Zhui Xu

At the beginning of the 11th year, I wrote a New Year's Essay, and now I'm going to flip it. The beginning of the essay is like this: "I just walked out of the renovated house an hour ago, at 11:00 in the morning. Today, the sun is coming out, it is very warm. Ice @火! Chinese I bought a house, the room that was handed in on December 30, now I have the kitchen, the toilet..."

Now I still remember some of the mood at the time. I said in the essay that life is much better than before. After the decoration is finished, I must be able to breathe a sigh of relief and concentrate on writing these things.

In fact, from the second half of the decade to the first half of the 11th year, I have experienced the whole life - so far - perhaps the most difficult situation for more than a year.

When I first bought a house, I made a fortune. This money is not much. Tens of thousands of dollars are used to pay the down payment for the house. I am a person accustomed to planning - most of the things I am too lazy to brain, but if it is to do, it is usually calculated - the money is just enough to pay down, maybe a little savings, but not much.

The incident was also very simple. The house was fixed in the second half of the 10 years. In the months before the down payment, an uncle came to borrow money. He did pyramid schemes in Guilin and lost a lot of money. Married, there is not much money at home, I hope I can help here. My father had some sentiments with him. I inquired about my son’s marriage. Their family only took out 20,000 pieces. I took out 10,000 yuan from the money I bought, and I feel that I have tried my best, because according to the calculation, even if he does not Also, my money, when the date of the down payment, the money I was on did not delay the purchase of the house - although the other party vowed to say it was necessary.

However, if there is not enough 10,000 yuan, the other party will have money to continue to borrow. The father believed in it very much, came over to help persuade, said that the other party is very trustworthy, a good person, and that there is a facade in Guilin, in fact, it will be sold in the second half of the year, more than 100,000 clouds. It will not delay the things here. I also believed, and later borrowed 34,000 - this number I remember very clearly - this money may not have much money now, and later became the noose around the neck.

Of course, the money did not come back in time. Since the difficulty has passed, the sale of the facade will naturally not be mentioned. And I really put the amount of money too tight, when the down payment date is near, there is not much buffer. Another thing happened at the time, the bank raised the down payment from 20% to 30%, the original money. It is even more than enough.

I have had a hard time describing the feelings at the time. Parents did not have much income at the time. The remuneration of thousands of me every month at home is already a high salary - we buy a small local house, the price is not high, and therefore, every month's remuneration is paid. It's like a small glass of water with a sponge that always relieves the problem, but the problem is always followed by the back.

Perhaps in the eyes of some people, this is also a small problem, just find someone to help. However, for my family at the time, one of my younger brothers was sick from childhood, and in the process of treating him at home, he sold his house and sold his land to friends and relatives who could borrow money. I have basically borrowed it. Second, I grew up in this environment since I was a child. For these reasons, I didn’t even read the university. It’s not a hungry but a house. I’m not willing to borrow money from people. . Then everything went to an increasingly embarrassing situation.

This whole process lasted for about a year. From the time I bought the house to the renovation, I now remember that it’s a bit of a reversal of the day and night. Basically, I’m tired when I sleep. When I get enough, I get up, continue to sit in front of the computer or code up – and turn on the lights. I saw the hair falling on the pillow every day.

At the age of twenty-five, I lost a year's hair.

The huge burden at that time was mainly psychological. Sometimes I am so tired that I will cry out in the room - but I can't admit that this is a symbol of my mother.

These are now said because they have passed the time. In fact, at the time, if I were willing, I had another way to go about the relief of the situation.

It’s okay to find ways to speed up the writing of books.

I had already finished "Hidden Kill" at that time. With a part of the reader base, although "Amorphization" began to adjust a lot, the word of mouth is not as good as the "hidden kill", but the actual subscription is still more than the "hidden kill" update. Still have it. When I wrote "Hidden Kill", there were many voices that called me to speed up the update. There were more "alienation". Then during that time, a large part of my psychological stress actually came from that book.

Now if I want to describe it accurately, the pressure is: I am afraid that I will compromise on someone one day, or compromise on something else.

I always know that people are creatures that look for meaning in their own state. For example, if you are addicted to the game, you will say that I have gained friendship in this; you are longer than sports, you will say that all sports are not guns; you will drink, you say no drinking is not a man; you are a triad, you will Say we speak morality and loyalty; if you write a book and write fast, you will say that I have professional ethics; if you write in general, you will say that we are only writing web articles; you only want to make money, "Do you want to be in life?" Is it for money?"

If one day, I speed up and even treat this cause with a perfunctory attitude, I will definitely find out the reasons that make me proud: I have more readers, and more people praise me. I have professional ethics, and... Since so many people are boasting about me, obviously I have written a good book.

It is much more important for people to find meaning for their position than for finding a place in a certain sense.

