From star abyss

(The first part of this chapter is from the perspective of the caramel snail, temporarily changed to the first person)

I'm always thinking.

When I was very young, before I was called "Jiao Ziniu", I was thinking about one thing.

Why do I always have high expectations from others and yet I can’t achieve anything?

My elders always boasted about me, praised me, and thought I was a genius. They prayed to gods and Buddhas, prayed for the blessings of non-existent gods, and hoped that I would study hard, change my class, and realize their dreams.

For this purpose, they will devote everything, all their love and all their nutrients to me.

Sometimes it’s a box of almond milk, sometimes it’s a pen, sometimes it’s a set of One Hundred Thousand Whys, and I’ve even received game consoles and tablets.

At that time, I didn’t know that this kind of privilege-like welfare was called ‘hope’.

I thought that this kind of privilege like a crown prince would continue forever.

And when I just went to an average school and became an average person, I no longer enjoyed this privilege.

There is no other reason than that I destroyed their expectations of me. Those candies and delicious nutrition given to me in childhood were ultimately wasted due to the failure of the investment.

Probably from that time on, I became afraid to respond to anyone's enthusiastic expectations. I hid my personality, actively avoided the eyes of others, stopped interacting with others, and indulged in my own world.

Exercise is a good way to relieve stress. I chose armored fighting in traditional martial arts. Only during the collision between the sword and the armor, adrenaline is secreted rapidly, and sweat and shouting fill the sensory nerves, like hot lava. It merges into the blood vessels, rushes in all directions, and flows through the limbs and bones - only then can I feel at ease.

Originally, everything should have ended here.

Live, swing the sword, live, swing the sword.

From swinging a sword in reality to swinging a sword in the game.

Facing powerful opponents, fighting again and again, losing and losing, winning and losing, winning and losing, winning and losing - until winning becomes the main tone and tramples everyone over.

Suddenly one day I found that those old privileges came back to me.

When I came to my senses, it turned out that I had already become the national runner-up.

Loving and being loved require proof.

Those relatives and friends who were once alienated from me have gathered around me again, either asking for help from me or eager to lend me a helping hand.

I don't think anyone can remain sane amid such cheers.

Everyone is equal, so it is not easy for anyone to get recognition from others. You must have done something meaningful to many people, then they will praise you, praise you and love you.

From that moment on, I was gradually lost.

I forgot who I relied on to support me all the way to this point. I forgot the person who always treated me the same no matter what environment I was in. I just wanted to win and get more praise and love.

Until one day, the building collapsed.

I watched the Purple Star being washed away by artillery fire falling from the sky. The players were playing around and started an industrial massacre like an assembly line under the guidance of Li Aozi.

...It turns out that I am just an executioner.

No matter how much time passes, I can never forget that those people who were friendly to me and sincere to me died because of me.

They welcomed me with hospitality, and I responded to them with destruction.

This kind of ingratitude and betrayal of revenge has been my lifelong nightmare.

I began to question my actions, the justice of the game, and even my own existence.

Still, I couldn't let go of the game because I couldn't let go of my desire for fame.

I crave vanity.

Professional players surrounded me, I went to tournaments wearing the national flag, and the audience gave me rewards and cheers.

But amidst the cheers, I still heard the small and harsh voices from the fans who supported me:

‘Tch, I still didn’t win the championship. ’

Anyway, the privilege is back.

I gained love and finally understood the meaning of loving others.

Just when I thought I was finally able to let it all go, fate dealt me ​​a blow.

She is dead.

I watched helplessly as she was squashed, shattered, and obliterated by the darkness descending from the head, even her real life was not spared.

From that moment on, I suddenly realized: It turns out that I have never gotten rid of the shadow of the past.

Now, they're coming with a vengeance.

I hate secrecy, and I hate my powerless self even more.

No matter at any stage of my life, I have been valued by others.

Xia Yubing has always been by my side, but I can't respond to her feelings for me.

Li Ozi valued me and first gave me equipment and arcana, but what I responded to him was betrayal.

The fans supported me in playing the game, but I fell in front of Long Yuqiong.

Cumin powder, we moved side by side all the way from the blue star to the universe, across the sea of ​​stars and wars, but I couldn't even finish listening to her confession.

The same goes for the real general, who trusts me so much, but I can't even complete basic tasks.

Every time, every time, every time every time every time!

Why do you trust me so much every time? !

History has told me countless times that I can’t do anything!

Is there any point in continuing to exist if I am so incompetent?

When I was thinking this, a cold breath gradually came from the air.

‘You are meaningless, why not dedicate your only existence to nothingness, at least you can erase the dark history of your past. ’

……yes.

I can't find any reason to object.

Without the system, I have no ability at all. I am just a burden, dragging others down. In fact, I have always been like this. I have no way to respond to other people's expectations.

Everyone is so gentle, everyone is very kind to me, the whole world is so beautiful, why do you want to bless me, praise me, and help me so much.

I don't deserve any of this.

Perhaps feeling the strong emotional ups and downs in my heart, the cold breath reached out to me and gently pulled me. The earth cracked and burst out with psychedelic brilliance.

And I was led by it, walking towards the distant destination.

A big hand stretched out from the other side of the door, and the will of nothingness told me, whispering in my ear:

‘That is the executioner of the void. It will judge your past words, deeds and history, listen to your confession, and decide your end. ’

Executioner? Pretty good too.

I am no longer qualified to live as a human being.

The people who love me have been let down by me again and again, and the people I love are no longer alive.

Let me completely erase it from here, leaving no trace of failure.