dark, and the tens of minutes of the power outage looked like a nightmare, but he couldn't wake up from the terror.

"I had doubts at that time, but you never told me, did you?" Tang Suoyan asked him.

Tao Xiaodong lowered his eyes, and answered "Yes" after a while.

"It's promising." Tang Suoyan chuckled, and the cotton swab pressed to the corner of his mouth made Tao Xiaodong gasp in pain.

Although Tang Suoyan was so gentle today that people were so heartbroken, he still slept in the guest bedroom that night and did not come back.

Tao Xiaodong had another night with his eyes open.

After saying it, two nerves were strangely loosened, and he lost his eyes and the rest of his life. It seems that the emotions that were so full before suddenly burst a hole and vented a little.

But relaxing these two nerves didn't make him feel really relaxed. Tang Suoyan was always going back and forth in front of his eyes.

Yesterday Tang Suo said "You make me very sad", Tao Xiaodong forced himself to take a step today. He can't turn back after taking this step, and Tang Suoyan may not have peace after that.

After all, people are still selfish and greedy, and they can't let go of their feelings and people in their hearts.

Going around and going back and forth, still not willing to let go, shamelessly hooked on the lover's originally wanton second half of his life.

Mydriasis was done, the fundus was checked, and dark vision was also tested. Tang Suoyan personally took him to check each item during his lunch break. When Tang Suoyan was sent to work in the morning, his blood was also drawn. The blood sample had already been sent for testing. The results of genetic testing were slow to come out, so he had to wait slowly.

This is not a difficult disease to check. Since Tao Xiaodong has checked it before, there is no possibility of error.

He is now in the early stage, the only symptoms are night blindness, dark vision decline, visual field and central vision have not started to change. However, this is a disease that will definitely develop degeneratively. So far, there is no effective clinical treatment, and the blinding rate is very high.

Tao Xiaodong is very familiar with this disease, he has been dealing with it since Tao Huainan was four years old.

Its only advantage may be that it gives you time to slowly learn and adapt to how to be a blind person.

"I don't work overtime recently, are you waiting for me in the store?" Tang Suoyan asked him, "Shall I pick you up?"

"It's okay if I come to you." Tao Xiaodong said, before finishing speaking, he hissed.

Tang Suoyan looked at the corner of his mouth and asked, "It still hurts?"

Tao Xiaodong nodded, saying it hurts.

Tang Suo said, "Don't think about it, don't take it seriously."

Tao Xiaodong responded with a "hmm". His mouth seemed to hurt badly only when he was talking, but not so serious when eating and drinking. Tang Suoyan nodded his thumb next to that place, and said to him, "Relax yourself, Xiaodong."

He was so tense. Tao Xiaodong was originally a very energetic and optimistic person, but these days he has seen his depression getting worse day by day. From the beginning, I was able to talk and laugh, but then I lost weight quickly after talking less, and now I don't even talk.

Tang Suoyan hugged him in the office, patted him on the back and said softly, "It's okay...don't be afraid."

Tao Xiaodong still said "Yes", inhaled Tang Suoyan's scent forcefully, and said in a hoarse voice, "I'm not afraid."

Because his pupils were dilated, Tang Suoyan didn't let him go to the store to make pictures, didn't let him look at the pictures on his phone, and didn't allow him to drive if he couldn't see the bright light. Tao Xiaodong simply didn't leave, and sat in the waiting area all afternoon.

Eyes were uncomfortable at first, but got better after a few hours. It's almost as good when it's off-duty time.

Tang Suoyan didn't know that he hadn't left. When he saw him, he thought he had just arrived, and asked him if his eyes were uncomfortable.

Tao Xiaodong said, "I don't feel anything now."

"Is it shaded outside?" Tang Suoyan asked him again.

Tao Xiaodong said: "I didn't leave, I sat in the consultation area."

