Doomsday Wonderland

Remember [new] in one second! I am ashamed to say that I consider myself not stupid, but it took me a long time to finally grasp what is right and what is wrong in human society. dear

There is no one-size-fits-all standard. It’s like someone slapped on the forehead and decided this is “good” and that is “bad”; and I have to live my life within the constraints of such arbitrary rules. .

The adoptive mother said that you should not do anything that actively causes harm to others - whether it is mentally or physically.

So who am I hurting if I take something I want from a big chain store?

For example, Wal-Mart (I want to give you an analogy that you can understand), as a company, has neither spirit nor body, nor is it short of money. Who did I harm by taking something? However, this cannot be done, which is really baffling.

You may have realized that, yes, when I was a child, I had no way to measure and judge individual instances based on a certain principle. I judge whether I need to disguise myself through the reactions of others, which is similar to the self-preservation instinct of animals; but I don’t know that I need to disguise because what I am trying to do is wrong.

It’s not a question of whether I am willing or not, it’s that I simply don’t have the ability. The so-called good and evil, right and wrong, are like white noise to me, so blurry that I can’t distinguish shapes and boundaries.

Maybe I haven't developed this ability now, I don't know. dear

"You are a very special child, but like every child, you represent many possibilities and hopes." Your adoptive mother will tell you that, "You will tell him the good and the bad bit by bit, and he will It doesn’t matter if the judgment is correct, he only needs to remember them all and it will be bad.”

Not once, you asked tentatively: "Why can you hurt others?"

You walked over and handed a tissue to the tearful boy.

"You hate what he did to you, but you hate him." The adoptive mother said seriously, "The day you decided to love and accompany him, you were not mentally prepared for the backlash. You know that you are for him What are the rules... You hope he can abide by the rules because you are confident that the world will be strict with him. But you will."

The adoptive mother thought of few ways and introduced you to tragic masterpieces one after another, documentaries about vicious events or phenomena, took you to museums commemorating wars and massacres, etc... Human beings pride themselves on having no morals and rules. , However, the evils and crimes we have committed are so huge that you can appreciate them for a lifetime.

The adoptive mother said: "If he is happy, you will be happy too."

You were looking at you with blinking eyes. dear

"You are very happy, Daoyi." You said, tears falling down. "I am your worst mentor and friend. I have been with you for so many years and always support you, especially when you have the means to bring you a child, so you want to adopt one... all of that is Because of him, you have that little bit in your heart."

You listened without saying a word.

Your foster mother looks back at you. You are very vague about what you are a monster that feeds on, but you do not hide your emotions.

The adoptive mother has a two-day symposium in a neighboring city, and that is your only chance. You know that the torture of your disgusted feelings requires a long time of preparation. Even if the conditions are met, the results are often subtle and difficult to detect; in order to directly achieve the minimum effect, you must use the method that you enjoy so much.

The adoptive mother thought for a while and said: "Because he will attract the hatred of others. Human beings are social animals. Even he cannot leave human society and live alone...Surrounded by hatred and success, his Life will be a joy.”

On the day you killed the dog, you said very few words to me. So much so that whenever you approach the kitchen knife rack, I will even visibly relax - how can he expect people to live in such a tense state all the time?

What my adoptive father saw at this time was not my son, whom everyone admired. He was kneeling on the grass with his back to me, holding a dog that was gradually dying on his hands. dear

You think, I may also love you in a small, sad way.

You wait for satisfaction to arrive, but you never get it. You sat under the chair across from the sofa, saying goodbye to the last bit of rebellion you had when you were seventeen.

Your adoptive mother is sitting under the sofa in the living room. You have never seen your face look so pale. Your elbows are propped under your knees, and your body posture is very tight, as if you are protecting yourself; you have not learned to read some body language at this time, and you are planning to study the major that your adoptive parents do.

Your adoptive father is very proud of you at this time, especially since you have not yet been admitted to a top elementary school and will leave home to attend school in the fall. To be honest, my pride in you has no weight to you.

You strangled your neighbor's dog.

When you look at you clearly, you say: "The back of his hand hurts, and it feels like the back of your hand is hurting too. It's the same for other people. When we see other people's pain, it feels like we are hurting too." He felt it, so he cried... It doesn't matter if he feels that way, as long as he can have the correct reaction, it's bad."

"He must think that he can cure me, and he can influence me with love, so he can do whatever he wants." Finally one day, the adoptive father's string broke. "You will continue to stay out of that toxic environment full of deception for one more day. He is completely trapped in the savior hallucination, and he needs help! But unfortunately, you can't help him." Dear

Your adoptive mother never mentioned a single word about your education to your adoptive father. That's something you don't discover until you recede into adolescence.

That evening when my adoptive mother came home, we talked for a long time.

Another parent might say, "He is willing to let others hurt him even if he compares his feelings with his own." That kind of thing doesn't make sense to you. Of course you will let others hurt you, but how does that mean you can hurt others? Does the seven have anything to do with each other?

You understand.

When the adoptive mother heard this, she raised her head and looked at the watering can in her hand. The skylight shines back from the window, reflecting the bright colors of this oil-painted arrowroot, making your lips and skin turn white. "You know." You finally said seriously, "You are happy because you love him."

When the small door was finally slammed down by your adoptive father for the last time, you seemed to be shocked by the impact. You woke up from your daze and saw you sitting outside the dim house as it was getting late in the window.

