Winter Swan

Jung Yun was a great teacher.

"Now, try it again! Look at the mirror as you walk. You can see yourself walk, right? Like I said before, if you walk like that, you can't show off your clothes. You don't have to mimic the way western models walk. Their walk is more natural, but you should walk a little faster and more professionally. Walk to impress!"

After watching Silje try it a few times, Jung Yun became frustrated. She decided to show it to her in person.

"Watch how I do it. See how my legs move. Relax your ankles and your arms. Just light swings. And walk a little faster!"

Clack clack.

The sound of high heels echoed throughout the room sharply.

Jung Yun's walk wasn't textbook, but it was captivating. Silje couldn't stop staring because it was amazing. It was no wonder she was considered a top model. If a model walked like that on the runway, the audience would be mesmerized.

Silje realized the truth. Jung Yun was a professional model while Silje was less than an amateur.

Silje wasn't even close to being a real model.

She studied Jung Yun's walk intensely, trying to glean as much from her as possible.

Jung Yun glanced at the absolutely focused Silje and ordered, "Faster, faster! People need to feel your speed. A little faster! You need professional posture! Confidence!"

Jung Yun was a perfect teacher, at least in terms of walking.

Once a week, whenever Silje went to Koreatown for the lesson, she wondered what it would be like to live among her own people. She began to feel the need to spend more time with other Koreans and experience Korean culture.

Jung Yun was the only Korean Silje saw regularly, but it seemed like Jung Yun wasn't interested in socializing at all. She always had a frown on her face, and she was always all about business.

Silje thought to herself, 'Well, let's just focus on learning how to walk. I can't be greedy here. I should be thankful with what I have right now. I can't be that lonely, can I?'

There was no Koreatown in Oslo, but there was one in New York.

She couldn't understand why, but Silje had always wanted to go to Korea someday. New York wasn't Korea, but as she spent more time among many Koreans, she suddenly felt lonelier than before. Silje began to want to talk to other Koreans.

"If you are not focused and think about something else, your walking will be also unfocused. Pull your chin, look straight ahead, and relax your shoulders. Walk like flowing water. Your walk must be consistent from beginning to end."

Silje focused on Jung Yun's piercing instructions.

She shouldn't be greedy; she just had to learn to walk properly. This was a once in a lifetime chance. If she lost this one, she may never get another chance.

She had to fight to survive in this world. If she wanted to make it in New York, she could never lose her desperation and determination.

***

Silje was alone in her daily battle.

Her day always started out the same way.

"Anything today?"

She called her agency every morning to ask if she had anything scheduled. On her lucky days, she would get a job immediately, and on the other days, she would go for various auditions.

Today, her first audition was at 10 am. Silje woke up at the sunrise to get ready. She showered carefully and washed her hair thoroughly. She also used refreshing perfume. Her rivals were fresh fifteen and sixteen-year-old girls, so she had to look as youthful and clean as possible.

She put on her high heels and with her portfolio and the map of New York, she left the house.

All she could do was rely on was her map, and with no one else's help, she would run around the city trying to find the audition locations.

She would try out, and she would fail. It seemed like it was always the same. She would carry flats around when she wasn't actually auditioning. She walked around so much that she went through so many pairs of shoes. By night, she would come home with swollen legs and feet.

There were days when there wouldn't even be auditions to go to. On those days, she would go to her agency building and wait. At first the manager thought she would soon give up, but Silje showed up every single day.

At the auditions, she would sit and wait for her name to be called.

"Silje Kim?"

She would wait with all the other models from all over the world. There were different types of models. Some would sleep while waiting, others would listen to music. Some models liked to gossip with each other.

The auditions often ended very quickly. It usually ended with the casting manager telling her to leave her portfolio on the table and go.

On rare days, when the casting director or the designer became interested in Silje, she would get to show off her walk in a few different designer outfits. And if she passed this stage, she would be measured and get to walk in a fashion show. On those occasions, it would be a whirlwind process and at the end of the show, Silje often felt empty.

In the blink of an eye, two months of modeling passed by.

Two shows as a temp, one beauty photoshoot, and three small shows.

These were all the things she did in two months.

After one particular show, Silje went to see Greg. He spoke calmly, but he knew what Silje was going through. She looked deathly tired and depressed.

"Hey, I have been wanting you to tell you this. Let's be honest here. Our agency is a third-rate company, which means no matter how hard you work, you will not be able to make it to the top."

Greg smiled bitterly and added, "All you have to do is look at me to know that it's the truth."

"Then what do you think I should do?"

When Silje asked desperately, Greg sighed and gave her a bit of blunt advice.

"I know this may sound very cruel, but you need to know this. You need to learn your reality. Sorry to tell you this, but you are never going to be 'discovered' on the street like Kate Moss or Natalia Vodianova. However, you are an Asian model, so if you belong to a top modeling agency, you may have a chance at becoming a high fashion model. That would be your best bet. At least that's what I think."

"You think so?"

"Well, it's only logical. Do you know how many models there are in New York? You need to be very unique to make it in this world. Or you need to be caught by a famous photographer or designer. For example, let's say you piqued the interest of a famous photographer like Juergen Teller, Peter Lindbergh, or Steven Meisel. The next day, your photo will appear in a famous fashion magazine. Soon, you will get all kinds of calls from famous designers to audition for their upcoming fashion shows. I have seen this happen. There was a model who was just average, yet a famous fashion editor took an interest in him and he quickly made it to the top. This world is not fair. It is not about hard work. It is all about luck."

"…Really?"

When Silje asked quietly, Greg nodded.

It seemed hopeless, but Silje's will was still as strong as ever.

"I can't give up now. I'll just have to do what I can."