In fact, during that time, when I wrote the alienation, the break was more than usual. The pressure and anxiety affected the state of writing books. Second, under the influence of stress and anxiety, I was more worried that I was unconsciously. I chose the path that made me feel relaxed. Therefore, I can still see more clearly at the time.

That may not be the closest I have compromised.

From a year to a present, I have experienced a lot of things in my writing process. This is not a sober and orderly year. Sometimes I even feel that this year is a bit embarrassing. Mainly outside of writing, I have seen a lot of people and things - I started to see some of the worlds that may be successful people, see some "success" ways, see the ladder I might climb up - maybe In the writings of so many years of war, I have accumulated a little bit of something...

I was affected as a result.

I am not a tough-minded person or I am born to be pampered and do not know the folks. Every moment I suspect that some of my persistence is wrong. Every moment I worry about whether I can persist. I doubt whether I have lost a lot of faith in the original, and I am not self-conscious. know. Writing a book is such a treacherous and questionable thing for me.

As for the idea of ​​writing a book, I often talk to people - whenever someone asks, I will say it, I want to write the best things, so I hope that I can brew better, more perfect, I I hope that after reading my book, someone will look more like a serial, because it is a complete work after writing. I like to write books, so I am satisfied. So I am willing to pay a part of the money.

If it is the author. There are usually several types of responses. Some will move to say that readers are quick, writing must have professional ethics, when I write xx, three times a day. They simply can't keep up...writing books is like this, some knowing it, we are making money, how fast, how to pull the monthly ticket, how to make more, I have a family now, and the expenses are very big. Some also say that we are just writing web articles. You look for so much meaning.

I usually only nod my nod.

In fact, some people may think that I am high and look down on others, but I actually agree with the first two. No matter what the business, I feel that I have to do it well. You have to have your own characteristics, I am the fastest! The reader is satisfied, this is the skill. My update is the most stable, the reader is satisfied, and this is also outstanding. I do the best for the reader to be valued, and naturally it is also the most desirable direction. I think that each of us can do things. In any case, we have to choose one of the directions. If we do it well, we deserve to admire it. Although I chose them not in one direction, I also admire them. Only if I just write a web-language, I will have some rumors, but others will not say much.

When people talk about this before, no matter how reasonable they feel, I don’t want to move. In the past two years, as the social aspect of contact has gradually expanded, I sometimes feel angry and angry. Some things are like soft knife cutting meat, the power of money, and a better life. I can see more these days. It is. And I am nearly 30, it is time to find a girlfriend, ready to get married, buy a house, grandma 80, do not know when will get sick, have to save a sum of money, have to buy a pension insurance for their parents, Etc., etc. I won’t buy the car because I only know qq...

Look, it’s a lot of things.

I may be able to live a little easier.

I occasionally think like this.

Sometimes someone will say that bananas can only write such esoteric words. If he is updated like others, will he still have the current results? In fact, sometimes I am yy, the quality may be inferior, the results are afraid that it will only be better. I have seen the book in the past few years, and the reader's request is really not high.

I usually do it, and it’s tangled. In fact, it’s just that when you have great ability, you can put the standard to eleven points. You want to go beyond yourself and die a little, so you can make progress slowly.

When I was 50, I wanted to write a book that I would like to satisfy myself. So in these decades, I have been practicing pen. If I can improve, I will have fruitful results in half a year. If I am mediocre, write a million words. It is also a waste.

These are also old-fashioned, but in this year, the number of times I am confused is indeed the most. I don’t know what I am doing now, can I gain something in the future, if I give up so many things that I can now get, What will happen if there is nothing in the future?

Ok, these grievances stop here.

In the second half of last year, I completed the section of Liangshan in the waters with a quick update. That is not the result of compromise, but because of the long-term brewing, and the balance between renewal and quality is what I started doing from the killing. ——When I finished the story of Liangshan, I was ready to continue to write down, but there was a problem at the time. Serious problem: After the protagonist broke the mountain, there was no picture in my mind.

I write a book, the story is usually composed of a picture or a feeling to be expressed, but the fifth episode is the episode to be written now, except for a general concept that I need to express, everything in my mind. No. I know where the story will go - the story of the cockroach is very big, and the transition is very complicated. The current syllabus is quite perfect, but it is before taking the next picture. This section is all empty window period. I need one or two bridge sections like Hangzhou or Liangshan to fill it up, but at the time I only knew what I needed to express, but I didn't have any elaborate specific plots.

I was convinced at the time because I thought of a possible way. I read some books from the Song Dynasty and studied some famous people. I think that when it comes to shaping the protagonist or the main supporting role, it is necessary to have a very elaborate idea, but Tang Wei, Wu Min, Nan Zhong, these secondary supporting roles, they can also have a large number of plays in the future. I don't have to be so delicate. Instead, use a lot of general clever plots to scatter. Let them wrap around the main line to make the main line thicker, and then change the quality to cause a qualitative change later, so I have a lot of plots to write - anyway, they also need to be written.