It's shameful to say that people like you can also be affected by the hormones of puberty and rebel against others. dear

You only need to say, "You have wanted to kill me for a long time, but it was only because your mother was watching over you that you took advantage of her while you were here." It is enough for the adoptive father to put all the pieces together: I was very wrong. Humiliated, it is ridiculous that my wife has been kept in the dark, and there are many terrible realities that I have to face... As an abnormal person, a rich and delicate person, if he can think of more exciting and exciting things, Simple emotions.

You take it for granted.

No matter how much I appreciate you, I am satisfied with you, it is not bad to worry about you. I am so lucky that I suddenly suffered, but I can still prevent you from getting satisfaction from my body.

Although that kind of brutal killing is your first choice, to say that you are satisfied is not enough. You watch it struggling desperately, kicking with seven legs, digging up the grass and soil underground, whimpering outside its throat, but not making a cry (you have to teach it how to stop the trembling of its vocal cords); when it is about to die, For a moment, its eyes were looking at the neighbor's fence. When you think about it, dogs don’t have certain intelligence. Maybe until the last moment, they hope to see their owner appear...

You said you love you; so, does this boy also love to be a survivor of the speech incident?

The period from when you were eight years old and came to your adoptive parents' home to when you were seventeen years old was probably the most satisfying and exciting time for your adoptive father. Of course you have no chance to do anything without your adoptive mother watching; I will test and educate you from time to time, and in particular, I am always very satisfied with the conclusions I draw.

"He can't try," the foster mother still said proudly, "he treats it as a challenge. He does something he wants to do but the rules allow it, and he sees if you can catch him. , how about it? What kind of police detective are you, but you can definitely catch him, so he will naturally live according to the rules you taught him, right? "Dear?

The same goes for adoptive mothers.

You want a little taste of the reward you get before you get caught doing something good.

No matter what love is, before this day, your adoptive father's love for you has ended. We have become the type of couple who quarrel occasionally and go to marriage counseling several times a month. However, the root cause of the problem is you, and you can't be solved by marriage counseling.

You perceive the worst form of revenge - yes, you feel like you are taking revenge.

You mean he might also be able to think of what happened here.

You pursed your lips and focused your eyes. You sat under the sofa in a calm and protective posture, watching your adoptive father make the decision; watching your adoptive father go downstairs; listening to the sound of wheels on the suitcase; and signing the documents under the coffee table.

"Let's do it again," you haven't noticed at this time. Your adoptive mother has no unexplainable tolerance for you. As long as you "cross the line", you are always willing to try to meet your requirements. "That time it was calculated, you were prepared for trouble!" Dear

"Why?" You were ten years old at this time, and you had not completely stopped pretending in front of you. What you said was so direct that even you were surprised: "It was imposed on him, what is he doing?" Will you be happy? He must have been hit by a car, and you will be happy too."

You turned a deaf ear because you thought of a loophole and immediately asked: "As long as you are caught by others and provoke others' hatred, you can't do it, right?"

That strange hide-and-seek game, you have only regressed seven times; the first ten years old you finally denied it willingly. It is very, very difficult to escape the supervision and restraint of that society, and maybe it is too worth it. adventure.

At this time, you have completely overestimated how much an adult—especially someone as low-intelligence and low-intelligence as your adoptive mother—can accomplish with so few resources; in essence, what kind of person is that? Fair challenge. But since you were so competitive, you agreed immediately.

You have never seen a boy shed tears outside a lecture venue for survivors of some incident. He seemed very sad. You looked at your tears with almost fascination and felt your fresh and beating joy at a close distance. ——Fresh food is always worse than dry food. At the same time, you are wondering again: Why are you crying? That thing happened to him again.

Not once did my adoptive father happily talk to my adoptive mother about how to judge individual cases more correctly. I don’t have much experience to share with my adoptive mother - it’s the details or clues that make you suddenly understand, that is. In an uneducated way, the adoptive father said proudly to the adoptive mother, "Look, you are right, he is wrong."

As a result, you were noticed, stopped, and even taken to the house by your adoptive mother to apologize. dear

It was the first time you heard that your adoptive father could actually let out such a hoarse cry like a wolf; it was short, only a few sounds, and everything became quiet again in front of the bedroom door. UU Reading www.uukanshu． net

As a child, you don't have extremely low self-control, but just like a serial killer who can resist his desire to kill, no matter how low your self-control is, you may be able to endure it for a lifetime.

Just go ahead and do the same thing when it's your turn. Exceptional people can do it, but you can do it. That is a kind of hypocrisy full of irony.

Before you remember the good and the bad bit by bit, the next step is not to practice self-control and find reasonable ways to vent.

In the same posture, you nodded to the relatives and friends who came to visit you later, watching the movers' truck stop and the boxes leaving like a stream.

Just like that, a game of "hide and seek" developed between you and your adoptive mother that only the two of you knew about.

That is the closest emotion to "love" that a monster like you can have. It is hard to imagine that other people would have any emotion other than "satisfaction" when experiencing these things. dear

You don't even think that what you are doing is the right thing to do, but you have to apologize to such a happy and high-quality person for it. It is really different from a public humiliation; but you think, the adoptive mother must be aware of this. Vague.

Your adoptive mother pinched you with the tip of her fingernails, but it didn't hurt at all.