Tang Suoyan looked at him, and Tao Xiaodong smiled slightly: "Anyway, you got off work in a few hours."

Before going out from the building, Tang Suoyan held his hand, Tao Xiaodong was a little startled, Tang Suoyan said: "Close your eyes."

His pupils were dilated and his eyes were sensitive to light, and he felt uncomfortable when he saw light. Tang Suoyan kept holding him, and Tao Xiaodong was led away with his eyes closed.

The first thing he has to learn to adapt to is being led on a walk.

From this day on, Tang Suoyan restricted Tao Xiaodong's eye time, so that he could not work more than five hours a day. During this time, Tao Xiaodong has been working non-stop for ten hours a day, which is what Tang Suoyan first restricted.

Tao Xiaodong wanted to listen to him very much, and he listened to everything else, eating whatever he was asked to eat, and doing whatever he was asked to do.

He hesitated for a moment on this, but didn't immediately agree.

Tang Suoyan raised his eyebrows and asked, "Am I taking too much care?"

This question is so painful. The time they had a quarrel before, because of Tao Xiaodong's eyes, Tang Suoyan will definitely not tell him about it again. Tao Xiaodong's condition is already very bad.

But this does not mean that this matter is really over. Tang Suoyan is still sleeping in the guest bedroom, and the two sleep separately.

Tao Xiaodong shook his head, gently grabbed Tang Suoyan's wrist, but couldn't say anything. The words that used to coax Tang Suoyan could say a lot with one mouth, but now they are all gone, so I can only hold my wrist and shake it in silence.

The most hurtful and unspeakable thing between lovers is to separate, no matter what the reason is.

Tao Xiaodong pursed his lips, and said in a low voice, "I have to finish the drawing...Brother Yan."

"Then do it slowly." Tang Suoyan said, "Don't worry."

"I..." Tao Xiaodong frowned again because of the corner of his mouth, and licked it.

"Don't lick it, don't think about it." Tang Suoyan grabbed his hand with his backhand and squeezed his palm, "Make your picture slowly."

"My dad is more than a year old, and Xiaonan is seven or eight months old." Tao Xiaodong cleared his throat, lowered his head and said, "Brother Yan, I'm afraid...it's too late."

"What are you thinking about? Everyone is different. Why don't you take a look at so many more than ten or twenty years old?" Tang Suoyan smiled, "Don't think about that, what should you do?"

There is no despair in him, as if there is still hope for everything, Tang Suoyan has always been such a person. Even if you know that this matter is basically finalized, looking at him and listening to him talk, you will feel that it is okay, and you are not so desperate.

Tao Xiaodong smiled and nodded.

After taking a shower at night, Tao Xiaodong didn't go to sleep right away, but dawdled and sat on the sofa for a while. Tang Suoyan came out of the shower and said, "Go to sleep, I'll turn off the lights."

Tao Xiaodong walked over in silence and stood beside him.

Tang Suoyan looked at him and asked, "What's wrong?"

Tao Xiaodong didn't speak, but put his arms around his waist from behind and put his chin on his shoulder.

Tang Suoyan turned his head, and Tao Xiaodong silently kissed him on the neck.

"What do you mean?" Tang Suoyan asked him.

Tao Xiaodong whispered, "Come back to sleep..."

Tang Suoyan: "No distinction?"

Tao Xiaodong hugged him tightly without saying a word.

"I didn't mention that to you because I had to put the matter of your eyes first, which is the most important thing now." Tang Suoyan told him, "Just because I didn't mention it doesn't mean I'm not angry anymore."

Tao Xiaodong said "hmm" in a low voice.

"Sleep with you," Tang Suoyan stopped letting him hug him, went to turn on the light in the master bedroom, and stood at the door and said, "Lie down and I'll turn off the light."

He didn't intend to go in, so Tao Xiaodong could only go and lie down by himself, Tang Suoyan turned off the light for him, leaving a small night light in the middle of the two bedrooms.