But then it failed, when I stared at the various supporting roles that I needed to write to find the "generally clever" plot. They don't appear at all, only the really good plots are accumulating, Yue Fei's, Lin Chong's, Zhou Wei's, and Xi Fu's... I think of blood, but there are still several episodes when these plots are written...

In fact, after I thought about solving the update problem, I could also write an essay on how to make the plot smooth and heavy.

There is one thing I want to confess: I am really lazy recently.

Sluggishness started in March. In the past, I broke off, occasionally explained the reasons, and occasionally did not explain. I shamelessly told people: "The reasons I said are true. Because there is no need to lie, because I can lie, I can say nothing. "In the past, I was clear-hearted. No matter how long I broke, I was really entangled in words and plots." When I can't write it, the most painful thing is me. I am upside down and insomnia day and night, and I can't eat anything. Instead, when I can write it, I am all right.

However, my brother has already gone out to work in March.

My younger brother is nine and a half years younger than me. When he was a child, he had a long way to go, and he had kidney disease syndrome. My family was greatly affected. The ages are so large that we are basically people of two eras. It can be said that he is the one I teach. Our brothers have very different personalities. He is still obedient, but he does not love learning. After graduating from junior high school, he went to secondary school. After reading for a while, he was going to drop out of school. At that time, I told him that I really didn’t want to go to work. I went out to work. I wanted to go to work within one year. He went out and played two. After a month of work, I went back. After reading for more than a year, I dropped out of school. I told him that this time you think clearly, there is no chance. He still dropped out of school last year.

But I am not worried about this. I used to think that my character was too introverted, so I subconsciously taught him to make more friends. He is now a friend of the dead party everywhere. He can get along with everyone, exercise all day, and be welcomed by girls. So enter the society, I must have already enough. More lessons need to be learned after he experiences more bumps, but men always have to withstand these.

He played at home for a year, went out to work at the end of March, and worked in a Changfeng Group factory. Occasionally come back, often show me how powerful he is. He is the one who starts at the assembly line. He has great strength. He can do twice the workload when listening to music. The people below are so miserable that the assembly line has repeatedly stopped, and then he ran over. He said, "We are timing and not piece counting." He only made a slow and compassionate move.

I hope he can walk out of a different life from me.

Realizing this, I think, maybe next is a new day. For a long time, our family has not lived very well. Since my brother was sick, everything has gone down. My parents are very powerful people. Even if they don’t make much money, they still cured their younger brother. It is almost impossible to heal the disease. Even in the most difficult time, I have not given up. If it is my responsibility afterwards, I think I have also bitten my teeth.

Sometimes, when there is something to persuade me to compromise, I will remember the year when I lost my hair. I think that the hardest time has come. How can it be difficult now?

On the day of March 25, Diablo 3 opened a new piece of information, and I was addicted to it for more than half a month.

I haven't been addicted to games for many years.

Over the years, even during my favorite World of Warcraft, I couldn't play for two hours at a time, and there was always a voice in my heart saying: There are no code words yet.

Sorry, I was really lazy recently.

On April 12th, I was invited by a friend to participate in an activity called Baili Yixing. The first day went from Changsha to Xiangtan, and the next day I went from Xiangtan to Zhuzhou. A total of more than 100 kilometers of travel.

Of course, I didn’t finish it. This kind of activity was mostly attended by college students. On the first day of more than 60 kilometers, I walked more than 50 kilometers. Although I didn’t finish it, I was very happy. Wow, I haven’t been for so many years. Exercise, I can still go so far...

On the second day, the two legs below the waist were sorely dying. In the process, I listened to the song and probably confirmed the story of the entire fifth episode~www.wuxiaspot.com~ It should be taken from Wang Shuliang’s "Times Where to go, of course, it is not exactly the feeling of the song, only a part of it.

The story has not been completely clarified today, mainly because I am still outside. I am in Guangzhou, I will go to the concert of Stefanie Sun tomorrow and go home the day after tomorrow. The concert was requested by a classmate. As a post-80s, we have special feelings for Stefanie Sun. My classmates said that "the first time I listened to the concert, I would like to give it to Stefanie." I also like Stefanie Sun, and my favorite is "Escape":

"Only you can, let yourself shine."

I really don't want to write so slowly.

I am twenty-nine years old. If I am a virtual person, it is the 30th year of my life. Thirty, when I am at this age, I say that I am young and have no position, but what I have to do in my life may have just begun. I will try to write faster, but it doesn't matter, we may still have decades to get along.

Ah, my temper, I still haven't changed it.

Sincerely, salute.

Angry bananas, in the early hours of April 26, 2014.